I am sorry for your loss. You are a good owner and you did the right thing. She never had to live a crappy life of abuse or pain, because you made sure she never had to. I admire your ability to do so.
Please take her tail and stash it away, I know you may want it someday.
I agree that we have been sterilized to death and bodies in general. It certainly is different with our own animals. At work I have no problem helping people say goodbye to their pets, handling the aftercare, giving a pat and saying goodbye myself. But I tend to freak out when it is my own. When I lost my boy a few months ago, I threw a fit and made sure he was put down in his stall where he lived. The truck came the next morning and my DH took care of feeding the other horses so I didn't have to go out there. He put everything back how it was, as if nothing ever happened, before I went back up to be with my other horses. I don't think I could have handled it. However, I did have him cremated and he is on my dresser. I know some people find that odd, but I feel comfort in having him here with me.
I'm so sorry that it;s so hard. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life as I did when I put my gelding down. And I will still cry when I think about him. I don't know when that goes away.
When we had to put a pony down unexpectedly, her body was in her stall for 3 days. There was something healing about that - I can't explain it. I had to do chores and feed the others, and even had a farrier appointment with her in there. When the backho finally arrived I felt like she would have been glad to get out of the stall. Weird, but yeah, we all get closure in our own way.
Pretty sure I just heard the truck come get her, so I need to go out and clean up. Cried when I thought of her leaving which is stupid as I felt at peace with it all weekend.
it has been strange to go out with carrots and not have her eager face out there, but overall a huge relief to not worry about her "moments".
I think I was worried I would feel as I did when my TB mare was put down...she was in a horrid state and I think the vet only beat natural causes by minutes. I felt horrid guilt and anguish for months after she died. I found however, that as much as I miss my red mare, I don't feel the guilt I thought I would. Instead I feel we are both at peace.
It is an unselfish act of loving kindness....not playing God.
Laurie's words are correct. I never fell,selfish mean hard hearted or God like. I love my animals and while he pain is mental it it still distressful for her on some level.
I hope you have a supportive Vet and friends to be with during this time .
I know how hard it is to be the one that decides....... I have two in what mpv calls "the Gray Zone"...
I have been thinking too of this "playing God stuff"....
Originally Posted by mvp
To answer your God question, OP:
If you hold the means to euthanize your animal and don't you are still playing God.
A lot of suffering happens in this world in the name of people "not playing God" by actually taking a life. Meh. To me, that's a flimsy argument since logically, we don't know very much about how God's mind works and because while we are debating the subject, we are still making a decision.
As the keepers of our animals it becomes our responsibility. For example, if our horses were "in the wild" if they were lame, broke their neck or lacked self preservation, they would be eaten by a lion, not been able to survive the neck break or the lack of self preservation may have fallen off a cliff.
I of course try to think this but it doesn't make it any easier when you love them so much....
Take care - - be kind to yourself!!!!
"The horse should pay attention to two things only: the rider’s aids and his own self-preservation at the jump—not the environment. ~ GM
Kindness or safety motivated euthanasia is something that needs to happen more often. When people have a horse or other pets whose problems can't be solved it is most often kinder to euthanise than sell on or give away. I have done this for a mare who had become dangerous...it is likely that the problems were unique to my place but the fact is she was clearly dangerous and to try to move her on hoping she would be better someplace else was ducking responsiblity. I checked with the person who gave her to me and we both agreed that she was better euthanized than pinging around the area hoping to find safe landing places. I now have a melanoma mare whose tumors are in bad places and will have a much shorter life because of them and when her tumors can't be managed I will euthanize her. Another mare who is unsound to work will be euthanized if I can no longer keep her in a happy life. I have been the last home for horses with behavior issues require a high level of ability to ride. These are often sensitive horses who have trouble adjusting to new situations and for others who may require complicated care. I have to step up and make their final arrangements instead of fauning them off on someone else so I can live guilt free. I feel much better knowing their last moments were fear free and they were happy even if their lives were shorter. I DO talk these decisions over with others I respect as I want to make sure I have considered all the options. Take care...this, a good death, is part of a good life. PatO