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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2009
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    126

    Default How would you feel?

    So I just thought I'd post here and see how other people would feel in this situation. I have been in a serious relationship since last summer. I haven't had a lot of experience in relationships so I don't know if I'm just being over sensitive or not. I knew going into the relationship that this guy had multiple children from multiple failed marriages and I'm okay with that. We hit it off really fast and became really close. He says he loves me and I love him.

    After six or seven months he told me that he's slept with eight different women in total, and nearly got married to the last one after dating her for one month and being out of his last marriage for a total of three months. Now to top it all off we're having baby mama drama where I can't be anywhere around their child if she's around because it "hurts her feelings".

    Ugh, I know it's stupid stuff but what would you guys make of this? And how would you deal with it?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2012
    Location
    Fern Creek, KY
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    Default

    I would run. Far and fast.

    There are other, less dramatic, fish out there.
    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    I prefer them outside playing as opposed to standing in the barn aisle playing "I can crap more than you"
    New Year, New Blog... follow Willow and I here.


    48 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 14, 2010
    Location
    Earlysville, Virginia
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    3,256

    Default

    I know a guy who sounds identical to yours. And he's dating a new girl now who is head over heels for him. He also has 3 children by 3 different women (2 of which he married).

    RUN. FAST.
    Charlie Brown (1994 bay TB X gelding)
    White Star (2004 grey TB gelding)

    Mystical Moment, 1977-2010.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 29, 2008
    Posts
    3,060

    Default

    I think it sounds like a pattern may be repeating.

    I don't feel comfortable with people who repeat patterns that I'm not comfortable with.


    19 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    15,291

    Default

    Yes, run. But OTOH, you haven't run yet.... and you *chose him*, saying (now) that you guys are in love. So maybe everyone else's easy Just Run thing won't be so easy for you to execute.

    No judgment. I ask because before you can choose the course of action that's right for you, you have to understand how your people-picker works.

    So when you say you love the guy, what is it that makes you want to stay?

    What parts of his history or his behavior now do you deny or excuse? The lying to yourself about who he is goes on your self-improvement list, not his. And IMO, you won't be able to choose the right course of action for you until you get clear with yourself about what you want.... and hold that opinion for a while.

    At what cost do you do ignore the parts of him/his life that prompted you to start this thread? Are those costs rising? Things were great at first and he treated you like The One, but now not so much?

    Or are you changing your mind/standards? You didn't care about an open relationship, his tendency to do Baby Daddy and/or marry most of the women he has been with.... but now you do?

    Or you don't even mind the open relationship and about his past so long as you aren't confronted with his baby mommas or other members of his entourage?
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2000
    Location
    Somewhere in the Midwest
    Posts
    2,097

    Default

    Bolt...run....you deserve better.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 8, 2006
    Location
    Fredericksburg, VA
    Posts
    2,333

    Default

    "Multiple children from multiple failed marriages"
    +
    "Nearly married the last one after dating her for one month and being out of his last marriage for three months"
    __________________________________________________

    = Guy that is either incredibly immature, has incredibly bad judgement, or both.

    You say you were "okay" with his multiple failed marriages, but that is a big fat red flag right there. That's not to say anyone who's been married and divorced more than twice is not long-term relationship or marriage material, but before I got involved with someone with that track record I would damn sure want to know what went wrong with those marriages and whether there were legitimate reasons to believe that my relationship with him would be different.
    Last edited by Windsor1; Apr. 20, 2013 at 07:34 PM.
    Everyone is entitled to my opinion.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2002
    Location
    new england,,usa
    Posts
    4,475

    Default

    how would i feel?
    i hope i'd feel like putting on my running shoes!
    this guy has a sad history of making babies and leaving them. do you want to be a part of that?
    would you want your baby left when he takes up with a new honey?
    save yourself a life of misery, please.


    18 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun. 25, 2004
    Location
    Carolinas
    Posts
    4,777

    Default

    The fact that you are posting here indicates your instincts sense this is not right.

    Ask yourself what is different with your relationship with him form the prior relationships. What happens when his "kids" need their father or need financial aid? What do you think of him when the hormones are not raging?

    He sounds exciting, intriguing, and very, very dangerous to your mental and emotional health.
    "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
    Courtesy my cousin Tim


    6 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug. 17, 2004
    Location
    Rixeyville, VA
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    Default

    Just curious, but is Baby Daddy paying child support for all his offspring? If so, have you had a peek at his financials because the boy either has a primo job or barely has 2 cents to rub together.
    Where Norwegian Fjords Rule
    http://www.ironwood-farm.com


    8 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2009
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by suz View Post
    this guy has a sad history of making babies and leaving them. do you want to be a part of that?
    would you want your baby left when he takes up with a new honey?
    save yourself a life of misery, please.
    Just wanted to add he does support his kids with both his time and money. The youngest currently stays with us several times a week.

    Also, I have no plans to ever have kids of my own! Lol



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2003
    Location
    Middleburg, VA
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    Default

    Hope you're taking your BC, then! I wouldn't trust this guy to wrap it up.

    He sounds like what I refer to as a "serial monogamist." LOVES the marriage/relationship thing, but somewhere things go wrong. Either he gets sniffing after the next big thing (super bad!), or the thrill of the chase and capture dies off and he gets bored, or he just SUCKS at being married.

    A couple of kids and a couple of exes....not ideal, but not the end of the world, but this guy sounds like a loser. Too many big old red flags!


    8 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 2012
    Location
    La La Land
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    478

    Default

    This guy picks his victims well, and you are number ? You said it yourself in your first post I havent had a lot of experience in relationships, why do you think he choose you? And do you think from his clearly established pattern that even though he claims to be in love with you, that he would waste 2 mins looking for his next love if you broke up? Man take the other cother's advice here and run like real fast. Life is too short for all that drama and you deserve better.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
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    10,429

    Default

    That's called a pattern, and his pattern is, at the absolute best, making lousy decisions about relationships. And as the only common denominator in those failed relationships is him...well, it COULD be he just has terrible luck picking women, but the odds say he's the problem.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
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    Pennsylvania
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    5,086

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    I can't decide if he's a whore or a child. Either way when you pick up with someone with a proven track record of behavior don't be surprised when you see that behavior. It's not like you didn't have warning right?

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).


    6 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr. 13, 2007
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    342

    Default

    I don't know what you would do but, I would never involve myself with someone with so many other responsibilities. I would want someone who had time for me. The craziness will only get worse over time. Babies can be managed but, as they grow so do their issues.

    Too many people who are going to be more involved in my life than I would ever want. The baby mamas will be drama for the next 30 years.

    Paste this on your bathroom mirror:

    You will never win.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Oct. 22, 2003
    Posts
    1,799

    Default

    I guess I'd ask him "Why did your prior marriages fail?"

    Unless I got some serious conversation about the mistakes he made, where he went wrong, what the warning signs were I'd run.

    If this guy has a history of failed marriages and clearly hasn't taken steps to prevent his next one from being yet another failure... it's only a matter of time before you are a statistic in his books.
    "The nice thing about memories is the good ones are stronger and linger longer than the bad and we sure have some incredibly good memories." - EverythingButWings


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
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    8,564

    Default

    Run away, very far and very fast! You're going to end up with a kid, a deadbeat ex, and on Judge Judy. He's not going to change, he's going to cheat on you, and if you're lucky you won't end up with a kid that looks just like him, and huge unpaid child support bills. You need to value yourself more than this, and find someone who is going to treat you well, and be faithful.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    6 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2009
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    126

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    Run away, very far and very fast! You're going to end up with a kid, a deadbeat ex, and on Judge Judy. He's not going to change, he's going to cheat on you, and if you're lucky you won't end up with a kid that looks just like him, and huge unpaid child support bills. You need to value yourself more than this, and find someone who is going to treat you well, and be faithful.
    As far as I know he never cheated on any of his wives. I know his first wife cheated on him, he tried to get her to go to couples therapy but she left him for this other guy. (Not standing up for him, just stating the facts.)



  20. #20
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    Apr. 22, 2011
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    the Armpit of the Nation
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLongManes View Post
    As far as I know he never cheated on any of his wives. I know his first wife cheated on him, he tried to get her to go to couples therapy but she left him for this other guy. (Not standing up for him, just stating the facts.)
    The facts according to him, right? No one is going to tell you BAD things about themselves, especially in the first year.

    3 ex-wives? Let's even say that according to him, they were all awful. Why did he marry 3 awful women? What are the reasons he gives you for the break-up of each marriage?

    3 failed marriages and various children? All I can do is shake my head and ask you why you would consider being number 4. That's a lot of "ex" baggage to bring to a relationship, much less marriage.


    9 members found this post helpful.

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