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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jan. 30, 2007
    Location
    Lexington, KY
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    425

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    I'm a waitress and had a couple the other night who were on their 7th year anniversary. They told me their very first date was at that same place and that they had met online.
    Every one of them had that look of a girl infatuated with horses, the happy, fated look of a passenger setting sail on the Titanic.



  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
    Location
    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    11,125

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    Quote Originally Posted by OTD Alter View Post
    I'm not confident or social or outgoing or attractive.
    Simply put, you need to build your confidence, become more outgoing, and do things to make yourself more attractive like lose weight, become physically fit, or improving your appearance. If you can't make an effort to do any of those things, then you are a lost cause.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 2012
    Location
    La La Land
    Posts
    478

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    OK I will say it again.. Get yourself a black knit with a brim AC/DC hat and just wear it. It never fails to amaze everybody with me how many guys approach me just to talk about my hat. My DH absolutely hates all the attention I get because of a stupid hat. Its not like I am super good looking either. Nope its the hat.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Dec. 23, 2010
    Location
    Lancashire UK, formerly Region 8
    Posts
    662

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    No one is EVER a "lost cause"!!

    ...and "making an effort" can feel almost impossible if someone is suffering from depression or social anxiety.

    I'm sure the above post wasn't meant to be harsh, but I can just imagine how those phrases might come across to someone who is potentially oversensitive and depressed.
    Proud COTH lurker since 2001.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    16,875

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    Wow Lex, don't soft soap your advice!

    OP, are you sure you're not depressed? It sounds like a possibility.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    5,042

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    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    Simply put, you need to build your confidence, become more outgoing, and do things to make yourself more attractive like lose weight, become physically fit, or improving your appearance. If you can't make an effort to do any of those things, then you are a lost cause.
    I take it you know the OP in real life? I'd assume so with such specific advice.

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).



  7. #27
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2001
    Location
    Ft Worth, TX, USA
    Posts
    3,877

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    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    Simply put, you need to build your confidence, become more outgoing, and do things to make yourself more attractive like lose weight, become physically fit, or improving your appearance. If you can't make an effort to do any of those things, then you are a lost cause.
    Where DID that red thumb go.
    '
    Hang in there OP. Check out the online dating like others have said. I know 3 couples who met online, married, and each have been married for several years
    "Everyone will start to cheer, when you put on your sailin shoes"-Lowell George

    What's the status on Tuco?


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2003
    Location
    Middleburg, VA
    Posts
    12,801

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    Whoa, Lex.

    OP, I would worry far less about meeting a guy, and do your best to fill your life with activities and people you enjoy. You don't have to be the life of the party, go out every night to the clubs, or anything like that, but by finding some things to do and some people to do them with, your outlook may change. Also, by being out and about, you will start to interact wit more guys and may just kick start that dating life.

    If you truly are as low and hopeless as you say, you may want to consider some sessions with a counselor. You may find you need to address some OTHER things before you are ready and confident to take on a social life.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2006
    Location
    rapidan,virginia
    Posts
    1,510

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    OP, I suggest you seek the advice of a counselor or life coach to steer you in the direction of making positive changes and recognizing the opportunities in your life.

    I also suggest you ignore the advice of those who have no demonstrable success in their own personal lives - see LexinVA.
    "Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?" Sun Tzu, The Art of War
    Rainy: http://tinyurl.com/kj7x53c
    Stash: http://tinyurl.com/mmm3p4e


    5 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jul. 25, 2003
    Location
    Boston Area
    Posts
    8,310

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    Don't let life get you down!

    I love Paula Edwina's post. She's so right. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin in your 20s. As someone who's now in their 50s I can tell you that you are still very young and have lots of living to do.

    Seeing a counselor can be very helpful. I was at a crossroads a few years back -- my husband and i were having trouble, I was uncertain where to go with my career, etc. I had several sessions with someone who helped me a lot. Many times your health insurance will cover a few sessions with a counselor. Ask your GP about it.

    If you want to do a few things to make yourself feel better, here are a couple of ideas:

    - Find someone who has a great haircut and ask them which salon they go to. Then go! When you go there, ask for a consultation and explain how much you actually want to do with your hair in the mornings. I lucked into a great stylist a few years ago and it was such a treat to find someone who could help me look better with so little effort!

    - Schedule a make up consult at a place like Sephora. You don't have to buy the stuff and you don't need to use all the products that they do, but they will give you some ideas about make up and how to use it. The big dept stores also have make up counters but I think Sephora is more fun.

    - If you have a dog, go to places with other dog walkers. Dogs are a great conversation starter. If you don't have a dog, offer to walk a dog for a friend. Seriously.

    - Sign up for a class in something that interests you. It doesn't have to be a place where you will meet men but if you widen your circle of friends, you may get introduced to someone you like. I've been attending some writers groups. I'm amazed by how many men are there. The sessions are free to attend, too.

    - Join a gym. There are a ton of fun classes now at gyms. And there are lots of guys there too.

    Most of all, try to make yourself happy first.
    Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
    EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
    Join Date
    Feb. 5, 2010
    Posts
    2,411

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    OP, don't worry--Lex might only be attracted to slim girls, but there are other guys who prefer their women with "extra cushion for the pushin'," as they say. I saw a whole show about it, probably on TLC or something. And even if you're not "Chubby Chaser" big, no worries--there are all different types of folks who are attracted to all kinds of shapes, sizes, etc., so there will be plenty of guys out there who will be attracted to YOU! Find someone who likes you just the way you are.

    But. You need to be secure with yourself *first* before you start looking for someone to share your life with. That whole "you complete me" crap is such a load of b.s.--nobody can complete you but YOU!



  12. #32
    Join Date
    Oct. 15, 2001
    Posts
    4,693

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    I actually don't think Lex's advice is that far off. A little harsh in delivery, for sure, but if you are feeling unattractive, there are things you can do!

    Go to the hair salon, get a great cut, color and blowout. My absolute favorite pick-me-up.

    Go to one of the makeup counters at Macy's and ask them how to do your makeup in the most flattering way. I love the Lancome counter, I show up with no makeup and let them go to town, then pick 2 or 3 products I need to replace or don't have. Plus, they always have great "gifts with purchase" so you get a bunch more small-size products to test out.

    I've never ever met a man at the gym, and even at my very fittest/leanest, gyms make me feel a little uncomfortable. But get outside, walk, run, whatever. You are going to feel better about yourself just through the endorphins from exercising, nevermind how you look and feel as you gain fitness.

    All that other advice about putting yourself out there is true, too, but don't discount pampering yourself... I really think it helps provide the confidence to get out and meet people.



  13. #33
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
    Location
    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
    Posts
    11,125

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    Read the OP. It's not a desperate cry for help. You people are overreacting, as usual. She's not claimed that she's deeply depressed and suicidal nor does the post indicate that. She just used the right words in the title to draw you in - something I try to do when making personal threads - and you fell for it. She didn't ask for any help and didn't say she wanted to improve her situation but simply wanted attention and a pity-party.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    5,042

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    Damn.

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Aug. 28, 2006
    Posts
    9,989

    Default

    Really, Lex? Try to have a heart why don't you.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2013
    Posts
    2

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    Thank you all for the input. No, I didn't ask for advice, but I'm taking it. Lex, you were right in your first post. I do need to do all that stuff. Sometimes it's hard to think it will make a difference, but it is worth a shot.

    I took a baby step outside my comfort zone--I joined a dating website.


    17 members found this post helpful.

  17. #37
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
    Location
    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    11,125

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    Now get out there and **** some stuff up!
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 2012
    Location
    La La Land
    Posts
    478

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    Quote Originally Posted by paulaedwina View Post
    Damn.

    Paula
    Love your posts. As always you are so well spoken.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
    Join Date
    Mar. 26, 2006
    Posts
    472

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    Dogs are great for socializing!

    And if you ever wanted to try dancing, see if there is a social dance club in your area. Take group lessons - guys and gals are there stumbling through the same steps, and you usually switch partners all the time. It's fun and you'll meet all sorts of people.



  20. #40
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
    Location
    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    11,125

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    Quote Originally Posted by OTD Alter View Post
    Thank you all for the input. No, I didn't ask for advice, but I'm taking it. Lex, you were right in your first post. I do need to do all that stuff. Sometimes it's hard to think it will make a difference, but it is worth a shot.

    I took a baby step outside my comfort zone--I joined a dating website.
    You're welcome. Now check out the dating profile thread to get some advice if you don't feel like posting your profile for others to look at here.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!



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