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  1. #61
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    Mar. 30, 2007
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    Ahh...just do it here. Things are leading to a drinking game anyway and we might as well share the joy.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  2. #62
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    Mar. 16, 2009
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    Lex, are you feeling a bit lonely and frustrated lately? I can't help but notice your posts in the last few OT days :hugs:



  3. #63
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    I'm not lonely - at least not in the sense that I feel bad or despair about being single as I've been that by choice for most of my adult life - and I'm more indifferent to dating than frustrated by it at this point. I don't expect to be disappointed but I don't expect not to be disappointed either. Dating just is what it is.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  4. #64
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    I don't claim to be a dating expert, but I found that once I threw out that list of requirements and expectations (obviously, there are some minimal things that are not negotiable) I have been much more satisfied in my dating life. Instead of walking around with a mental checklist, I now go more by feel which in turn has brought me more romance


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  5. #65
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    *shameless bump*
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  6. #66
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    Nov. 20, 2008
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    PA
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    I only skimmed the first page and a half of posts so I'm sure I'm missing a lot that was already posted, but I would say Romance is not dead. I would, however, say that it's very much like that old Christmas movie where Santa's sleigh couldn't fly because hardly anyone believed in Santa anymore.... Yeah, kinda like that.

    I'm a pretty darn big believer in the romance thing. And pretty much all of my friends have told me, in a very nice way, that I'm way too old-fashioned because I've never slept with a man I wasn't in a committed relationship with. Hey, what can I say? My parents gave me a lot of morals and I won't settle for just doing stuff for kicks.

    In that same fashion, I also prefer to be woo-ed. I get all warm and fuzzy inside when a guy holds a door for me or helps me with my coat. And I won't be in a relationship just to be in one - I need to know this man is somebody I really care about and who really cares about me.

    Am I too picky? Maybe. I'm 31 years old and never been married, but I am engaged to a fantastic man. So I guess I did something right along the way.



  7. #67
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    I definitely don't think it is, and I fall into the demographic range you seem to be talking about, at least in terms of age (20's, though I'm closer to 30 than the other end of that decade ), location (D.C. metro), and "type" (professional). Granted, I also think the idea of hookups in general are kind of gross (no judgement on others--knock yourself out! It's just not my cup of tea). But no, I don't believe romance is dead and actually see it as a really vital part of any relationship--from the first few dates until the grand kids are coming over, basically. Once you become "roomies", as you put it, every day becomes an exercise in ignoring that dead feeling inside. Not a cool way to live.

    That said yes, I do see what you're describing in some of my cohorts. They really are obsessed with ticking the "boxes" of getting the ring, marriage, baby, etc, rather than finding the person that really makes every day, no matter how mundane or exciting, magical and fun. Sucks to be them, is my take. Keep looking--you're just unfortunately stumbling across a lot of frogs, it seems!



  8. #68
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    Dec. 20, 2011
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    You mean fixing the gate (or manure spreader, tractor, etc) isn't romantic?


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  9. #69
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    Apr. 21, 2008
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    Maybe people are just realizing that romantic, warm fuzzy stuff fades away and shouldn't be the basis of a relationship to make it work. Sure it's nice when a guy buys you flowers or holds doors for you. It gives you that rush and you think he's a great guy and you're in love because of it. But maybe he's not a great guy or you're not a great match at all, and you look past all the important things just because that giddy feeling overrides all logical thought.

    I also think it's because girls nowadays make themselves too available. There used to be a reason for a guy to have to do all that mushy stuff. Come on, we know the real reason they do it. They had to work to get what they wanted and prove themselves. But too many girls now just throw their legs open the first chance they get, so guys have no reason to work for it anymore. I grew up on notions of romance too and was quite shocked to get into the real dating world and find out how many guys EXPECTED to get laid on the first date.
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    3 members found this post helpful.

  10. #70
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    Aug. 11, 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dubarry View Post
    You mean fixing the gate (or manure spreader, tractor, etc) isn't romantic?
    Au contraire!!!!

    For me, romance is not grand gestures. My boyfriend has never gotten me flowers, for example. He's not a knight in shining armour, and I sure as heck ain't no damsel in distress waiting to be swept off my feet.

    Romance is the little stuff. Romance is him helping you bring in the horses in the rain. Romance is him always letting me go first through the door (it blew me away when I realized this happened every. single. time. even when his hands are full and mine aren't). Romance his him buying me my favourite kind of chips, so that I have them when I come over.

    Romance is the stuff that still gives you wam fuzzy feelings, even after you've been together for years.


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  11. #71
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    Yeah, that's what I don't really see much of these days.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  12. #72
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    Jun. 19, 2001
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    Quote Originally Posted by Preposterous Ponies! View Post
    Au contraire!!!!

    For me, romance is not grand gestures. My boyfriend has never gotten me flowers, for example. He's not a knight in shining armour, and I sure as heck ain't no damsel in distress waiting to be swept off my feet.

    Romance is the little stuff. Romance is him helping you bring in the horses in the rain. Romance is him always letting me go first through the door (it blew me away when I realized this happened every. single. time. even when his hands are full and mine aren't). Romance his him buying me my favourite kind of chips, so that I have them when I come over.

    Romance is the stuff that still gives you wam fuzzy feelings, even after you've been together for years.
    Agreed! I would expand and say it's the big and little gestures--flowers are nice sometimes for sure. But yes, remembering to pick up your favorite cereal at the store, sending an email in the middle of the day just to let someone know you're thinking about them, offering to take the dog out when it's raining--these things are romantic too. At the end of the day it's about showing thought and care for more than just your partner's basic needs--it's what binds you together more tightly than just a friendship does.



  13. #73
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    Jun. 24, 2005
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    I think it depends on how you define romance, but I think as men and women have started, however slowly, to have less-defined gender roles in work and in friendship and in romance, some of the "traditional" habits and who-opens-what-for-who things aren't as straightforward. I also think part of it is that many people wait until they are older to get into serious relationships, and so are less likely to engage in puppy-love-type romance. I also think some of this is, to a degree, regional. I dated a Texas country boy for a long time, and he was very old-school about chivalrous-type romantic actions. Which worked for me: I'm not a romantic, but I'm kind of a traditionalist about who opens doors and that sort of thing.



  14. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    Yeah, that's what I don't really see much of these days.
    I have a male FRIEND that won't let me open my own doors. We had lunch when he was in town over the winter and I recall him actually holding the [interior] door SHUT until I would let go of it and allow him to open it for me. He also refused to let me pay for my own lunch - the most he would let me do was pay the tip, and I'm married.

    IMO, it's all in the raising. Romance isn't dead, nor is it "uncool", but I think it is undervalued by today's women.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson



  15. #75
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    Oct. 16, 2008
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    Yike Lex. It sounds like you took some beatings online. No advice here. Only hope that things will look up for you. Oh, and I believe girls/women still want romances, and many still appreciate it. They just don't want guys to think that they "only" want romance - or maybe they think guys don't want a romantic girl.



  16. #76
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    I can see a lot of the points of why in many cases there isn't so much romance around anymore.

    I've found in my relationships things are very romantic, at least how I see it. I don't know if a guy has ever purchased me flowers - I don't remember it if so. But they've done more meaningful things which to me were super romantic because of the thoughtfulness involved. Heck, some specifically didn't get me flowers because they knew of my allergies and would buy me a book instead. Truth is, I preferred that, and it was a sign of them knowing me.

    It could be connected to the fact guys tend to be extremely chivalrous toward me even if they're not toward other females, and I haven't figured out exactly why that is. I am 5'1", yet I ride a large horse who can BUCK, I throw around bales of hay, I rarely wear makeup, I'm totally socially inept and a failure at flirting, swear like a sailor... but without my asking for or trying to insist on it, I get total romance. Maybe just because I appreciate someone being kind and trying to do nice things for me?

    I'm sorry for anyone who has had to deal with the jerks, and I have definitely been lucky to date just about all sweethearts who just weren't necessarily the right match for me - but there are definitely folks of both genders who are really good people and will appreciate the little kindnesses.


    That said, I can't online date. It turns it into an impersonal checklist for me, and just bothers me a lot! I can handle a whole lot more flaws in someone I meet in person and appreciate more of their good attributes as well, where when trying to read words on a computer I tend to eliminate men simply from the lack of personal connection.
    My horse is a dressage diva so I don't have to be.

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  17. #77
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    I don't think the trend is just in "today's" relationships. I started noticing the calculating thing some 30 years ago. When couples started discussing things like "taking the relationship to the next level" or "where do we want this relationship to go?" I thought it was weird--and sad--then and I'm certainly sad to think some relationships are that way now (must be, since this thread is here).

    I don't know why two people can't just be best friends and then if romance breaks out, go with it. Why make it so complicated and businesslike?

    Good grief.

    Nope, take that back. Grief isn't good.

    Weird.
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  18. #78
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    Oh I hope it's not dead! I have high hopes that I can finally start a dating life in college! Of course, I'm a firm believer in friends first, dating second and marriage before the *ahem* bedroom. My school is so small, the only girls who date inside the school really are the ones that find their identity almost in being in a relationship, regardless if it makes sense.

    I've follow a blog of these twin boys who in one series, gave their opinion on the situation of dating today. Being "gentlemen" and such. Seeing it from a guy's perspective was interesting, because their minds are foreign, dangerous lands where no lady dare venture to
    Basically they said the biggest problem is women who want the gentleman/romantic guy but don't allow a guy to be one because they (the women) are afraid of being percieved as being weak. By denying the man's offer of help, or assistance or favor, we are discouraging them because their efforts aren't proving helpful and eventually they give up. They said that men aren't asking to help us because they think we are weak, but because it is polite and gentlemenly(/manly?). The twins basically said if women want gentlemen, they must cultivate gentlemanly behavior.

    Just an interesting perspective I thought I'd share, I have absolutely no experience dating or otherwise fraternizing.
    Of the heart-aching, hard-working, hope-having, horse-loving and horse-less variety. We are a sad species indeed.



  19. #79
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    I'd agree that romance is pretty dead for a lot of relationships.

    Because romance is courting, it's what we did as we got to know one another and made efforts to win their affection via actions that weren't sex. Now sex happens so early in the relationship that romance isn't needed. What were you doing it (romance) for? To please someone, to make them happy, to grow closer to them. Now people meet at a bar and take guys/girls home right off the bat. We sleep with people long before we really know them.



  20. #80
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    This thread is almost refreshing... to see that some still have standards and that romance is still appreciated by most!
    ** On the standards thing- not one to judge, to each their own! I just happened to have been raise a certain way and it works for me

    I do think romance has however suffered in today's day and age due to everyone being SO busy and involved in their own "lives".
    There is very much of a "MY" life and "MY" dreams vs OUR lives and dreams trend going (at least within the sphere of people I am surrounded by- late 20's early 30's)

    Agree 300% that traditions, manners and the way one was raised has a lot to do with it as well!!
    Proudly living in my "let's save the world bubble"!



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