Okay, I'm using an alter, just in case (you'll know why in a minute). While my DH is not a regular COTH reader, and is non-horsey, I sometimes share interesting threads with him, and he plays along and listens like a good hubby. He absolutely loved the recent grammar thread because he shares the passion of many COTHers on that particular subject. So one day this week, he took a break from work and wrote a story he thought many of you would enjoy. He included some familiar characters he's learned about from listening to me read other threads in the past.
Of Grammer and Horses: An Original COTH Tail
[Enter: Liza Tangerino, sitting on a fold-out lawn chair in the middle of the barn’s isle, and Jane Blurdett, grooming a shockingly skinny horse behind her.]
Liza, looking up from her latest issue of Practical Horseman, which happens to be a year-and-a-half old: "I heard your horse has Lyme's disease. Sorry about that."
Jane, nonchalantly: "Eh, I’m not that worried. It doesn’t seem to really phase him."
Liza: "What makes you say that? I thought all horses with Limes' disease had to be put down or left alone in a field or something..."
Jane: "I don't think so. I lounged him this morning in the outdoor."
Liza, standing and then moving in for a closer look: "Really? But my vet said Lymes' is an expecially bad disease. But I guess he looks alright."
Jane: "Yeah, he does." Aside: "Wait, isn't that heresay?"
Liza, trying to view the horse from the side but struggling in such a narrow aisle, all while pretending she isn't trying to look anyway: "Why didn't you use the indoor? I drug it yesterday, you know?"
Liza, squinting: "Eh, I don't know. He's standing a little funny, or is that just his confirmation?"
Jane: "Yeah, he's a good Catholic, though I don’t think he much appreciated the ash's I rubbed on his head a few week's back."
Liza, puzzled: "That doesn't make alot of sense."
Jane, increasingly angry and pointing to the picture on the wall to her right: "Look at that picture of him and I. Are you telling me that horse--out of Whitewhine, the finest stallion America has ever known--has something structurally wrong?!?! Your being rediculous!"
Liza, genuinely surprised: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't take that tone with me. I'm a history professor! I wasn't trying to say anything was wrong, per say. I was just trying to offer some friendly advise."
Jane, calmly: "I suppose there are worse things in the world then that. I shouldn't of snapped at you."
Liza: "It's okay. And if there is something wrong, you can always sale him."
Jane: "That's a seperate issue."
Liza: "Sure. How long have you been lessoning with him?"
Jane: "Oh gosh, we've really been threw it all. It’s been almost three years now. I loved him from the first time I saw his perfect gate. It really was the most unique I've ever seen."
Liza: "Oh, really? How did you get him?"
Jane, peeved at the personal nature of the question and incredibly terse: "I saw an ad on Craigslist, responded, had to go and see him once, and wala, he was my horse."
Liza, without laughing: "That is literally the funniest thing I have ever heard."
Jane, wanting desperately to end the conversation: "Definately."
Liza, having finally satisfied herself that the horse would be fine and wanting to declare it to all: "So, I think you have everything under control here."
Jane, under her breath: "I could care less what you think."
Liza, leaving: "My friend is coming out tomorrow to go horseback riding for the first time. See you than!"
Liza: "And if you try to stop her, I'll sue you."
Liza: "Well, as soon as soon as I can find an attorney who matches my ethics."
I enjoyed this! In return, would you share this song with your husband- I think he'll like it. The fourth song in the list called "Mispronouncements" and be sure to open the lyrics so you can read as your listen. http://themispronouncer.bandcamp.com/
If he likes this music and wit- don't skip the song "20 questions"