[mvp]

No, I don't mean how to get there, I mean how to live there.

Sometimes I think I'd get a book written if I were in jail. Give me the written notes, an internet connection (and probably a very expensive subscription to JSTOR) and I'd be good.
Also, I'd work out while in jail.

It all sounds great if you are committed to self improvement while someone else cooks, does the laundry. But jail isn't supposed to be fun or easy.

So how do those with purpose and style make the most of living in jail? Share your tips here.

[skydy]

Are you courting convicts? Not wise IMO.

[5]

I have heard tattoos are popular there.

[lawndart]

Ask Martha Stewart, seems to have given her career a boost!

[Sannois]

My lord I> pray I never need to find out!

[Adamantane]

There has to be an explanation for this startling inquiry. We're all waiting.

[Superminion]

Guys. I think mvp has officially lost it.

Although you do make a good point...

[twotrudoc]

mvp, I was totally kidding when I said to knock over the liquor store last week.

Can we write to you?

[sid]

[carp]

I've got a friend who did time. Survival techniques included walking endless circles around the yard so she didn't wig out and strangle one of the bimbos from the 'hood. It didn't sound like fun. Lack of timely medical care was also a downer.

[magnolia73]

It's a myth that inmates live a life of leisure, at least in my state. My friends brother is in prison and does not have a phone, laptop or internet access. Nor does he have money for magazine subscriptions. He does do some work in the jail and gets a very nominal amount of money for it (ie, far less than minimum wage).

You might be able to hand write your book.

It may well be nicer than a life on the streets or as an alternative to poverty or some minimum wage jobs, but most prisons, for your average middle class person, are going to suck. Alot. The highlight of his life is getting enough money so his family can sit and eat with him at a monthly prison fish fry.

[Bluey]

I know our county jail has work details.
The inmates do much of the cleaning inside and out and are busy with that.
You can refuse, but after a few days sitting in a jail, even scrubbing floors with a toothbrush starts to look interesting, for what I hear.

I don't know if they let you have paper and pencils, mostly they don't let you have anything personal that they don't take away again.
Not even counting the kind of company you are with in there, not exactly choir boy type.

[mvp]

There has to be an explanation for this startling inquiry. We're all waiting.

Now, now you can take off your judgey pants now. One court system is enough for me. KIDDING! Jeez.

Now onto more helpful hints:

A HO friend of mine worked in the female side of a county jail in Central NY. She said one could make eye-liner from crayons. I didn't know that. The ladies knew how to do it up, even in jail.

[cloudyandcallie]

I've been in many jails, prisons, and prison camps. They are all too noisy. Although the federal prison camps, like the one in PA where many of the watergate guys went, seemed the best. The golf course there, yes, the golf course there, had signs telling us to keep out! Like we'd break into prison to play golf?

In my wild and misspent youth, i decided I would not want to go to prison because I'd have to give up my dogs and cats and horses and bantams. So I stayed out of trouble. I did not want rats as pets. And The Green Mile movie reinforced my determination to be not an inmate, but the person who visited "my" criminals incarcerated.

GA had the big boxing program for inmates and lots of bodybuilding equipment. Many of those programs were discontinued decades ago because people didn't wan fit prisoners coming back into our population. I'd not want to spend eternity in the prison law library preparing writs of habeas corpus. Boring!

[mvp]

They are all too noisy.
...

GA had the big boxing program for inmates and lots of bodybuilding equipment. Many of those programs were discontinued decades ago because people didn't wan fit prisoners coming back into our population. I'd not want to spend eternity in the prison law library preparing writs of habeas corpus. Boring!

Ah, yes, the 24/7 noise. I think what would drive me 'round the bend.

See, I was all jacked up about the work out opportunities in jail (plus the boredom that drives you to those). I used to be able to do pull-ups while being a girl. I'd like to relive my glory days.

Oh, and I wanna go to law school... just for the entertainment value... and for free. Can I do this on-line while in jail? Prisoners *are* given what they need to participate in their own legal defense, right? So they get a library complete with a Lexus/Nexus or Westlaw subscription, right?

[cloudyandcallie]

You do get computer access in GA prisons. Just certain hours of the day. So I guess you could go online and get a law degree. I'm not sure about that. You do get to spend many hours in the law library. Judges have ruled that prisoners have the right to do that.

I don't know any women lawyers in prison, but I do know Fred Tokars who is in federal prison and was a lawyer before he had his wife murdered. (I worked in the same office with Fred Tokars and Nancy Grace, oh the shame!) Fred makes money by preparing habeas corpus petitions for his fellow prisoners. (And I did turn down Fred when he was single and dating everyone in the courthouse. Whew!)
And you want to be made a "trustee" if you do go to prison, so you have the run of the grounds and buildings.

I don't know which states have the work out facilities for women or men now. But if I had to bet, I'd guess that Alden (I think that is how it is spelled) the federal women's prison in WVA is the place to be......if you must go to prison. It was the only federal prison for women when I was a callow youth.......and decided I'd not go into the importing business with my friends who got rich, but got caught.

In addition to noise, you do have to worry about fellow prisoners. Like at the big state prison, one of my defendants got lighter fluid thrown on him, and was lit up, and he died. And in our Fulton county jail, one of my defendants was whizzing on people who walked by, and he got scalded to death by the water hose. Who knew that the water to clean cells was so hot? Both crimes were unsolved.

[Simkie]

Might be nicer to get committed to a private (not state run) psychiatric hospital I'd think you'd be more likely to have quiet, personal time to work on your manuscript (hell, maybe you'd get a shrink who you could convince it's part of your "therapy"!) and less likely to get 'shanked than in prision...

[Lady Counselor]

Pooping in public. That's one of the perks of jail. You get to use your loo while sitting there in front of your roommates.
I wouldn't last a day in there. Gaaaah!

[keepthelegend]

http://www.amazon.com/Orange-New-Bla.../dp/0385523394


I found this book fascinating!

[mvp]

You might be able to hand write your book.

It may well be nicer than a life on the streets or as an alternative to poverty or some minimum wage jobs, but most prisons, for your average middle class person, are going to suck. Alot. The highlight of his life is getting enough money so his family can sit and eat with him at a monthly prison fish fry.

Now this gives me a lot to think about: Would I trade whatever I have in the way of my middle-class (but rather hand-to-mouth life) for "three hots and a cot... and the space to write a book?"

Have I become a sensible enough person to be able to accept and survive the culture of prison life?

I'm sorta wall-paper to my family, so the group who would convene for the prison fish fry sounds not too bad.