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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Mar. 11, 2006
    Location
    Alachua, Florida
    Posts
    192

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    At freshman orientation (for parents) before the first day of college, we were told that even if we were footing the bill for tuition, the student was 18+ years old, and we were not entitled to their records or anything else. They are now adults according to the law. If the student wants to give us their password to access their info, it is entirely up to the student. Otherwise it is confidential information and you will not get it from the university, period, end of story.

    You would not believe how many shocked and appalled faces I noted during that session!


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  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar. 23, 2005
    Location
    SFBay
    Posts
    1,276

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    Nope. My undergrad college has a strict honor code which means you aren't allowed to talk to anyone about grades. Ever. (Sounds weird, but it's wonderful). Can't fathom what the reaction to a parent calling would be!

    I do, however, have all kinds of crazy parent stories from my (public) high school...



  3. #23
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2005
    Location
    Southern California - Hemet
    Posts
    1,676

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    It's the policy of the college where I have a steady part-time gig (and all colleges and universities where I've taught, for that matter) to say that your super special little snowflake is an adult and therefore it is against a federal law called FERPA for me to engage in communications about SSLS's education with anyone else. Well, we don't say SSLS, but that's what we think. The calls I receive from parents are rare, but often highly amusing (to me). My favorite was "is my son really attending your class? I think he's really with this girl we've forbidden him to see when he says he's in class." Talk to your adult child, sir, talk to him. :-)
    Last edited by laskiblue; Feb. 23, 2013 at 12:24 PM. Reason: yet another typo



  4. #24
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2006
    Posts
    867

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    Well, I did have my mother call once during college, but not anything grade related!

    I had a period of time when the floor fell out from underneath me with some unexpected deaths from IED in Iraq and my mother was concerned and more or less notified the university's mental health, who subsequently notified my professors. However, small university and all my professors knew me so I think there would have been concern without an explanation sent out on why I started tanking some classes and struggling.


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  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,344

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    O magazine (Oprah) had an article a few years ago about helicopter parents, and the stories in there are shocking. Interference with school, relationships with friends, retaliation against kids who do better than your kid, job interviews with mom along, bad reviews at work resulting in mommy and daddy calling, and other behavior that show some in the coming generations will eventually move back into mommy's basement, and never leave. I've seen a man who lived with his parents, went into the Military right after high school, lived in barracks for years, married and the wife did all household stuff, moved back in with parents with wife to take care of the parents, then the wife and both parents died over the next ten years, and all this resulted in a man who wrote his first mortgage check at age 50-it's not a new phenomenon, but it's a hugely growing one.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
    Location
    The rocky part of KY
    Posts
    9,280

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    Geez. Now I'm feeling guilty because I'm sick and tired of the cr*p going on in the school busses and I want to yell at somebody. I got to listen to the venting by DD, and provided input about the statement she had to write regarding threats made on the bus (only what you heard and exactly what you heard) before they expelled one rider.

    School and school work are DD's responsibility, but until she gets a driver's license we have to drive her to required afterschool events and she's horrible about letting us know in advance. SHE claims they don't tell HER, I don't know who to believe since we've arrived at the email time for an event only to discover it's been moved forward a half an hour.

    But college and work, those were my problem, not my parents'.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  7. #27
    Join Date
    Dec. 27, 2006
    Location
    Western NY
    Posts
    1,693

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    Quote Originally Posted by ReSomething View Post
    Geez. Now I'm feeling guilty because I'm sick and tired of the cr*p going on in the school busses and I want to yell at somebody. I got to listen to the venting by DD, and provided input about the statement she had to write regarding threats made on the bus (only what you heard and exactly what you heard) before they expelled one rider.

    School and school work are DD's responsibility, but until she gets a driver's license we have to drive her to required afterschool events and she's horrible about letting us know in advance. SHE claims they don't tell HER, I don't know who to believe since we've arrived at the email time for an event only to discover it's been moved forward a half an hour.

    But college and work, those were my problem, not my parents'.
    This reminds me of when my youngest niece got her drivers license. She was happy, but kind of meh. My SIL was beyond thrilled and started saving a lot of gas .



  8. #28
    Join Date
    Jul. 14, 2000
    Location
    NM
    Posts
    1,491

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    I work for a university and we run a design contest that student teams from all over attend. 2 years ago we received an email from a dad of one of the students furious that their kid's team didn't win - I think they were competing against 15 or so other teams so yes not everyone wins. The judges are professionals not affilated w/any lf the universities. It was a drunken rant about how he had read their paper (they are judged on the paper, the presentation, a poster, and their working model) and it was the best - not that he had read the other papers or seen the other presentations! We were instucted that we had to award this team 1st place and take it away from the team that earned it. Really crazy stuff.



  9. #29
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2009
    Location
    CA to Costa Rica to WI
    Posts
    823

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    This does not surprise me at all. I'm 23, and my parents had almost zero involvement in my college education. (They probably couldn't even tell you what classes I was taking.)

    However, as a Captain of our Equestrian Team for several years, I dealt with many parents. I HATED dealing with parents and when I'd get inquiry emails saying "My daughter is a fantastic rider and will be the star of your team, what do I have to do to get her on?" I would do everything in my power to reach the student directly. I sometimes accepted that these were still HS students, and would be ok with arranging things with the mother.

    But then it gets better... even when DD is a full fledged college student, I would STILL get calls and emails from parents. "Suzzie is upset that she's not showing this weekend. I need an explanation why because she's the best rider to ever walk this planet." Some parents were worse than others.
    Proud member of the "I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday" clique

    Fourteen Months Living and Working in Costa Rica



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Feb. 12, 2011
    Posts
    34

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    I had this happen several times at one of the universities I worked for.

    One student's father called to ask me how fast his son could finish the course work in our department. He wanted him to "just hurry up and graduate so he can work for me and make some real money." He kept saying "I'm talking *real money* here," as if I should have been impressed. Ummmm, sir? I might be more impressed (less disgusted) if your adult son came in to find out about this major on his own.

    Another time, a mother called to yell at me because her son did not have a high enough GPA to be admitted to the major. I think the cut off was a 2.6 or something. She called me elitist, high and mighty, and unfeeling.



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Apr. 5, 2011
    Posts
    859

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    No, but as a college instructor, I've had parents and guardians contact me about their darlings' progress, and get REALLY upset (threatened to get me fired, in one case) when I explained that without a release, I can't tell them a thing.

    I did have a husband call me once about his wife . . . how was she doing in the class, what kinds of grades was she getting, what could he do to help her out? When I told him there was no way I could talk to him about that, he said, "Oh, it's okay, I'm a teacher too, so you can talk to me." Um, NO, I can't!



  12. #32
    Join Date
    Sep. 27, 2000
    Location
    Southern California - on a freeway someplace
    Posts
    9,691

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    Never done as parent or kid. As a professor, we are not allowed to discuss things with parents as long as kid is 18/o.

    The worst one I ever got concerned a young woman who had some sort of learning disability that apparently allowed her extra time on exams. College protocol is that the student gets evaluated by the appropriate people and then each semester submits paperwork to each instructor well before there are any tests or quizzes and then submits yet another piece of paper before each test. Professor sends test to testing center and student takes test. This student contacted me via email on Sunday night for a Monday test. I had not previously seen any paperwork. I told her that it wasn't going to happen without the paperwork. She told me that her other teachers had always given her the test on their own time before or after the class took the test without her submitting any paperwork. I stood firm. Her father called and proceeded to play a version of the West LA "can you top this?" game to intimidate me. I learned that he was an MD with his own practice and that he was on staff at Cedars-Sinai. I responded, "that's nice." I told him about the federal regulations that didn't allow me to discuss his daughter and he told me that he discussed his 18/o patients' cases with their parents all the time. I informed him that he was breaking the law. He didn't like that. I stood firm. I then got a call from someone at our school testing office who had also been intimidated by the dad and seemed relieved and/or impressed that I hadn't backed down. The student tearfully took the test with the rest of the class and didn't do very well. She ended up dropping the course, but retook in the next semester, did the appropriate paperwork, and got a good grade. I suspect that what she learned the first semester was more valuable though.
    The Evil Chem Prof


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  13. #33
    Join Date
    May. 8, 2004
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    6,814

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    As a parent of an 8 and 10 year old, I am already feeling this. At what point do you go from supportive, educating parent to crazy helicopter lady? I'm backing off my ten year old now; I still occasionally check his homework, but for the most part it's more curiosity than directing him. I spent a lot of time with the 8 year old, but the idea is to teach her how to do it correctly, not do it for her.

    I do hope that by the time they are in High school, I can read what they have written for the sheer pleasure of it, not to check grammar and spelling!



  14. #34
    Join Date
    Dec. 7, 2001
    Location
    Cullowhere?, NC
    Posts
    8,599

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reynard Ridge View Post
    As a parent of an 8 and 10 year old, I am already feeling this. At what point do you go from supportive, educating parent to crazy helicopter lady? I'm backing off my ten year old now; I still occasionally check his homework, but for the most part it's more curiosity than directing him. I spent a lot of time with the 8 year old, but the idea is to teach her how to do it correctly, not do it for her.

    I do hope that by the time they are in High school, I can read what they have written for the sheer pleasure of it, not to check grammar and spelling!
    As long as you keep the bit in bold in mind, you'll be good.

    Besides, your two will be so far ahead of the rest of their peers due to the varied experiences they've had in travels that it will not be an issue. Having experienced all of your reservation snafeaux in international travel, figuring out a syllabus or a due date and parameters for a writing assignment or lab project will be ... well, child's play. For all of you.

    As far as the rest of it--don't get me started. Just don't. One of my deals is a "transitions" course to help students get a good start in college. Just ... let's not go there. It's terrifying.
    "One person's cowboy is another person's blooming idiot" -- katarine

    Spay and neuter. Please.



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