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  1. #21
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    May. 9, 2005
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    Sending tons of jingles, hugs and good thoughts your DD's way, as well as yours *hugs*



  2. #22
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    Sep. 13, 2002
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    seriously? Everything she loves? Did she lose you? Did she lose a body part in a recent bombing?

    Life is about love and loss...and loving again.
    Sounds like maybe a family change and a sale of a very nice horse?

    She will bounce back. She only thinks this is tough because she hasn't experienced the full wrath of life just yet.

    Jingles for her that she will make an honest and strong recovery--and even bigger jingles that she will take this experience and add it to her Mary Poppins hat.

    Tell her at least she didn't get her leg blown off in a recent bombing or two.
    Tell her no matter how poorly she thinks life has treated her there is always someone else who has it even worse.
    And tell her to get her crying butt off her bed and get out into the community. Life doesn't offer second chances to cry babies. Mourning is a needed process--but you can be proactive in the process...

    To address another issue: I was bullied all through school. I know how it feels. Probably why I'm so tough now...
    Is there not a different bar she could move too? Get away from those evil children?

    (I just caught the typo and thought it was brilliant so couldn't just delete it!...though I'm sure you know it should have read, "barn")

    *****
    and just another note: I'm not Christian. But I'm not atheist. I'm AM a firm believer in Karma. Energy. Energy makes a full circle. ALWAYS. So if one deposits a big pile of negative energy it will most definitely make a full circle and you can bet that little terp will be laying in a pile of her own shit one day. Patience deary. Patience.
    http://kaboomeventing.com/
    http://kaboomeventing.blogspot.com/
    Horses are amazing athletes and make no mistake -- they are the stars of the show!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    May. 4, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplnurpl View Post
    seriously? Everything she loves? Did she lose you? Did she lose a body part in a recent bombing?

    Life is about love and loss...and loving again.
    Sounds like maybe a family change and a sale of a very nice horse?

    She will bounce back. She only thinks this is tough because she hasn't experienced the full wrath of life just yet.

    Jingles for her that she will make an honest and strong recovery--and even bigger jingles that she will take this experience and add it to her Mary Poppins hat.

    Tell her at least she didn't get her leg blown off in a recent bombing or two.
    Tell her no matter how poorly she thinks life has treated her there is always someone else who has it even worse.
    And tell her to get her crying butt off her bed and get out into the community. Life doesn't offer second chances to cry babies. Mourning is a needed process--but you can be proactive in the process...

    To address another issue: I was bullied all through school. I know how it feels. Probably why I'm so tough now...
    Is there not a different bar she could move too? Get away from those evil children?

    (I just caught the typo and thought it was brilliant so couldn't just delete it!...though I'm sure you know it should have read, "barn")

    *****
    and just another note: I'm not Christian. But I'm not atheist. I'm AM a firm believer in Karma. Energy. Energy makes a full circle. ALWAYS. So if one deposits a big pile of negative energy it will most definitely make a full circle and you can bet that little terp will be laying in a pile of her own shit one day. Patience deary. Patience.
    She has lost a lot, including a lot of me. I have been in the hospital 19 times in 14 months, and they have told us any of these attacks I am having of pancreatitis could turn necrotic and potentially kill me. I can't work anymore, so her pony and all her riding and showing went right out the window along with all her other activities.

    She responded by not shedding a single selfish tear. She didn't sit around on her butt and cry - she worked for her trainer for free at the shows and during pony camp just to get love time. She went to a friend's barn and helped groom and tack and send ponies to the ring at their little home show series just to spend some time with her beloved horses. If someone around her spoke of a need for help at a barn, she jumped on it (and usually arranged her own ride to get to whatever barn). She's applied for several different sponsorship opportunities to help alleviate some of the cost in hopes she could ride again. (She hasn't gotten them, but she sure applied!). And she never, ever complained once. She didn't moan, or whine, when at 13 she had everything she really used to measure who she was (champion rider, barn rat, number one go to girl when the ponies are naughty) yanked away from her and suddenly her mother is deathly Ill. Not once. I think she lost a pretty big part of her self-identity as she's been riding successfully longer than she can really remember.
    We have had a couple very generous COTHers offer her saddle time several months ago, unfortunately I was too sick at the time to get her out there. Her trainer offered her a free lease on a super jumper, but just the board and shoes would mean there was no $$$ left for lessons or shows. Turning that down was hard for her. I am feeling a little better lately, so I have scraped together enough for her to have a few lessons with a lower level trainer in the area, and I think she started feeling like maybe she would be able to show this season and then yesterday happened.
    I am totally, completely fine with her *finally* having the meltdown I expected more than a year ago when I first got sick. Really, she could teach a lot of people about grace under fire and I have been nothing but proud of her through all of this. Now I just want to comfort her and she doesn't want hugs or pity or the love I want to surround her with. She's "too tough" for that. My little fighter. So I send it out to the Universe to send her some healing vibes and jingles because I can't love on her without making it worse.
    I have no doubt in a couple days she will be back to her usual self and ready to conquer anything. And I will definitely see if there is a rescue around here she can go help at. She would love that.
    Sorry to see xtranormal is gone
    For funnies, search youtube for horseyninjawarrior!

    Www.caringbridge.org/visit/mysecretgarden


    11 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
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    Nov. 18, 2010
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    Alittlegrey, I am sorry that you had to post all of that. The assumptions made on this board by posters really stun me. And I live on the west coast but if you ever want to have DD take a break, I would love to offer your daughter some beach time, riding time and fun with me and my family here on the Calif. coast.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
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    May. 4, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by stolen virtue View Post
    Alittlegrey, I am sorry that you had to post all of that. The assumptions made on this board by posters really stun me. And I live on the west coast but if you ever want to have DD take a break, I would love to offer your daughter some beach time, riding time and fun with me and my family here on the Calif. coast.
    It's okay - I'm not self absorbed enough yet to think the whole board has been following my sad story. I wouldn't want it that way (I was really uncomfortable with the thread about it, but it was created out of caring and a desire to help so there you go. C&C has been very sweet to my family.). But I don't want anyone to mistake dd for any kind of little whiner as that is so far from the truth!

    Thank you for the awesome offer, she had a great time last summer when my in-law paid for us to drive home for a couple weeks and she got some time at my grandparent's lake house and out on the boat. Happiest I've seen her in almost 18 months. Sunshine is good for the soul.
    Sorry to see xtranormal is gone
    For funnies, search youtube for horseyninjawarrior!

    Www.caringbridge.org/visit/mysecretgarden


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
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    Nov. 18, 2010
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    I am sorry about your medical condition, I understand it is extremely painfull. My offer is always good, Mr. Stolen is Fire Marshall of our city and we are real people.



  7. #27
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    Nov. 15, 2005
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    NY
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    If daughter is able to send horses into the ring looking great, can she earn some $$ braiding, grooming etc? What about teaching up/down lessons to earn the shoes/Vet on the free-leased horse? There has to be something, or several somethings that could be cobbled together, to git 'er done?

    My life took a left turn a few years ago and I too lost the identity that I had built for myself around my career. Since then other parts of who I thought I was also slipped away, including as a rider. I'm still kinda' wondering what I will be when I grow up.
    It's not easy to have your life thrown up in the air and wonder where everything will end up, but it is also an opportunity.
    Maybe she accomplished all she needed to in that area [her riding], and maybe 'life' has some other developing and growth to offer her in a new area.
    When one door closes, another one opens.

    As for bullies... *sigh*... I'm dealing with that with my 9 year old DS. Someday she will realize that it wasn't her, it was them, and how sad their lives must be to have to kick someone when they are down to feel better about themselves.
    Yo/Yousolong April 23rd, 1985- April 15th, 2014

    http://notesfromadogwalker.com/2012/...m-a-sanctuary/


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
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    The assumptions made on this board by posters really stun me.
    When important details are left out one can only ask assuming questions.
    It's tough. Understandable.

    when I was a teen my parents divorced, I was moved from NJ to TX in my junior year of high school and taken away from the horses and my friends. My Granddad was diagnosed with lung cancer and died within 6 months, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer --- this all in the course of a year. The school I transferred into was supposed to be the best in the state but curious enough the student were dropping like flies from heroine over dosage. I went from an A+ student to a C student. yay. fun times.

    Kids grow and move forward.

    The biggest concern is your health and it's way more important than horses. I send jingles to YOU too.
    http://kaboomeventing.com/
    http://kaboomeventing.blogspot.com/
    Horses are amazing athletes and make no mistake -- they are the stars of the show!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
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    Jul. 14, 2006
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    1,818

    Default apologies for the length....this hit close to home

    alittlegray,
    Hearing the full story I get it, unfortunately all too well. Sometimes things just suck and there's nothing anyone can do to fix it. I wish I was close enough to offer your daughter some horse time, even if it was just hanging out at the barn or spectating at a show or clinic.

    Would it help your daughter to know that others have been through something similar as teen? Because I have, and I remember feeling like EVERYONE else was having this great time with school/sports/extracurriculars and NOBODY understood what I was going through. You have my full permission to read this to your DD.

    When I was 17, my father was in the hospital 3 or 4 times with various cardiac issues, including having stents placed on a semi-urgent basis. One time, he collapsed at work and was taken by life squad to the nearest hospital. I was at a summer job and got a panicked, hysterical phone call from my little sisters (15 and 11 at the time). My mother had called my grandparents to ask them to come get them (they lived 20 minutes away), instructed my middle sister to watch the youngest one and left for the hospital. I carpooled to work with another girl so I had no way to get home. I will NEVER forget what it was like to wait all day not knowing if he was alive or dead (this was pre-cellphone era). Very early heart disease runs in my family (my father's brother died of a heart attach at 38) so I knew all too well what could happen.

    Ultimately, my dad was OK, but his health pretty ruled our life for a good year, and all my plans for the future were up in the air. That same year, we lost a horse to colic, I had a falling-out (totally unrelated) with a girl who'd been my BFF since grade school, and I broke up with my first boyfriend. I was extraordinarily upset when my mother suggested that maybe I should live at home and go to the local community college and that maybe we should think about selling my horse.

    That whole year, I remember feeling like I had to be "strong" for my parents and my younger sisters, which I suspect is going on with your daughter (the "good kids" are often like this). I know I held a lot inside, not wanting to worry my parents. I also would feel angry about how my life might be different because of Dad's health problems, while simultaneously feeling guilty and ashamed for having those feelings. I had some moments where I fell apart in tears over minor things, because all my feelings were all bottled up. I also remember being completely impatient and disgusted with my high school classmates and their (to me) trivial drama. Worse of all, my entire senior year, whenever I was called to the guidance counselor's office for some college application form or another, I would worry that maybe I was going to be told that Dad was in the hospital again....and that maybe this time, things weren't OK. If you haven't been this kind of family health crisis, it's very very difficult to understand the mixed emotions.

    I'm in my early 30s and a doctor doing my residency training now. With about 15 years of distance I can honestly say that as bad as it was at the time, that experience makes me a better, more compassionate physician and human being. Not many of my friends and colleagues know the story because it's still so painful to talk about (I'm getting teary eyed typing this), but it's become the guiding force in how I treat others.

    To your daughter I say, you're right. You have every right to be upset. You and your mom have been dealt a raw deal and nothing I or anyone else can say will change that. You've been asked to confront some realities of life that most adults have a hard time dealing with, when you're still just a kid. I know you feel like your world is collapsing all around you. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know you're going to get through this, that life will be good again someday. If there is any karma in the world, someday you'll have the chance to be kind to a friend going through a rough time. And you will, because you'll remember what the nasty girls at the barn said to you, and you won't want to ever be like that. Just take it one day at a time.....and hug your mom.

    Hugs,
    BES
    Proudly owned by 2 chestnut mares
    Crayola Posse: sea green
    Mighty Rehabbers Clique


    8 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by stolen virtue View Post
    I am sorry about your medical condition, I understand it is extremely painfull. My offer is always good, Mr. Stolen is Fire Marshall of our city and we are real people.
    That is incredibly generous of you, thank you so much! If I'm ever in the postion to send her somewhere, I will take you up on it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Angela Freda View Post
    If daughter is able to send horses into the ring looking great, can she earn some $$ braiding, grooming etc? What about teaching up/down lessons to earn the shoes/Vet on the free-leased horse? There has to be something, or several somethings that could be cobbled together, to git 'er done?

    My life took a left turn a few years ago and I too lost the identity that I had built for myself around my career. Since then other parts of who I thought I was also slipped away, including as a rider. I'm still kinda' wondering what I will be when I grow up.
    It's not easy to have your life thrown up in the air and wonder where everything will end up, but it is also an opportunity.
    Maybe she accomplished all she needed to in that area [her riding], and maybe 'life' has some other developing and growth to offer her in a new area.
    When one door closes, another one opens.
    .
    I think she is almost at the point that she is going to turn away from riding all together. I think it has become more painful for her than fun. She is asking me to re-do her bedroom (it is literally wallpapered with her ribbons, awards and trophies). I think she is just going to give up, which is sad because she is really, really good. But maybe life does have something else that she is supposed to do waiting for her in the wings.

    I don't know who would take lessons from a 14y/o, especially one who's not had any saddle time of her own in the last year except for 3 lessons. She doesn't braid, but she does groom for folks occasionally just to get some love time with the horses.

    My biggest sadness out of this is that she tossed her WIHS YA application. That would have really been so good for her, and if she'd gotten the spot she'd have met a lot of really cool people! I just hope she doesn't regret throwing that piece of paper away.

    Quote Originally Posted by purplnurpl View Post
    When important details are left out one can only ask assuming questions.
    It's tough. Understandable.

    when I was a teen my parents divorced, I was moved from NJ to TX in my junior year of high school and taken away from the horses and my friends. My Granddad was diagnosed with lung cancer and died within 6 months, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer --- this all in the course of a year. The school I transferred into was supposed to be the best in the state but curious enough the student were dropping like flies from heroine over dosage. I went from an A+ student to a C student. yay. fun times.

    Kids grow and move forward.

    The biggest concern is your health and it's way more important than horses. I send jingles to YOU too.
    It's okay. I'm not offended. I just didn't want you to think I'm coddling some little bratty whiner who's mad that her pony got sold or something.

    I'm sorry to hear you went through rotten things in high school. Did your mom pull through? Cancer is a scary, horrible thing. I hope the new drug they are currently testing is the wonder drug they say it is and there is a cancer-free future in store for our children's generation!

    Thank you for the jingles. I didn't want to turn this into a thread about my story, I just wanted to ask people to really be in prayer for DD. She needs it way more than I do.

    I'm hoping to convince her to go to Culpeper tomorrow and at least be there for her friends. I know they like having her around as it is a free pair of hands. And once in a while someone needs a pony jogged or something done in the hack, so you never know. But I understand why it is hard for her to watch her friends ride and show, and this little *B* from school (who is not a barn mate, just a competitor that DD has beaten in the past many times which is where I think the awful snotty comments came from) who has a horse and a large pony and if she sees DD will no doubt rub it in her face. So if she sticks to her guns and refuses to go, I will not make her. She has to want it.
    Sorry to see xtranormal is gone
    For funnies, search youtube for horseyninjawarrior!

    Www.caringbridge.org/visit/mysecretgarden



  11. #31
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    BES, thank you so much for sharing that. I think you nailed it. She's a freshman, so I know she's just not equipped to deal with everything and she's doing a tremendous job just getting through this mess that started in 8th grade for her. I will read that to her, and I know it WILL make her feel better to know she's not alone and that some day this will all be something she garners strength and compassion from. She's a good egg, and trauma surgeon is what she wants to be. I really appreciate you being willing to share that. My senior son has Prom tonight and she is sitting at home as the friend who was taking her (yes, one of her brother's friends invited a frosh to senior prom, lol!) got a girlfriend last week and of course gently set DD down so he could take his new girl, so tonight is toenail painting night I think, and I will sit her down and let her read what you've written so eloquently. Thank you!
    Sorry to see xtranormal is gone
    For funnies, search youtube for horseyninjawarrior!

    Www.caringbridge.org/visit/mysecretgarden



  12. #32
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    Nov. 15, 2005
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    That is sad. DS likes to wear hats, he had a fedora, a civil war officers cap and his latest was a wool cap like his Grandpas. He rocked it! Then the kid on the bus teased him about it, took it from him and played 'keep away' with some other heathens on the bus and now DS no longer wants to wear a hat.
    It really sucks to see your child experience being who they are as no longer something they enjoy because of something out of their control.

    I also wonder, these kids who are being unkind, who do they ride with? Does this instr. know the sordid details? I know that my instr. as a teen would have had my head in a manure basket had she heard I had been unkind to someone else. More than teaching riding, instructors should be mentors of how to be a good person, but I know for some that is asking may more than they can deliver.
    Yo/Yousolong April 23rd, 1985- April 15th, 2014

    http://notesfromadogwalker.com/2012/...m-a-sanctuary/



  13. #33
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    Mar. 14, 2002
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    Might she be interested in volunteering at a therapeutic riding center? Seems they're always looking for help (sidewalkers, grooms, tacking up, etc.).

    There's one (Simple Changes) in/near Catlett, and they have a second location at BLM's Meadowood facility (in Mason Neck).
    Website link:
    http://simplechanges.org/

    There is also another therapeutic riding center near Haymarket (Rainbow Center):
    http://rainbowriding.org/

    Best of luck to you both!
    Equus Keepus Brokus


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
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    Mean girls suck. You are undoubtedly handling this way better than I would have. Mark is always here for her. We can turn her into an eventer, much fewer means girls in our crowd the H/J crowd.


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  15. #35
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    Sounds like you've got a good kid, OP. A lot of 14 year olds wouldn't have held it together as well or for as long as she has. It's an age where they are hyper-emotional and everything is The End of the Universe. So to have a major life change like that occur, and for her to continue plugging along, finding riding/horse opportunities for herself, I give her a lot of credit.

    Maybe she just needs to step away for awhile. It is ok to do that. And I can guarantee, she WILL make her way back to horses when the time is right.

    Also, the nice thing about our sport, is that there are so many disciplines, communities, avenues to enjoy horses. Maybe right now, all she knows is the H/J scene, but there are *tons* of other, less expensive facets... and maybe hanging with a different crowd for awhile might do her some good.

    I feel for you-- in 2008, I found myself deathly ill and was hospitalized multiple times. I had to give up my job, we sold our house and moved in with my mom to cut costs and so she could help with our (then) 2 year old daughter. I remember being in the hospital one night having the "If I Die" discussion with my husband, it was that bad! It was not a fun time, and it felt like the life we had worked so hard to build was falling apart.

    But things got better, and life went on. We have faced some subsequent challenges, but things are ok now... good, even. What I have learned, over the years, is that there are SO many kind people in the world. And that kindness has, many times, lifted me up.

    Hang in there-- my heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you. Jingles that things take a turn for the better.
    We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.



  16. #36
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    I have no kids so no real advice to offer. I just wanted to say you sound like an amazing mom and your daughter is lucky to have someone who clearly cares about her so much. Perhaps show her this thread so that she knows she's not alone and others have been through similar situations? She sounds like a wonderful girl, no doubt due to your love and support.
    My Mustang Adventures - Mac, my mustang | Annwylid D'Lite - my Cob filly

    "A horse's face always conveys clearly whether it is loved by its owner or simply used." - Anja Beran


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  17. #37
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    First, hugs to you and to your daughter! As the mother of a 14 year old girl, I am amazed by how mean girls of this age can be, especially as I'm sure they know your daughter is having a hard time.

    Have you thought about having her speak to a therapist? My own daughter went through a difficult time last year and felt quite abandoned by her friends. I found that I didn't know how to help her talk about her feelings and that there were some things she didn't feel comfortable telling me. A neutral third party who specializes in teen issues can sometimes be very helpful.

    If riding is too painful for her right now, maybe taking a break isn't a bad thing. Trying another activity or sport could help her meet new kids who don't remind her of what she used to have.

    I hope things get better for you.
    Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
    EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.



  18. #38
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    Im 23 so probably closer to her age so may or may not mean more to her view

    Tell her that she doesnt need to impress anyone but HERSELF, really! I never had issues with bullies because i was confident in myself, i knew that hey this one person has a issue with me but not others, because she was looking to get attention, i didnt react and she looked like a idiot because my classmates supported me as the better person.

    This is harder than seems for some, dont react to the comments! Makes them look like idiots. Or if you do what worked for me was "oh thats lovely" no matter the comment haha!

    But i have a i am who i am attitude take it or leave it and will get nasty back if provoked!
    Beyond the Ring-para dressage, training, coaching
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  19. #39
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    Alittlegray has been very ill, with multiple hospitalizations, over the past year. OP had to give up her job, and then with only one income in the household, her daughter had to give up her pony. It's been a stressful time for the whole family. There is a thread about OP's hospitalizations here on Coth.

    Someone near OP needs to give her daughter rides. The girl was champion in, I forget the division, last year. She can ride. She needs a horse to ride. And if someone could let her show your horses, you'd be great to help her.

    With OP's illness, she spends much of her time in hospitals, that's plural, and much of her time in pain. So someone help out her daughter, please! My 2 horses are too far away, or I'd let her ride Hattie the trakehner.


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  20. #40
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    Wow... My phone made some serious typos!

    I'm sorry but... She has every permission from me to bawl her eyes out and have a good cry. In case some posters forget, it is therapeudic for some of us. The horses are the icing on the cake... But it is/was a good outlet where she could relax and not worry about her mother, who I am sure means everything to her. Sometimes it is a seemingly small thing, like some little mean girl saying insensitive things that just sends us over the edge.

    She doesn't need to toughen up, it is okay for her to feel. She shouldn't be encouraged to hold it all in when she is going through THIS MUCH. OP I am not referring to you.

    She will be okay, OP, she may want to take a break from the barn and that is fine too. She will be okay.
    Last edited by magicteetango; Apr. 20, 2013 at 09:42 PM.


    2 members found this post helpful.

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