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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2005
    Location
    Where it is perpetually winter
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    5,356

    Default Taking husband's name socially but keeping maiden name professionally?

    I've been thinking about this a lot as I have about 6 weeks left to figure out all the details before I get married - does anyone know about keeping your maiden name for professional purposes but using your married name socially?

    I like my last name. It's short, it's almost impossible to spell it wrong (unlike future Mr. Supershorty's), and I have already established myself with it. I would like to keep it, especially so when I am in a professional setting aside from riding, it's short and simple for clients. Future Mr. Supershorty doesn't feel super strongly, but would like it if I used his last name.

    I've met people before who used their maiden name in professional settings and went socially by "Mrs. [husband's last name]" - can anyone give me advice on this? I've been looking it up on Google and I don't think it's as uncommon as I previously thought, but would love whatever information anyone has.

    Also would appreciate tips for surviving wedding planning end stages! Thanks!



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 11, 2008
    Location
    Snohomish, WA
    Posts
    4,267

    Default

    I do it that way.
    I think it keeps things a little more private and yes if you are already established that way why change it??
    Legally I think it's your married name but not sure it matters too much.


    Quote Originally Posted by supershorty628 View Post
    I've been thinking about this a lot as I have about 6 weeks left to figure out all the details before I get married - does anyone know about keeping your maiden name for professional purposes but using your married name socially?

    I like my last name. It's short, it's almost impossible to spell it wrong (unlike future Mr. Supershorty's), and I have already established myself with it. I would like to keep it, especially so when I am in a professional setting aside from riding, it's short and simple for clients. Future Mr. Supershorty doesn't feel super strongly, but would like it if I used his last name.

    I've met people before who used their maiden name in professional settings and went socially by "Mrs. [husband's last name]" - can anyone give me advice on this? I've been looking it up on Google and I don't think it's as uncommon as I previously thought, but would love whatever information anyone has.

    Also would appreciate tips for surviving wedding planning end stages! Thanks!



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2012
    Posts
    2,038

    Default

    I have two good friends who use both names. One uses her maiden name professionally and socially, but legally she has hubby's name. Another friend uses her maiden name legally and professionally, but socially she's Mrs. John Smith.

    You can do anything you want these days.

    Aren't hyphens very popular in the GP ring, though?
    A helmet saved my life.

    2014 goal: learn to ride like TheHorseProblem, er, a barn rat!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    9,958

    Default

    I thought about doing the same thing, for a different reason because my maiden was longer and harder to spell/easier to mispronounce.

    My feeling was, in my job, I didn't want the types of people I deal with to know anything about my personal life. But then DH put his foot down (which he pretty much never does) and I realized that, well, duh, I'll be wearing a ring where I wasn't before...

    And I am not religious or traditional.

    It's a personal decision. What does your fiance think about it? Mine was against it, and he never asks anything of me, so it was a simple answer. And honestly, my last name now? It's an odd one. Never seen it before, and no one else in town has it... Or anywhere else at all period, as far as I've seen.
    COTH's official mini-donk enabler

    "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul. 28, 2006
    Posts
    346

    Default

    I hyphenated legally on marriage - and then on my work emails/life, continue to use my maiden name. In my personal life, use his name.

    All of my legal i.d. is hyphenated, but since people don't ask to see my i.d. when we socialize or meet at the business table, it works!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2013
    Posts
    241

    Default

    That's what I do, but legally I hyphenated both names and just use either or. The only place that is a pain the butt is for travel. I fly for work quite a bit and right now I have to carry my passport with my old name as my drivers license is the hyphenated name and all my airline info, including security docs is the old name. It is a hassle to change all the work travel records because of the passport/security docs, so when the passport expires later this year, that is the last batch I have to change. I really don't want to hassle with TSA a few times a month.

    With the drivers license hyphenated, no one has really cared for banking or other ID's. I have 20 years in my profession with a very hard last name to spell, including social media info, so I did not want to loose that and my hubby is happy that I have his last name for all of our social and family stuff.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2005
    Posts
    3,504

    Default

    Hey cyber twin, when's your wedding date? Because mine is in approximately six weeks too and that would be too weird.
    "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
    -George Morris



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    5,997

    Default

    Breathe.

    Using two names sounds rather complicated. Are you planning on having kids eventually? I hear it's much easier if you have the same legal name as your children.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 29, 1999
    Location
    MD USA
    Posts
    716

    Default

    That's what I do. I never changed my name and hubby doesn't care. So legally, my maiden name is it but socially, I'll use his. What is funny is that occassionally we will get something addressed to Mr. and Mrs. "my maiden name"!
    ************
    \"And indeed the love that the horses of the Rangers bore for their riders was so great that they were willing to face even the terror of the Door , if their masters\' hearts were steady as they walked beside them.\" The Return of the Ki



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    9,272

    Default

    I've known a lot of women who keep the same name professionally, and use their married name on everything else. It helps keep professional acquaintances from intruding into your personal life, and allows you some separation of the roles. I actually know a lady who has been married twice, and never changed her name for anything with either marriage.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul. 24, 2008
    Location
    Wimberley, TX
    Posts
    167

    Default

    I kept my maiden name for business. Mainly because I had an established reputation under my maiden name and my husband and I worked in the same field (and for a time at the same company). In our field, it was often useful if others didn't know we were married.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec. 20, 2012
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    159

    Default

    I kept my maiden name full stop. Here unless we go through all the bazzar to change it it stays as your maiden name. I guess, to be honest, that I did it because I am lazy and also because Mr. Horseymum's last name just sounds goofy with my first name. DD has his last name though, in retrospect I should have hyphenated it for her.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 18, 2000
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    8,084

    Default

    I kept my maiden name both professionally and socially. I was already established in my career with that name, and didn't want to go through the hassle of changing things around. My FIL got ticked off about it, but DH was fine with it, so that was that. Talk it over with your SO, and see how he feels.
    "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein

    http://s1098.photobucket.com/albums/...2011%20Photos/



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jun. 15, 2002
    Location
    Gainesville, FL
    Posts
    5,985

    Default

    I am not sure what I am going to do. I am in vet school now. There has never been a Dr. "Beethoven", but my hopefully future husband dad is a dentist. I haven't spoken to my BF about it yet. So honestly I don't know his opinion. I was always against people keeping their maiden name when I was a kid, but now its different. Especially if we get married after I have my DVM and license then I just think it would be complicated to change it. I am on the fence. We will see.

    I think its fine to use two different last names. Maybe social I will use his last name and legally and professional use mine.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    May. 5, 2006
    Posts
    2,984

    Default

    I kept my maiden name when I got married, and continued to use it professionally. Now, as a teacher, I go by Mrs. Maiden Name because it is too confusing to explain to kiddos that although I am married I don't use my husband's name. I'll answer to anything really-Miss, Ms. or Mrs., it makes no difference to me.

    When dealing with my children, I am Mrs. Husband's Last Name, because that is easier. But I never changed my name legally when we got married and I don't intend to at this point. It works for us.
    Sheilah



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    4,975

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Heinz 57 View Post
    Breathe.

    Using two names sounds rather complicated. Are you planning on having kids eventually? I hear it's much easier if you have the same legal name as your children.
    I agree with you that using two names sounds complicated. But having a different last name as my kids has NOT been complicated, so long as I don't mind answering to "Mrs. Their Last Name" - which I don't. It's not really that big of a deal, because it's just not very uncommon to have a different last name as your kids anymore.

    That said, I know people who have hyphenated their kids' names, and/or given each of their kids one of their original last names. There are many variations, none of which are really a big deal -- the people who will use your last name the MOST are your colleagues, because you will always be known as "so-and-so's MOM" to your kids' friends anyway.

    The only person who is likely to have an issue with it is your husband - if he doesn't mind, then keep your original last name, and don't worry about it.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2006
    Location
    Chapel Hill, NC
    Posts
    1,764

    Default

    I never legally changed my name. I stayed Dr. Ponyfixer, but socially would use my hubs last name. It would crack me up when people would call or address lettes to MR. PONYFIXER, LOL!
    From now on, ponyfixer, i'll include foot note references.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Dec. 15, 2005
    Posts
    3,643

    Default

    My daughter decided to keep her last name when she married last year. She had several publications and degrees in her name, and felt that if she changed her name, it would be like starting her career all over again. She is ok with being known as Mrs. Husband's last name, but most people call her by her name professionally and socially.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jun. 20, 2000
    Location
    Full time in Delhi, NY!
    Posts
    6,398

    Default

    When I get married later this year, it will be my first and I'm in my mid 50's. I can't say I'm thrilled to give up my last name. I know my fiance' wants me to take his name, and I can see some social advantage to being "Mrs. Blank" My remaining family will certainly expect me to take his name.

    I probably will just call myself Kryswyn Maiden Blank and not change anything legally for a couple of years. If it becomes important, I'll do it when necessary.
    ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
    Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

    "Life is merrier with a terrier!"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2009
    Posts
    143

    Default

    I plan to keep my maiden name professionally and use my (future) husband's last name socially. I am currently in veterinary school and think it would be too confusing to change my last name, as I feel like I would lose the connections/contacts I have already made. FWIW, all of the female veterinarians I know in the field of vet med that I intend to practice in did not take their husband's last name professionally.


    1 members found this post helpful.

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