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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
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    Default If 50% of marriages end in divorce, how many started with the "forever" intention?

    I ask because this changes the meaning of that deplorable statistic.

    If everyone meant "till death do us part" and half or more of the people failed at that it sounds bad.

    But if only 60% of the people to get married meant "forever" and then bailed, that's not so bad or surprising.

    So which is it? And how do you know?
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  2. #2
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    Nov. 2, 2001
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    I hope that most meant forever when they mumbled the vows...
    But I guess some relationship can make a short time seem like forever...
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
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    Mar. 6, 2006
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    Canada
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    Default

    I generally don't start long term boyfriend relationships where I didn't mean "forever" at the beginning - I'm averaging about 4 years each - I broke up with 2 of them, and the current one is currently "uncertain".

    I think people go in with the best intentions, but we live in a disposeable culture where it is OK to quit when the going gets tough - and so we do.



  4. #4
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    Greeley, Colorado
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    My BF and I are going on 3 years with no intention of getting married for at least another 2-4 years. We want it to mean forever when we say those vows. This will be his 2nd marriage and my first. I want to do it right. I want it to be my only.
    **Friend of bar.ka**

    Fils Du Reverdy (Revy)- 1993 Selle Francais Gelding
    My equine soulmate



  5. #5
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    Jul. 31, 2007
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    Default

    Do you guys think that some people have a clear enough picture of marriage and themselves and divorce that they *don't* intend it to be "forever" and even think that makes no sense?

    I'm really not trying to bash a traditional understanding of marriage or defend it.

    I just want to know how we got to the divorce rate we did. It seems reasonable to me to think that the way marriages *start* is not what we expected.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  6. #6
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    Sep. 18, 2005
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    Default

    The stats are a little bit deceptive; 50% of all marriages end in divorce, but remember, many people are married and divorced multiple times, so they are counted two, three, five times whereas those who do get married once and stay married are only counted once.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
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    Mar. 4, 2010
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    1,763

    Default

    First of all, that statistic has generally been debunked. The true divorce rate in the US is about 33%. This article has a decent explanation of why the 50% is wrong. There are a number of other studies that have tried to estimate the actual divorce rate:

    http://digitalcitizen.ca/2009/06/02/...-or-one-third/

    However! Once this statistic got into the mainstream, it's justified all kinds of weird behavior, including the rather fatalistic idea that since 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, why even try that hard? It's implanted itself in peoples' minds and has been hard to dislodge.

    What's even more interesting is the divorce rate when the socioeconomic character of the marriage has been studied - the rate among college educated women, for example, is around 20%, compared to high school only women is above 50% (I think).

    Just thought you'd like to know.....it's not all doom and gloom for marriage.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
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    I know that in the case of my BF, his first wife pressured him into marriage while he was in the Marines. He was 20 and young and just married her to appease her. It only lasted 5 years, 3 of those he was either overseas or working over the road.
    **Friend of bar.ka**

    Fils Du Reverdy (Revy)- 1993 Selle Francais Gelding
    My equine soulmate



  9. #9
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    Sep. 18, 2005
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  10. #10
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    Dec. 31, 2009
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    Default

    Just throwing this out there but maybe it has to do with women not staying in a relationship that is horrible and getting out instead of staying married to avoid the social scrutiny and stigma then associated with being a divorcee.
    I LOVE my Chickens!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
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    Nov. 8, 2005
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    NC
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    Default

    I meant it unreservedly both times.
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein



  12. #12
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    Oct. 30, 2004
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    I had no idea what I was getting into at age 23... didn't really "believe" in marriage, came from a "broken home," and was generally very cynical. But I was in love and liked the idea of being married to this one man in particular... it's been 26+ years, and we're still married, and aren't sick of each other yet... Still, at the time I got married, I couldn't have formulated the idea of "forever"....

    THAT SAID, I think a lot of people get married for the sake of getting married -- or, worse yet, for the wedding. Which does not make for good odds, clearly...


    3 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
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    Sep. 13, 2000
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    Greenville, MI,
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    Default

    Not mine~ LOL
    "you can only ride the drama llama so hard before it decides to spit in your face." ?Caffeinated.



  14. #14
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    I meant "till death do us part" and "for better or worse" etc.

    However, when he turned emotionally and physically abusive to me and my son? See ya.
    I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right
    Violence doesn't end violence. It extends it. Break the cycle.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
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    Sep. 20, 2005
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    My wedding is in six weeks (yikes!). Yes, I 100% believe that we will be together forever. If I didn't, we wouldn't be walking down the aisle.

    We're lucky though - both of us come from intact families. I sometimes wonder how rare that might be...

    Personally, my belief on marriage is that it is forever, except in the case of abuse or infidelity. Nothing short of those things should end a marriage.

    But that's just me, and I probably have a rather idealistic view of the world.
    "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
    -George Morris


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
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    Mar. 22, 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by SaturdayNightLive View Post
    My wedding is in six weeks (yikes!). Yes, I 100% believe that we will be together forever. If I didn't, we wouldn't be walking down the aisle.

    We're lucky though - both of us come from intact families. I sometimes wonder how rare that might be...

    Personally, my belief on marriage is that it is forever, except in the case of abuse or infidelity. Nothing short of those things should end a marriage.

    But that's just me, and I probably have a rather idealistic view of the world.
    At least there are two of us!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
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    CA
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    Quote Originally Posted by HighFlyinBey++ View Post
    I meant "till death do us part" and "for better or worse" etc.

    However, when he turned emotionally and physically abusive to me and my son? See ya.
    Was it 100% out of the blue or in retrospect were there signs that he wasn't all that you thought he might be before you married?



  18. #18
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    Default

    I guess the core piece is that while each person is 100% responsible for their piece in any relationship, in any relationship one of the two partners be responsible or accountable for only 50% of what happens. Trying to do less than 50% is irresponsible. Trying to do more than 50% is a fool's errand and impossible. All we can do that may extend beyond our own fifty percent is to be patient and supportive and make sure that if it ultimately fails, it isn't because we were less than open-heartedly loving, kind and willing. That last is as much for our own equanimity going down the road feeling bad, as for our erstwhile life partner.
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
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    Oct. 12, 2001
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    Default

    unless you choose to raise children (in which case you're tied to the guy for life, and have a duty to offer a stable home until they are grown), why is it "good" to have a "lifelong" marriage? I personally think quality is far preferable to quantity- if you have six high-quality relationships in your life, you're better off than someone who has one lengthy but low-quality relationship. I don't think it's in the human nature to actually "mate for life"- most relationships tend to fall apart at 2 or 7 years after inception. Forcing them to continue longer past their natural expiration date causes a lot of grief.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
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    Dec. 11, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by BLBGP View Post
    Was it 100% out of the blue or in retrospect were there signs that he wasn't all that you thought he might be before you married?
    Aside from his mother telling me to blow him off if he got pissy and a huge, SCREAMING fight over what constituted "half" of a box of left-over pasta (to this day, I cringe when someone says "half") about a month before the wedding, no, there were no real signs until after we married.

    Then he started punching holes in the walls, kicking the pets, flipping furniture, throwing food and various other things (including sitting on my son and threatening to bash his head in with a hammer--didn't find out about that until last October). The physical stuff was NOT on a daily basis, but his words were.

    I stayed far too long trying to work things out with a man who refused to admit he had an problem with anger management and violent reactions. We deserved it, don't ya know.
    I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right
    Violence doesn't end violence. It extends it. Break the cycle.



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