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  1. #21
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    Sep. 5, 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLongManes View Post
    So I just thought I'd post here and see how other people would feel in this situation. I have been in a serious relationship since last summer. I haven't had a lot of experience in relationships so I don't know if I'm just being over sensitive or not. I knew going into the relationship that this guy had multiple children from multiple failed marriages and I'm okay with that. We hit it off really fast and became really close. He says he loves me and I love him.

    After six or seven months he told me that he's slept with eight different women in total, and nearly got married to the last one after dating her for one month and being out of his last marriage for a total of three months. Now to top it all off we're having baby mama drama where I can't be anywhere around their child if she's around because it "hurts her feelings".

    Ugh, I know it's stupid stuff but what would you guys make of this? And how would you deal with it?
    How would I feel??

    Like a complete IDIOT!!!!


    12 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
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    Feb. 6, 2003
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    Sounds like you both are in love with being in love. Not each other.

    Not unusual in the young. Just recognize it for what it is...and treat it accordingly.

    You love him because he loves you.
    He loves you because...well he loves everyone.

    At some point you'll want to be with someone who loves YOU, as you deserve to be loved. So just don't make any rash or permanent decisions between now and when you two go your seperate ways.

    Not every relationship works. This one is doomed from the get-go. But that's okay, everyone has "didn't work outs" in their past. Totally normal. Have fun for now, dipping your feet into the "learning relationships" pool. Just don't jump in.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte


    8 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    Apr. 4, 2010
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    yonder a bit, GA
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    If you ask him why his other marriages failed and he is elusive in his reply or everything was the other person's (people's) fault, or he gets frustrated and doesn't want to talk about it, or brushes it off saying that all was in the past and he doesn't want to focus on all that anymore... Not acceptable. A serious, healthy relationship involves transparency, maturity, admitting one's mistakes and faults, and open communication. That includes talking honestly about all things including the uncomfortable topics. That's just respect, which is one of the most vital parts of real love.

    It sounds like you're in it seriously since you said "with us" ie y'all two live together now.

    I have to pause though, because getting into a serious relationship with a man who has multiple children sounds like the perfect situation for a woman who HAS always wanted children! If you don't want children, then don't date someone who has them, whether or not they're with you full time, unless they're no longer minors. And as many people here can attest, you're not just gaining a kid in the deal, you're gaining an ex wife/baby mama. Or mamas, as it were.

    I know that people can simply have a hard time figuring out what type of person they are compatible with, but I would certainly hope after one marriage/relationship resulting in a child, that person would be a lot more cautious about adding more children (with subsequent girlfriends/wives) into the equation in the future. Sounds like he hasn't quite figured that part out. I wouldn't feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone who had that strong of a behavioral pattern with such serious resulting responsibilities. It's not like his behavior pattern is habitually locking himself out of his car and having to budget in a Triple A membership each year. No, his pattern is no small issue, and I would not be willing to get involved with that.
    (A decidedly unhorsey) MrB knocks over a feed bucket at the tack shop and mutters, "Oh crap. I failed the stadium jumping phase."
    (he does listen!)


    6 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
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    Apr. 4, 2010
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    yonder a bit, GA
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    And I would DEFINITELY get myself on reliable birth control that isn't vulnerable to user noncompliance, like the depo shot, an iud, or similar.
    And probably condoms as well, if he hasn't had a recent sti screening.
    (A decidedly unhorsey) MrB knocks over a feed bucket at the tack shop and mutters, "Oh crap. I failed the stadium jumping phase."
    (he does listen!)


    3 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
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    Dec. 7, 2006
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    Spruce Grove AB
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    Re-read your post. If you have to ask, to me it seems like you are questioning yourself.

    There are several red flags. What does your gut instinct tell you? Always trust it, rarely is it wrong.

    If you do really love him, and him you, take it slow.

    Goodluck longmanes. (I have been there done that, I did not listen to my gut, but live and learn!)


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
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    Feb. 4, 2009
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    NCC DE
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    The costs for those multiple children are going to start adding up. And he'll be responsible for paying for a long time.

    How are you going to feel when you want to go on vacation, buy a saddle, go to a show or clinic but you can't because a huge chunk of his income is going to his kids? And you don't even want kids.

    Can't see where continuing this relationship will end well.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    Jan. 18, 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLongManes View Post

    and nearly got married to the last one after dating her for one month and being out of his last marriage for a total of three months.
    Also I'll add that he had bought this girl an engagement ring and was planning to get an operation to reverse his vasectomy so they could have kids, all after a month of dating and likeI said after just getting out a marriage.



  8. #28
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    Jun. 24, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLongManes View Post
    Also I'll add that he had bought this girl an engagement ring and was planning to get an operation to reverse his vasectomy so they could have kids, all after a month of dating and likeI said after just getting out a marriage.
    Get out. This guy is a man child, it is clear he makes very impulsive decisions... And I doubt in only this aspect. Move on, he is/will be a liability to you.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
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    Jul. 3, 2012
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    Why would you be okay with multiple failed marriages? You are young, inexperienced. Why hang your hopes on someone who hasn't figured anything out yet?

    Relationships and marriage can be difficult enough when a couple has everything going for them. To start out with all this baggage is a bad idea!
    Ride like you mean it.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
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    Apr. 22, 2011
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    the Armpit of the Nation
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    It sounds like your gut is telling you to run. You should value yourself much more than being this Peter Pan's next victim.

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them. A little heartache now will save you a lifetime of hurt later. Seriously.

    You haven't stated your age or his, but you sound young and 3 marriages probably place him as at least in his 30's, I'm guessing? This decision will affect your self-esteem for the rest of your life. Please listen to your intuition. This is not a man to marry.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Jul. 20, 1999
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    CA
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLongManes View Post
    Also I'll add that he had bought this girl an engagement ring and was planning to get an operation to reverse his vasectomy so they could have kids, all after a month of dating and likeI said after just getting out a marriage.
    Why does he keep making and leaving so many babies?!


    11 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
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    Mar. 6, 2005
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    bit619 said it perfectly! Reread reread reread!
    ***Honorary Member of the "What is BOSS?" Cult...er...CLIQUE***
    ***Prominent Member of the 'Irrelevent Posters Clique'***
    CrayolaPosse ~ Bluegreen


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
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    Feb. 28, 2006
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    Planning to get an operation to reverse his vasectomy so he could knock up ANOTHER one?! Jeebus! I have a BIL like that. Love him dearly and all that but marry him??!! Eff no!

    Stay with him if you like but fer crissakes don't marry him.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
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    Oct. 14, 2010
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    Do not go out with guys who have NO sense to realize that they have been in REPEATED bad relationships. Do not go out with a guy who is blind to his own behavior - who does not take a break from relationships to work on himself and his behavior.

    Run run run. Do not be part of his pattern - and thus making it your own. He has not taken a break to examine his life - i.e. not date for a long enough time to re-start and create new patterns.

    You are part of his drama. Write your own clear, joyous life - not be a bit player with a man who can't play a role of responsibility and honesty in any way, shape or form.

    The kind of love life you are in is roller coaster of pain. The highs don't make up for the bitter, awful lows. You will not be the last...you are just a train stop on a bad train trip.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35
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    Jan. 18, 2009
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    Thanks to everyone for posting your thoughts. Just to let you (since someone asked), I am in my late 20s and he is almost 40.



  16. #36
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    Mar. 25, 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLongManes View Post
    Thanks to everyone for posting your thoughts. Just to let you (since someone asked), I am in my late 20s and he is almost 40.
    I am not at all surprised at his age and your age difference I'm afraid.

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).


    5 members found this post helpful.

  17. #37
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    Jan. 30, 2010
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    If you cannot accept the need to end this relationship (and maybe there is something to it the rest of us can't know through your post that does make it worthwhile), then perhaps counselling is a good next step. Either this will help you work out your doubts AND help resolve the issues with the exes, or it will help you step back and see the relationship more objectively.
    Freeing worms from cans everywhere!



  18. #38
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    Jun. 24, 2005
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    By the way. He said they cheated, but who says he didn't? Just his word doesn't make it true.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    3 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
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    Jan. 18, 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    Sounds like you both are in love with being in love. Not each other.

    Not unusual in the young. Just recognize it for what it is...and treat it accordingly.

    You love him because he loves you.
    He loves you because...well he loves everyone.

    At some point you'll want to be with someone who loves YOU, as you deserve to be loved. So just don't make any rash or permanent decisions between now and when you two go your seperate ways.

    Not every relationship works. This one is doomed from the get-go. But that's okay, everyone has "didn't work outs" in their past. Totally normal. Have fun for now, dipping your feet into the "learning relationships" pool. Just don't jump in.
    I hope this is not the case, but sometimes I wonder if it is. Not really sure how to tell.



  20. #40
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    Oct. 12, 2001
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    well, if you're only in your 20's, you could just enjoy the relationship for what it is, and then when it ends, move on, wiser and more experienced. You certainly don't want to legally bind yourself to him. Don't even consider marrying him. And don't believe him when he claims to have had a vasectomy- use your own BC.


    3 members found this post helpful.

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