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  1. #61
    Join Date
    Mar. 24, 2004
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    Pottstown, PA (East Coventry)
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    3,363

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    I don't see the age difference as that big of a deal since she is no longer in high school. I was 19 and dating a 24 year old. I married him when I was 21 and he was 26. I am still married almost 24 years later.
    Yes, in my case it is 5 years difference not 7.

    I would have a problem with my mom/dad reverse phone look-up on my casual boyfriend. I would lie to them in a heartbeat and say I didn't know his name so they wouldn't do a search and destroy on his history.
    I could also see where if he had mentioned it at some point and she forgot it she would be embarrassed to admit she didn't remember. She may be further uncomfortable to ask if she feels like she is getting just to "investigate" him or have mom investigate him.
    So either scenario works for me.

    Plus what did we do before "reverse phone look-up", internet searchs, social media searches, etc....

    OP- Your daughter is meeting him in public places so it sounds like she is using her head and being cautious and not 100% naive.

    Maybe have a discussion with her about why it is important that she know a bit more about him before moving any relationship to the next level- such as meeting in less public places. It is important that your daughter knows that information and maybe a good friend not necessarily her parents- yet. It should be her choice to investigate him further even if that is just checking out his Facebook account and his friends' Facebook.

    Heck he may not know your daughter last name either.
    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community. (Tidy Rabbit)



  2. #62
    Join Date
    Dec. 10, 2004
    Location
    Canada
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    3,676

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    Okay, mom can be concerned, but it's not like she's 20 dating a 40 year old. He's 27 for crying out loud. Also, they met on a plane, talked for hours and have been on a whopping 3 dates. She comes home every night. So she's not telling mom his last name. I wouldn't either if my mother was doing reverse # checks on my dates cell phone numbers. OP is over stepping. Majorly. It is not her place to run back ground checks on this guy.

    If she drops her life and decides to go marry him right this minute, then maybe there should be more cause for concern, but 3 dates with a guy she met on a plane is not something to be "concerned about".

    I think there's a whole lot of over-reaction on this thread.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 1999
    Location
    Harrisburg, PA USA
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    6,645

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    Quote Originally Posted by SonnysMom View Post
    I don't see the age difference as that big of a deal since she is no longer in high school. I was 19 and dating a 24 year old. I married him when I was 21 and he was 26. I am still married almost 24 years later.
    You data is over a quarter of a century old. Invalid!

    Quote Originally Posted by SonnysMom View Post
    I could also see where if he had mentioned it at some point and she forgot it she would be embarrassed to admit she didn't remember. She may be further uncomfortable to ask if she feels like she is getting just to "investigate" him
    Women have got to stop acting so powerless, to be friggin' embarrassed because they want the simple respect of knowing the name of the person they're dating. And to stop being so bloody weak, "oh, if I show any spirit like I might want to check him out and make sure he is who he says before repeatedly going out with him he may not like me. Wah!" Geez.

    Quote Originally Posted by SonnysMom View Post
    Plus what did we do before "reverse phone look-up", internet searchs, social media searches, etc....
    Easy. You went out with people you knew or whom you met through people you knew, at school, at church, through family, at university, at work, through clubs & hobbies, as opposed to going out with strangers on a plane.

    My kids were in high school 10 years ago, and when they heard about the concept of blind dates, they were horrified. And I know a lot of people who met through blind dates (I'm in my 50's). They thought it was disgusting to agree to date someone you'd never met, never spoken to, just say, "sure, I'll go out with that person." I tried to explain, hey, it's just a date, doesn't mean you have to sleep with them or even ever see them again. They still thought it was crazy.



  4. #64
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    6,075

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jazzy Lady View Post
    I wouldn't either if my mother was doing reverse # checks on my dates cell phone numbers. OP is over stepping. Majorly. It is not her place to run back ground checks on this guy.
    Ok, I have to ask the OP a question that's been nagging at me since I read that she searched his phone number.

    How did YOU get his phone number?
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson


    1 members found this post helpful.

  5. #65
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
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    9,889

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    I would be concerned depending on the person involved. I know people who are young, but saavy and that kind of person I would trust their instincts. However, people like my mother have zero instinct about people, have been taken in repeatedly, and have made many mistakes in who to trust.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  6. #66
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
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    22,085

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    I don't know that it's an over reaction. It depends. Is DD one who doesn't share details or does she usually share and this is an aberration? Is there something else that is making the OP question?

    My daughter dated an out of state guy for a month or so...I just had a feeling, based on the information she was sharing that something was off. After she dumped him, she agreed. She suspects he was married.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant



  7. #67
    Join Date
    Nov. 16, 2000
    Location
    Concord, NH
    Posts
    5,081

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    A note about bus rides and class status - Logan Airport (Boston) has fantastic bus service to NH and other places and people ride it all the time, regardless of where they sat on the plane. The boston bus is also very popular for commuters too - cheaper than driving and you can work while someone else deals with the traffic headache. Very different from the local service from the food bank to the low-rent condo complex.

    As for the OP's dilemma? I think if she knows she may not be telling you.



  8. #68
    Join Date
    Jan. 22, 2011
    Location
    GA
    Posts
    371

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anne FS View Post
    Women have got to stop acting so powerless, to be friggin' embarrassed because they want the simple respect of knowing the name of the person they're dating. And to stop being so bloody weak, "oh, if I show any spirit like I might want to check him out and make sure he is who he says before repeatedly going out with him he may not like me. Wah!" Geez.
    I don't think anyone said she was concerned he might not like her if she asked him his name. And being embarrassed to ask something is not unique to unempowered women. If she wanted to know his last name, I suspect she would ask him. But since it's mom who wants to know his last name, she has no reason to ask.



  9. #69
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 1999
    Location
    Harrisburg, PA USA
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    6,645

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    Correct, the daughter here isn't saying "I'm embarrassed to ask." Most people here think the daughter knows the guy's full name & simply is telling mom she doesn't. It's the COH posters - multiple COH posters on this thread are suggesting she's too embarrassed or doesn't want to appear something-or-other so therefore she doesn't ask him, or they're saying that they'd "be too embarrassed" etc. etc. My response is to that - that multiple people are expressing that idea and where is that coming from? and WHY would you be embarrassed? The reasons stated are that he'll either think you're stupid or forgetful or flighty (pick one) because he told you and you forgot; or that he'll wonder why you want to know, as if you're checking up on him. And that's ridiculous. She's dating him. She has a right to know his name.

    I'm just surprised that one, let alone multiple, COH members think it's embarrassing for her to dare to ask for a last name.



  10. #70
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2005
    Location
    Aiken SC / Fay NC
    Posts
    5,380

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    Maybe she is just telling you that she doesn't know his last name...
    FREE TACK/APPAREL ADS: BITS AND BARTER BOARD: http://bitsandbarter.proboards.com/i...ay&thread=5450



  11. #71
    Join Date
    Aug. 25, 2012
    Posts
    641

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    I'm with she knows and doesn't want you to know at this point. If you wanted to trace the cell you can pay to have a reverse look up done. Although, that is kind of odd. Talk to your daughter and find out what is going on.



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