The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 13 of 16 FirstFirst ... 31112131415 ... LastLast
Results 241 to 260 of 301
  1. #241
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    Well - but I have those demands too. I'd deal with a client and coworkers over my kids any day in terms of the amount of stress. Truly! A client and coworkers you can walk away from. You can't do that with kids.

    And a client and coworkers are not in your house, making it impossible to even eat your soup because someone has taken all of the spoons

    It's hard because sometimes the kids don't care about consequences...They really don't. I had one that was completely impervious to negative consequences. Literally - every privilege of his was removed - bed and desk for a year. That DID NOT result in homework done. Psychologists were consulted, behavior modification tried, and the more we tried to fix it, the worse it got...

    As it turned out - this child has a personality that basically means that if it's not his idea, it isn't happening. And pressure made him worse. Maddening. In the end, he has finally decided that HE wants to go to college and is getting his GED to be able to do so.

    But man...oh man....

    So no - I don't think everyone could write the same example. Again - people around me who thought I was exaggerating, called me later apologizing....one friend looked me up and brought me 3 bottles of wine (she had a child years later) and said OMG, I did not realize what you were going through.

    But you know, your mileage may vary.



  2. #242
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    yeah, and who cares anyway? no one forced you to have them, it was your free choice. Up to you to make sure your choice doesn't negatively impact anyone else's life.
    And there it is. I was waiting to see how long that would take.

    Unreal.

    You're right - no one forced me to have them. But no one told the truth about how hard it was either. Because as a parent? You're not allowed to complain.

    I'll remember that the next time you're complaining about railbirds. After all, it's your choice to have a horse and ride it amongst other people.

    Incidentally - repeatedly I explained that it is not a good reason to be continually late and holding other people up. REPEATEDLY.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #243
    Join Date
    Feb. 15, 2007
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    655

    Default

    Every morning I go to work, I see the cars sitting at the end of their 30 - 40' driveways. As soon as the precious child is on the bus, the car backs up 30 or 40' and the parent gets out and goes into the house. The cars are running, as evidenced by the exhaust output/fumes - that alone just makes me cringe. Oftentimes I'll see a parent get out and have to have a few words with the bus driver - and they'll joyfully laugh and talk, all the while seemingly oblivious to the line of vehicles waiting on either side of the road.

    The thing I can't figure out is why the buses stop at every. single. house. When I was a kid, we had things called bus stops. There were multiple stops in the neighborhood, and we usually went to the one closest to our house. I can understand the multiple stops in the very rural areas of where I live (afterall, I'm sure there are liability issues these days - no sidewalks, street lights, etc). And, I can almost understand doing this for the very young kids (kindergarten, first grade). But the buses where I live do this for the high schoolers too! Every. single. driveway. in normal neighborhoods. I just can't believe that kids who are 14+ do not possess the ability to congregate in one area for the bus.
    “Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of Solitaire. It is a grand passion.” ~Emerson



  4. #244
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,541

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OneGrayPony View Post
    When they wet the bed or are stinky smelly teenagers, a nighttime bath doesn't work... sorry
    They are teenagers and have to be herded into the shower? Not in my mom's house. It's no skin off her nose... no cramp in her style if kid wants to go to school (to try to get dates) stinking.

    And with respect to CPS calling about a kid who was sent do bed without dinner? Stupid and annoying, but why is it more than that? If you are a parent and know you did the right thing, who gives a rat's be-hind if CPS calls? Tell your truth and move on. Let kid watch you doing it so that he learns that CPS doesn't intervene over trivial. Another training opportunity!
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    3 members found this post helpful.

  5. #245
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,541

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wendy View Post
    yeah, and who cares anyway? no one forced you to have them, it was your free choice. Up to you to make sure your choice doesn't negatively impact anyone else's life.
    Well, I wouldn't go that far. I'd also like the Childed side to stop thinking me so stupid that I can't fathom the chaos that is the childed life, as though they live in some 4th dimension, have a sense like sonar that defies explanation for those who have only our 5 senses.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  6. #246
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,541

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OneGrayPony View Post
    It's hard because sometimes the kids don't care about consequences...They really don't. I had one that was completely impervious to negative consequences. Literally - every privilege of his was removed - bed and desk for a year. That DID NOT result in homework done. Psychologists were consulted, behavior modification tried, and the more we tried to fix it, the worse it got...

    As it turned out - this child has a personality that basically means that if it's not his idea, it isn't happening. And pressure made him worse. Maddening. In the end, he has finally decided that HE wants to go to college and is getting his GED to be able to do so.
    Kiddo is just a tough colt. To me, this looks like the equivalent of teaching a horse to tie. It's easier and less risky if you do that before they weigh 1,000 pounds. But you have to be willing to set up a simple but stable situation in which *he* decides its a bad idea to keep pulling back. Let him make his neck sore and not get much else until he thinks pulling back is a bad idea.

    There is always a way to make the most self-centered beast discover that a win for him is compliance. Nothing wrong with using his desire to maximize his own pay-off to your own ends. It doesn't have to involve making him wrong, weak or shamed.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #247
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2006
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    1,369

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    Well, I wouldn't go that far. I'd also like the Childed side to stop thinking me so stupid that I can't fathom the chaos that is the childed life, as though they live in some 4th dimension, have a sense like sonar that defies explanation for those who have only our 5 senses.
    Actually, I think it was my appreciation for the chaos that is life with children that contributed to my deciding not to have them. Perhaps childfree people are more in-tune with this than some parents think.
    -Debbie / NH

    My Blog: http://deborahsulli.blogspot.com/


    4 members found this post helpful.

  8. #248
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2003
    Location
    Happily in Canada
    Posts
    4,606

    Default

    Anecdote which is apropos of nothing:

    Our neighbours had many foster children over the years, several of which they adopted. The last one was very difficult - he was approximately 10 years old. He would NOT get ready for the bus, he would not get there on time, he would repeatedly miss the bus by walking too slowly or going the long way etc.

    Finally the parents decided enough was enough. The child wanted to walk to long way? No problem. They made him walk all the way to the end of our country road, to either join the bus stop there, or be driven to school. It was roughly an hour to 90 minutes walk. One parent would drive the car slowly behind him all the way, every day, to make sure he did it (and for safety). Of course, they had to leave pretty early (90 minutes earlier than if he'd just gone to his regular bus stop) to do this.

    I think this went on for a month (maybe longer?), and you bet, the lesson was learned. Everyone on our road respected the parents for stepping up and dealing with the problem - at great time expense and commitment to themselves - probably others had not with this poor foster child.
    Blugal

    You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #249
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    11,263

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    ** And here's the cure, folks: My single working mom had the "get kids dressed, fed, packed for the day and in the car by 8 am or the whole day blows up" problem. My little sister-- maybe 6-7-- lollygagged. Mom "used her words," multiple times. Finally? Picks up my sister's stuff, her clothes and her buck naked and puts them all in the car. Sissy could dress on the way. Never happened again.
    Laugh. I like your mother.

    On the shower at night thing, I guess I missed something because I showered at night for the vast majority of my life. Even when I was a teen. Shrug.



  10. #250
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    On the shower at night thing, I guess I missed something because I showered at night for the vast majority of my life. Even when I was a teen. Shrug.
    You're not a boy, are you? LOL

    I STILL can't shower at night. TMI, perhaps, but I sweat like a pig and reek like I've worked out. No matter how much deodorant I put on. *sigh* (And I'm female...just have really sucky genes that way).

    They are teenagers and have to be herded into the shower? Not in my mom's house. It's no skin off her nose... no cramp in her style if kid wants to go to school (to try to get dates) stinking.
    Yea - I did that for awhile. Zero effect. I had to open the car windows when he was in the car. It was a lot of fun.

    And with respect to CPS calling about a kid who was sent do bed without dinner? Stupid and annoying, but why is it more than that? If you are a parent and know you did the right thing, who gives a rat's be-hind if CPS calls? Tell your truth and move on. Let kid watch you doing it so that he learns that CPS doesn't intervene over trivial. Another training opportunity!
    Every time they call, they document. People have lost their kids over less. It's lots of fun. They come into your house and make sure you're not abusive. Love the intrusion into my life. They don't just end with a phone call.

    I know, it sounds unlikely, but having been hauled into court over a kid skipping school, it's really something I'd rather not repeat.

    Kiddo is just a tough colt. To me, this looks like the equivalent of teaching a horse to tie. It's easier and less risky if you do that before they weigh 1,000 pounds. But you have to be willing to set up a simple but stable situation in which *he* decides its a bad idea to keep pulling back. Let him make his neck sore and not get much else until he thinks pulling back is a bad idea.
    He did. He almost died. It was great (please hear the sarcasm in my voice). It took both he and his friend almost dying before he woke up. And don't say I didn't try it when he was little. I did. He was unbreakable. Really.

    This isn't about me though, nor my children...

    And for the childless? When you stop giving me parenting advice, I'll stop assuming you don't know anything.

    It's like people who don't ride saying that you just sit there and the horse does all the work. Gah.

    Also - are you aware of the twin studies, referenced in the other thread?


    2 members found this post helpful.

  11. #251
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    Incidentally, I've also made my children walk home, fail, all sorts of things. That doesn't make it any easier, and it does not always change behavior.

    My mom once made me cut the grass with a pair of hedge clippers because I was complaining. It didn't change my behavior of complaining - but man, I remembered it that way for a long time.



  12. #252
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    4,064

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wendy View Post
    yeah, and who cares anyway? no one forced you to have them, it was your free choice. Up to you to make sure your choice doesn't negatively impact anyone else's life.
    OMG.

    So sorry that a school bus may have had a negative impact on your life. I'm sure the extra five minutes you have to wait here and there for a child to walk to the school bus has significantly altered the course of your life.

    I hope you practice what you preach -- none of YOUR choices will ever negatively impact anyone either. Good luck.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  13. #253
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    15,627

    Default

    My daughter went to school in her pajamas with her uniform in a bag. Once. It only took once.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #254
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    The difference is that your daughter cares, Laura. Different strokes for different folks. I tried that and my son had the rest of his class wearing PJs the rest of the week. This happened routinely with my eldest. *sigh*

    I've managed to raise 3 kids who don't care about what their peers think...which will serve them in the long run, just made them very difficult in the middle!

    Again - not complaining really, love my kids. Just wish people would understand that it's not a one size fits all solution.

    And AGAIN - I have never made anyone late for anything. The bus doesn't even stop at our house. I was only reacting to the person without children who said that it was easy.



  15. #255
    Join Date
    Dec. 5, 2001
    Location
    virginia
    Posts
    3,247

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    Well, I wouldn't go that far. I'd also like the Childed side to stop thinking me so stupid that I can't fathom the chaos that is the childed life, as though they live in some 4th dimension, have a sense like sonar that defies explanation for those who have only our 5 senses.
    I don't think you are stupid MVP, or anyone else. But when the childless adults ask questions that are common knowledge to parents (ie why do rural kids have to get picked up at their driveway and not a bus stop) and then go on an 11 page rant... well it gets a little tiring.

    I agree driving a kid to end of drive is nuts, walk that sucker out or watch him/her walk out and give them an umbrella when its raining. When its raining sideways and or snowing freezing I am all for sitting in a warm dry car. I agree its damn rude to make the bus wait. They don't wait in my part of the world. But I am always amazed at the anti kid vitrol that this BB goes on and on every Off Topic Day.

    For the county in my area I went online and found this:
    School Bus Stops:

    Be at the bus stop five minutes before scheduled time with school supplies in backpack.

    Stops are established in the following manner:

    Bus stops are assigned so that elementary students walk no more than 0.3 miles and middle/high students walk no more than 0.5 miles.
    Rural area stops will be located at the driveway of the student's residence. In accordance with state and local policies, whenever and wherever possible, students will be picked up and dropped off on the same side of the road on which they reside. Every effort will be made to preclude the need for a student to have to cross the road going to or from his or her bus.

    Kids get picked up at the end of the road in rural routes b/c that's the local rules. Prob due to safety. I accompany my child to and from the bus stop b/c that's the rules. The bus driver is forbidden to allow my child off of the bus if A parent or other pre-arranged adult is not there standing at the stop.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #256
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,541

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    OMG.

    So sorry that a school bus may have had a negative impact on your life. I'm sure the extra five minutes you have to wait here and there for a child to walk to the school bus has significantly altered the course of your life.

    I hope you practice what you preach -- none of YOUR choices will ever negatively impact anyone either. Good luck.
    But it isn't 5 minutes. It's 5 minutes for every kid, so many more for the person driving behind the bus.

    That's the essence of the problem. One person, not considering others, says "It's 5 minutes. get some generosity." The other guy is worried about the 30 families who want their 5 minutes... in succession because in each case, it's still just 5 minutes. It's the curse of the school bus!
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #257
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2006
    Location
    GA
    Posts
    2,304

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by headsupheelsdown View Post
    I am sorry, I just need to go off tangent here for a second and be aghast that school buses are picking up little kids at 6:30 a.m???? That seems ungodly early, are they spending an hour on the bus each way? Sounds like the district needs to get a few more buses in service. I suppose that would be great for parents that start work at 7 or 7:30, but holy cow. Out of curiosity... how long does the average kid spend on the bus each day? I drive my son to school currently because he actually attends a daycare/pre-school on the university campus where I work and it just so happens that the school he will start kindergarten in in the fall is literally right on my commute in to work, so I will just drop him off into an early drop-off program there (he can be dropped off half an hour early for $1.50/day. There is also an after school program, he can stay at the school until 5:30 for an extra $11/day... so $12.50/day if you use both).
    Currently, I live 2.5 miles from my youngest daughter's high school. If she catches the bus in the morning, it runs at 6:45. She gets to school at 8:05. This is due to the long circuitous route that takes her all the way across 2 county lines (due to the way the lines run through here). Since my dh and I both can go right past there on the way to work, we drop her off. She gets out of school at 3:50 and gets home about 4:30-not too terrible, but given the particular neighborhood we live in where there are some serious n'er do wells, I worry. She is 16, but I still worry.
    A parent is allowed-nay expected-to worry about her child. We want them to be healthy and safe, and well rounded and have experiences, but at the end of the day, we want them home in one piece.
    http://community.webshots.com/album/548368465RfewoU[/url]

    She may not have changed the stars from their courses, but she loved a good man, and she rode good horses….author unknown



  18. #258
    Join Date
    Dec. 5, 2001
    Location
    virginia
    Posts
    3,247

    Default

    MVP, It's PITA for sure but think of how many times a racy little sports car (or mom in a mini-van, or guy in his suv etc etc) cursed to be stuck behind your (ok MY) slow moving horse trailer. I do drive slow on curvy back country roads so my Precious in the trailer has a safe ride.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #259
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    Well, I wouldn't go that far. I'd also like the Childed side to stop thinking me so stupid that I can't fathom the chaos that is the childed life, as though they live in some 4th dimension, have a sense like sonar that defies explanation for those who have only our 5 senses.
    I don't think you're stupid either. I don't think it's a sense like sonar either. What I think is that it is an experience that the childless don't have.

    Similarly, I would not presume to tell someone with cancer what they should be doing about it or how they should be feeling, because I've never had cancer. I have zero clue of what that is like, and even stretching it to my hospitalizations would be pushing it. I can empathize, but I CANNOT tell them how to do it, even though I've had relatives and friends with cancer. It is their experience, not mine.

    It's not a matter of intelligence, oh no.



  20. #260
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,541

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by NRB View Post
    MVP, It's PITA for sure but think of how many times a racy little sports car (or mom in a mini-van, or guy in his suv etc etc) cursed to be stuck behind your (ok MY) slow moving horse trailer. I do drive slow on curvy back country roads so my Precious in the trailer has a safe ride.
    Heh. I have been that PITA horse trailer driver, too. But I'm not making them endure my self-centered granny driving (which it is) every day. With any luck, I'm not one of the many these other drivers might have to deal with.... every.dang.day!
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 0
    Last Post: Oct. 10, 2012, 12:30 PM
  2. Replies: 71
    Last Post: Sep. 11, 2011, 04:21 PM
  3. Driveway
    By MsM in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Jul. 2, 2011, 10:27 AM
  4. Spinoff: Kids driving with kids
    By heatherny2 in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: Nov. 26, 2010, 12:21 PM
  5. Driveway Bell
    By the_other_mother in forum Around The Farm
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: Aug. 7, 2010, 11:12 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness