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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2013
    Posts
    23

    Default Trainer Issues

    I need some advice.

    All throughout the time I have owned my horse, my trainer has always given her a lot of grief. I would regularly get calls about bad behavior my mare had been up to, how she had broken a fence board, played too roughly with another horse or something else that all horses do. Even though I've been a paying customer all this time, I regularly get phone calls about things my mare has done. Recently, I decided I was going to sell my horse as I didn't have much time for her anymore. Even though my trainer helped pic her out for me initially, she insists my mare in dangerous, regularly calls her mean names and embarrasses me and my horse in front of crowds of people by calling her an ***hole and not caring what happens to her. It's beyond me why I continue to maintain this relationship with my trainer, because I could find the same quality of riding without the burden of going home feeling like garbage all the time. Not only did it make horse ownership a nightmare, it has also made the selling process a nightmare. I'm paying full price (what everyone else pays) for training and still I have to hear lip and excuses that other customers don't.

    I guess I should relay some history, that I have been riding with this trainer for my whole riding career and that as a kid I would help her out at the farm doing manual work in exchange for lessons. She has always been a bit pushy and I can take her pushing me around, but I can't take her being mean to my animal. it really upsets me and makes me want to just quit riding all together! I know as the owner I need to stand up to her. I'm an adult now, no longer a kid, and though our 'friendship' and business relationship has gone back many years, enough is enough.

    I just wanted to know am I exaggerating the situation or is this something I really need to address? Do all trainer treat their clients like this? Is it normal for me to get calls about how 'bad' my horse is when I am paying full board at a full care facility? I guess I should mention that she really ins't a bad horse. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body...and my trainers horses are a lot more burdensome or dangerous than my horse is. I often have issues with her horses when I'm looking after them and never do I call up to complain or say "you have to do something about it". I feel that if I were in this situation I might tell the student/boarder/client the issues with their horse, but as the TRAINER that is being PAID exponential amounts of money per month I ought to take it upon myself to figure a strategy to deal with it.

    I feel like if she couldn't handle my mare, then she should have told me years ago and if my mare is such an ***hole then why is this the horse she ultimately picked for me to consider buying in the first place?

    I'm just puzzled, upset and in need of a good shoulder, but as I can't get that here, I am in desperate need of someones advice


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2

    Default

    Honey - Find a new trainer..NOW. My trainer is like a second mom to me. All of my students are like my kids. I would never, ever, make them embarrassed or call their horse names as you have said about your "trainer". I on occassion call the mares evil, but it is 90% joke...most mares are evil!

    If you dont like the way she is treating you, stop it. Stand up for yourself and your horse. Enough is enough.

    Find a new trainer!
    Boomer's Hopes & Dreams
    On Facebook
    Tia - The Rescue
    RIP Boomer - May 21, 1989 - November 3, 2010


    15 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec. 21, 2008
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    2,202

    Default

    If you need a trainer then I suggest you ask some other horse owners who are happy with their trainers and move your horse. The trainer keeps your horse because that is money coming in every month. Can you handle your mare? Do you like her? It might be dealing with your trainer is taking the joy out of your riding. I would find a new place and just leave. You could confront her, but what would that accomplish except bad feelings? If she asks you why you are leaving then tell her honestly why.If you still want to sell find a trainer who will work with your horse and help you sell her.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2001
    Location
    Finally...back in civilization, more or less
    Posts
    11,535

    Default

    I wouldn't pay someone to treat me like that, personally. And I don't think you should, either.

    Sounds to me like your trainer has gotten way too familiar and comfortable with you, to feel that she can say such things and yet expect you to smile, take it, and keep stroking her checks.

    The next time she pulls that sort of behavior, I would calmly say, "You know, your constant habit of belittling and denigrating my horse really puzzles me, since you were the one who picked her out and recommended I purchase her. And since I've been paying you to train her for (x) months/years, frankly I'm surprised you think she is still such a train wreck, but I'm not interested in hearing it anymore."

    Frankly, people like that just tend to suck the energy right out of the room and life is too short to put up with that kind of nastiness. I'd just arrange to move to a different barn and a more professional trainer. You can tell your current so-called pro that you are tired of paying to be treated so poorly.

    Good luck.
    **********
    We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
    -PaulaEdwina


    21 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2013
    Posts
    23

    Default

    Thank You for your response. I know it's what I need to do, but in the middle of selling my horse with her, how can i go about that? I'm hoping once my horse is sold it will be the perfect opportunity to bail. She was my first horse and the whole experience has been so horrible for me that I am considering whether I want to go into horse ownership again. There's nothing worse than going home in tears because you feel like you are being blamed because your horse is a horse.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2001
    Location
    Finally...back in civilization, more or less
    Posts
    11,535

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by horsecrazy12 View Post
    Thank You for your response. I know it's what I need to do, but in the middle of selling my horse with her, how can i go about that? I'm hoping once my horse is sold it will be the perfect opportunity to bail. She was my first horse and the whole experience has been so horrible for me that I am considering whether I want to go into horse ownership again. There's nothing worse than going home in tears because you feel like you are being blamed because your horse is a horse.
    Tell the trainer that since she thinks so little of the horse, you don't feel that she can represent her well, and you've gotten to the point where she's made it clear to you that the whole situation is just not working - so you've arranged to have someone else take over. Hopefully she hasn't gotten you locked into some super restrictive contract.
    **********
    We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
    -PaulaEdwina


    15 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2013
    Posts
    23

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by candyappy View Post
    Can you handle your mare? Do you like her?
    I love my mare. She is the sweetest thing in the world, but the last time I rode her we were having some serious problems. That, mixed with the time I had, caused me to decide to sell her. It's too late for me to want to re-neg on that. I've made the emotional breakup and decided she will be better with someone who can challenge her more on all levels, but I often wonder how I would have done with her if I had taken her elsewhere when our problems arose. If a more positive trainer would have been able to help me.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2013
    Posts
    23

    Default

    That's such a great way to put it! And no, we are on a month to month training and boarding contract. As long as I give 30 days notice we will be square.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2009
    Posts
    4,623

    Default

    Take Lucassb's advice and move on. Take your horse to another professional and as that professional to market and sell the horse for you.

    In general, I think it is healthy to move on from one's childhood trainer. In my own personal experience, the trainer will often have difficulty treating the adult they trained as a child as...well...an adult. I think the relationship is therefore much more prone to abuse and disregard.

    That said, even if this person were not your childhood trainer, she is treating you poorly and that is reason enough to move on.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug. 22, 2012
    Posts
    153

    Default

    Move your horse and get a good trainer. You may be suprised how fast your relationship with your horse will turn around with the right person teaching you.


    24 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2006
    Posts
    9,012

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by horsecrazy12 View Post
    Thank You for your response. I know it's what I need to do, but in the middle of selling my horse with her, how can i go about that?
    Pull the horse now and sell it with somebody else. Aside from the fact that this person doesn't deserve your business, how on earth is someone who only trash talks a horse going to sell it?

    Perhaps in a new environment you may even like your horse again and not sell after all.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2009
    Posts
    4,623

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by meupatdoes View Post

    Perhaps in a new environment you may even like your horse again and not sell after all.
    I kind of had the same thought. I wouldn't be surprised if this trainer has just burned the OP out in general. She (the trainer) sounds like an exhausting, unpleasant individual!


    8 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan. 8, 2006
    Location
    B.C. Canada
    Posts
    1,919

    Default D

    Quote Originally Posted by horsecrazy12 View Post
    I need some advice.

    All throughout the time I have owned my horse, my trainer has always given her a lot of grief. I would regularly get calls about bad behavior my mare had been up to, how she had broken a fence board, played too roughly with another horse or something else that all horses do. Even though I've been a paying customer all this time, I regularly get phone calls about things my mare has done. Recently, I decided I was going to sell my horse as I didn't have much time for her anymore. Even though my trainer helped pic her out for me initially, she insists my mare in dangerous, regularly calls her mean names and embarrasses me and my horse in front of crowds of people by calling her an ***hole and not caring what happens to her. It's beyond me why I continue to maintain this relationship with my trainer, because I could find the same quality of riding without the burden of going home feeling like garbage all the time. Not only did it make horse ownership a nightmare, it has also made the selling process a nightmare. I'm paying full price (what everyone else pays) for training and still I have to hear lip and excuses that other customers don't.

    I guess I should relay some history, that I have been riding with this trainer for my whole riding career and that as a kid I would help her out at the farm doing manual work in exchange for lessons. She has always been a bit pushy and I can take her pushing me around, but I can't take her being mean to my animal. it really upsets me and makes me want to just quit riding all together! I know as the owner I need to stand up to her. I'm an adult now, no longer a kid, and though our 'friendship' and business relationship has gone back many years, enough is enough.

    I just wanted to know am I exaggerating the situation or is this something I really need to address? Do all trainer treat their clients like this? Is it normal for me to get calls about how 'bad' my horse is when I am paying full board at a full care facility? I guess I should mention that she really ins't a bad horse. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body...and my trainers horses are a lot more burdensome or dangerous than my horse is. I often have issues with her horses when I'm looking after them and never do I call up to complain or say "you have to do something about it". I feel that if I were in this situation I might tell the student/boarder/client the issues with their horse, but as the TRAINER that is being PAID exponential amounts of money per month I ought to take it upon myself to figure a strategy to deal with it.

    I feel like if she couldn't handle my mare, then she should have told me years ago and if my mare is such an ***hole then why is this the horse she ultimately picked for me to consider buying in the first place?

    I'm just puzzled, upset and in need of a good shoulder, but as I can't get that here, I am in desperate need of someones advice
    You need to start by selling your trainer. Then the rest you will figure out as you go, and it'll be easy as pie.
    Quote Originally Posted by ExJumper View Post
    Sometimes I'm thrown off, sometimes I'm bucked off, sometimes I simply fall off, and sometimes I go down with the ship. All of these are valid ways to part company with your horse.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2007
    Posts
    834

    Default

    Oh, OP...I feel your pain. I just ended a 10-year relationship with my trainer...who sounds very much like yours. Very emotionally abusive to me, and made my mare out to sound like just an awful horse. I would be in tears leaving her place, and I literally would have panic attacks before our lessons.

    I need you to trust me on this...LEAVE NOW! If you don't have a buyer currently for your horse, I would wait to sell her until after you have moved. My mare made a huge change when we moved barns. She became calmer, quieter and visibly more happy in just a couple of weeks of leaving the old place. I don't even recognize her personality...it has been that drastic. If your mare senses that your trainer "hates" her (which, I'm guessing the mare does)...her issues may be stemming from the anxiety she is feeling from the trainer.

    You say that your mare is lovely, and that you have a good relationship with her...don't throw that away because this trainer has ruined it for you. It sounds like you have outgrown what this woman has to offer, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It happens.

    My new trainer, empowers me...she gives me tools to handle my horses, and she has improved my riding in several short lessons...in what took years for my past trainer to get to. Moving on is healthy, and it's growth.

    Please feel free to PM me if you need help. I literally just went through this, and I'm so glad that I did. It was one of the hardest breaks I ever had to make, but definitely worthwhile.
    Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
    CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle


    8 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2013
    Posts
    23

    Default

    Thank You Blkarab. It is very hard, but I agree with you. Only I can make the moves to stop this. I just hate seeing my horse being treated so poorly, it tears me up. She shouldn't be punished for doing things that come as instinct or just as normal horse behavior. Thank you to everyone for all the responses. It's nice to know I'm not making a mountain of a molehill and even more refreshing to know that maybe I can rekindle that 'horse-fever' we all know so well once again



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2013
    Posts
    23

    Default

    I do have a large amount of people interested in her, so I will continue to sell her. I need a bit of a break myself. Time to re-establish my finances, figure out my career path and some time to travel and explore a bit. If these potential buyers I have right now fall through, then I will definitely be moving her to another barn with another trainer



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 13, 2010
    Posts
    39

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Blkarab View Post
    I need you to trust me on this...LEAVE NOW! If you don't have a buyer currently for your horse, I would wait to sell her until after you have moved. My mare made a huge change when we moved barns. She became calmer, quieter and visibly more happy in just a couple of weeks of leaving the old place. I don't even recognize her personality...it has been that drastic. If your mare senses that your trainer "hates" her (which, I'm guessing the mare does)...her issues may be stemming from the anxiety she is feeling from the trainer.

    You say that your mare is lovely, and that you have a good relationship with her...don't throw that away because this trainer has ruined it for you. It sounds like you have outgrown what this woman has to offer, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It happens.

    .
    I agree with waiting to see if you change your mind regarding selling your mare! A change of barns and trainers may well fix your issues with her. Give your notice, move barns and give yourself and the mare a couple of months to adjust, and then decide if you still want to sell her.

    I've seen several threads on here about whether to buy/keep a horse who's talented and a great ride, but the owner simply doesn't care for the personality. You already have the sweet personality, see if the behavior can be controlled or retrained in a different environment with a new trainer.

    As long as the mare isn't *dangerous,* I think you'll really regret not giving her a chance if you sell without first trying a change of venue and trainer.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2009
    Posts
    245

    Default

    Yes we did it too. DD had been with same trainer at same barn for 8 years. Our horse always got blamed for ripped blankets, bites etc yet when we went out there she was always the one who was being picked on. BO would also put all the new horses (including ones from the auction) in her field without quarantining them. We finally had enough and moved her. She is so much calmer now and is so happy with her turnout buddies.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jul. 26, 2007
    Posts
    874

    Default What training should feel like

    There have been other posts recently about trainers who left the rider questioning their horse and questioning their feelings about riding. I want to make sure and say, "That is not how it is supposed to be."

    I think many of us have days (or several days, or a week, or...) when we don't have huge motivation to ride. But, in four years of lessons with my trainer, lessons leave me feeling, "I love my horse, and I love this stuff." My trainer may occasionally gently tease me about my entrenched habits left over from learning to ride 40 years ago, or may gently joke about my horse's opinionatedness, but she has never, ever, ever made me feel badly about my riding or about my quite mediocre but perfect in my eyes horse. Again, she always, always makes it feel positive, fun, and constructive. If we're not getting anywhere, she tells me what's going on and how and when we'll get past it. I am not a great rider and she has students who are way more advanced and have way nicer horses, but she is absolutely behind us, regardless. That is what a trainer should be.

    Come to think of it, why am I on the computer? Where is the phone? I gotta go call her and sign up for two lessons a week instead of one. :-)


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun. 25, 2004
    Location
    Carolinas
    Posts
    5,025

    Default

    Years ago I removed my mare from a barn where the owner was embarassed to have TB on the property. No one abused her, but my mare was uncomfortable because of the attitude directed her way.
    In fact that year I was moving from GA to NH and had to locate a place before moving her. So rather than leave her at that farm, I moved her to another farm for about a month before moving her north with me.

    Move both of you to a barn where the trainer will treat both of you properly. You will find it more enjoyable when emotions are not at play.
    "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
    Courtesy my cousin Tim



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