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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2011
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    586

    Default people who have gotten married and had kids late in life

    so i know there have been threads about this but i thought i would get some new pespective.
    i am 31, single, no prospects, no kids. im not really into the bar scene and the industry i work in isnt exactly crawling with eligible bachelors (or ones i would want to date).
    ive always really wanted to get married and have a family but sometimes i think its never going to happen.
    so who has experience with this and is in the same boat?



  2. #2
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    Jun. 12, 2009
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    Well I don't really have experience with this per se and I am not in the same boat, but, my parents had me when they were both 35. I think it helped because my parents were so much more mature than a lot of my friends. They had grown up and they knew what they wanted. They were SO ready for kids when they had me. So, the way I see it, there's hope for you, don't give up just yet!
    "Be the change you want to see in the world."
    ~Mahatma Gandhi



  3. #3
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    Aug. 15, 2008
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    I did. Married at 38 and baby right before 40.

    Stay patient. It'll happen.

    I just wasn't going to settle for less than the right person. SO glad I stood firm on that.
    "Aye God, Woodrow..."


    6 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
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    Nov. 15, 2005
    Location
    NY
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    Default

    I had my son when I was 36. DH and I met when we were older, in our careers, etc. Getting married when you're older is hard, IMO

    My son is my only, because I had pre-eclmapsia.
    It breaks my heart that he's an only and will someday me alone.

    DO NOT SETTLE!!!



  5. #5
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    Mar. 30, 2011
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    586

    Default

    i also dont want to just settle just for anyone.
    im glad to read you guys have a happy family now


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
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    Oct. 9, 2000
    Location
    California
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    My SIL married my brother when she was 38 (he's younger) and she had her baby at 41. So it does happen - don't settle and do enjoy your life! Also, don't put pressure on yourself to "find" someone - when the time is right you'll find each other.
    My Mustang Adventures - Mac, my mustang | Annwylid D'Lite - my Cob filly

    "A horse's face always conveys clearly whether it is loved by its owner or simply used." - Anja Beran


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
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    Feb. 22, 2012
    Location
    MS Gulf Coast
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    I have a slightly different perspective/experience. I've been with my SO for 10 years now (since my senior year in college). I'm the same age as you, my SO is a year older. Done the long distance thing while we were both in grad school, then I was lucky enough to find a job where he was finishing up grad school (his program took longer than mine).

    I've been getting impatient to start the next phase of our lives, but I also realize that what's meant to happen will happen when the time is right. Patience is NOT one of my strong suits, but he's so laid back that its rubbed off on me.

    I want kids, and so does he. I'm ok with waiting a bit longer, but I also don't want to be like his sister-in-law who was 41 when she got pregnant. I don't want the stress that comes along with an older pregnancy. But just recently, I've been thinking that I like my life just how it is and that I would be ok if I never had kids.

    Sorry for the rambling. I hope my point comes across. And as Angela Freda said above, don't settle!



  8. #8
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    Feb. 7, 2005
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    Lancaster, PA
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    I'm 32 and in the same boat - although I'm pretty sure I don't want kids. I feel a slight possibility that could change if I meet the right person. Sometimes I do feel like it is hopeless - but I also consider the guys from the past that I didn't end up with, and in every case there's a reason why I'm glad it didn't work out.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
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    Nov. 15, 2005
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    NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by furlong47 View Post
    I also consider the guys from the past that I didn't end up with, and in every case there's a reason why I'm glad it didn't work out.
    Yes.

    And when you start [if you do this, as I did] comparing yourself to your friends who are married, do stop and ask yourself 'would I want to be married to her husband though?'
    My answer was not just 'no', but "HE!! NO!"

    I miss riding, enjoy that now while you can.
    I miss taking trips... do that too!
    I miss that dinner could be [and often was] a pint of Haggen Dasz while I laid around in sweats watching SVU marathons with no one to answer to!

    Soak it all up, cause your time will come too, and 10 years down the road you may be looking back missing some of the 'single' things too!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
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    Jan. 27, 2010
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    MD
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    Same boat,minus the wanting to have kids. I'm turning 30 this year, consider myself to be a pretty good catch and have no prospects. Just broke up with an idiot a few months ago that I *thought* was going to be the one but as time progressed, it became very evident that was not the case!

    I am just going to enjoy my time and being single for now. I agree - being patient is the key! I'm not going to settle down with any old loser, but I also would love some companionship one day!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
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    Mar. 30, 2011
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    586

    Default

    its funny though growing up all of my friends and i always thought i would be the first to get married and have a family. now im the last.
    its true though i look at some of my married friends and no way would i want to be married to their husbands.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
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    Oct. 15, 2001
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    Met husband at 32, married at 33, expecting our first at 35. Honestly, I don't consider it "later in life." Maybe because I've always lived in major coastal cities and worked in an industry where it is totally normal to hold off on marriage and kids until mid-late 30's or beyond. I've also seen so many friends who got married in their 20's subsequently have miserable divorces, so very glad to have missed out on that.

    I cannot even imagine having had kids in my 20's. I was so busy having fun, working, meeting interesting people, traveling and just figuring myself out. I feel I'm in a much better position financially and emotionally now to shepherd a small person through life.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
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    Jun. 24, 2005
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    594

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    I'm 32 and right there with ya. *Right now* I'm actually happiest being single and kid-free and I don't feel any urge to get married or have a family. But I strongly suspect that when I am 45 or 50 I will be really unhappy if I'm still single and kid-free. I don't have any extended family outside of my mom and dad, so if I don't create one for myself, then as I get older I will end up fully, truly alone, and that scares me. I could seriously see myself accidentally becoming one of those people in the news that keels over at 75 and the body, half-eaten by cats, is discovered four weeks later when the neighbors complain about a wierd smell.



  14. #14
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    Aug. 15, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by wanderlust View Post
    I cannot even imagine having had kids in my 20's. I was so busy having fun, working, meeting interesting people, traveling and just figuring myself out. I feel I'm in a much better position financially and emotionally now to shepherd a small person through life.
    Agree. I can't imagine having kids any earlier than I did. In addition to doing a lot of stuff I'm so glad I got a chance to do, I did a whole lot of growing up. Even if I'd managed to raise a child in my 20's, I certainly wouldn't have appreciated it, and most of the great stuff would have gone right over my head.

    It is interesting to have most of my newsfeed on FB filled with friends from high school talking about their kid's proms, graduations, and drivers licenses, and I'm asking questions about toddlers and car seats.

    When I told people I was pregnant, I joked with them that there was no use in trying to talk me out of it, I knew I was too young but going to do it anyway.
    "Aye God, Woodrow..."


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
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    Jan. 18, 2007
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    Heaven on Earth--Sonoma County, CA
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    I married young (24), but had kiddo late (37). I'm a much better parent as an older Mom than I would have been even at 30.

    But my sister is your age, and just got out of a long term relationship that was meant to be "the one". The breakup was bad bad bad, and my normally sunny sister is now in the place of. "Maybe some of us never get to have the storybook, the husband and family. Maybe we never get to be happy." Which kills me.

    But I'll carry the Pollyanna flag and say everything happens for a reason, and the right one is out there, and everybody can be happy.
    Phoenix Farm ~ Breeding-Training-Sales
    Eventing, Dressage, Young Horses
    www.phoenixsporthorses.com
    Check out my new blog: http://califcountrymom.blogspot.com



  16. #16
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    Oct. 12, 2009
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    College View
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    Default

    My advice? Don't wait too long, though. If you have an inkling that you might possibly want kids, don't wait until your late 30's to start. As you age, your fertility and possibilty of getting pregnant goes way down and your chance of having a child with a birth defect goes up, especially if you want your own biological child and don't want to use a donor egg, or if you want time to have more than one child. Anything over 35 is considered a high risk pregnancy. For every success story of someone having a baby over 40, I betcha there are 50 ladies that couldn't. Sure, with modern fertility treatments it is a lot more possible now than it was before, but it is still ridculously difficult. Plus, factor in being really tired raising a child at that age, the fact that you will have a kid in college/ getting married/ starting out when you are on your own last push to save for retirement, and my personal trial I am living now ... starting menopause with a preschooler in the house (wheeeeeeeeeeeee). Getting your career started and some ducks in a row and some dream vacations taken before you have kids? Very very smart. Waiting too long? It may not happen for you.



  17. #17
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    Mar. 6, 2002
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    Oregon
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoenixFarm View Post
    But my sister is your age, and just got out of a long term relationship that was meant to be "the one". The breakup was bad bad bad, and my normally sunny sister is now in the place of. "Maybe some of us never get to have the storybook, the husband and family. Maybe we never get to be happy." Which kills me.

    But I'll carry the Pollyanna flag and say everything happens for a reason, and the right one is out there, and everybody can be happy.
    I've had this conversation recently with a friend. He's feeling the urge to settle down and is having trouble finding "the one", or even just someone to date other than casually. He's a great guy, attractive, went into the Air Force 8 years ago and has plans to make it a career. He's successful, good with money and down to earth. He's truthfully one of the greatest friends I have and it makes me sad to see him this way, but the reality is that there are no guarantees about anything...you may find someone, or you may not. You may find "the one", only to discover that they aren't. But that doesn't mean you can't be happy within yourself, and accomplish greatness in other ways.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
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    Oct. 11, 2007
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    Andover, MA
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    Quote Originally Posted by Long Spot View Post
    It is interesting to have most of my newsfeed on FB filled with friends from high school talking about their kid's proms, graduations, and drivers licenses, and I'm asking questions about toddlers and car seats.
    Yes, I decided I was living in a different world when friends from high school started posting about their grandkids on FB... when they were in their early 40s! My high school wasn't in some backwater, either; it was a very high-performing magnet school where the vast majority of the graduates went on to college, many at Ivy Leagues, Seven Sisters, etc. A lot of the ones with grandkids are women who dropped out of college and got married and had kids right away.

    In my general crowd, marriage in the early to mid 30s and kids a few years after that (if one wants them) is the norm. My husband and I were both 38 when we got married. We don't have kids.

    My parents got married at 30 and I (the only bio-kid) was born just before my mom's 38th birthday. My husband, OTOH, has very young parents; his mom was 21 when he was born and his father was 25. His mom had just graduated from undergrad and his father had just gotten a Ph.D. His mom got a Ph.D. a few years later; his Dad stayed home and took care of my husband and his little sister.

    That being said, please do be aware that the risks associated with having children, infertility etc. DO increase markedly with age.
    You have to have experiences to gain experience.

    Proudly owned by Mythic Feronia, 1998 Morgan mare; G-dspeed Trump & Minnie; welcome 2014 Morgan filly MtnTop FlyWithMeJosephine



  19. #19
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    Sep. 24, 2004
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    Piedmont Triad, North Carolina
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    Oldster here... Kids late in life. Upside, we were emotionally mature, had a life direction, career established, stable family. Great for the children.

    Downside, Just got the first grandchild in the Autumn of our years.



  20. #20
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    Jun. 11, 2008
    Location
    Ontario
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    545

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    Quote Originally Posted by headsupheelsdown View Post
    Anything over 35 is considered a high risk pregnancy.
    Oh Dear Lord - thanks for that. While I would like to have children, I am still not on the single parent train of thought just yet...

    I will say that at 35, I feel like I am on the permanently single list... Looking back, their is not one relationship that I wish I was still in. Each has taught me something about myself and what I do and do not want.

    As each year passes, somethings about being single get easier and some get harder.
    Alison/Mikali Farms
    www.mikalifarms.com



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