The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 88
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,964

    Angry &u*king TEENAGERS!!

    I am so very disappointed in my teen niece.

    We had a plan that she was getting my gelding for a year. I'm talking moving the horse across state lines, pulling him out of retirement (4 shoes, more shots than I would have done if he stayed home, body clipping etc etc).

    She was planning on having a party and I caught wind of it. (parental units are away, another family member was with her). I promptly called her and told her if I heard she had a party, no horse for her.

    She said she would not.

    (mind you, I'm giving her a horse in the feeble attempts to keep her at the barn and not with the wrong crowd, as she is 15 and starting to push boundaries).

    Well.

    I get a phone call from family member yesterday.

    She had a party Saturday night. Family member ran out for errands and niece had some girlfriends over. Family member comes back and there are 20+ teenagers in the house, drinking beer and playing drinking games.

    And then the cops showed up.

    Someone reported underage drinking.

    I am disappointed, angry and let down. I have not spoken to my niece yet-and she knows she is up the creek without a paddle, and I'm sure it's dawned on her that she is one horse less now.

    Her heart will be broken but she needs to learn consequences.

    I already canceled the shipper and notified the barn of the cancellation.

    Nice to know she was busy drinking and partying while I was elbow deep in hair Saturday night, body clipping what WAS her pony.

    That is all.

    Anyone else have any teen stories?
    mykidshavefourlegs.blogspot.com



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,769

    Default

    Luckily, they're not all stinkers. There's a lovely 16 year old Aussie girl at my barn as a working student. She works hard, is respectful, a good rider and a generally nice kid....very helpful.

    I'm more used to the snarky brats who have only social responses to their fellow pimple-faced fellow pubescents. They somehow seem to forget it's not an honor to offer to do things with or for them and they just aren't as special as they think they are. When a birthday/Christmas gift if received with a grunt, they don't get one again.

    One girl at my old barn was snarking at the adult riders and saying when she rode their horses she'd do such much better than the owners would. Phewee! She was a special and spoiled bratly with an amazing level of conceit and "I'm owed it, I'm speshul". She never was invited to ride anyone's horse, while the nice and normal girls had lots of offers to try out some pretty good jumpers.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 2007
    Location
    Rising Sun, MD
    Posts
    3,486

    Default

    Good for you for actually coming through with the consequences as you promised! It may seem harsh, but it's probably going to do her a world of good in the long run.
    “While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.” Mark Twain


    29 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    4,340

    Default

    When I was 17 I had a party. It was supposed to be a small group of friends at my parents house when they were away, but by the end of the night there were probably close to 100 people there and I was in a dead panic. Nothing bad happened but that was pure luck.

    It's possible that your niece cancelled her party plans but her friends showed up anyway.

    What do the parents think about the horse as a way to keep her with the right crowd, and now the taking away of this gift as punishment for the party?

    It's pretty tough to "parent" and provide consequences from out of state. Not sure I'd be willing to throw my hat in the ring and try; nor do I think I'd be willing to send my horse as a way to keep a kid out of trouble unless her parents are the ones who ultimately want the horse and/or will maintain the care of the horse if the kid falls in with the wrong crowd after all...


    4 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug. 3, 2004
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    1,391

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tabula rashah View Post
    Good for you for actually coming through with the consequences as you promised! It may seem harsh, but it's probably going to do her a world of good in the long run.
    I agree!!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2006
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    640

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tabula rashah View Post
    Good for you for actually coming through with the consequences as you promised! It may seem harsh, but it's probably going to do her a world of good in the long run.
    This needs emphasis. So often parents/family give in on things like this. Far few kids these days realize that there ARE consequences for their actions. No one teaches personal responsibility any more.

    That being said, my neighbors 17 year old daughter is one of the nicest girls you'll ever meet. Nice teenagers exist. They are rare, but they exist.

    Sorry about your disappointment, OP - but good on you for doing the RIGHT thing!


    6 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2007
    Location
    ....in a classroom in Fl, by the ocean
    Posts
    3,680

    Default

    Stand your ground Auntie Littleblackmorgan!

    Just in case she comes back with, " I didn't invite ALL those people to my parent's house" line.

    She knows what she is doing.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2010
    Location
    Westford, Massachusetts
    Posts
    3,469

    Default

    Ugh...I'm so sorry she dissappionted you so badly . Good for you for following through with the consequence, it's hard enough to parent teens, let alone other peoples' teens! Her parents definitely owe you one for being the bad guy.

    We had that problem with my stepson some years ago...we were going away for the weekend and got wind that he was planning a party. We told him NO PARTY, period and then hired the off duty Dog Officer to sit in our driveway the night it had been scheduled and scare away anyone who actually dared to show up after stepson cancelled it.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,769

    Default

    I was in Florida visiting my "Step-grandkids" (my wife's grandkids)...I bought them each a game-boy (this was 10 years ago). I told them, "if you don't snark, fight or tattle while we're visiting, you can have the game-boys....if you are weenies, they come back to me".

    So, not one day later, the boy is being a tattling jerk. I ask for the gameboy and, CRUNCH!, no more gameboy. His eyes got wide, his sister said nothing and they were both great for the rest of the visit. Behaviours have consequences.

    Yep, I could have given the game to charity...but that wouldn't have had the same effect and I was concerned with them, not somebody else's kid.

    Good for the OP's backbone!
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    8 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec. 22, 2000
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    14,886

    Default

    Did you already pay for the horse's shoes and extra shots? If so, I would be inclined to send her the bill for those items so she can reimburse you. Just to drive the point home.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb. 2, 2005
    Location
    Austin, Texas
    Posts
    118

    Default

    I had it out with a mother & daughter at my barn. Not a lot a money, but desperately wanted to ride. Everyone made concessions to make it possible for the kid to ride, but she was required to clean stalls as part of the agreement. Suddenly, at 16, they are wanting to renegotiate that part of the agreement. I had dealt with multiple evasions, i.e. homework, football game, illness, etc. already, to the point that she hadn't lifted a manure fork in two weeks. They were invited to go elsewhere. I believe that it was the "something for nothing" concept that played out here. Because they didn't have to pay, but rather work, they developed some sense of entitlement. The trainer has made arrangements to teach her somewhere else - she will continue to be sucked in. What kind of lesson does this teach this young person?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2007
    Location
    Napanee ON
    Posts
    3,933

    Default

    Wow....I had parties all the time when I was a teenager and my parents went away. Doesn't mean she is going to be a bad kid! I think you made a mistake not sending the horse. She will have way more reason to rebel and nothing to keep her out of trouble now.

    Glad my parents were a bit more tolerant!


    9 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2009
    Posts
    5,362

    Default

    Too bad you can't send the horse off to alittlegray's 13 year old daughter. Now there's a deserving teen who'd be ever so grateful.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,964

    Default

    I did not intend to be general about ALL teens, just THIS one.

    I did pay for the shoes and shots already. Bought him a new blanket and halter for the trip.

    Now I have a retired horse, body clipped wearing a new blanket and new shoes! And of course I will have to ride him (I was working exclusively with my mare, who needs more work).

    I don't mind being the bad guy. And I don't care if she invited one or 2 kids over and they multiplied-this is not the first time.

    I refuse to speak to her until I chill out. I might yell, and I'm not the yellin' type.

    And to put it more intro perspective, my niece's guardians are MY parents. They are raising her. Of course they were on board with the horse, reflecting on how I stayed out of trouble as a teen thanks to having a horse (and something to distract me that I loved and knew could be taken away if I screwed up). My mother was going to pay 1/2 the board and shoes (since I am paying $350 a month now in NH and the board in MA is $750) as it was the same price as a half lease but she'd have horse all the time and not have to share.

    I tried. I gave it my all. I've had a hand in raising this child since she was 3, and she is always respectful with me-but I now have an 8 month old son and my own family to raise. I have nothing else to offer.
    mykidshavefourlegs.blogspot.com


    5 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,964

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jealoushe View Post
    Wow....I had parties all the time when I was a teenager and my parents went away. Doesn't mean she is going to be a bad kid! I think you made a mistake not sending the horse. She will have way more reason to rebel and nothing to keep her out of trouble now.

    Glad my parents were a bit more tolerant!
    There's more to the background that lead to my ultimate decision. It's not a one-screw-up type deal. My parents would have still sent the horse BUT-MY HORSE, MY DECISION.

    It was not made in haste.
    mykidshavefourlegs.blogspot.com


    14 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    10,303

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jealoushe View Post
    Wow....I had parties all the time when I was a teenager and my parents went away. Doesn't mean she is going to be a bad kid! I think you made a mistake not sending the horse. She will have way more reason to rebel and nothing to keep her out of trouble now.

    Glad my parents were a bit more tolerant!
    So underage drinking and flat-out lying because it's more fun is okay? Good to know. LBM told her, have a party (where they were, again, BREAKING THE LAW in addition to the rules), she doesn't get the horse. Niece agreed. She lied or changed her mind and decided getting trashed with a few "friends" was more important, she doesn't deserve that kind of generosity.


    26 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2010
    Location
    Westford, Massachusetts
    Posts
    3,469

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jealoushe View Post
    Wow....I had parties all the time when I was a teenager and my parents went away. Doesn't mean she is going to be a bad kid! I think you made a mistake not sending the horse. She will have way more reason to rebel and nothing to keep her out of trouble now.

    Glad my parents were a bit more tolerant!
    I don't know about the laws in Canada or what they were when you were younger, but underaged drinking parties are VERY serious business for parents and guardians these days. Social host laws can make the homeowners responsible if teens drink in their house and someone is hurt or killed...it happens. People have also come home to find their house entirely trashed because some older kids/young adults crashed a teen party and the teens couldn't control it.

    Our teens were never allowed to have friends over or have a party while we weren't home. Even if they planned a non-drinking party while we weren't there, you can bet some jerk would show up with booze. The liability involved is just too big to take any chances.


    16 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Mar. 12, 2006
    Location
    Ocala
    Posts
    1,221

    Default

    Good for you. Sending this kid this horse now would send all the wrong messages. This not something she didnt know or understand, she was told what the consequences to her actions would be. If you cave, next time it might be something even worse. Id be more concerned that she seems to care more about partying and drinking with her friends than this horse. Had that been me as a teen (and many many people that I know), I would have locked myself in my room for a month in order to have the chance for a nice horse. You can't make her want something more than you want her to have it. Id be worried the horse might be neglected, since she is showing her colors now. Nope, no horsie.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec. 22, 2000
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    14,886

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LittleblackMorgan View Post
    I did pay for the shoes and shots already. Bought him a new blanket and halter for the trip.

    Now I have a retired horse, body clipped wearing a new blanket and new shoes! And of course I will have to ride him (I was working exclusively with my mare, who needs more work).
    Why do you "have" to ride him? Can't he just go back into retirement? His hair will grow back.

    I might be inclined to bill her for the new blanket and halter, too, although that's a little more borderline, since you can use those items for years.

    I might be tempted to bill her for the body clip at the going rate, if you spent your time and energy on it solely to send her the horse.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    5,041

    Default

    Personally I think it's too harsh.

    1. Punishments are effective when they encourage better behavior. So painful consequences of the right degree will force better contemplation in the future. If you make a punishment too harsh then the lesson gets lost in the injury of the punishment.

    For example, I teach first year associate degree students science. When students plagiarize (it happens for many reasons) the first time I want them to feel the pain of plagiarism, I don't want them to be shut down. So we penalize them with penalties and give a written warning. We would not expel them at that point because we want them to do better and to succeed. Which leads me to point 2;

    2. You said you enticed her with this horse to keep her out of trouble by keeping her occupied and in the barn. Well she showed her typical lack-of-forethought adolescent behavior and at this pivotal moment you took away the thing that might have helped keep her on the straight and narrow. The punishment was too hard.

    JMO
    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).


    6 members found this post helpful.

Similar Threads

  1. Augh! Teenagers!
    By Emryss in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: Mar. 31, 2013, 07:34 PM
  2. Do teenagers have manners?
    By jumpnow in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: Mar. 18, 2012, 03:16 PM
  3. Trainers: Teenagers in the barn: How do you manage?
    By stephstphn in forum Off Course
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: Dec. 28, 2011, 05:50 PM
  4. King of Diamonds- Flagmount King
    By AnonymousMarie in forum Sport Horse Breeding
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: May. 11, 2011, 09:44 PM
  5. QH Fans: Speak to me of teenagers!
    By Chaila in forum Off Course
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: Apr. 30, 2010, 04:19 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness