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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    9,143

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    Quote Originally Posted by IronwoodFarm View Post
    How about joining groups that do things you are interested in? I met Mr. IF when someone in a class I was taking suggested I meet her boss. My MIL met her fiancé in a widowed person's support group. I think the easiest way to meet people is to be involved in a group that does something that interests you, whether cultural, political, educational, religious, artistic, etc. It's not so much you may meet someone there, but that you may meet someone who knows someone who might be compatible. I'm not a huge fan of online dating based on what my single trainers have said over the years. Does hanging around in groups take time and effort; yes, but it has lots of positive extras that trying to find an online match does not.
    I like this advice except for one thing -- TIME! I work full time, own 2 OTTBs that are supposed to be resale projects, have my own farm that I run on my own since XH left... where do I find the time to not only add an activity that interests me so I can meet a guy but let's not forget the time to actually spend with someone once I find them. It just feels disengenuous if I don't have time to do the activity but to do it JUST to meet a guy... if that makes sense. I have tried, but probably picked the wrong activity (acting in local community theater -- straight available men in that community are about as rare as in the english horse world LOL)

    If my neighbor was actually a jerk or had something truly wrong with him, I'd wonder if my interest in him was more "lack of options" motivated since he's about the only single guy I've met in the last 6 months (his only issue is that he's a workaholic who doesn't seem to be interested in me ). I tried Match.com. In 3 months, I got 2 emails from guys halfway across the country and ZERO replies to my multiple emails and winks. I'm on OkCupid and having about as much luck. I'm definitely doing something wrong.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,993

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    I have looked at a horse rider dating site...I forget the exact name...I found it kind've sad (and a bit desparate). I did see a lot of unrealistic expectations of many posters. A lot of baggage, I want this and this and this, my male should do this and that and don't forget X,Y & Z etc. I didn't see a lot of them saying what they had to offer besides they like to eat out, go to concerts, not smoke much and they had 3 kids....yeehaw! that'll get em' lining up to be part of that.

    Men, after being married when younger and having dealt with one or two divorces aren't going to make that mistake again...it costs way too much in emotion and money. It's not their fantasy and see no reason to fulfill hers. They'e having fun with their friends and like to do what they want and what pleases them. They've already fulfilled their ex-wive's fantasy (house, kids etc.) now it's their time to not worry about someone else.

    As the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" shows...you may think you're special, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him if he doesn't value what you have to offer. Some people have a tough time admitting at 40+, they just aren't as saleable as they were at 22.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 1999
    Location
    Harrisburg, PA USA
    Posts
    6,546

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    I've been seeing tv commercials for ourtime.com, which is specifically geared for the older demographic than eharmony & match.com



  4. #24
    Join Date
    Feb. 24, 2011
    Posts
    587

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    Quote Originally Posted by PeteyPie View Post
    I don't think the point was to smile at every stranger to get a date, rather it was an exercise in flirting with the goal of changing the behavior of the student and getting her out of her comfort zone. My friend said they were supposed to smile at every man, regardless of attractiveness, age, whatever, not with the intention of making a date or connection.

    I thought it was an interesting idea. I've always remembered it because it was a little odd, but I can see the value in it.
    That's what I meant. If it's news to you that finding romantic companionship will include things like making eye contact and smiling pleasantly, then you are going to be single for a long... long time.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2011
    Location
    So California
    Posts
    3,275

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    Quote Originally Posted by TickleFight View Post
    That's what I meant. If it's news to you that finding romantic companionship will include things like making eye contact and smiling pleasantly, then you are going to be single for a long... long time.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Aug. 22, 2009
    Location
    Dumfries, VA
    Posts
    156

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anne FS View Post
    I've been seeing tv commercials for ourtime.com, which is specifically geared for the older demographic than eharmony & match.com
    I"m on Ourtime.com. too. Same thing.
    But it so good to see the posts on here from others of all different ages that are going thru the same issues I am. We are not alone! No one wants to go thru life alone but how do you find the time to commit to finding that special someone? And If I didn't have the horse I would go insane! Horses are my social activity and something I love so that's staying!

    What to do?



  7. #27
    Join Date
    Oct. 25, 2010
    Posts
    198

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    Hubby and I met, well, first at work but really at a Brazillian Jui Jitsu school. We were teamed up to spar each other and hit it off. The first time I met his parents we were sparring and I wound up submitting him 3 times. Needless to say they love me. :-)


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Apr. 21, 2000
    Location
    Upperco, MD
    Posts
    479

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    Quote Originally Posted by kimball56 View Post
    I am in my mid 50's, in good shape and own my own home (and a horse of course) but yet I can't find a good man to date! Where do you look? I am on a couple different dating sites but I get totally unacceptable guys from all over the country! In this day and age what is an available woman to do? Hanging out at bars never works, I'm too old for that anyway! Plus I get home too late from the barn to do that anyway!
    BTDT. If you figure it out, please let me know. I sort of gave up due to lack of time and frustration with far too many inappropriate men on those sites. It just takes so much time to go through them all and weed them all out to find one worth meeting. I decided to ust go about my life and if I end up meeting someone special somewere in my travels, fine, and if not, fine. Meanwhile, I'll be enjoying my life instead of spending all that time and energy on dating sites.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Apr. 5, 2007
    Location
    Tampa FL
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    663

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    I can't believe nobody mentioned meetup.com.... Face to face meetings, fun times, opportunities to make girl and guys friends and more if you want. Many people I know have met this way and are happily married or dating. Oh, and it's free....



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2013
    Location
    NH
    Posts
    29

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    I met my husband at a party I didn't want to go to when I had given up looking for a man and had decided my life was full and wonderful as it was. So now, I advise everyone who is looking to go everywhere you are invited. You never know who will be there...



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Jun. 16, 2008
    Location
    AB
    Posts
    623

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    I feel your pain OP! I work full time to support the two jumpers that I show regularly, both of whom live at home with me, along with my dog and the barn cat, all of whom are very spoiled. Between it all there is no time for other pursuits.

    I wish I had some advice for you on where to find good dating material. I'm not convinced there is such a thing anymore. I've been online dating on and off for about 11 months now. What a waste of time. I've me some cool guys, but it isn't working at all for me.

    If I find one that I actually like, for some reason, they start off liking me plenty, but they always just end up fading out to sea within half a dozen dates. I've found plenty that are ok, but only a few that I really liked, enough to date more than once, and they didn't work out. Guess they didn't feel the same. It's seems like a lesson in futility and I've given up for now. Plus it can be awful hard on the self esteem. I'm not a patient person, and I'm not sure finding a relationship is worth all this frustration and heartache.

    For now, with show season starting, I'm vowing to just play with my ponies and enjoy what I love best - riding and jumping!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    507

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    For me... Best luck has been my church. But if you're not the religous sort this wont help



  13. #33
    Join Date
    Aug. 5, 2009
    Posts
    962

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    Get involved in Equine Rescue Technique training, or in VA, Technical Large Animal Emergency Rescue (www.tlaer.org).

    Open up your barn to a tour from the local fire department; you get to involve your horses, teach your local fire dept how your barn is laid out and that no, they are not going to be able to outmuscle a 1200# freaked out horse in an emergency but you feel free to go ahead and try big guy, and meet firefighters, police and sheriffs of a wide age range + you are performing a public service. Win-Win-Win!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
    Join Date
    Nov. 7, 2002
    Location
    Central FL
    Posts
    5,449

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    Quote Originally Posted by kimball56 View Post
    I certainly hope its not me, I do have the reqirement that they live within driving distance and be gainfully employed! You would not belive some of the guys I get emails from because I am a blonde that drives a Corvette! Problem may be that I do own a horse so I do spend time riding. So between working full time (to pay for that horse) and riding there isn't much time left to take classes or join teams.
    But I do appricate any and all input. Gives me more perspective and I am open to everyones opinions!
    It is you, or rather what you tell people about yourself, in your ad and early conversations. You may be super-hot and love the fact that you're over 50 and all that (I sure would!), but putting that out is kinda asking for ... well, every guy who would respond to a stereotype.

    I "did" online dating for a lot of years on and off, and found that what I wrote really influenced who I met much more than where I wrote it. If you can gather all the ads you've written and review them with a detached eye for what they actually say about you, I think you might see a pattern. In fact, OKCupid is a really terrific place to ASK for dating advice (I found it to be much more than a dating site. For me, it was a community that translated to IRL (many people in our area decided to start getting together and doing stuff, sort of like "meetup" and I made some wonderful friends that I still keep in touch with!).

    Anyway, throw up a profile on OKCupid, keeping in mind that there's a lot of alternative perspectives represented on the site, if it's what I remember (very LGB* and polyamorous-friendly) and then blog about your search. Ask people to help by reviewing and giving you feedback on their impressions of what you write (and wear kevlar, you know people can be mean).

    Alternatively, look at all those ads and then make a list of what you want someone to like about you, not what men tell you makes you attractive. Unless it's a sharp sense of humor. Describe the activities you'd like to do with a date or partner. Describe the attributes of the guy you'd like to be with.

    It took years of writing ads to distill myself that way, but I've been in a relationship for 3 years with THAT guy. The title of my ad was "Must Love Dogs and Cats and Kissing" ... and my cats have never opened to anyone but they did to him!

    Now I'll go back and read other peoples' advice Good luck!!!
    *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Nov. 7, 2002
    Location
    Central FL
    Posts
    5,449

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    Quote Originally Posted by tle View Post
    I work full time, own 2 OTTBs that are supposed to be resale projects, have my own farm that I run on my own since XH left... where do I find the time to not only add an activity that interests me so I can meet a guy ...
    ... the only single guy I've met in the last 6 months (his only issue is that he's a workaholic who doesn't seem to be interested in me ).
    Uhh ... pot met the kettle, eh?

    The problem with dating sites is what you describe: people think they are too busy to really put an effort into meeting people socially but not willing (or able) to hire a yenta/dating service. Which is kinda how your quick self-description here looks

    Gay guys have straight guy friends, you know
    *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=



  16. #36
    Join Date
    Nov. 7, 2002
    Location
    Central FL
    Posts
    5,449

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    Quote Originally Posted by starhorse View Post
    Speaking of... though slightly off-topic, has anyone ever thought about making a dating website where kids (young adult kids) find folks for their parents? My dad is fine with a computer for e-mail and work things, but would struggle with online dating on principle and technologically.

    I really want to do it!
    Then just do it ... I've seen quite a few examples of this approach on different sites over the years since the time when Yahoo dating was free. (Does it even exist now?)
    *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=



  17. #37
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2009
    Posts
    1,233

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    Quote Originally Posted by kimball56 View Post
    I know! I signed up for 3 months and what a waste of men they are sending me! You can't search on it, you just have to take what they "match" you with! And the profiles are lacking even basic information. They say these men are matches but yet in their profiles they have answered any of the questions. How can that be a match? I've been on it for a month now, no connections at all. I won't be renewing my membership.
    I've been on since Christmas and they send me men who are not really what I'm looking for.

    Don't waste your money there.



  18. #38
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2010
    Location
    Upstate New York
    Posts
    4,342

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    The next town over from me was going to have their yearly Harley get together this weekend. Now, I'm not into "bikers", but once Peter Sagal started touring the country on his, I thought, well, maybe...

    Alas, was over there yesterday, and the weather discouraged the bikers from coming. And I had checked the event on FB, and there were more women "attending". But I'm thinking outside the box!!

    I then drove on down the road to the local nursery and piled up the annuals for planting.

    (Met last sig other on Match.com, but the pickins after that were horrible. And he went back on, looking for someone who can hold him up in the style to which he'd like to be accustomed...)

    PS Today's Memorial Day! Go see a parade!!
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes



  19. #39
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2009
    Location
    Area 51
    Posts
    1,734

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    I just wanted to say that finding a good guy at bar is not unheard of or an unreasonable place to look.

    Case in point, I found a great guy for my grandmother (if you can believe it) at the local watering hole!! He was a widow of about a year and a half and was basically very lost and sad without his wife. We got to talking because we both collect knives and knew a mutual person that also collected knives. He wasn't there for a booty call or to get smashed, he was there to maybe forget about his loss for awhile. Anyway, I got a really good feeling about him and I urged my grandmother to contact him for a BBQ with our family so it wasn't like "date". He said that he wasn't able to make that day, but the day after he showed up at her house with breakfast and four years later they are still together and I got to say he is like a grandfather figure that I never really got to have. (we go fishing and get into arguments about where leeks are--stuff like that LOL!)

    Moral of the story is there are plenty of immature douches at the bar, but there are also really good people there too if you look hard enough. Good luck to you.
    I LOVE my Chickens!


    2 members found this post helpful.

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