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  1. #1
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    Question Is Romance No Longer "Cool" In Today's Relationships?

    One thing I've noticed over the past decade or so is a decline in romance in relationships. A lot of what I've seen - both personally and with others - seems to be "relationships by the numbers" and not so much in the way of romance or that warm fuzzy love that we all read about and see in the movies. Even looking at online dating profiles, I don't see anything about romance or much beyond clinical, calculated shopping lists for relationship partners. So, is romance or being "swept off your feet" or any of that other stuff, no longer fashionable or is it dead as a sign of the times we live in?
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have, at this moment, been thrown up from below!


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  2. #2
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    Sep. 4, 2006
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    Default

    Never mind...



  3. #3
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    May. 31, 2010
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    Well, I have to ask - what do you think romance is? What is romantic to you?

    As an "older" person who occasionally tries to date...there is something missing, yes. One of the things I hate is the concept of rules for dating - like, a guy shouldn't call a girl the next day. He has to wait two days. Or, that a woman shouldn't be too available; if a guy calls on Friday and asks you to go out Saturday, you should have plans or you might seem lonely or desperate. Argh.

    What if I get butterflies in my stomach when we accidentally touch hands? What if the guy, at the end of the date, thinks that he can't wait to see her again? Why is that wrong? I think that excitement, that anticipation, is hugely romantic. I want to be swept off my feet, really.

    Of course, as it is Saturday night, I'm in sweat pants and posting on COTH...it hasn't happened recently!


    12 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
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    Sep. 11, 2011
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    In general, I agree. I personally have a "good guy" but I think he is the exception.



  5. #5
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    Apr. 2, 2003
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    I'm about to get married.

    What is romance, again?


    3 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
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    Sep. 13, 2000
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    I will take the good old days when men courted women, a women acted like ladies! Yeah, Old fashioned romance is hard to find, Who cares if it is "Cool" or not, Lucky if you find it!
    "you can only ride the drama llama so hard before it decides to spit in your face." ?Caffeinated.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
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    Jul. 3, 2011
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    Ontario
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    Definitely not dead. SO and I are both early twenties and been together going on three years, still lots of romance and warm fuzzy love going on around here!



  8. #8
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    Jul. 19, 2003
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    Middleburg, VA
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    I guess I kinda wonder what "romance" means to you?

    Lord knows I'm not a romantic. I am far more into laughter and companionship and that sort of thing than being wooed, swept off my feet, and swooning. Flowers and candles and sweetness are all well and good, but I get a much bigger kick out of a much different sort of dynamic.

    Of course, since I don't seek out partners or do much dating, I'm hardly one to talk. But I also don't do relationships "by the numbers" or clinically. When it's right, it's right, and you don't need flowers to prove it.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
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    Nov. 3, 2008
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    I think I'm guilty of not being the traditional romantic type - I get a little uncomfortable with anything trying too hard to be romantic or getting too emotional. I'm the girl thats like "you spent HOW much on flowers/jewellery whatever - I know you love me, you don't need to buy me stuff - unless it something for my horse " SO says I have a 'cheese' sensitivity That being said, we have date nights all the time and just generally do a lot of fun activities together. Thats my sort of romance.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
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    Well, I think laughter and companionship is a big part of romance in that it's the catalyst for the mushy stuff that you aren't into but I honestly don't even see that in a lot of young adult relationships. I just don't see it much these days and there seems to be less interest in "getting to know someone" and more interest in getting to the altar or "couple status" as quickly as possible by going through the motions. I know that for many, getting into a relationship or becoming engaged or married is like a video game achievement that they want to get in short order and a lot of 20-somethings make a big deal about it, so maybe that has something to do with it.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have, at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  11. #11
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    I don't know about you, but I'm 45 years old and do not expect romance. To me, the most romantic thing my husband can do for me is show me that he loves me through his actions on a daily basis.

    I do not require flowers or gifts- heck this year I even said no Valentine's Day cards. We don't do Christmas gifts as we buy what we want or need when we want or need it. We go out for a "romantic" dinner when the mood strikes, but some of our most "romantic" times are spent in our pig barn farrowing litters of pigs. They are my husband's passion and it makes me extremely happy to see him so enthralled! He bought me a new vacuum the other week and I was ecstatic because clean carpets turn me on!

    We both require that our bills are paid on time and that we carry a minimum amount of debt. I require that he is faithful to me and honest with me and he expects the same from me. I require that he be my partner and that we work together on our relationship. Decisions are made together and through discussion and debate. We still haven't taken a honeymoon because there is no one to watch the farm, but we try to make every day special because we know we are lucky. Laughing with my husband is one of the biggest joys in my life, much better than "romance". We try to laugh as much as possible!

    We have been together for 7 years and married for two and have worked through real life problems that come from living- divorce, children of divorce, bankruptcy, addiction. We make each other a priority and both know from previous marriages that this has to happen in order for our marriage to work. We fight occasionally and I can certainly give as good as I get, but our relationship has taught me that I can't hold grudges and once the fight is over I have to let it go.

    My husband is the first man that I have been 100% myself with from the word go and this is the relationship that has worked the most for me ever. That to me is true romance!

    "Romance" wears off when the shine does! I want true love that sticks by me through thick and thin! If I want romance, there is always "Days of Our Lives"!


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  12. #12
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    Jul. 19, 2003
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    But, Lex, mushy stuff (and, seriously, can you clarify?) doesn't have anything to do with relationship building. Communication is what builds relationships. THAT I can see being missing. Most people suck at communicating in ALL their relationships, not just their "romantic" ones.

    But, really, what do you consider romance? I am legitimately curious. I know what makes me wobbly inside, but I don't consider it "romantic" in the classic, chic flick sense. But maybe I'm wrong.


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  13. #13
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    I didn't really read everything thoroughly because my brain is mush, but after I broke up with last boyfriend for being entirely UN-romantic, my roommate directed me to the five love languages, because I felt like a ninny for wanting some kind of "romance." After I read up a little, I felt better because he truly didn't offer any of the categories.

    http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

    On the other hand, romance "only" doesn't do much for me either. Sure, come try to sweep me off my feet, but if you don't have a job and you live in your parents basement, I'm just not gonna be that into you.

    So, I think it's a balancing act.


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  14. #14
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    Also, how exactly are you supposed to be romantic in an online dating profile? Romance is about chemistry and attraction and wooing. And, I think, it is pretty personal. What may woo eponacowgirl may send me running for the hills. The wooing and romance has to come AFTER you realize you are attracted. Online dating, at least in the profiles and early stages is NOT the place for romance.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
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    i feel like there's still a lot of "romance" around me. both my brothers proposed in very romantic ways, and my SO is pretty romantic in general... and he will occasionally drop hints about how excited he is planning his proposal. :P my best friend's husband just redid their spidery basement and made it into a workout room for valentine's day...we thought that was really romantic! i dunno, i think everyone's definition and expectations for romance are probably different.
    My mare wonders about all this fuss about birth control when she's only seen a handful of testicles in her entire life. Living with an intact male of my species, I feel differently! WAYSIDE



  16. #16
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    I think romantic people are romantic and unromantic people aren't. The problem is when you get one of each!!

    What I find bizarre is how often I watch people fight and attack and be nasty to each other while planning weddings or babies together! I'm like um, WHY? I mean even if the sex is great you don't need to be married for that!!
    Every mighty oak was once a nut that stood its ground.

    Proud Closet Canterer! Member Riders with Fibromyalgia clique.


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  17. #17
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    I watched a video seminar about the five love languages; it is really good stuff. I think it's really smart to learn about yourself and better identify what you need from a partner.

    For me romance isn't about mushy, it's a lot about thoughtfulness, maybe? Not sure that's the right word - learning how to make a lemon drop because it's my favorite cocktail; watching Anchorman again even if you don't really get it; getting up early to feed the dog so I can sleep in on occasion. Listening when I talk. The occasional mushy stuff is good too, of course.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
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    Aug. 18, 2011
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    Well, I'm a romance writer, and when Arizona and I got together (met on Match), his friends and family snickered at the idea of him with a romantic. Yes, we had our wedding registry at Cabelas (my friends called it the serial killer shopping list and argued over who got to buy the axe, rope and tarp). But so much of what he does on a daily basis is romantic, from always getting the car door to holding my hand and sitting next to me at restaurants. So I guess it's a matter of perspective.
    Horsey romances written by a horsey person
    www.JesseHayworth.com


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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by KTRider View Post
    I watched a video seminar about the five love languages; it is really good stuff. I think it's really smart to learn about yourself and better identify what you need from a partner.

    For me romance isn't about mushy, it's a lot about thoughtfulness, maybe? Not sure that's the right word - learning how to make a lemon drop because it's my favorite cocktail; watching Anchorman again even if you don't really get it; getting up early to feed the dog so I can sleep in on occasion. Listening when I talk. The occasional mushy stuff is good too, of course.
    See, now that kind of stuff I just think is being a good, caring person. I wouldn't call it romance!


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  20. #20
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    I'm just easy to please, I guess! (not really)

    Now ask me to list all the things that I think are gross and/or romance killers...that's a much longer list!



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