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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Aug. 31, 2009
    Posts
    78

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    Simple. Just ask your future husband to take on your last name.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42

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    Legally your last name doesn't change just because you're married. I kept my maiden name after getting married for many of the reasons already sited on this board; I have a professional reputation under my maiden name and I sure as hell wasn't going to try and hyphonate two long Germanic last names for fear I would sound like a Geman CPA or law firm!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Aug. 18, 2012
    Posts
    1,294

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    You could also hyphenate and keep your maiden name first, hyphenate then add your married name, or you could drop your existing middle name, turn your maiden name into your middle name and take his last name.

    Mrs. FirstName MiddleName MaidenName-MarriedName

    Mrs. FirstName MaidenName MarriedName



  4. #44
    Join Date
    Mar. 5, 2013
    Posts
    72

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    I kept the name I was born with. I am no one's property. Possibly thius will cause me problems later I have only been married 3e years. MRS XXX wellthat is my Mother-in-Law not me!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
    Location
    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
    Posts
    4,259

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    I kept my maiden legally for 4 years after, but went by my married. I probably would have never changed except it was getting hard to use his credit card at some places.

    It is much easier to change than change back, so wait and see how you feel after a year or so
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"



  6. #46
    Join Date
    Feb. 18, 2008
    Location
    Long Island
    Posts
    959

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    I'm planning on being Dr. Makexitxso when vet school ends, but would consider using future hubby's name socially if I like it more than my actual last name. Not that I dislike my last name, but people tend to mispronounce it, and it gets tiresome.

    As others have said, it seems to be a common trend.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Feb. 11, 2005
    Location
    Wild Wild West
    Posts
    1,734

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    I got married 25 years ago and kept my name. As did my sister, my cousin, two sister-in-laws, and assorted other relatives and acquaintances. I have never understood the desire to change your name to be the same as your husband's. It dumbfounds me and it amazes me when people are amazed that I kept my name. Keeping my name has never caused any problems. When I got married there seemed to be more of a trend towards keeping your name (or hyphenating both last names and both the husband and wife taking that new name; I didn't need to go through life with two longish last names). Now the trend seems to be to take your husband's name. I would have never thought this custom would have survived this long!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Jul. 21, 2011
    Location
    Co
    Posts
    4,826

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThreeHorseNight View Post
    I got married 25 years ago and kept my name. As did my sister, my cousin, two sister-in-laws, and assorted other relatives and acquaintances. I have never understood the desire to change your name to be the same as your husband's. It dumbfounds me and it amazes me when people are amazed that I kept my name. Keeping my name has never caused any problems. When I got married there seemed to be more of a trend towards keeping your name (or hyphenating both last names and both the husband and wife taking that new name; I didn't need to go through life with two longish last names). Now the trend seems to be to take your husband's name. I would have never thought this custom would have survived this long!
    No one (in my experience) has ever been "amazed" when a professional women has kept her maiden name (and that observation goes back for more than 25 yrs).

    Everyone is most comfortable with customs with which they are familiar. What is "amazing" to some is commonplace for others. I do remember the hyphen fad, it seemed to me an affectation mimicking professional women who did hyphenate for a purpose.

    "Now the trend seems to be to take your husbands name"?



  9. #49
    Join Date
    Jan. 20, 2008
    Posts
    642

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    I think that it is totally acceptable to keep your maiden name professionally. (Heck, even legally.)

    When hubby and I got married we both actually changed our names. My stepdad, who I consider my true father, never had any other children. He always said I was enough for him. (In a good way, but I also put him through hell. haha) He is the last male in the family, so his last name would have "died out".

    My biological father was always a jerk about adoption, so I was never officially able to use his last name. It was a crock too because my biological father never wanted a thing to do with me.

    So, hubby and I added my stepdad's last name to my husband's last name with a hyphen. We did really tick my husband's mother off with it. But that was kinda fun. ("The name I gave you isn't good enough?" Ha, she is a fruit bat. She totally didn't get it.)

    The whole point in that story was, do what makes you happy. If you want to keep it professionally there isn't a thing wrong with it.
    Hope Blooming- Life with Chronic Pancreatitis

    My blog: Life with Pancreatitis


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #50
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    5,013

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    Quote Originally Posted by skydy View Post
    Supershorty did not specify, but I had the image of husband's work colleagues at a party or other outing ,such as attending a wedding of husband's family member or old friend who don't know Supershorty's maiden name etc..
    Oh, I see; I was thinking in a more "formal" way, where you would actually introduce yourself to people outside of work using a different name.

    But yes, you will certainly be called by the dh's last name whether you want it to or not. I don't "go by" my dh's name "socially" but certainly get invited to things as Mr. & Mrs. HisLastName. It's no biggie. And often he gets called "Mr. MyLastName" by people who don't know that I didn't take his last name.



  11. #51
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 2008
    Posts
    436

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    I kept my maiden name for all things. I felt very strongly about it, for several reasons. My husband wanted me to change it, and still does, but I just do not feel that a woman should have to take on another name simply because she is female. It feels too much like being owned.
    Impossible is nothing.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  12. #52
    Join Date
    May. 12, 2000
    Location
    NE TN, USA
    Posts
    6,201

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    My cousin kept her maiden name and tacked on her married name because she had established a reputation in the music world. While she was married, she became much better known, then found herself in a quandary about what to do when they divorced.

    Perhaps adding the husband's name before your maiden name would be a solution?
    “There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by debt.”
    John Adams


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #53
    Join Date
    Sep. 11, 2007
    Location
    Oxford, PA
    Posts
    194

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    I got married this fall and kept my maiden name. To be honest, it's a lot of work to change your name and I just like my name. My husband has a nice name too (I like his name) though it's hard to pronounce and spell. But, at the end of the day, I've had my name my whole life and really just see no real reason to change it (professionally I wouldn't want to change it either).

    Everyone is fine with me keeping my name. My husband doesn't care, my SIL loves that I kept my name, my mom approves (she told me if she could do it again, she'd never have changed her name), though my MIL doesn't understand it and is a little offended that I didn't change my name. She refers to me with his last name and sends me cards/check addressed to Mrs. Hislastname (though on the last check she did write Mrs. Mylastname Hislastname) which is a pain because all my bank info is mylastname sot hat stuff goes in the a joint account because it's easier to deposit. My husband does get called Mr. Mylastname sometimes and he's fine with it.

    We don't have kids now though maybe in the future. They'll likely have his last name (though he wants my last name as a second middle name). If people call me Mrs. Hislastname, fine, but I'm happier when people just call me by my first name.



  14. #54
    Join Date
    May. 28, 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    3,300

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    I do it, not totally willingly, though I go by Mr TOTT's name whenever possible, but legally I am still my maiden name. Long story short, I'm an air force brat, was born overseas, had 2 birth certificates; one from the country, one from the US. American version got destroyed during a move, only one I have is written in another language, isn't accepted anywhere. Parents never got the US one replaced. Thanks guys So still trying to figure this out, but back to the OP's question...yeah I do it, it can be a pain when check are written, applying for insurance, etc...having to make sure anything legal is put in yout legal name- most people just use my married name and assume that's what it is. A pain, but manageable.



  15. #55
    Join Date
    Oct. 16, 2006
    Posts
    860

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    Quote Originally Posted by supershorty628 View Post
    Thank you!!

    I feel that less is more too, it's more surviving my mother and future mother-in-law getting frantic about it that's my issue!
    I can't stress this enough but while family is very important to me, do not let anybody pressure you into wedding decisions (or life ones like your last name).

    Many years ago I did make some concessions about my weeding, I wanted less and everybody else wanted more, to keep the peace I did a fair amount of the "more". I am not sorry I did that at all. However, I did not negotiate on other aspects that were important to me.

    About the name, I am now divorced and back to my maiden name. My ex insisted that I change my name to his, "or else we wouldn't get married" 20 odd years ago while on line to get our marriage license. In general he was a low key guy but was adamant about this point. I'm assuming you are wiser than I was and would run for the hills if this was the situation. It was a "red flag" that I did not recognize.

    I did always use my maiden name professionally and for any graduate work I did so that was nice. Changing it all back and forth is a lot of paperwork and really you can do almost any combination of names for things other than your passport, drivers license, taxes etc which must be in your "legal" name.

    I highly recommend that regardless of the name issue you keep at least one bank account separate at a bank that you do not have a joint account at together. Just to be safe.

    I have two wonderful children and am not unhappy about my previous choices just wiser!

    I hope you have a long and wonderful marriage together!!



  16. #56
    Join Date
    Feb. 24, 1999
    Location
    MD
    Posts
    3,500

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    First, congrats on the upcoming marriage!

    I changed my name legally after I got married, but kept my maiden name as a middle name. All three names are on my driver's license, so the fact that I still haven't changed my credit cards hasn't been a problem since it's obvious that my maiden name is on the cards.

    I kept my maiden name at work mostly because I do business with a lot of people who are not in-house and I didn't want to have to deal with changing it and have people not know who I am anymore. Plus, at the time we were planning on moving in a year so I figured it just wasn't worth the hassle. Three and a half years later, I'm still there but we recently changed email servers and now my name shows up as Indy Maidenname Marriedname (which I know I could change) so I'm using this as a way to phase in my married last name and phase out my maiden name. I figure I'm likely going to be there a few more years now and I'm tired of remembering what name to sign on paperwork so I might as well move everything over. I kind of wish I would have gone ahead and made the move to my married name three years ago because now I'm having to explain it to people (no, I didn't just get married....no, this email is not SPAM, it's coming from me)



  17. #57
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    6,002

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    Quote Originally Posted by talkofthetown View Post
    I do it, not totally willingly, though I go by Mr TOTT's name whenever possible, but legally I am still my maiden name. Long story short, I'm an air force brat, was born overseas, had 2 birth certificates; one from the country, one from the US. American version got destroyed during a move, only one I have is written in another language, isn't accepted anywhere. Parents never got the US one replaced. Thanks guys So still trying to figure this out, but back to the OP's question...yeah I do it, it can be a pain when check are written, applying for insurance, etc...having to make sure anything legal is put in yout legal name- most people just use my married name and assume that's what it is. A pain, but manageable.
    I don't know about yours, but we ordered a new copy of Mr. Heinz's birth certificate from the vital statistics office online (he was born in the US, though). It was not hard at all. Assuming your birth cert is on file with vital records you should be able to get another quite easily, if you have a SSN and another form of ID like a drivers license - Try here: www.vitalchek.com, or also here if you had a "consular report of birth": http://travel.state.gov/law/family_i...birth_593.html
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson



  18. #58
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2005
    Posts
    2,053

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    I'll be getting married this fall. I'm planning on keeping my last name but using his socially. I'm a doctor and don't want to "start over" with a new name. I thought about hyphenating so I could use both or either name in various situations but our names are too similar. If I did, my name would be too repetitive! Think something like Dr. Roger-Rogers, Dr. Miller-Stiller, or Dr. Smithson-Smith.
    ***Honorary Member of the "What is BOSS?" Cult...er...CLIQUE***
    ***Prominent Member of the 'Irrelevent Posters Clique'***
    CrayolaPosse ~ Bluegreen



  19. #59
    Join Date
    Sep. 30, 2011
    Posts
    445

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    I recently got engaged and will definitely be keeping my maiden name when we get married. Fortunately, my SO's mother kept her maiden name for use both socially and professionally, although she also does not mind if she is called or receives correspondence addressed to "Mrs. So's father's last name". Since this is the norm for their family, me keeping my last name has been a non-issue.

    On the other hand, some members of *my* family feel strongly that I should take my SO's last name!

    I've actually thought for several years now about legally changing my last name to my mother's maiden name rather than my father's family name (my current legal last name) because my mom's side of the family are people I feel a deep sense of family and connection with and are who I would like to be identified with.

    However, I haven't seriously pursued this and now that I am planning on getting married, I think changing my current last name to not my SO's name, but my mother's maiden name instead would create altogether too much family drama for it to be worth it!



  20. #60
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2008
    Location
    Delaware Valley
    Posts
    1,829

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    I've been married 20 years and have done every combination above. Legally you can use whatever name you want after you're married. By profession I'm an attorney, and about ten years ago I started using my husband's name b/c it's just easier to pronounce than mine. No biggie. Just started introducing myself with the new name and signing things with the new name. I still have a bank account under my old name, and no one cares that I sign checks with a different name than the name on the check Last time I renewed my passport I just showed them my marriage certificate. It is not a big deal at all, and certainly you don't have to decide now.



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