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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by supershorty628 View Post
    [at my school, full-time status starts at 13 and goes to 20; you have to have all sorts of special permission to take more than 20].
    I had to apply each semester to the Provost's office to take my extra load. (Yet another form that had to be filled in completely, correctly, and on time, ye gawd.)

    My transcripts would come each semester with special typing on them because there wasn't space on the usual form, lol.



  2. #42
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    I was blamed in middle school by some of the other parents for "helping" with DD's dioramas until she built one in school. It was obvious then who was doing the building and it wasn't me.

    Her Latin teacher still has her model of the Roman bathhouses on display 15 years later. That's the one she built in school.

    I would proofread her papers if asked and I did help her with her foreign language vocabulary by quizzing her the night before a test.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant



  3. #43
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    Hell NO!

    Let me tell you something. I have a son with dyslexia. This is time consuming on mine and my husbands parts. I run my own business, he works 60 hours a week. We also have a four year old.

    My dyslexic 9 year old ( 3rd grade) does his homework EVERY single night. We sit with him and guide and help him EVERY single night. We certainly don't do it for him. How is he EVER going to learn to over come his learning challenges if I do his homework for him?

    What happened when my husband and I both worked afternoons and there was a baby sitter at the house 3-4 nights a week? We woke up EARLY in the morning to do his homework with him.

    It's part of being a parent. Your life does NOT supersede your child's education.

    Helping and guiding is one thing, doing your child's homework is hindering them from becoming successful productive members of society.

    Yet we ask what is wrong with today's children....


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  4. #44
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    For the record my children play outside with out me, have chores that are age appropriate, are expected to take care of their belongings and be self reliant ( according to age). I do not structure every moment of my children's lives. They can entertain themselves and play well and appropriately with other children. They are respectable when adults are around and if the interrupt me while I am speaking to someone else they are verbally reminded it's inappropriate and told to wait AND they listen when told to wait. There is nothing worse then a child who interrupts and the parent obliges them.

    I feel like this is all connected to the topic of homework. Self reliant children who know the feel of accomplishment are far more successful as adults.


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  5. #45
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    My mom is a creative genius and would enhance my projects for me. One year wer had to do a book report that looked like a pizza. And all the different parts of the book were on each slice. My mom made a clay pizza crust and used opaque hot glue to make the cheese. I had this beautiful pizza and crappy work and got a bad grade.

    The only time she took full control of one of my assignments was in 8th or 9th grade, I had to build a diorama of the white house. For whatever reason I waited til the night before to start and when she saw what I had made, she freaked, took complete control, and started recounstruction of the white house at 11:00 at night. She yelled at me the whole time. Her yelling at me for 2 hours was FAAAAAR worse than any grade I could have ever gotten. Lesson learned.


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  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by mojo7777 View Post
    I always helped my brilliant but fine-motor challenged son with things like coloring and clay molding when it was part of a big project. He tackled intellectual problems with gusto but would actually cry when asked to color or cut a straight line. The rest was up to him.
    I'm curious as to why you would do it for him. Since the point of homework is to PRACTICE and hopefully, gain knowledge or competency in a skill, wouldn't it be better for a kid to practice difficult tasks until he could handle it or at least get better at it rather than avoid it?

    If it were my kid, I would have encouraged him to do MORE coloring and fine motor tasks or practice any area where he needed to improve. The finished product doesn't have to be wonderful, it's practice!

    Were you trying to avoid the crying or do you think that fine motor coordination (and the accompanying exercise/enhancement of brain function) is not worth the effort?




  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by meupatdoes View Post
    Yeah, exept we were all kids too, and some of us still got our stuff done even if our parents had busy schedules.
    And nothing has changed in the last 30 years? Right? (For example, homework assigned at school and number of hours worked by parents?)

    I can distinctly recall NOT having homework before 5th grade, yet had kids in 1st and 4th grade with homework in multiple subjects every night.

    I also recall that my father (a teacher) was home by 3:30 and my mom (a secretary) was home by 5:15. Lots of parenting time left. How many people do you know that get home from work by 5:15 anymore? I never did when I worked. Most of the parents I know don't either (unless they don't work).

    Not all kids are great at school, either. If you were, then be thankful you didn't have to work harder. It's nice that you had such a great upbringing - with imported nannies and gourmet dinners. Too bad all kids aren't all as lucky.


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  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    And nothing has changed in the last 30 years? Right? (For example, homework assigned at school and number of hours worked by parents?)

    I can distinctly recall NOT having homework before 5th grade, yet had kids in 1st and 4th grade with homework in multiple subjects every night.

    I also recall that my father (a teacher) was home by 3:30 and my mom (a secretary) was home by 5:15. Lots of parenting time left. How many people do you know that get home from work by 5:15 anymore? I never did when I worked. Most of the parents I know don't either (unless they don't work).

    Not all kids are great at school, either. If you were, then be thankful you didn't have to work harder. It's nice that you had such a great upbringing - with imported nannies and gourmet dinners. Too bad all kids aren't all as lucky.
    My father was a physician and my mother was an editor.
    Neither got home from work before 6:30pm, but it was usually more like 7pm.
    Our family breakfasts were at 7am because they would leave the house by 7:30.

    We had gourmet dinners (otherwise known as "meals featuring lean meats and several vegetables none of which came out of a box") because my mother cooked them. After she got home from work.

    Meanwhile, they were still able to parent. My father taught me to read before I entered Kindergarten. Granted, we spoke German at home so I didn't actually speak English when I entered Kindergarten, but I did know how to read.



  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by meupatdoes View Post
    My father was a physician and my mother was an editor.
    Neither got home from work before 6:30pm, but it was usually more like 7pm.

    We had gourmet dinners because my mother cooked them. After she got home from work.
    Yeah, I got that. Just not sure how describing your childhood gourmet meals and imported nannies has any bearing on the topic except to point out that you were economically and educationally advantaged.

    Just because your nannies didn't help you with your homework, doesn't mean they weren't helping to supervise that you did it. Not all kids have that, nor are their parents educated and intelligent.


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  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by lcw579 View Post
    Never. Told the little darlings I had already graduated and had no intention of repeating any grades. Would help explain something when asked but I never even checked their homework. From day one homework was always their responsibility start to finish.
    That is my philosophy. I provide all the materials she needs, will offer consultation if asked, otherwise it is her responsibility. I don't check to see if she has homework or to see if she's done it. I never have done that. She is responsible for knowing what she has to do and for getting it done. I have expectations as far as her grades go and there are consequences if she doesn't meet those expectations. When she was in grade school and we had the dreaded "projects", she was responsible for those too. It always ticked me off at Parents' Day when the projects were on display, that you could absolutely tell which projects were completely done by the parents. At least DD's projects looked like the majority of work was done by her.



  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    Yeah, I got that. Just not sure how describing your childhood gourmet meals and imported nannies has any bearing on the topic except to point out that you were economically and educationally advantaged.

    Just because your nannies didn't help you with your homework, doesn't mean they weren't helping to supervise that you did it. Not all kids have that, nor are their parents educated and intelligent.
    So, if my parents were neither educated nor intelligent they would have just done my homework for me, then?

    I mean, I get that not all kids have decent parents. It sucks.
    But I'm not seeing how doing your kid's homework for them is some socio-economic plight of the uneducated.

    Actually doing your own work is not elitist.



  12. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by fatappy View Post
    The only time she took full control of one of my assignments was in 8th or 9th grade, I had to build a diorama of the white house. For whatever reason I waited til the night before to start and when she saw what I had made, she freaked, took complete control, and started recounstruction of the white house at 11:00 at night. She yelled at me the whole time. Her yelling at me for 2 hours was FAAAAAR worse than any grade I could have ever gotten. Lesson learned.
    My mom might have yelled at me AND let me turn in my POS. But she would have been correct to know that my POS did not reflect upon her.
    The armchair saddler
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  13. #53
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    This is baffling to me.

    My parents would provide support by operating heavy or sharp equipment if I needed it for a project. They'd drive me to the library and help me make photocopies from books I selected myself for my reports. They were there to listen and be a sounding board if I needed to brainstorm or talk through something. They would proofread, but only in addition to my doing it myself. If I hit a point where i was struggling with a concept in math, they'd play the teacher role and show me how to solve a *similar* problem, but I'd still be doing the actual assignment myself. They helped me learn HOW to learn and HOW to work, but never did the learning for me, nor the work.

    My parents both worked full time, intense jobs but they were always 100% up to date on what my educational life was like, plus they gave me assignments during the summer to supplement my traditional schooling.

    Also, there was none of this "no more than X" minutes stuff. The assignment was the assignment was the assignment, and I was expected to complete it no matter how long it took me or how hard it was to do or whether I considered it "busywork."

    No exceptions, no leniency. And I'm grateful for that.

    25 years later, my boss has a similar philosophy.
    Last edited by suzier444; Apr. 2, 2013 at 05:48 PM. Reason: edited because helping with "busywork" confuses me more than helping with harder work.


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  14. #54
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    On the 10 minutes per grade of homework per night...I wish. My first grader has at least 16 minutes per night that must be done with another person.
    Then, there's the rest of it.

    It can take nigh on an hour to get everything finished. Depends on if he has already done some in his after school program, what time we start, how cranky every one is, the concepts, etc.

    And no, we don't do it for him. But, he cannot be left to do it for himself, alone. He must be supervised. I don't know when/if this will ever change.
    ~ Horse Box Lovers Clique ~



  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    Yeah, I got that. Just not sure how describing your childhood gourmet meals and imported nannies has any bearing on the topic except to point out that you were economically and educationally advantaged.

    Just because your nannies didn't help you with your homework, doesn't mean they weren't helping to supervise that you did it. Not all kids have that, nor are their parents educated and intelligent.
    FWIW, I didn't have the advantages meupatdoes did as a kid. But with a single working mom, the values and schedule looked pretty similar.

    I can't imagine my mom helping me blow off homework so that she could have family time. I think she would have been pissed at me for not having gotten my work done so that we could all do something together. But mainly, it was Education First. I'm deeply grateful for a family that thought school was important-- it was something I did myself that they backed up. That was the perfect combination for building my self-esteem and work ethic.

    I don't understand your other point: "Not all parents are educated or intelligent." If that's true, then these aren't the people doing kiddo's homework, right?

    FWIW, I lived with a family that didn't do education thoroughly. They were even a little defensive about their not having many college graduates in their ranks. But they were bright and caring people.

    Nevertheless, when 13-year-old mismanaged time and hadn't finished her homework by bedtime, mom wanted her to go to bed and endure teacher scolding for incomplete homework the next day. In my family, the punishment would have been being tired the next day; you met your school obligations first and if you didn't like how that went then you were free to manage your time better next time To me, the mom in this other family undermined the value of school right there.
    The armchair saddler
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    2 members found this post helpful.

  16. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by meupatdoes View Post
    So, if my parents were neither educated nor intelligent they would have just done my homework for me, then?

    I mean, I get that not all kids have decent parents. It sucks.
    But I'm not seeing how doing your kid's homework for them is some socio-economic plight of the uneducated.

    Actually doing your own work is not elitist.
    No, my point is that it's difficult to read someone who is not a parent, and who obviously had many advantages in life give out "parenting advice" or otherwise chastising kids/parents who may not have the same advantages.

    I don't think anyone should help their kids with homework - but I can understand why even GOOD parents might do so -- because by the time they get home from work and have that miraculous dinner together, there isn't always much time left to help and/or check homework before it's time to get lunches packed, kids in the bathtub and pjs and in bed at a reasonable time of night. (And god forbid, any kid has an activity, or the car needs maintenance, or grocery shopping needs to be done...you know....life.)

    I have never done my kids' homework for them, but I did take it away from them on more than one occasion and send it back with a note explaining why I was not going to make them finish it (unrealistic time expectation, unclear instructions, etc.) I can see why another parent might just finish it instead.

    It's very easy to sit on the sidelines and give out advice - but until you've actually been the parent with the kid who has homework....it's not always as simple as it sounds. Certainly my sympathies weren't increased by reading that your imported nanny didn't help you with your homework either.


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  17. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    No, my point is that it's difficult to read someone who is not a parent, and who obviously had many advantages in life give out "parenting advice" or otherwise chastising kids/parents who may not have the same advantages.
    Again, why are you conflating "advantages" with people doing their kids' homework for them? I can to some extent see you having a problem with someone who is not a parent in today's world talking about their personal experiences on the being-the-kid end of things twenty years ago, since maybe things are different now and homework has become an unbearable burden in the meanwhile, but what REALLY do any of the "advantages" have to do with it?

    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    It's very easy to sit on the sidelines and give out advice - but until you've actually been the parent with the kid who has homework....it's not always as simple as it sounds. Certainly my sympathies weren't increased by reading that your imported nanny didn't help you with your homework either.
    So, I guess saying "My parents never helped me with my homework," would have been fine, but "the nanny that took care of me while both my parents were at work also never helped me with my homework while my parents were working" somehow changes the whole validity of the story.

    Still wondering why this is the deal breaker for you.


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  18. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calvincrowe View Post
    I have news for parents: Teachers can tell when you do your kid's homework, especially projects....
    Well, my "genius" teachers sure didn't. So much for being super sleuths...bwahahhahaha!
    I LOVE my Chickens!



  19. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by meupatdoes View Post
    Again, why are you conflating "advantages" with people doing their kids' homework for them? ... but what REALLY do any of the "advantages" have to do with it?
    Two of the biggest indicators for success in school are educational levels achieved by the parents and socioeconomic status. So for you to say that "it wasn't that hard" for you to get all your work done every day after school without help doesn't mean that applies to most kids/most families.

    Kids who don't have educated parents that make upper level income are far less likely to have the same level of success in school. If you actually had parenting experience to throw in as well, then maybe I could find your posts to be somewhat more relevant, but to me they read "I turned out great. It can't be that hard."

    Sort of reminds me of when we got our first, very well-behaved puppy. He was unusually good, and in retrospect (after two more puppies) it is easy to see that he was an anomaly. But yet we still thought other dog owners with bad puppies were slackers. Ha. Sucks when you find out first hand that it's not always as easy as you thought it was.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  20. #60
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    All the people saying they have to do their kid's homework because kid doesn't get it: Haven't you ever talked to the teacher about it? I mean, if my kid kept coming home with homework in the same subject(s) and claimed they didn't understand how to do it I'd politely call/e-mail the teacher and explain that and ask for some help.

    I'm pretty sure most of my kids do all of their own homework. I have one boy who has had someone else do his math homework on multiple occasions this semester... and obviously so. Believe it or not folks, your kid's teachers can recognize their handwriting and will notice when someone else has written the answers. That's flat out cheating if a good reason is not provided. I had to tell me kids that helping does not mean do it for you. Several of them seemed to have that attitude that if they asked me to help them with something in class that I would tell them the answer. Wrong-o. Does make me question what the parents do for them, but as long as the work is in their handwriting I can't do much else.

    And I do agree, some schools give way too much homework at the elementary level. But a math worksheet most nights, studying spelling words, and working on the weekly vocab/spelling packet that isn't due until Friday seems pretty appropriate for my fourth graders. Homework is only supposed to be a review of what was taught that day, never a "go teach yourself" moment. It's important for teachers to see if the students can execute the skills or regurgitate the knowledge independently.


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