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  1. #21
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    I always helped my brilliant but fine-motor challenged son with things like coloring and clay molding when it was part of a big project. He tackled intellectual problems with gusto but would actually cry when asked to color or cut a straight line. The rest was up to him.
    Mon Ogon (Mo) and Those Wer the Days (Derby)



  2. #22
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    I suppose you could say I have, I made myself read some of those Gawd awful English class standbys right when she was, like Lord of the Flies, and then we had some pretty lively discussions about the book, the British old boy network, and surfed a bunch of stuff on wikipedia, like Eton and the Raj. Same stuff I recall doing when I was in college and we had study groups. Did I type anything for her? Eff no, that's not fun at all.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  3. #23
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    I have news for parents: Teachers can tell when you do your kid's homework, especially projects. Your 7th grade boys DO NOT scrapbook, you do, so when his "family history book" looks like a girly masterpiece? Yeah, we know you did it. Much like plagiarized papers ripped off the internet, when you, mom or dad, "help" your kid write a paper, we can tell. Bad news, too, many of you are sucky writers. Don't be upset when you score below standard (C)! I'll help you with editing and suggested revisions .

    Honestly, helping with projects, papers and homework is one thing, but actually doing Little Johnny's work? Please, please don't. Unless you plan on doing it thru college and perhaps joining him/her at his job later...
    Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!


    12 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
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    Jul. 3, 2012
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    Seriously?>?

    what is the point? HW is supposed to help students learn the material. Besides teaching your child to cheat & lie, you are robbing her/him of the chance to actually learn something.

    Helping, proofreading, etc, is fine. Actually doing their homework is doing your kid no favors. When they get to my class in college, it will bite them in the butt when they can't form a sentence on their own & have no idea how to study.

    Good grief


    3 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
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    I am the oldest of three children and was very independent and self motivated when it came to school. My parents never did my homework for me and were the parents who were disgusted by other parents who did their kids' projects for them.

    My youngest sibling struggled with school. He is very smart, but has a lot of trouble focusing and has a different learning style. He had a tutor in high school who would help him with his homework. A couple times when I was home visiting from college, I would help him with his homework by teaching him the way to find the answers himself. He could figure it out, he just needed the right guidance, which he obviously wasn't getting from the teachers at school. He told my mother he preferred when I helped him with his homework because he learned how to do it himself. Apparently his "tutor" just gave him the answers and basically did it for him.

    My point being...parents may think they're helping their children by doing their homework for them, but I'm willing to bet it makes many kids feel defeated and stupid. You're showing them you don't think they're capable of doing the work themselves. There is a way to support children and assist them with their homework without just doing it all for them.
    "Last time I picked your feet, you broke my toe!"


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
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    Not a mom, but when I was in school, my mom did parts of my homework. She never did things like the math, science, etc; it was always the "ridiculous" assignments.

    For example, in 6th grade, we had an unit on Ancient China. The art project associated with that unit was to draw your own Chinese dragon. We were given very little time to do it in class (30 minutes) so it had to be finished at home. The requirements? The entire page had to be colored, no white space allowed. The paper was about 12x18 inches. I drew, outlined, and colored about 1/3 of the project when after 3 hours of coloring (after doing all my other work) my mom told me to go to bed, that she would finish it.

    I thank my mom for that. What a worthless project, making a 6th grader spend hours COLORING!!!



  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calvincrowe View Post
    .... when you, mom or dad, "help" your kid write a paper, we can tell. Bad news, too, many of you are sucky writers. Don't be upset when you score below standard (C)!
    Oooh, that's gotta burn.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
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    Jun. 9, 2012
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    I had my mom sew something for me once...when I was a high schooler! lol. I just could NOT get the hang of it for the life of me, and she's well versed with sewing machines. I did try it by myself at first, and when I couldn't do it, asked for her help.

    There was one time when I was in middle school (I think 6th or 7th grade?) where I was having my dad help me on a hard homework assignment (not doing it himself, even he couldn't figure it out), it was tricky, so Dad wrote a note along the lines of "Can you please explain this/teach this in a different way to my daughter?" or something, and when I went to hand it to my teacher the next day at school, she rudely, loudly shouted, "I do not want to see your Dad's work!" Of course there WAS no work, because he hadn't been able to figure it out! That teacher screwed me up so badly in math, she had to completely re-teach me from the basics and I never liked her teaching methods again. I blame her for the reason why I'm so horrible at math. I was fine up until her classes.



  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    So glad you guys got some education! But seriously: Why did you guys do this? It sounds like work!
    Why did we do it? Well because all the projects were allowed parental help. Such as science projects, like making a weather station. But as I said she designed all the project, she is not the most mechanically inclined, so when it came down to securing the rain meter on the board, and installing the weather vain on top etc, yeah we helped.
    I was not a real big fan of the public school system anyways, so the best thing we ever did for her was pull her out and home school from 9th grade on. I didnt realize how held back she was until we did this. She is now a very successful adult that I am proud of. She is a hard worker and very highly thought of at her job. She is reliable dependable and a basically good person, walking around contributing to society. I dont think doing their homework for them makes for failure later on. Nor does it make a cheater, as she is a very good and honest competitor.



  10. #30
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    Help? Yes. Do? without any participation from the kid? Absolutely not.

    Our neighbor was the absolute worst about this. She literally did both kids' homework every night. I saw her at a concert once for the older kid, doing the math homework for the younger kid. She used to take dictation from her older kid over the phone for a paper - the kid told her what to write and that's what was produced. I think she was so hung up on the kids being perfect that she decided the best way was to do it herself.

    Oldest is now in school to be a physician's assistant. Hope mom still isn't doing her homework....



  11. #31
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    I never did / don't do it for my kids. Nor did my parents ever do it for me.

    My kids are perfectionists and have their pride, it seems, because they almost never ask / asked for help. Even when they were in grade school, I never did anything for them.
    I've seen plenty of those "dioramas" so obviously made by parents tho...what a shame. Way to teach your kids at a young age NOT to do their own work.
    When my oldest was in HS she routinely told me such and such friend had her mom/dad/whoever write her paper for him/her. *roll eyes*

    My husband and I can honestly say that both our kids achieve what they did on their own. One is in college and doing well (Dean's list yada yada), the other, still in HS, had pretty good PSAT scores I guess, because she is currently being courted by Yale, Dartmouth, West Point, Columbia...Too bad we don't have the first dollar to send her there....

    Helping is one thing, but doing homework for the kid, I just don't get. Actually, I think I do: often, helping takes a lot more patience, commitment and work than just doing it FOR the kid.
    Rant over.
    Ottbs - The finish line is only the beginning!



  12. #32
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    My parents did not help me with my homework. Are you kidding? It was my job to use my brain and figure it out. If I had questions this is what the teachers in school are for. Probably I should have gotten a head start while still in school so I could ask questions before going home. If stuff didn't get done I should have managed my time better and my grades suffered the consequences that I didn't use study hall time wisely.

    When I went to college I had no problems triple majoring and taking 6 or 7 classes a semester when the normal course load was four. I completed more than 5 years of credit in the usual four years, and still had a sale horse to make up on the side and watched law and order with my friends every night. I never pulled an all nighter in my life. Other students taking three classes would actually complain about how much work they had and pull all nighters. Some would spend two hours whining about their work load while we "studied", by which time I would be done preparing for class the next day and they would have accomplished a lot of qvetching.

    I could never understand what was so hard, probably because I learned early on to manage my time and take full responsibility for my work load. I bet the other kids who couldn't manage their time and whined when work hd to get done had parents who would just do their work for them or help so they wouldn't have to think too hard.

    PS I knew what an adverb was in second grade. Not an unreasonable expectation.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
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    Jul. 17, 2008
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    I am a 4th-6th grade special ed teacher and my kid's parents do their homework for them all the time. There is a huge disconnect in my school with the gen ed teachers understanding that my students are not capable of doing all of their homework in the same length of time it takes a gen ed student. My 6th grade team that I work with is always complaining that my students either 1. don't do their homework or 2. their parents do their homework for them. My response to them: you guys are idiots. haha

    We have a rule at my school of 10 minutes per grade level. SOOO my 6th graders should be getting NO MORE than an hour of homework a night. NOW what their gen ed teachers fail to understand is that an hour of hw for a gen ed kid is equal to 3 hours of struggling for my kids...only to have them turn it in, have it be all wrong, and then get yelled at by the teachers (and then the teachers yell at me that my kids are stupid and don't belong in their class).

    I have tried talking to them, but I am a 2nd year teacher and they are 27 and 28 years in so it gets me no where. In the end I just stay after school 3 nights a week and pretty much do their homework for them just so that none of us get yelled at. I guarantee a lot of parents are doing it for the same reason.
    I WAS a proud member of the *I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday* clique..but now I am 30!!!!!!!!!!!
    My new blog about my Finger Lakes Finest:
    She Ain't No Small Potato!



  14. #34
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    Feb. 14, 2003
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    You know, sitting here thinking about it, parents should read meup's response. I was like you, too, in that I never had to pull an all nighter, ever. I watch kids in class, diddly-farting around, "studying", etc. and listen to them say "oh, geez, I spent like 10 hours on this assignment" and it is such a load of crap. If something from school is taking you 10 hours, you are lying, my dear 8th grader. Hell, our 4 page research project shouldn't have taken you that long! Kids will find a way to stretch any work out until it is too late. Parents need to monitor, and teach their kids HOW to do "do" homework--as in, sit down, prioritize the work--which is hardest, which will take the longest, what (if any) materials will/do you need, do you have it all. I am constantly amazed when a parent says to me, "I always ask him if he has homework and he says no". And, with his 5 F grades in school, you believe him?! Argh! And, parents, the kids backpack is not sacrosanct--dig in! Open it up and have your kid tell you what's in there. If they can't tell you what each paper is and what class it's from, they are not paying attention in school. School isn't a mystery to kids-they spend all their time there, and have for years, and it doesn't change all that much from K-12. Have supplies, have your work/books/papers, sit down, shut up, listen, ask questions, participate--don't entertain too much, do what is asked during the time allotted, if you don't finish it, do it at home and return it. If that is too hard, talk to your teacher to find out what the disconnect is. Parents: be involved. Email is pure genius! We love to hear from you (well, the mom who has exchanged nearly 125 emails with me--you are pushing the limits of my tolerance for answering the same questions 40 times, but I love your willingness to communicate!). Please don't believe everything that comes out of Pooky's mouth. And, when they say I don't have any homework, check our on line grade book open to parents and students--good indicator if they are truthful about that or not. Oh, and parents? Read for comprehension-- I send home/post on line my rules/expectations/assignments/etc.
    Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35
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    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calvincrowe View Post
    You know, sitting here thinking about it, parents should read meup's response. I was like you, too, in that I never had to pull an all nighter, ever. I watch kids in class, diddly-farting around, "studying", etc. and listen to them say "oh, geez, I spent like 10 hours on this assignment" and it is such a load of crap. If something from school is taking you 10 hours, you are lying, my dear 8th grader. Hell, our 4 page research project shouldn't have taken you that long! Kids will find a way to stretch any work out until it is too late. Parents need to monitor, and teach their kids HOW to do "do" homework--as in, sit down, prioritize the work--which is hardest, which will take the longest, what (if any) materials will/do you need, do you have it all. I am constantly amazed when a parent says to me, "I always ask him if he has homework and he says no". And, with his 5 F grades in school, you believe him?! Argh! And, parents, the kids backpack is not sacrosanct--dig in! Open it up and have your kid tell you what's in there. If they can't tell you what each paper is and what class it's from, they are not paying attention in school. School isn't a mystery to kids-they spend all their time there, and have for years, and it doesn't change all that much from K-12. Have supplies, have your work/books/papers, sit down, shut up, listen, ask questions, participate--don't entertain too much, do what is asked during the time allotted, if you don't finish it, do it at home and return it. If that is too hard, talk to your teacher to find out what the disconnect is. Parents: be involved. Email is pure genius! We love to hear from you (well, the mom who has exchanged nearly 125 emails with me--you are pushing the limits of my tolerance for answering the same questions 40 times, but I love your willingness to communicate!). Please don't believe everything that comes out of Pooky's mouth. And, when they say I don't have any homework, check our on line grade book open to parents and students--good indicator if they are truthful about that or not. Oh, and parents? Read for comprehension-- I send home/post on line my rules/expectations/assignments/etc.
    We had a little ripple one time, because I looked into one of the folders.
    As Barney said, 9 out of ten experts are in favor of butt nipping!

    Yes, thee is that ongoing low grades thing and the 'got no homework'

    ah, shucks, Honey, you lied through your teeth on that one many times before....now you have to proof you are telling the truth! Which basically means shut up and find something school related to study while I am madder than a wet hen...
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.
    GNU Terry Prachett



  16. #36
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    When my daughter was in 4th grade, she used to have a "monthly" project that there was no way a normal 4th grader could have done themselves. The project normally took about a total of 8-9 hours to complete. I was never a happy camper about it. I always wondered about the kids who had parents that wouldn't or couldn't help them out with the project. Have I ever sat down and just done her homework? No. I have sat down with her and taught her how to study, it's amazing how many kids have no idea how to actually study. I've also drilled into her that if she doesn't understand something she needs to ask the teacher until she does understand it. Now, in 8th grade- I ask if she has homework and usually she's already completed it in the study halls/flex times that she has thru the day.
    Kerri



  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calvincrowe View Post
    You know, sitting here thinking about it, parents should read meup's response.
    Well, from a selfish perspective, I hope they don't.

    When the other kids in college taking four classes collectively lobbied for paper extensions, I got them too. Because of other people's inability to get quality work done on time or refusal to do the work at all, I was able to excel comparatively simply by showing up to class, meeting deadlines, and occasionally doing the bare minimum of extra effort such as googling a reference in an article that half the rest of the class wouldn't have read in the first place. Quite honestly I could have worked harder and gone for the 4.0 instead of the 3.6 but by the time I was taking seven classes to other people's three or four I didn't feel like it and preferred to ride my horse in the afternoons, have a boyfriend, and close the books by 10pm.

    By the time I got to law school and restricted myself to the same courseload as everyone else (rather than double), I was attending class Monday through Wednesday and riding horses three states away the other four days a week. This at a school that had the third floor of the library off limits to lap tops because the people who essentially lived there found the sound of typing too distracting. My third year I studied abroad, worked on my required Master's Thesis half an hour a day, turned it in six months early to an astronomically high grade, and went home to ride horses while studying for the bar two hours a day.

    The fact that other people do not learn basic time management skills or develop the basic intellectual curiosity/discipline to explore concepts outside of being hand-held (omg, the teacher expects my child to learn this by themself outside of class??? They might be tested on stuff they have to read up on and figure out for themselves???!!!!)means that the people who do have those skills never have to work to full capacity, unless for some reason they feel like it. So I think parents shouldn't read my post. It has always made my life a lot easier that other people can't get suck it up and get their stuff done in a timely manner to any standard of quality.
    Last edited by meupatdoes; Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:41 AM.


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  18. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    Sorry for the grumpiness - but such an easy thing to say for someone without any kids.

    How about - mom and dad have lives too? Car needs maintenance, grocery shopping, preparing dinner, and maybe we want to spend time with our kids?

    We homeschool now, and one of the reasons is that the time demands on our kids were so unfair -- to us! We got no *time* with our kids except as the person who had to supervise homework (often unnecessary, poorly planned, or just plain stupid).

    I feel badly for parents who have no choice but to juggle their kids' school schedule, homework, any other activities they may want to engage in, and that precious hour or two a day in which parents get to enjoy actually having children.
    Yeah, exept we were all kids too, and some of us still got our stuff done even if our parents had busy schedules.

    My parents both worked. They had jobs that some nights they would come home together at 9pm. My nannies were always imported from Germany and thus English speaking homework help was not around.

    It was important to our family to eat sit down meals together. So, every morning there was sit down breakfast, and every evening there was sit down dinner, even if it waited until 9pm. My mother went to the New York restaurant school classes on her lunch breaks and is a bona fide gourmet chef so all meals were home cooked from scratch, real meals such as a pork loin/lamb chops/chicken/fish with gravy/sauce plus two or three vegetable sides and a dessert. On the late nights she would have prepared something ahead of time. Shockingly, the cars were also maintained with oil changes, the house was clean and they managed to purchase groceries on the weekends, as well as pursue their hobbies like gardening, flying, or hunting.

    In the current day and age it is considered a miracle to have a proper sit down meal with a set table and all family members present. But somehow, once again, this magic time-managing and prioritizing family of mine figured out a way when everyone else couldn't find the time. And the children had to magically figure out a way to still get their homework done around the daily family dining commitments. You know how my parents had the time to spend with me independent of supervising homework? Because by the time they came home my homework was already done and I was sitting on the couch with the dog reading a book, having set the table, waiting for dinner.

    Other parents sing the same sad song the other kids at my college and law school would sing about how they can't get it all dooooooonnnnneee. Funny, the parallels. Once again the families who have time management skills and prioritize seem to fit it all in without ever having to work to full capacity.
    Last edited by meupatdoes; Apr. 2, 2013 at 11:16 AM.


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  19. #39
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    Ditto to pretty much everything meupatdoes has said on this thread.

    I'm in my senior year of college and find it amazing how many people complain about how much work they have and how they never have time to sleep, etc., and are only taking 13 credits or something similar [at my school, full-time status starts at 13 and goes to 20; you have to have all sorts of special permission to take more than 20]. I'm taking 21 credits and maintaining a 4.0 GPA and my classes are not easy material - the easiest is probably physics II - and getting 7-8 hours of sleep at night.

    It takes prioritizing and time management for sure, but it's certainly do-able. I was expected to get everything done on time or early when I was growing up, and that's with missing a lot of school for horse shows.

    I wonder if the kids whose parents actually DO their homework for them are the same ones who leech off of others in group work situations...


    2 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40
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    while a lot of howling and whining does go on, eating up study time I still call BS on you, assuming that time management is all there is to it.

    Not everybody is that clever.
    Or - sorry teachers - the instructions to do homework is bad.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.
    GNU Terry Prachett


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