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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Mar. 24, 2004
    Location
    Pottstown, PA (East Coventry)
    Posts
    2,996

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    Quote Originally Posted by LoriO View Post
    Did you make a police report yet? If the police have not been involved then they need to be brought in this ASAP. Once they are involved it will be harder for the school to sweep it under the rug.

    Oh and do NOT keep quiet about this! If you feel comfortable enough talking about it then do it. I can almost guarantee that you are not alone. If he was inappropriate with you, you can bet there is someone else at that school that he has also been out of line with. If they see one person with the courage to come forward then that may be just the nudge they need to come forward too.

    Good luck and kudos to you for standing up and doing the right thing!!!
    I second this. Unless as judge has issued the gag order there is no reason for you to not talk to anybody about it.
    Your school is hoping that if you don't talk about it, you will graduate and they can sweep it under the rug and forget all about it. They figure you will graduate and get distracted when you go to college.

    From your description of things you are not the first, you are not the only and if the school has their way you will not be the last. By reporting it to the police it may help prevent him from hopping to another school district and starting over somewhere else.
    There is absolutely no way that he should be allowed to continue to tutor unless the school has assigned a female monitor to be in the room with him at all times. And she had better have a spine of steel and be a battle ax so she doesn't get caught up by his charm.

    You should be proud of yourself. Sexual predators are masters at manipulating people, they are wonderful at profiling individuals that they can manipulate. He obviously underestimated you. You have nothing to be ashamed up. Regretfully healing and getting over what you have gone through will take time. You will have good days and bad days.

    Is there anyway you could finish out the year as a home school student or cyber student? Could the school make accommodations for you like they would for a student that suddenly could not finish out the school year due to an accident or major illness-such as send your assignments to your via computer?
    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community. (Tidy Rabbit)


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jul. 3, 2012
    Posts
    1,778

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    Do the things you used to do that you enjoyed.

    Sometimes we have to jump-start ourselves in a backwards sort of way. By doing the things you used to do that gave you comfort you will begin to find that comfort again. As that happens, in a way that time heals, you will distance yourself from this nightmare. It won't be like a switch going on or off. But after 6 months, you should find yourself being more of your old self.

    Sadly, you'll never get back all of what you were...these things change us even if it's just a little bit.

    I agree that a few sessions with somebody, talking about it, releasing your anger will be a good thing. Don't be afraid to cry, to rant. You were violated, bullied and you should be allowed to LET IT OUT!!!



  3. #23
    Join Date
    Apr. 5, 2011
    Posts
    829

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    First, I wanted to say how incredibly brave and strong you are to stand up not only to an abuser, but also the system that is protecting and enabling him.

    I'm not sure you can put it behind you "asap." Therapy is a good start, but there is also the process of simply reclaiming your life, one bit at a time. Don't let this *&/#@! take away everything you love. Go to the barn. You may not feel like riding, but just let your horse rest his forehead against your chest while you rub his ears. Let him stand in the crossties, half-asleep, while you groom him and talk to him. Take him out grazing. Pull out a favorite CD and listen to it in the car, or make a playlist of your favorite songs on your iPod and listen to them. One bit at a time.

    Then: if the police have not ordered you to remain silent due to an ongoing investigation, then DON'T. It's in the best interest of the school and your abuser if you do. Don't make it easy on them. I cannot believe he is still there. Get a restraining order against him. I know they really have no effect, but if you get a good judge, I wonder if you could get one with a long enough reach to make sure you and he cannot be in the same building together? Then, the school will legally have to do something to keep the two of you far apart.

    I wish I had more to offer. You sound like an incredible young lady with a bright future. Don't let these people take that from you. Ever.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    May. 8, 2004
    Posts
    4,291

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    halter, good for you for speaking up and protecting yourself. Please do not allow your brain to go to that place that says, "Could I have done something different?" or tries to take any ownership of what happened. People like this man are predators, and silence gives them the power to offend repeatedly. As a teacher and adult, he was very wrong to cross that line with you and you bear no 'blame' in such a situation.

    My daughter graduated from high school four years ago. The teacher who was their class leader had been getting boys drunk and taking advantage of them for years until he did it on a class trip and the other boys caught him red handed, about to accost one of their friends who was blackout drunk. It turned out that this had been going on for YEARS because of the silence from humiliated students he had hurt. It was an open secret with all the kids, but no-one did anything until the courageous young man who was assaulted on the class trip spoke out.
    I urge you to speak up, get the police involved and get your parents to do something to support you here. If I found out that one of my kids had been sexually assaulted in any way, verbal or physical, I wouldn't rest until they were behind bars.

    Please be open to the love and support of your friends at the barn, your family and the healing power of your horses. I agree that it would be beneficial to find a compassionate, good therapist who can help you work through the ordeal you have been through. Wishing you all the best in the future. You are a lovely writer, so please consider journaling or writing about your ordeal...it helps to purge the inner demons.



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2007
    Location
    ....in a classroom in Fl, by the ocean
    Posts
    3,645

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    I agree with all of the above posters but wanted to add my "pat on the back" for standing up for yourself. You did a GREAT, BRAVE thing and you should NEVER have been put in a situation where you have to worry about things like this.

    KUDOS to you for being a voice for the voiceless, for I am sure he has done this before. Hopefully there will be an investigation and other people will follow suit. DO NOT LET THIS DROP. Make sure the school does RIGHT by YOU.



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Mar. 29, 2013
    Posts
    9

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    Thanks again, everyone. It is interesting to hear that I am not bound to stay quiet unless it has been ordered by a judge, that is very valuable information.
    No, it has not been taken to court. The case would be difficult to argue as none of the abuse was physical and he always made sure he got me alone (of course) so it is my word against his... although may people have noticed the dramatic shift in my behaviour this week (now that I am out of the situation). I guess that is proof. Also, how/why he managed to gain leverage over me makes his intent fairly obvious when you examine it. (I am a strong student, and my grade suddenly plummeted. To get to uni, I have to pass all my classes, but he was failing me, and never produced the actual point total leading to my failing grade when I asked. He told me I needed to go to tutoring to raise my grade so I could get to university, and yes, you guessed, I was frequently alone with him at tutoring with no one in the same building. This is when he'd do all his slimy talking. All the while there was this undercurrent of me needing to do something extra to get the grade I earned.)
    Also, he managed to do some self-incriminating when he was interviewed, although at the same time he revealed that he still wanted to "continue our relationship." This is what worries me. (He managed to find out a scary amount of info about my private life.) Not sure why he is still teaching, obviously he's displaying predatory tendencies and doesn't see anything wrong with actions that fall into pedophile territory.
    What is interesting is that none of the people in my class have asked me why I no longer attend. I'd like to read something into that, but then again, I'm not quite sure what that says.
    Again, all the support is just amazing, it really helps to hear that I am not wrong to speak up. Every day gets easier.
    I ride/work at a show barn, and gearing up for the season and prepping for new imports has helped me stay busy and keep the shadows away. I have also done a little journaling and have found it to be very cathartic. So, yes, lots of your suggestions are helping! Happy Easter, everyone.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Aug. 30, 2001
    Location
    Purcellville, VA
    Posts
    5,923

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    http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2...?currentPage=1

    read this article, it is about schools sweeping things under rugs...for decades. If nothing else it does a decent job of explaining how abusers set up the situation to enable their mental control of the victim.



  8. #28
    Join Date
    Jun. 19, 2001
    Location
    Pacific NW
    Posts
    3,769

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    If the school is still allowing him to be on campus, it's time for at the very least, a letter to the entire school board with a cc to your local newspaper and/or tv station. The police may involve themselves without you actually having to file a complaint. OP, stay strong. You were right to speak out, and probably have helped students yet to encounter this creep because he will have to think twice. Hold your head up - you have our support 24/7.



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