The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 41 to 53 of 53
  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2006
    Posts
    9,640

    Default

    Who has that COTH sig that goes, "When someone show you who they are, believe them."?


    4 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2013
    Posts
    313

    Default

    You have received really good advice here. I am curious about something though - when you mention that he has slept with 8 women, is that an issue for you? If so, is it an issue because you think it's too many or because he has had children/wanted to marry such a high proportion of the number of women he's had sex with?



  3. #43
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2008
    Posts
    1,708

    Default

    After having read through this thread, I'm asking myself what are the PLUSSES this man brings to a relationship and do they really outweigh the long term minuses you'll have to live with to be with him?

    Also, don't believe him about the vasectomy. Use condoms or say no.

    NJR
    Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behaviour does.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Apr. 9, 2012
    Location
    NYC=center of the universe
    Posts
    2,117

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLongManes View Post
    I hope this is not the case, but sometimes I wonder if it is. Not really sure how to tell.
    Sometimes it's easier to tell for those not in the relationship. I'm with those who say to RUN. RUN far, run fast!

    The guys is obviously unstable somehow. I'm guessing there's a type of mental disorder. There's something going on in his mind that is just not altogether healthy.

    I can see a teenager falling in love with one person after another in quick succession. But people usually grow out of quick crushes and rash behavior. After multiple children from multiple marriages, this guy hasn't?! Please be careful here. There are more than a few red flags here - they're everywhere!!
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Sep. 13, 2000
    Location
    Greenville, MI,
    Posts
    12,904

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ako View Post
    Sometimes it's easier to tell for those not in the relationship. I'm with those who say to RUN. RUN far, run fast!

    The guys is obviously unstable somehow. I'm guessing there's a type of mental disorder. There's something going on in his mind that is just not altogether healthy.

    I can see a teenager falling in love with one person after another in quick succession. But people usually grow out of quick crushes and rash behavior. After multiple children from multiple marriages, this guy hasn't?! Please be careful here. There are more than a few red flags here - they're everywhere!!
    This ~ In spades!
    Please, there are so many others out there. Do yourself a favor! Get out!
    "you can only ride the drama llama so hard before it decides to spit in your face." Caffeinated.



  6. #46
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2012
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    3,304

    Default

    Well, excellent feedback as always. And for a slightly different perspective - my husband has several children from previous (multiple) "failed relationships". That alone is not the kiss of death. I adore most of his exes (wives and partners). We socialize frequently! There is really no drama! My husband has told me exactly why each did not work out and so have they! Usually with him sitting there. I told him I thought he was seriously demented for letting one in particular go (although I was grateful)! He has GREAT taste in women!!! One of my previous partners and his wife have also been over for dinner. But of course, my husband is able to talk about what he needed to change in his life to have a different kind of relationship and we just take it a day at a time. Anyway, the kids and failed relationships alone do not have to be deal breakers (for me anyway, I was not exactly Mother Teresa either!!!)

    OTOH, the marrying someone after a month thing would concern me more, unless he is able to say "yeah, I was just lonely and desperate and making a bad choice. Thankfully it didn't work out, and TODAY, because of the changes I've made, I would not do that". If he said something like that, something that sounded like he knew that life was a marathon and not a sprint, I would feel a little more comfortable.

    Also, whats up with baby mama drama? I would not be up for that at all, and I guess am spoiled that I have none of that. It "hurts her feelings" if you are around??? What is their relationship? Are they still involved? I agree with Paula that on THAT score he sounds a bit like a man child -

    I second (or third or whatever) the either go to counseling or somehow sort out what you want, and assume that this will be messy - there will be other people (baby mamas, kids) in your life. That will not change so it matters how he handles it!

    I guess I'd add that if you are NOT really in it for the long haul, bail. his kids wil have enough problems and you don't need to be part of a parade of women diverting his attention from them!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Sep. 18, 2007
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    784

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLongManes View Post
    Thanks to everyone for posting your thoughts. Just to let you (since someone asked), I am in my late 20s and he is almost 40.
    RUN< RUN< RUN ...you'll get over him if you run now. Otherwise you will be in a muck fest forever. Glad he is a supportive Dad but really?? immature is an understatement.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    7,033

    Default

    Run Away!!! Run Fast, Run FAR! You don't want anything to do with a guy with a litter of kids. You'll always be second string.

    Same advice for guys....never go with a woman with kids, you'll always be second and the divorce rate is phenominally bad.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Nov. 7, 2002
    Location
    Central FL
    Posts
    5,748

    Default

    If you want to make a life with this guy, he has to support *you* as his partner, which means when his children come to visit, their mother's only input is that her child/ren is/are safe and well-cared for, whoever is around.

    I would feel annoyed at his childishness, curious about the history and the speed with which he shifted gears, and anxious to develop good communication patterns with each other. It's difficult to do on your own. I would very much want to go to couples communication workshops or counseling. You need to be able to ask him everything you are wondering about and have him respond as best he can (and work hard to develop his own self-awareness) not get defensive about your "attacking."
    *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #50
    Join Date
    Apr. 9, 2012
    Location
    NYC=center of the universe
    Posts
    2,117

    Default

    This story reminds me of my first real relationship. The guy was very, very intense and that seemed like love to me. I eventually realized he was an alcoholic and a generally addictive personality. He fell in love fast and hard. The "love" wasn't about me or about us being a good match, it was about him needing that experience for some reason. I can see how 20 years later he could be just like this guy. He wasn't healthy, he wasn't capable of a stable long-term relationship, and I was better off without him.
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #51
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2010
    Location
    Westford, Massachusetts
    Posts
    4,980

    Default

    The total number of women he's slept with wouldn't concern me, IF he'd been responsible and respectful about it, which it doesn't sound like he has. Multiple failed marriages IS a concern, everyone makes mistakes, but if you keep making the same one over and over, there's something going on.

    The biggest red flag for me, however, is that fact that he is NOT setting appropriate boundaries with this "baby mama" who doesn't want you around her child. Crazy exes are HIS problem, not yours, if he can't or won't keep you out of that drama and shield you from it, do NOT get involved further with him.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  12. #52
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    10,533

    Default

    I agree with Trak, and the others who said run away. This man wants a babysitter, and not a partner or wife.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #53
    Join Date
    Oct. 12, 2009
    Location
    College View
    Posts
    1,304

    Default

    My advice? You say that you are not very experienced with relationships? Try a couple of more guys out before you settle for this one. Yeah, you may love a few things about this guy and he may love a few things about you. But is it enough? Is he the "total package" that you deserve? And this baby mama drama? You realize that she thinks you are another one of his "fillies" in an apparent loooooong line of fillies and doesn't want you around her kid, it could in reality also be because she wants to protect her child from seeing the ENDLESS merry go round of women that this guy is going to subject the child to. Being with this guy will cause more than one person in your life to think of you this way... is this what you want? Remember... this baby mama has been down the road with guy already... she knows him probably better than you...



Similar Threads

  1. How would you feel?
    By jumper.jump in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Jan. 14, 2013, 03:54 PM
  2. How would you feel....?
    By MKW in forum Horse Care
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: Jun. 15, 2012, 12:00 PM
  3. How would you feel?
    By myalterself in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 326
    Last Post: Dec. 10, 2010, 08:22 PM
  4. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL???
    By Futuresmom in forum Off Course
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: Dec. 5, 2010, 08:44 AM
  5. How would you feel if...
    By Catersun in forum Off Course
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: Dec. 3, 2010, 07:16 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •