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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 2006
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    621

    Default Tell me your success stories: women asking out men

    Sooooo I've got this friend. I am pretty sure he's into me. I'm certainly into him. We're both kinda shy types when it comes to romantic stuff. My working philosophy about men has been, if he likes you, he won't be mysterious about it. Since he's never put the moves on me beyond pretty harmless friend-flirting, I've tried to get over my feelings for him (we met about 6 months ago) by going out with other guys, but honestly, I don't like anyone as much as I like him. In the meantime he hasn't dated any girls as far as I'm aware. We spent more time together than he does with anyone else. My feeling is that he is a late bloomer who's only recently become grown-up and hot, so he's still shedding that awkward-around-girls thing. Otherwise I can't think why he's single (and he's not gay, I'm sure of it).

    I haven't "thrown myself" at a guy since college. Went pretty badly then, lol. But I am an enlightened lady. Of course women can ask out men. I just need some confidence! Anyone got any good stories?

    For the record: I am ok with losing the friendship if it goes badly. Frankly, I've got friends. I need someone to love/bone, yanno?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
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    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CiegoStar View Post
    Frankly, I've got friends. I need someone to love/bone, yanno?
    That's so quotable!
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
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    Default

    Yup, did it once. We've been together 11 years, married 7 1/2.
    Go for it! Better to know than wonder!
    mykidshavefourlegs.blogspot.com



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2003
    Location
    Middleburg, VA
    Posts
    12,751

    Default

    I met a guy in a professional setting. We obviously had a rapport and he mentioned exchanging numbers, but the situation was not ideal to do so. I was a little bummed, because he seemed like a cool guy, and I tried to think of a way to get my number to him. We had chatted about cars and I knew what he drove from that conversation. So, after sleeping on it, talking with some girlfriends/my sister ("Am I crazy?" "DO IT"), and just being really effing brave for me (I don't really date), I wrote him a note, found his car the next day, and left it on windshield.

    He thought it was awesome, thankfully, and not that I was a crazy stalker girl.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 24, 2011
    Posts
    500

    Default

    You're right, most men will make their interest known... but not all.

    I've asked quite a few guys out and I've gotta say... men are way nicer about the whole thing than women seem to be. Even if he can't, he'll still be super flattered and nice about it. Usually, however, they say YES.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
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    Pennsylvania
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    5,039

    Default

    I don't make a practice of it. I think of it in terms of evolution. The lioness chooses the lion by his mane. As it turns out the mane is an indicator of fitness. So if the lioness does some crap-maned lion a favor and loves him for his mind she gets crappy genes. Okay, not totally random. I like assertive men. If I chase a man and catch him he's not going to be the man I want because assertive men are pursuers. So I guess the question is; what kind of man do you want?

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb. 24, 2011
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    500

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by paulaedwina View Post
    I don't make a practice of it. I think of it in terms of evolution. The lioness chooses the lion by his mane. As it turns out the mane is an indicator of fitness. So if the lioness does some crap-maned lion a favor and loves him for his mind she gets crappy genes. Okay, not totally random. I like assertive men. If I chase a man and catch him he's not going to be the man I want because assertive men are pursuers. So I guess the question is; what kind of man do you want?

    Paula
    You sound single.


    26 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
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    11,331

    Default

    I would just flat out go for it. While you're out having dinner or a beer or riding or whatever it is you all do together, just tell him!

    "Friend. I really enjoy the time we spend together and this is a little awkward for me, but I am interested in taking our relationship beyond "just friends". Is that something you'd be interested in trying out?"

    You're a grown ass woman. Ask for what you want. And if he's not interested, fine. You can still be friends.

    I'm still friends with my exfiance. We realized we were better friends than anything else. Now we're both married to other people and still enjoy our friendship.

    You can't win if you don't play.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    2 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 5, 2011
    Posts
    2,966

    Default

    I'm the one who asked my current husband (married 24 years this coming August, but "together" for around 35 years total) out for the first time.

    He was originally interested in a girlfriend of mine who wouldn't give him the time of day, even though she did somehow manage to allow him to wine & dine her (no surprise why she was still single 10 years later - lol!). I kept my feelings to myself until I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was just dicking him around. Back then he was a mechanic, & was always doing work on my car - many times for free - for which I was very grateful. And it wasn't just for me. He was (& still IS) a very nice & generous guy - the shirt-off-his-back type for friends. So one time - after saving my car yet AGAIN - I left an envelope with his name on it on the front car seat containing 2 uber-good seats to a Rangers hockey game (he was - & still is - a HUGE hockey fan, & was playing in a league at the time). Needless to say, he was not only thrilled, but invited me to accompany him (which I didn't make a necessary part of the gift - lol!!).

    The rest is many years of blissful history.
    Last edited by Bacardi1; Apr. 19, 2013 at 04:41 PM. Reason: typo


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
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    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
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    Not exactly the same thing, since I met DH online, but I saw his profile and sent the first "flirt".

    Glad I did, because I would never have turned up in his searches because I was so far outside the radius.

    My line was "Oooh a dairy farmer, you must be good with your hands"

    I figured it was best he know what I was like from the get go
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"


    4 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 16, 2008
    Location
    Central Oklahoma
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    Default

    I agree that even if he can't, he probably would be (very) flattered, and my husband will tell you that even if he weren't into you now, he would probably change his mind

    Paula, most truly assertive and confident guys love a confident girl who knows what she wants. By the way, I attended college where the male/female ratio was something like 10 to 1, and currently work at an environment with similar ratio so I know a lot of guys.... hate to admit it, but guys are easier to deal with than girls.
    Last edited by Gloria; Apr. 19, 2013 at 03:17 PM.



  12. #12
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    Jan. 17, 2008
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    New England
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    Default

    Good thing we aren't lions.
    mykidshavefourlegs.blogspot.com


    4 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2004
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    City of delusion in the state of total denial
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    Do it. Worked for me! (And I'm a cat at heart- not quite a lioness, but close enough!)
    "I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm asleep."
    - Harry Dresden

    Horse Isle 2: Legend of the Esrohs LifeCycle Breeding and competition MMORPG



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep. 11, 2011
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    Default

    Ask him out, ONCE, see what he does. Most guys, even if they don't want to date, are not going to be jerks to you about it. If you are really friends then you should have some idea of his character/reaction.

    I had it not work sometimes and worked sometimes. It just depends. Married one of them so it all worked out.

    Some guys are very polite and shy and not going to make a move at first. To some they may not be worth it but in the end I argue these make the best partners. Its a personality type I like.

    The trick is to then let the guy show you he is interested back. Don't just be the one doing all the asking and calling. It does have to be 50/50. If he's very ho-hum about it then there is your answer, he's just not into it.

    There is definitely a way to approach a guy and not sound desperate/chase him. Seriously I don't know what people think sometimes, that you are going to go claw him and make out then and there!?!?! LOL. Just be relaxed and Im sure it will go fine, what ever the outcome.

    Nothing ventured, nothing gained.



  15. #15
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    Oct. 16, 2008
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    Central Oklahoma
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    Default

    Actually evolution has proven again and again that it is "females" that initiate the ritual. Males? They start to dance and demonstrate how interested they are once they get the green lights. lol.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
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    Pennsylvania
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    Default

    You guys are hilarious!

    1. Yes I'm single and I am not sweating it. For me it's a quality thing, not a quantity thing. So you have to be strong enough to pursue me. I don't chase men -I don't get the kind of man I want. As we use to sing in the West Indies, "Me ain't fightin' for no man. Man must fight for me instead."

    I am not the only one who thinks this way. Many a dating "expert" will give you the same opinion. Of course it's just one point of view. I am old school -I'm looking for a man.


    2. Indeed we are not lions, but we have evolved sex-selection behaviors that will connect the trait we find appealing with superior genes. We are not above evolution. Why do you think guys always say women want to know what they have? Because we do-we want mates with resources. Why do you think we are attracted to bad boys and nice boys finish last? Because we like assertiveness.

    Sure you can swim against that tide. We're higher order animals who can go against our programming (we don't war on strangers, for example), but I'm good with this world view.

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2009
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    Area 51
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TickleFight View Post
    You sound single.
    Well, that wasn't very nice. I'm with Paula, but that's me, not everyone is alike, it's what makes the world go 'round.
    I LOVE my Chickens!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Oct. 29, 2007
    Location
    TN
    Posts
    1,869

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    I had a huuge crush on my co-worker, and by co-worker I meant we were in the field together ~5 hrs/day! I finally screwed up my courage and told him how I felt, he turned me down but was very nice about it and said he respected my guts So no it doesn't always turn out how you want it to, but it was a weight off my chest to have said it! Knowing myself, I would have greatly regretted it if I'd never told him.
    "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." ~John Wooden

    Phoenix Animal Rescue



  19. #19
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    Feb. 24, 2011
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    500

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    Quote Originally Posted by paulaedwina View Post

    1. Yes I'm single and I am not sweating it.

    Paula
    Well that's good. As my grandmother says, "If you can't be happy by yourself, then who else are you going to be happy with?"



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
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    I waited until an opportune moment and flirted like mad with him. We're still married. As it turned out he liked me but sent really lousy signals. I thought he was just being friendly - ha!!

    I think we women over think this. I wanted like a blazing red sign, but he was equally afraid of being rejected.



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