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  1. #1
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    Aug. 22, 2009
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    Default Where do you find good dating material?

    I am in my mid 50's, in good shape and own my own home (and a horse of course) but yet I can't find a good man to date! Where do you look? I am on a couple different dating sites but I get totally unacceptable guys from all over the country! In this day and age what is an available woman to do? Hanging out at bars never works, I'm too old for that anyway! Plus I get home too late from the barn to do that anyway!



  2. #2
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    Avoid eHarmony. Yuck.
    "Relinquish your whip!!"


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  3. #3
    kimball56 is offline Working Hunter Premium Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Velvet View Post
    Avoid eHarmony. Yuck.
    I know! I signed up for 3 months and what a waste of men they are sending me! You can't search on it, you just have to take what they "match" you with! And the profiles are lacking even basic information. They say these men are matches but yet in their profiles they have answered any of the questions. How can that be a match? I've been on it for a month now, no connections at all. I won't be renewing my membership.


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  4. #4
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    Feb. 4, 2006
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    I'm not sure of the difference for someone in your age group, but there is a much broader variety on the two big free ones - plentyoffish and okcupid. Might try one of those. They all have their good points and bad...



  5. #5
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    Aug. 17, 2004
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    How about joining groups that do things you are interested in? I met Mr. IF when someone in a class I was taking suggested I meet her boss. My MIL met her fiancé in a widowed person's support group. I think the easiest way to meet people is to be involved in a group that does something that interests you, whether cultural, political, educational, religious, artistic, etc. It's not so much you may meet someone there, but that you may meet someone who knows someone who might be compatible. I'm not a huge fan of online dating based on what my single trainers have said over the years. Does hanging around in groups take time and effort; yes, but it has lots of positive extras that trying to find an online match does not.
    Where Norwegian Fjords Rule
    http://www.ironwood-farm.com


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
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    Feb. 24, 2011
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    There are great guys everywhere. The best way to meet men is to just get out there and do stuff. If you are relying on the horse world to supply you with men, then you are trying to tap a pretty dry keg.

    Do you like biking? Join a cycling group. Always wanted to learn tennis? Take group tennis lessons. Miss playing soccer? Join a co-ed soccer team. Take a cooking class or Spanish lessons.

    If you really struggle to meet acceptable guys, however, then it is probably you and not them. I'm not talking about attractiveness either. There are plenty of homely people who are happily partnered.


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  7. #7
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    Apr. 29, 2002
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    OP, you sound great for my dad! But he's in MA.

    Speaking of... though slightly off-topic, has anyone ever thought about making a dating website where kids (young adult kids) find folks for their parents? My dad is fine with a computer for e-mail and work things, but would struggle with online dating on principle and technologically.

    I really want to do it!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    kimball56 is offline Working Hunter Premium Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TickleFight View Post
    There are great guys everywhere. The best way to meet men is to just get out there and do stuff. If you are relying on the horse world to supply you with men, then you are trying to tap a pretty dry keg.

    Do you like biking? Join a cycling group. Always wanted to learn tennis? Take group tennis lessons. Miss playing soccer? Join a co-ed soccer team. Take a cooking class or Spanish lessons.

    If you really struggle to meet acceptable guys, however, then it is probably you and not them. I'm not talking about attractiveness either. There are plenty of homely people who are happily partnered.
    I certainly hope its not me, I do have the reqirement that they live within driving distance and be gainfully employed! You would not belive some of the guys I get emails from because I am a blonde that drives a Corvette! Problem may be that I do own a horse so I do spend time riding. So between working full time (to pay for that horse) and riding there isn't much time left to take classes or join teams.
    But I do appricate any and all input. Gives me more perspective and I am open to everyones opinions!



  9. #9
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    Mar. 30, 2007
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    There are two problems....

    1. The dating pool of men around here at your age - and there's nothing wrong with your age mind you - are usually single for good reasons. Many are divorced and into the "I just wanna screw around and enjoy my life!" mindset or they have been chronically single for a long time due to whatever psychological hang-ups or problems they have.

    2. The ones you want to meet are probably not making themselves available. I know that doesn't make much sense but a guy in his late 40's or his 50's is usually not socially active unless they go to the bars, and those are the guys you definitely don't want to be with around here.

    My advice to you is to get out and get into something that really interests you where you are likely to meet a like-minded male counterpart. I would suggest something that DOES NOT involve alcohol or bars. If you have any hobbies or interests outside of horses, look at those and ask yourself how you can use them to your advantage to connect with others.
    SPACE FOR RENT


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  10. #10
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    Jan. 14, 2006
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    Nashville, TN
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    Romance novels.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
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    Aug. 18, 2011
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    CT
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    Default

    IME, it's like horse shopping. It's great if you can find the right match through word of mouth--but in this case, be wary of the ones that aren't officially on the market yet. Sometimes, though, you gotta hit the classifieds, and steel yourself for lots of wasted email and travel time (if that's a seventeen-hand hack winner, I'm Heidi Klum!) to find something special. Or go to lots of places where horses congregate, and ask around about who's for sale in your price range (wink).

    Fwiw, I liked Match and OKCupid. OKC was kind of fun because of all the quizzes and stuff, which gave me the illusion of doing something to improve my chances. Mostly, though, it's a whole lot of 'why bother' interspersed with equal parts insanity and brilliance.

    Wishing you brilliance.
    Horsey romances written by a horsey person
    www.JesseHayworth.com


    3 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
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    Aug. 12, 2010
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    Westford, Massachusetts
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    IMO, de-emphasize the blonde and Corvette part . I did the online dating thing years ago (mid-1990s), in my late 30s, that's how I met DH. I just happen to be tall, thin, blonde, reasonably attractive and I drove a hot car at the time. Ummmmm...putting much of that in there attracted a bunch of really shallow guys, who were imagining some kind of porn star or something. When I left out much of that and talked more about my education, work, general attititudes and interests and what I was looking for I got more quality responses.

    You might be a "hot babe", but you don't want the online guys to know that until they've taken the time to get to know you and get to be oh, so pleasantly suprised when they meet you in person .

    Oh, and I did not post a photo...that went over OK way back when, it might not now. I got far fewer responses than my friends who posted photos, but I got more quality responses...guys who could and would read, you know!


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  13. #13
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    Feb. 25, 2011
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    So California
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    Quote Originally Posted by IronwoodFarm View Post
    How about joining groups that do things you are interested in? I met Mr. IF when someone in a class I was taking suggested I meet her boss. My MIL met her fiancé in a widowed person's support group. I think the easiest way to meet people is to be involved in a group that does something that interests you, whether cultural, political, educational, religious, artistic, etc. It's not so much you may meet someone there, but that you may meet someone who knows someone who might be compatible. I'm not a huge fan of online dating based on what my single trainers have said over the years. Does hanging around in groups take time and effort; yes, but it has lots of positive extras that trying to find an online match does not.
    I think you should do this AND continue with your internet dating service, because there is such a high success rate with those dating sites. At least I know several people who have met their spouses that way. Caveat: a friend told me that when you get a match from someone far away, it often ends up being some sales scam, so don't even click on those.

    The important thing is to reflect on how many people you were exposed to when you were young, in school: hundreds. That made the odds very good that you would find a boyfriend. You say you spend your spare time with your horses; I would guess you work, so you are probably not meeting new people at all. I used to tell my Dad when he talked longingly about meeting someone, "Well Dad, I can guarantee you one thing, she's not in your living room." One lady I know who met her future husband on a dating site said that she made it a full-time job to meet someone. I don't know if you have to go that far, but you do have to put some effort into it and meet many people.

    Another friend attended a class about meeting people and her homework was a flirting assignment. She had to make eye contact with and smile pleasantly at every man she saw for that time period -- probably a week. Obviously it was within reason -- I can't see her bobbing her head and smiling maniacally at every member of a large group, or putting herself in danger, but you get the idea.


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  14. #14
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    Mar. 7, 2003
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    Kansas City, KS
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    Default

    I'm younger, 26, but have been doing online dating for a year or so. I work in probation so not many suitors to be met through work (and I refuse to dip my toes in the company pool if you know what I mean). I also don't like the bar scene. My requirement has recently gone from being within 30 minutes to being within an hour because it is tragic trying to find anyone in my area. I have my own house, a good job, and feel like I've got a good head on my shoulders. All I ask for is a guy to be someone I have chemistry with, that has a job, and that isn't a dirt bag. I don't feel like that is a lot to ask but from what I have found online it sure seems to be. Most of the guys my age are just party boys who are after a play thing. I've upped the age I'd be up for dating because of that reason, but then I feel like I find a lot of just divorced guys wanting to sow their oats or who are emotionally broken from the divorce and not really ready to move on. Dating is a hard game.

    As for where to look... I wish I had friends with more male acquaintances because I would love for some of them to set me up. I currently use plentyoffish, but that requires a LOT of weeding out the wrong kind of guy. I refuse to pay for a dating site because I don't have that kind of extra money to spend, but I wonder if it would be worth it sometimes. POF has a new subsite called "evow" but I haven't tried that one yet.



  15. #15
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    Apr. 25, 2011
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    Walmart!



  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimball56 View Post
    I know! I signed up for 3 months and what a waste of men they are sending me! You can't search on it, you just have to take what they "match" you with! And the profiles are lacking even basic information. They say these men are matches but yet in their profiles they have answered any of the questions. How can that be a match? I've been on it for a month now, no connections at all. I won't be renewing my membership.

    As my friend's daughter pointed out, quite a few of the guys out there are "creepers."
    "Relinquish your whip!!"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
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    Aug. 10, 2009
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    What about trying some of the more male dominated horsey type events? (Polo comes to mind). Maybe getting involved and making friends with some people that way and then once you find people you are comfortable with putting the word out that you are available. I've always had great luck meeting guys at things like tailgate events for hunt races, polo, etc. They aren't always going to be horsey, but at least they are game to attend!



  18. #18
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    Feb. 24, 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeteyPie View Post

    Another friend attended a class about meeting people and her homework was a flirting assignment. She had to make eye contact with and smile pleasantly at every man she saw for that time period -- probably a week.
    Making eye contact and smiling pleasantly? Jebus. No wonder people can't find a date.


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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by TickleFight View Post
    Making eye contact and smiling pleasantly? Jebus. No wonder people can't find a date.
    No kidding. You get either two responses from men when using this tactic.

    1 (and most frequent) they RUN like scared rabbits and pretend they have somewhere else they need to be.

    2 (very, very close second) they start acting like they're the last man on earth and have been chased by super models and you're just someone else that's fallen under their spell--but you're not worth their time due to aforementioned images of super models running through their teeny, tiny little minds.

    To get a guy in some parts of the country you have to play dumb and helpless. Seriously, this works.

    In other parts you play uber bitch to the hilt and ignore all men as if they're beneath you and they'll coming running, panting and drooling all the way.
    "Relinquish your whip!!"


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  20. #20
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    Feb. 25, 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by TickleFight View Post
    Making eye contact and smiling pleasantly? Jebus. No wonder people can't find a date.
    I don't think the point was to smile at every stranger to get a date, rather it was an exercise in flirting with the goal of changing the behavior of the student and getting her out of her comfort zone. My friend said they were supposed to smile at every man, regardless of attractiveness, age, whatever, not with the intention of making a date or connection.

    I thought it was an interesting idea. I've always remembered it because it was a little odd, but I can see the value in it.



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