The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 26
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,521

    Default Pre-nuptual agreements

    What's the current thought regarding these bad boys?

    The rather stuffed-shirt discussions of (straight) marriage as somehow sacrosanct.... the 50+% divorce rate omitted-- got me thinking.

    Are these for the rich only? The paranoid? The selfish? The realistic?

    Under what circumstances would you create one, or sign one?
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2005
    Location
    Where it is perpetually winter
    Posts
    4,770

    Default

    I'm getting married in about 6 weeks and we are not bothering with a prenuptial agreement. We feel that it's not necessary for us. I think we're both fairly realistic about what marriage is like - we know it takes effort to make it work.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2002
    Location
    Lots of M states...
    Posts
    461

    Default

    I think (hope!) that very, very few people go into marriage imagining the possibility of a day where a pre-nup might come in handy... but I imagine a lot more come out of it wishing they'd had one.

    My take on it is why not sign one? It's like car insurance -- it's something you have in hopes that you'll never have to use it, but you're happy you have it when the unthinkable happens.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2010
    Location
    Westford, Massachusetts
    Posts
    3,181

    Default

    I think they generally make more sense for the wealthy, especially when one comes into a later in life marriage with far more assets than the other, or maybe more importantly, some potentially valuable intellectual property. It also depends on what state you are in and what state laws consider marital property.

    DH and I are each on our second marriage, neither of us felt we needed a prenup, because we didn't have huge amounts of assets and what we did have was pretty even going in. We do need to have specialized wills, with trusts involved, to make sure all the children get a fair deal when we die...we have a his, a mine and and ours and, depending on who died first, some kid (the his or the mine) could get screwed if we don't plan ahead.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2006
    Location
    SF Bay Area, California
    Posts
    4,092

    Default

    My sister signed one, but it had a provision that it would be void after 10 years of marriage. How she has managed to stay married to that guy for 10+ years is mind boggling!
    Proud owner of a Slaughter-Bound TB from a feedlot, and her surprise baby...!
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e350/Jen4USC/fave.jpg
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...SC/running.jpg



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,521

    Default

    Canaqua-- that's what I remember, too: These were for people with assets that didn't match up coming into the marriage. Your reasoning about stuff for kids from previous marriages makes sense, too.

    IMO, situations like "Guy first works and sends her to medical school, then stays home to raise the kids (or vice versa)" should be discussed PDQ, before it happens, if not before the marriage. In this case, one person is risking future financial security *during* the marriage by stepping aside from his/her career for the other.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    5,446

    Default

    Mr. Heinz and I don't have one. I was considerably better off than he was pre-marriage, but most of that money went into buying our house, so a prenup seemed unnecessary.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    10,057

    Default

    If you have property of your own coming into the marriage, it would be foolhardy not to have one. I would absolutely want a guarantee that if the marriage ended I leave with all my investments intact and without financial obligation (unless by some chance *I* caused it by my behavior, in which case fair is fair.)


    4 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2005
    Location
    You must never go there, Simba.
    Posts
    3,327

    Default

    This is going to make me sound like a stupid girl...

    I used to be very pro pre-nup. I thought it was the practical thing to do. Heck, I still think it's the practical thing to do.

    But... I'm getting married this Spring. We will not have a pre-nup. There was something about planning for our divorce that was extremely off-putting.
    "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
    -George Morris


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2007
    Posts
    1,112

    Default

    I can see why people would be hesitant to sign one. But sh!t happens and it's better to be prepared. Spouses give into temptations all the time. Better have it and not need it, instead of not having one and ending up up going through a long and expensive court battle.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2012
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    1,955

    Default

    Husband has five kids from previous marriage. We were fairly well matched on resources but I had no problem at all signing a prenup. I understand why people don't, particularly if folks are young and evenly matched, but when there are kids and so forth, its a excellent idea. I have the stepdad from hell and am very glad there is a prenup there. And for sure a prenup is one place I would shell it out for a good lawyer rather than trying to do it myself.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2005
    Location
    Where it is perpetually winter
    Posts
    4,770

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SaturdayNightLive View Post
    This is going to make me sound like a stupid girl...

    I used to be very pro pre-nup. I thought it was the practical thing to do. Heck, I still think it's the practical thing to do.

    But... I'm getting married this Spring. We will not have a pre-nup. There was something about planning for our divorce that was extremely off-putting.
    TWIN!!! When is your wedding?



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug. 17, 2012
    Posts
    919

    Default

    I signed one. I wanted there to be no question of ownership of certain things (horse, truck, trailer). Also got an alimony settlement payment in there. He protected his 401k.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul. 24, 2008
    Posts
    2,646

    Default

    I don't have one. My husband and I had pretty equal "assets" when we started dating (at the age of 18) and we dated for 11 years before getting married. I certainly didn't feel the need to have an agreement written up at that point.
    Jigga:
    Why must you chastise my brilliant idea with facts and logic? **picks up toys (and wine) and goes home**



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
    Location
    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
    Posts
    3,556

    Default

    We have one. I came into the marriage with a child, he came in with way more assets, but in the event I go first, there will be more coming from my side than his side, including a farm in KY that has been in our family for 2 centuries. His banker also put emphasis on getting one if he wanted to renew his operating loan. I can't touch the business, but I "earn" a greater percentage of assets the longer we stay married. We doubt we ever need to test how iron clad it is, but everything is spelled out
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 12, 2006
    Posts
    2,044

    Default

    If I married again I would have one to protect my retirement. There are four guys at work that say they will work until they die so they won't have to share theirs.
    "All top hat and no canter". *Graureiter*



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,521

    Default

    Interesting the way people with children think of the need to protect their assets... while those without (and getting married for the first time) think that the implication of the need to protect themselves ain't cool or in play.

    Why? It would suck almost equally badly to be a 50-year-old divorcee asked to get back into the work force, kids or no.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2005
    Location
    You must never go there, Simba.
    Posts
    3,327

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    Why? It would suck almost equally badly to be a 50-year-old divorcee asked to get back into the work force, kids or no.
    Now I'm confused...what does getting married have to do with leaving the workforce? You can work and be married, I'm pretty sure...
    "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
    -George Morris


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,521

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SaturdayNightLive View Post
    Now I'm confused...what does getting married have to do with leaving the workforce? You can work and be married, I'm pretty sure...
    I was thinking about the marriage where that deal ends up limiting the earning potential of one partner while enhancing the other's. If you walk in with assets that let you have a looser hold on your career and those become community property, it could suck in the event of a divorce.

    Also (and a more gnarly issue), I think couples might have to talk about what the marriage will do for/to each partner's retirement. Those may not be spent together.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2013
    Posts
    277

    Default

    When I got married my partner and I didn't really have anything. It would have been all about whether or not we could split up our Ikea flatware or whatever. But if I were to get married now I would want a pre-nup for sure. I have awesome stuff I don't want him getting his grubby hands on if he were dumb enough to leave me! I imagine the emotional volatility of divorce may not make you the most rational person when it comes to dividing assets so having something that was written in a more clear-headed state of mind could be very helpful.

    Because you can write it any way you want you can also write out conditions that make divorce less scary for you - if you know that you're getting $X you might not stay in a hellish marriage because you're terrified of ending up living in poverty. This may be especially important in places where spousal support is hard to come by under current law. And I don't mean that this would *encourage* divorce, but it may give some people - especially women - a greater feeling of agency in leaving bad situations.



Similar Threads

  1. Boarding Agreements
    By River Maiden in forum Around The Farm
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: Mar. 31, 2013, 11:23 AM
  2. Sales agreements?
    By runNjump86 in forum Off Course
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: Jul. 10, 2012, 05:54 AM
  3. Lease agreements?
    By Belmont in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: May. 10, 2012, 06:56 PM
  4. Lease Agreements-examples?
    By electric stride in forum Off Course
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: May. 30, 2010, 01:50 AM
  5. Sale agreements
    By vbunny in forum Off Course
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Dec. 6, 2009, 12:55 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness