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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2008
    Location
    Where The Snow Flies
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    2,745

    Default A Dating WWYD

    So, I'm casually doing the online dating thing. Not too serious about it because I live a fulfilling life in the real world. But the other day I was contacted by this guy who seemed from this profile a good fit. Outdoorsey, educated (he's a lawyer) and from his messages, very witty and funny.

    Now, I always do a little sleuthing on someone that I feel may progress into a meeting and what I found about this man is interesting. He's quite open about himself on Reddit.

    He has severe bipolar disorder. He takes meds but is often worried that he comes across as crazy to other people.

    Last month, he posted on a forum for Woman's Day about having been "raped" by a woman. From his story she was a friend of his that contacted him about doing a "friends with benefits" thing as she felt he could teach her some things because he was much more experienced in that arena. She was coming from out of town and was going to be staying with him at his home. She came over, they had consentual relations and then the next morning she initiated activities to which he says he felt pressured and obligated to perform, ergo, he felt he was sexually assulted. ??? To which my initial reaction is "Whatever happened to just saying 'No. This isn't right.' and be done with it." Now he's saying that his libido is shot and he has serious performance anxiety about being with any other woman.

    So, this was quite the other side to the guy that asked me out for this weekend. Based on knowing this, would you chance a meeting or duck out gracefully?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2011
    Location
    Dutchess county, NY
    Posts
    990

    Default

    Run away, run far far away


    35 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 3, 2007
    Location
    North-Central IL
    Posts
    5,833

    Default

    Run
    Quote Originally Posted by enjoytheride View Post
    That's got to be expensive, how much oil can you press out of a chipmunk?


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2004
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    8,431

    Default

    While I have several friends with mood disorders, and would never shy away from someone just because of that....

    ...you haven't even met this guy yet. And he's already posting online about "performance issues."

    Run away. Quickly.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    14,187

    Default

    Why would you not run away from this?

    A guy who is saying he was raped (not saying guys are not raped) after a meeting up with a FWB who traveled into town just for a hook up.
    Do you really want to find out the hard way if he will say you raped him?


    5 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2008
    Posts
    4,661

    Default

    Not with a ten foot pole.
    "Aye God, Woodrow..."


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2007
    Posts
    3,129

    Default

    Everyone has baggage, and it's up to you to decide whether or not that's baggage you want to deal with. Me, personally? I look at it like a horse that's either rank or not a good match - there are too many other nice ones out there to waste my time on one that might have "issues." In this case, I'd probably bail.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2011
    Location
    East Longmeadow, MA
    Posts
    3,834

    Default

    RUN AWAY. Seriously.
    What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr. 28, 2008
    Posts
    8,065

    Default

    Yeah, no. Avoid!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2008
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    Where The Snow Flies
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by trubandloki View Post
    Why would you not run away from this?
    I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and often do it at my own demise. This I know. What I found online is a complete 180 from the 1 on 1 interaction I've had with him thus far. The bi-polar thing doesn't bother me nearly as much as the rape thing but who knows what the whole story is on that.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2008
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    Where The Snow Flies
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by see u at x View Post
    Everyone has baggage, and it's up to you to decide whether or not that's baggage you want to deal with. Me, personally? I look at it like a horse that's either rank or not a good match - there are too many other nice ones out there to waste my time on one that might have "issues." In this case, I'd probably bail.

    This is a very good point and I love how you put it in a way that a horse girl can relate to! Thanks! My problem is I can't seem to find the nice two legged ones. I have no problem finding drool worthy horses. Men - not so much! LOL!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug. 18, 2011
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    297

    Default

    It's also telling to me that he posted about such personal things. On one hand, it's giving you a good heads up. On the other, it's letting you know that your own stuff could easily end up hashed over online.

    There are riders out there who will take a dirty spook or a nasty buck to get great performance in other areas. I'm not one of them.
    Horsey romances written by a horsey person
    www.JesseHayworth.com


    6 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2008
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    Where The Snow Flies
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jess h View Post
    It's also telling to me that he posted about such personal things. On one hand, it's giving you a good heads up. On the other, it's letting you know that your own stuff could easily end up hashed over online.
    And this is exactly why I posed the question - I get perspectives I hadn't thought about and this is one that hadn't crossed my mind.

    Thank you!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2007
    Posts
    3,129

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Snowflake View Post
    This is a very good point and I love how you put it in a way that a horse girl can relate to! Thanks! My problem is I can't seem to find the nice two legged ones. I have no problem finding drool worthy horses. Men - not so much! LOL!
    Oh, honey, believe me when I say that I understand! The stories I could tell you about the men I've dated!

    Hang in there, though. I know it's really hard and doesn't necessarily get easier as one gets older, but the right person will come along when he's meant to. Whether it's via online or whatever. I dated almost exclusively online for several years because I had such a difficult time meeting men "IRL." Finally, I met Mr. SeeU about 2.5 years ago through a mutual friend. He wasn't at all what I expected myself to end up with, and we have our ups and downs, but he's a good person and he makes me happy. If it happened for me, it will happen for you, too!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2007
    Location
    Napanee ON
    Posts
    5,027

    Default

    RUN......don't ever look back.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    10,371

    Default

    Don't even think about it. This guy is trouble, posts everything online, and if you think everything about you won't end up posted, then forget it. Of course, if you want to end up on Judge Judy someday, then this might be a good way to do it.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    4 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    In Jingle Town
    Posts
    34,811

    Default

    I am thinking your alarmbells are ringing loud enough to ask 20.000 strangers, I think you knew the answer all along....
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.
    GNU Terry Prachett


    4 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2004
    Location
    City of delusion in the state of total denial
    Posts
    8,899

    Default

    If you found this information easily, it tells you something about his boundaries.

    Make sure you're actually looking at the same Michael Jones before you run the other way... but run the other way.
    "I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm asleep."
    - Harry Dresden

    Horse Isle 2: Legend of the Esrohs LifeCycle Breeding and competition MMORPG


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    507

    Default

    No - just - no.

    I dated a guy for some years who early in our relationship I found a super nasty Live Journal exchange between he and an ex (an ex he supposedly got over because of me). At the time I chalked it up to SHE was batshit crazy.

    Fast forward 4 years, I'd dumped him due to the fact that he'd not worked in 3 of those years. He hacked my email and FB account and sent a crazy email to everyone on my facebook including work contacts. Turns out, maybe the girlfriend contributed, but he was the one who created it.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    5,369

    Default

    Go for it...if you want some crazy person in your life who will test your patience, challenge your sense of safety, AND put all your crap on the interweb for all to see.

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).


    1 members found this post helpful.

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