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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2003
    Location
    Vancouver Island, BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,309

    Default When the BO turns the barn in to hell.(Update in first post)

    In the last 2 weeks I have lost total respect for my BO.

    He is very much a drama queen to start with but has become worst in the last few weeks.

    It has gotten to the point that I don't even enjoy going to the barn anymore.

    Me and another boarder took our horse for a trail ride off the farm on Saturday. As we where loading our stuff BO was make snide comments about my horse. I just acted like I didn't know what he was talking able.

    We had a great time and I didn't want to go back to the barn.

    I have been looking for a new place to board but there is not a lot of places close to where I live that has summer grass turn out and my guy needs the room to run.

    Give me some ideas of how to deal with the BO till I find a new place to board. The care isn't bad but there is no turn out, so I have to be out every other day to work my guy. We have a indoor but there always seems to be lessons going on. There are trails just off the farm but with my work hours it is dark when I get to the farm on my work days.
    ****************************************
    Update April 7,13

    So I have gave my notice, made it through to the end of the month and moved my horse.

    It was fun the BO didn't talk to me for two weeks after I gave my notice. Then he started to talk to me just Hi and how are you type of things. I didn't talk to any one at the barn about my leaving. I didn't even tell my friend that I was leaving she heard it from the BO. My stall didn't get as cleaned as it use to be. But that was the worst.

    I didn't have a place to move my horse when I gave notice. I was at the point that if I didn't find something I would just take him back to Alberta to my families farm. I did find a place and then found out that the old place I had been at.The owners where taking it back over and running it. I went and had a talk with them, as the husband owner was up set when I had gave my notice. She had asked if she could think about it as she wasn't ready to take horses yet as they wanted to redo tons of the fence and so on. She gave me a call a few days later and Yes if I was happy with the price and how she was going to run things then she would be happy to have Ury can and live there.

    I moved him on the 29th and he is so happy. He is by himself for now and is very happy. There are horses across the road that he can see and he is in his old field so knows where everything is. I don't worry about the care, she feeds 4 times a day, is very good about cleaning water tubs, picking his area and changing blankets.

    I am sleeping again at night and feel this big weight lifted off my shoulders. My marriage is back on track which is nice. Life couldn't be better.
    Last edited by Eleanor; Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:12 AM. Reason: Update
    Are you going to cowboy up or lie there and BLEED?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug. 28, 2012
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    623

    Default

    Just my two cents' worth. It sounds like your BO craves attention of any kind, good or bad. It also sounds like you are stuck there for now.

    If I were you, I would completely ignore him whenever he verbally acts out -even if he is talking at you whilst standing right in front of you. I would only acknowledge his existence when he is acting or speaking appropriately. It is very hard to do at first, but stick with it.

    Your only obligation to him is to pay your board at the end of the month, and to be civil towards him and the other boarders.

    As women, we are taught to always "be nice," and we are also taught to feel very bad whenever we are "not nice" towards others. People like your BO will use this to get away with bad behavior.

    At work, we call people like that "energy vampires."

    I hope that you find a new barn soon.

    Best wishes,
    Amber
    Last edited by californianinkansas; Mar. 2, 2013 at 11:35 AM. Reason: It is feel bad, not feel badly.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2002
    Location
    Alpharetta, GA
    Posts
    2,308

    Default

    Remember that this is a professional relationship, not a personal one. You have two choices:

    1) Have a sit-down and clear the air. Find out if BO wants to keep your business. Let him know that that x, y and z are not acceptable. If there is something that you are doing wrong, you'll certainly hear about it then (do you pay your bills on time? do you respect the barn rules? do you mind your own business?) Or,

    2) Find another place to board and get out.

    Shopping for another place will certainly put a few of your complaints into perspective. All of the amentities that you desire (convenient location, all weather turnout, multiple rings, etc, etc, etc) cost more.

    If your biggest complaint is that your BO "makes comments" about your horse, why don't you call him on it? The next time it happens, stop, face him and say, "I beg your pardon?" This would be an excellent introduction to the conversation about whether your BO would like to keep you as a client.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 3, 2002
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    819

    Default

    Repeat these words 10 times per day until you believe it and act on it.

    "We Teach People How To Treat Us"

    You need to put this guy in his place like pronto. BO or not he has not earned any respect from you. On the contrary, he has shown you what he thinks of you/your horse.

    I would warn him about his mouth and lack of courtesy to a customer. Lay it on him. Tell him, "Watch Your Mouth". and mean it.
    Don't ever, ever tolerate this treatment.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2012
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    4,842

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jsalem View Post
    The next time it happens, stop, face him and say, "I beg your pardon?" This would be an excellent introduction to the conversation about whether your BO would like to keep you as a client.
    I think this is excellent advice.
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."


    4 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 28, 2006
    Posts
    404

    Default

    I boarded somewhere like that - the guy always would say "at the end of the day this is my place - if you dont like it leave" He was a complete ass, would write nasty notes on the board about the nozzle on the hose getting broke, or if we run out of hay horses will have to leave etc. So the day I was leaving he was surprise (we did not have a contract) I said well at the end of the day its your place and I dont like the way you handle things so I am leaving - he wasnt happy losing 3 horses worth of board - but he got what was coming to him. I feel sorry for you because its hard to go out and enjoy your horse when you have to deal with bull@(*#.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2003
    Location
    Yellow Point, BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,005

    Default

    Is the BO a little fellow w/ an English accent? If so, he's a TOTAL drama queen with a huge ego, and the best way to deal with him (until you can find a better place [I know of on- may not have an indoor, though]) is exactly what Jsalem suggested. He's truly a little wimp on the inside, but he's had sooo many uneducated "ladies" think he's the beesknees for sooo long that it's going to take a little effort to straighten him out.
    Another owner of A Fine Romance baby who has grown up and joined the fun!!!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2003
    Location
    Vancouver Island, BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,309

    Default

    I have told him to watch what he says when he starts to get out of line. But I am trying not to burn the bridge with the horse still on it.

    I just need to find something that will work for my horse and is not to far from home. All I want is grass turnout for my horse and for him to be feed enough hay and watered. Safe fence would be nice as well.
    Are you going to cowboy up or lie there and BLEED?


    2 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2002
    Location
    Alpharetta, GA
    Posts
    2,308

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eleanor View Post
    I have told him to watch what he says when he starts to get out of line. But I am trying not to burn the bridge with the horse still on it.

    I just need to find something that will work for my horse and is not to far from home. All I want is grass turnout for my horse and for him to be feed enough hay and watered. Safe fence would be nice as well.
    Saying "watch what you say" when he gets out of line doesnt sound like a very professional communication. Really, ask him if he wants to keep your business. If he acts like a jerk, then you really shouldn't stay there. If he responds that he does want to keep you as a client, then you need to be very specific about what is acceptable to you. Communication, communication....


    4 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov. 6, 2009
    Posts
    2,047

    Default

    Some people have poor social skills and/or bad manners and really have no clue how they come across. Whether or not this is true in this case, I think that consciously assuming this might help you maintain your equanimity around this person until you can find suitable other arrangements.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar. 24, 2012
    Posts
    1,562

    Default

    One thing I learned dealing with boarding barns is that often it is 'take it or leave it' so if you don't like it, bite your tongue and plan your escape.

    Less stress that way.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov. 7, 2011
    Posts
    78

    Default

    I feel your pain. If it weren't for the excellent care my horse receives I would move. I am constantly reminded of how stupid my horse is when he isn't any more stupid than any other horse in the barn. In fact it could be argued that he is one if the easiest horses in the barn to care for.

    The personality of the BO is Jekyll and Hyde and you never know what you're going to get. This person is an absolute know it all regardless of the subject matter and will brow beat the listener into submission just to get them to STFU.

    I was actually told that those who don't wear helmets should be shamed into wearing one when I take the stance that they are adults, they know the risks, none of my business. This person just cannot stop themselves from snarking at people for lack of a helmet. This person knows best and the rest of us can only aspire to their level of greatness.

    I survive by avoiding the BO as much as possible and am selective in the conversations I engage in with this person which is very limited as you don't what might trigger a psychotic episode of nastiness.

    The best advice I can give is to weigh the pros and cons of staying vs.leaving and make sure that you are making the best choice for you and your horse.
    She who cares the least wins.....



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2003
    Location
    Vancouver Island, BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,309

    Default

    O' I am leaving, it is just finding the right place to go to. He is the type to get mad and till a person to just leave because he is full and has a wait list right now. I don't want to end up with no place to go because I told him to STFU.

    I have told him that I don't appreciate the things he has side to me. I am at the point that I am going out at night after supper is fed and he is done in the barn. But it does not always work out that way. I will keep to myself and just be there when I have too for now.
    Are you going to cowboy up or lie there and BLEED?



  14. #14

    Default

    " I was actually told that those who don't wear helmets should be shamed into wearing one when I take the stance that they are adults, they know the risks, none of my business."

    It's the BO's right to require all riders to wear helmets when mounted. I don't understand why the BO feels that those who don't wear helmets should be "shamed into it". Simply establish a policy that all riders are required to wear helmets when mounted. Period. No need for drama.


    9 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2010
    Location
    Upstate New York
    Posts
    4,096

    Default

    Just imagine, when having to see him in person in the meantime, Mr. BO in his skivvies, with a couple of big old hairy moles where the sun does not shine...

    Then walk quietly away with a big smirk on your face.
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2010
    Location
    All 'round Canadia
    Posts
    4,395

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Prime Time Rider View Post
    " I was actually told that those who don't wear helmets should be shamed into wearing one when I take the stance that they are adults, they know the risks, none of my business."

    It's the BO's right to require all riders to wear helmets when mounted. I don't understand why the BO feels that those who don't wear helmets should be "shamed into it". Simply establish a policy that all riders are required to wear helmets when mounted. Period. No need for drama.
    Yeah, don't get it either. That was/is policy everywhere I boarded - you wear a helmet when mounted no matter how old you are. Don't like the policy, you're free to take your horse elsewhere. No shaming, no drama.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Mar. 13, 2009
    Posts
    1,182

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fanfayre View Post
    Is the BO a little fellow w/ an English accent? If so, he's a TOTAL drama queen with a huge ego, and the best way to deal with him (until you can find a better place [I know of on- may not have an indoor, though]) is exactly what Jsalem suggested. He's truly a little wimp on the inside, but he's had sooo many uneducated "ladies" think he's the beesknees for sooo long that it's going to take a little effort to straighten him out.
    Also from the area and know precisely who you are talking about! I also completely agree, he talks a big game but my impression is that you don't actually have to take it too seriously (easier said than done though!).

    OP I don't know what part of the Island you're from but send me a PM if you want help brainstorming!
    Last edited by klmck63; Apr. 7, 2013 at 01:26 PM.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2003
    Location
    Yellow Point, BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,005

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by klmck63 View Post
    Also from the area and know precisely who you are talking about! I also completely agree, he talks a big game but my impression is that you don't actually have to take it too seriously (easier said than done though!). (snip)
    I keep wanting to ask him, "Dude, if you were such a HUUUGE STAR back in jolly ole' England, why didn't you stay there instead of moving to a "backwater" like Victoria, since that's obviously what you think this area is?"

    PS, checked your webpage, lovely stuff you've got there!
    Another owner of A Fine Romance baby who has grown up and joined the fun!!!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2004
    Location
    City of delusion in the state of total denial
    Posts
    8,489

    Default

    To put it into perspective- the (now former) owner of a farm where I used to board pulled a gun on a boarder who was 1 day late on her payment (because she'd been in the hospital) and if that wasn't bad enough he did it in broad daylight in front of pony camp.

    So unless he's doing that, follow jsalem's as-always good advice, and keep looking... best of luck with the farm search!
    "I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm asleep."
    - Harry Dresden

    Horse Isle 2: Legend of the Esrohs LifeCycle Breeding and competition MMORPG


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Mar. 24, 2012
    Posts
    1,562

    Default

    To put it into perspective- the (now former) owner of a farm where I used to board pulled a gun on a boarder who was 1 day late on her payment (because she'd been in the hospital) and if that wasn't bad enough he did it in broad daylight in front of pony camp.
    I think you win for worst BO!


    8 members found this post helpful.

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