The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 4 of 5 FirstFirst ... 2345 LastLast
Results 61 to 80 of 85
  1. #61
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2003
    Posts
    1,888

    Default

    If you're established professionally, it's easiest to keep your own name. I've been married 11 years and changed -- I was still getting my doctorate, wasn't established yet, and my maiden name was rather odd.

    That having been said, people will call you whatever they want regardless of what your name is. Despite my having made it very, very clear that being called Mrs. HUSBANDS NAME Loshad makes me stabby, it still happens in the regular. At least now some people send things to Mr and Dr HUSBANDS NAME Loshad. Sigh.
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.



  2. #62
    Join Date
    Aug. 30, 2001
    Location
    Purcellville, VA
    Posts
    5,904

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Heinz 57 View Post
    Breathe.

    Using two names sounds rather complicated. Are you planning on having kids eventually? I hear it's much easier if you have the same legal name as your children.
    I think most schools are quite accustomed to the possibility of multiple last names in a family.

    I did not change mine, my son has my husband's last name, I will answer to their last name in social settings, but being addressed as Mrs. Husband-first&last name pisses me off. I did not give up my identity when I got married.

    My son finally suggested that I change my last name...

    wait for it...

    his freshman year in college.

    I have joked that I will change my last name at our 25th anniversary, but that is now less than a year away. I suck at paperwork and so maybe I'll make it a goal for 40 years.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 1999
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    1,394

    Default

    Is this just in a social context or on your marriage certificate it will be your husbands name but on your professional documents your maiden name? If you are having his name on the marriage certificate but your's on professional documents just make sure there is no possibility of legal issues should something happen.



  4. #64
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2008
    Posts
    1,465

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by js View Post
    Is this just in a social context or on your marriage certificate it will be your husbands name but on your professional documents your maiden name?

    My Pennsylvania marriage certificate has only my old name and my husband's name. It does not have a space for a new surname. I wonder how many states make you chose a surname.



  5. #65
    Join Date
    Oct. 6, 2002
    Location
    Philadelphia PA
    Posts
    14,595

    Default

    I have a co-worker who kept her maiden name. The kids all have it as their middle name and always go by all 3 names... so "Kidname" "maiden name" "husband's name." Not hyphenated but SOUNDS like it and has never been a problem for the schools.
    ~Veronica
    "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
    http://photobucket.com/albums/y192/vxf111/



  6. #66
    Join Date
    Mar. 12, 2006
    Posts
    2,044

    Default

    At work I see emails all the time from women that marry, give you their new last name, them divorce, send another email with their new last name, couple years go by, another email with their new last name, then heres that divorce problem again, oops another new last name.....

    I think professionally it is better to stick with one name. Whatever your feelings may be about "taking" your husbands. Changing my name was never in the cards for me. I want to die with the same name I was born with. Just personal preference.
    "All top hat and no canter". *Graureiter*



  7. #67
    Join Date
    Aug. 25, 2007
    Posts
    7,869

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by supershorty628 View Post
    I've been thinking about this a lot as I have about 6 weeks left to figure out all the details before I get married - does anyone know about keeping your maiden name for professional purposes but using your married name socially?

    I like my last name. It's short, it's almost impossible to spell it wrong (unlike future Mr. Supershorty's), and I have already established myself with it. I would like to keep it, especially so when I am in a professional setting aside from riding, it's short and simple for clients. Future Mr. Supershorty doesn't feel super strongly, but would like it if I used his last name.

    I've met people before who used their maiden name in professional settings and went socially by "Mrs. [husband's last name]" - can anyone give me advice on this? I've been looking it up on Google and I don't think it's as uncommon as I previously thought, but would love whatever information anyone has.

    Also would appreciate tips for surviving wedding planning end stages! Thanks!
    My wife was an M.D. when we got married 40 years ago. She did just what you're suggesting (she's Dr. Maidename in her practice and Mrs. Marriedname everywhere else).

    There was one exception: she went into the Navy (I was already there) and became LCDR Marriedname, MC, USNR. She retired 23 years later as CAPT Marriedname, MC, USNR. This decision was driven by rules in place at the time regarding the commissioning process. We thought it was odd at the time, but it has worked out for our benefit on multiple occasions. So, no harm no foul.

    Sorry, no suggestions on marriage ceremony planning. All I had to do was show up. I didn't even have to bring the ring (the Best Man did that ).

    Best of luck to you in the ceremony and in the future!!!

    G.
    Mangalarga Marchador: Uma Raça, Uma Paixão



  8. #68
    Join Date
    Jul. 21, 2006
    Location
    South Carolina
    Posts
    4,831

    Default

    If you keep your birth name as your legal name, and just call yourself Mrs. Marriedname informally with friends, I don't see a problem. The other way around could cause problems, I'd think. If you're a notary, for example, or have to sign legally binding documents in your professional capacity.

    These days, the airlines don't play about having your boarding pass match your photo id exactly. So if you travel for work, be sure those documents will match.

    But it's your decision. My niece, who married a year ago, really wanted to change her name and did. Me, I married fifteen years ago and never even considered it. It's whatever you're most comfortable with. But don't go trying to find a compromise just to please other family members. Trust me, they'll get over themselves.
    Analytical thinking is the first casualty when opposing sides polarize, and that shows lack of common sense on both sides.
    Denny Emerson



  9. #69
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2005
    Posts
    2,043

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by loshad View Post
    Despite my having made it very, very clear that being called Mrs. HUSBANDS NAME Loshad makes me stabby, it still happens in the regular. At least now some people send things to Mr and Dr HUSBANDS NAME Loshad. Sigh.
    You can use variants, but Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName is technically correct if the woman uses the name socially. Things sent to you with your first name should be addressed to Ms. YourFirstName HisLastName if you use his last name. I was semi-chastised for sending something to a widow and addressing it to Mrs. HerFirstName HisLastName. I've never made that "mistake" again! (Although, it's not incorrect according to the Emily Post website: http://www.emilypost.com/forms-of-ad...correspondence)
    ***Honorary Member of the "What is BOSS?" Cult...er...CLIQUE***
    ***Prominent Member of the 'Irrelevent Posters Clique'***
    CrayolaPosse ~ Bluegreen



  10. #70
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2001
    Location
    Finally...back in civilization, more or less
    Posts
    11,369

    Default

    I had established a long standing career before I married my DH, and elected to keep that last name as my middle name, using his surname as my last name after we were married.

    Keeping the name everyone knew me by professionally (if only as a middle name) reduced confusion - I didn't go from being Ms. L to Mrs. C - and greatly simplified things like travel arrangements. At the time I got married, I did a considerable amount of business travel and having a single "official" name prevented hassles with people making arrangements incorrectly, etc. And you'd be amazed at how many business associates ended up becoming friends over time, so having a consistent last name was certainly less troublesome in that respect as well.
    **********
    We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
    -PaulaEdwina



  11. #71
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2000
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Posts
    787

    Default

    I had a business reputation and a fair amount of credit when I got married (the first time), so wasn't about to change my name. Initially thought I'd be ok with being addressed as Mrs. $hislastname in a social context (ala "Duchess of Windsor"), but after awhile that began to grate. Your mileage may vary... It did make it easier to know when someone addressing me hadn't met me, though.

    It's also easier, as folks have pointed out, if you get divorced down the pike (not that you will!). I'm happily remarried, but still retain my original name.

    I know of other folks who have both picked a new last name for themselves. It's easier than it used to be for men to change their names on marriage, at least in some states.

    Do what makes _you_ feel best.



  12. #72
    Join Date
    Jul. 3, 2005
    Location
    BC, Canada - PNW
    Posts
    609

    Default

    I will be doing the same thing, and keeping my maiden name professionally, but using my future husband's last name legally and socially. Granted, ours is for different reasons. He arrests 'em and then I babysit them in prison, so it's a good thing if "they" don't connect us! Plus I already go by my last name at work (and we use only last names) so it'd be a pain to change that...



  13. #73
    Join Date
    Feb. 3, 2000
    Location
    Nokesville, VA
    Posts
    34,858

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mcm7780 View Post
    You can use variants, but Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName is technically correct if the woman uses the name socially.
    I think this may be US specific, and that in the UK Mrs. HerFirstName SharedLastName is more correct.

    But maybe it is just my own British family and not the whole country.
    Janet

    chief feeder and mucker for Music, Spy, Belle and Tiara. Someone else is now feeding and mucking for Chief and Brain (both foxhunting now).



  14. #74
    Join Date
    Jun. 9, 2012
    Posts
    106

    Default

    I rely on Emily Post (about 1930 edition). I kept my childhood surname, but reserve the right (granted by Emily) to be called "Mrs. Husband's-first-and-last-name" on things like wedding invitations. I tell students that they can call me e"Professor Arbiter", "Ms. Arbiter," or "Mrs. Husband's-first-and-last-name," but not "Mrs. Husband's last name." That's my late mother-in-law.



  15. #75
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2003
    Posts
    1,888

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mcm7780 View Post
    You can use variants, but Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName is technically correct if the woman uses the name socially. Things sent to you with your first name should be addressed to Ms. YourFirstName HisLastName if you use his last name. I was semi-chastised for sending something to a widow and addressing it to Mrs. HerFirstName HisLastName. I've never made that "mistake" again! (Although, it's not incorrect according to the Emily Post website: http://www.emilypost.com/forms-of-ad...correspondence)
    I'm well aware of the etiquette, but that doesn't mean I don't hate it with the white hot fire of a thousand suns and find it incredibly archaic. I have a first name, thank you very much. Most of my friends don't address formal correspondence that way, and neither did I. Hate. It.
    Last edited by loshad; Apr. 1, 2013 at 07:06 AM.
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #76
    Join Date
    Aug. 30, 2001
    Location
    Purcellville, VA
    Posts
    5,904

    Default

    Ah loshad, but don't you know we are still just chattel the moment we say I do.

    just ask Emily Post.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #77
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2005
    Posts
    2,043

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Janet View Post
    I think this may be US specific, and that in the UK Mrs. HerFirstName SharedLastName is more correct.

    But maybe it is just my own British family and not the whole country.
    Excellent point! I had not even thought about the fact that it could be specific to the US.

    Quote Originally Posted by loshad View Post
    I'm well aware of the etiquette, but that doesn't mean I don't hate it with the white hot fire of a thousand suns and find it incredibly archaic. I have a first name, thank you very much. Most of my friends don't address formal correspondence that way, and neither did I. Hate. It.
    Janet brought up a good point, could some of the formal rules be a regional/national thing? Is there a golden standard source of specific etiquette rules in Australia similar to Emily Post? I've always seen formal correspondence addressed that way so maybe it is just the way we do it in the US. I'm kind of a geek and am interested in these things...

    I don't particularly like that some people are already beginning to jokingly call me Dr. HisLastName. Ummm...we aren't even married yet and that won't be my name!
    Last edited by mcm7780; Apr. 1, 2013 at 01:30 PM.
    ***Honorary Member of the "What is BOSS?" Cult...er...CLIQUE***
    ***Prominent Member of the 'Irrelevent Posters Clique'***
    CrayolaPosse ~ Bluegreen



  18. #78
    Join Date
    Oct. 6, 2002
    Location
    Philadelphia PA
    Posts
    14,595

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by loshad View Post
    I'm well aware of the etiquette, but that doesn't mean I don't hate it with the white hot fire of a thousand suns and find it incredibly archaic. I have a first name, thank you very much. Most of my friends don't address formal correspondence that way, and neither did I. Hate. It.
    I hate it too, and find it VERY old-fashioned (it's the way everything is done for Devon elections etc.) but that IS technically considered good formal etiquitte. "Stabby" is exactly the adjective I'd use to describe my appreciation of this formality.
    ~Veronica
    "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
    http://photobucket.com/albums/y192/vxf111/



  19. #79
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2001
    Posts
    8,380

    Default

    I kept my maiden name for everything after I was married. The idea of name changing reminds me of change of title in a real estate transaction, bleh. However, when my kids started school, I used their last names around school to minimize confusion.
    See those flying monkeys? They work for me.



  20. #80
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2004
    Location
    Ct
    Posts
    2,640

    Default

    I have always been Ms Maidenname for work and Mrs Marriedname socially, my kids are Ms, Miss and Mstr Marriedname. I try to use Mrs Marriedname when dealing with anything having to do with my kids. It's worked fine for us, though occasionally at a business function Mr Marriedname will be introduced as Mr Maidenname, but he is OK with it



Similar Threads

  1. Horses and socially acceptable stress relief (a vent)
    By BlueEyedSorrel in forum Off Course
    Replies: 107
    Last Post: Aug. 10, 2012, 01:08 PM
  2. Handling Professionally
    By Altergolightly in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: Oct. 19, 2011, 12:51 PM
  3. Taking chances on purchasing a maiden mare
    By Ridewithnopride in forum Sport Horse Breeding
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Jul. 16, 2011, 05:00 PM
  4. Replies: 23
    Last Post: Mar. 28, 2011, 03:34 AM
  5. 2007 TB Gelding Professionally Started OH
    By demereaux in forum Giveaways
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Aug. 22, 2010, 10:15 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •