You do realize that bailing on him supports his theory that people think he's crazy because he's bipolar, right? That should be a clue right there. Openly stating the belief that people don't think I'm crazy because of what I say, it's because they're prejudiced against people who are bipolar. Hmm. Refuse to admit responsibility for your actions much? I wonder if the girl who 'raped' him was someone he chatted up online (coming off as charming) and implied he wanted an intimate relationship. She shows up and destroys the fantasy scenario he has in his head with reality. Maybe triggering other psychoses to surface? But he's happy to declare he's much more experienced than she was. Yet she managed to pushed the envelope on him? Making demands he was uncomfortable doing?
And you want to give this guy a chance, why? Because he comes off as charming online? You know, they say Ted Bundy was charming too.
This it be all wot we want in life, wenn peoples dey loff us. ~ Willem
Well based on my online dating experience: Has he tried to have phone or text sex with you yet? Or asked you to his hot tub?
The funniest part of online dating was that there were guys I was talking with that texted me MONTHS after I removed my profile because I had met someone and was in a serious relationship. Like, lying in bed next to my beloved while random dude is texting me about how I am at 1 AM? Really??
I hear you saying that it's hard for you to find "good men", but honestly, as soon as I raised the bar (high. I raised it up very very high, be ruthless...) and started saying NO to inappropriate matches on dates, I felt stronger and therefore began attracting "good men". It sounds counterproductive, but it worked.
send some of their smart literate deer who can read road signs up here since ours are just run of the mill dumb ones who get splatted all over creation because they won't stay in the woods
I understand saying "run" because of this guy's willingness to overshare online, but to "run" because he was raped? WTF?
Can you imagine how we—mostly women—would be reacting if the story were the other way around, e.g., a woman who was raped (and sharing her experience) and guys telling each other not to date her because she might accuse someone else of rape?! That's just ridiculous!
The over sharing is really a turn off for me, especially with him being an attorney. You found this easily via Google, what does this say about how together he is? Clients could easily find this as well. That alone would make me question our potential for long term I think it shows very poor judgement.
She came over, they had consentual relations and then the next morning she initiated activities to which he says he felt pressured and obligated to perform, ergo, he felt he was sexually assulted. ??? To which my initial reaction is "Whatever happened to just saying 'No. This isn't right.' and be done with it." Now he's saying that his libido is shot and he has serious performance anxiety about being with any other woman.
I don't think that y'all are going to be the right match however, this statement really breaks my heart. It is very easy to imagine how someone could have consensual sex with someone and later be in a situation where they feel pressure to do something that is not comfortable. I think it is a darn shame that people have the attitude that it cannot happen to a guy. Since we have this mentality that guys always want sex regardless of circumstances, how can we create an environment where a guy can be forthright about his desire to not have sex without being seen as "weird" or "broken." He could have been in a situation where he regretted the previous nights activities but did not know how to remove himself from the situation without damaging his relationship with his friend. Our bodies and minds are closely connected and it does not seem far fetched that the interaction could have lasting implications on his libido or performance.
Okay, I'm going to go against the crowd here. I know, I know.
Bipolar, okay it IS hard to deal with. So, you have to decide if you can manage someone who can be unstable at times. (By no fault of their own.) I think him being open about it and willingness to take meds is HUGE. HUGE. Let me say that one more time IT IS HUGE. Bipolar people can be super tough to treat because of them thinking they have no illness and if they do admit it, a lot of them stop taking meds because "they feel better". So, I personally won't nail the guy to the wall the being open.
The rape thing. Maybe he felt that he didn't have the ability to say no. Maybe he did it because he was seeking acceptance even though he didn't want to. There's a whole list of things I can think of. What if he was a woman, what would the opinion be then?
Posting it online....well, maybe it was therapeutic for him. How many people here post about personal stuff? (I do.) Who knows. He had his reasons. I feel bad because if it happened to him, that's more baggage. I also feel bad because he says his "drive" is a no go now. A lot of that might have to do with meds. Maybe he's insecure about it.
I'm not saying to go out with him or not. But I am saying don't count him out strictly on those reasons.
I've worked both in a mental hospital and a law office. Both places had their fair share of "funny", "very witty" and "educated" (and yes...there were people with advanced degrees in both places). Don't let the fact that this guy is a lawyer lull you into any false sense of normalcy/security.
I think you've found out enough about this guy on the internet to warrant you running quickly the other way. I can't even understand why you're questioning it.
Can you imagine what is out there on this guy that you WEREN'T able to find easily on the internet???
I don't think he's necessarily WRONG about the situation (swap the genders and absolutely there are people who'd call it date rape--doesn't change because he's male so either it was assault or it wouldn't be if a man pressured a woman into 'performing' in the same situation) but run. He's way oversharing about mental illness and sex to total strangers.