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  1. #21
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    Dec. 29, 1999
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    Quote Originally Posted by danceronice View Post
    I have to wonder, though...what's wrong with dating someone you met on a bus? ....I guess maybe the woman's point is she has little chance of meeting someone she has something in common with on the bus, but the same could be said about anywhere.
    Right, and the OP said it was an airport bus; I figured it was a shuttle-bus to/from a jet plane, so I'm with you there. Good people can be found anywhere, of course.

    So I asked for amplification and got this:

    "Again, to answer your question, no, I would not date someone that I knew for the duration of a 15 minute bus ride. Maybe, maybe, I would date someone that I spent 8 hours with [at a seminar or other all-day event] but, no, not interested enough in a stranger to hand over my number after a bus ride. And no, even if I had met the black-magic-potion-carrying [ex-bf] on a bus ride, I would not have dated him. I spent almost a week [working] with him at an externship and a conference before I even gave him my number.

    "I don't think it's weird that other people could be that interested in other humans. Just a caveat to my opinion...."



  2. #22
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    Dec. 29, 1999
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    ^was from the woman. The young man sent me this:

    "I, for one, only ride trolleys to fall in love with strangers at a distance. In further support of my argument, I received this text message this morning at 9am:

    "[from his best friend, who's on a business trip]: Incapable of riding NYC subways without falling in love a handful of times"


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    Oct. 26, 2007
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    When I was in college – my parents never met – or knew the first and last names of the guys I was dating.

    They met my “serious” boy friend at my graduation ( and 11 years later we are still together).

    So no, I do not find it creepy – really can’t recall when I learned my now “Mr’s” last name. I do not think it was in the first few dates.



  4. #24
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    May. 13, 2005
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    I definitely think it's a red flag.....I'm 20ish years older than your daughter and I wouldn't go out with someone without knowing their last name.

    And in today's crazy world--

    I'd need to know if it were my daughter.



  5. #25
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    Jul. 19, 2007
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    Michigan
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    Quote Originally Posted by Appsolute View Post
    When I was in college – my parents never met – or knew the first and last names of the guys I was dating.
    But YOU knew their last name, right? That's the weird part for me, if the daughter is just dating "Bob, the guy I met on the airport shuttle" and that's all SHE knows of his name. If Mom doesn't know, she's entitled to worry (Moms worry-after all they'll be the ones identifying the body if he IS a serial killer), but it's not necessarily weird. Going out on multiple dates with someone and not knowing their last name yourself would seem a little flaky at the very best.

    I mean, I can't remember the names of a couple dates now, but I knew them at the time...


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  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Appsolute View Post
    When I was in college – my parents never met – or knew the first and last names of the guys I was dating.

    They met my “serious” boy friend at my graduation ( and 11 years later we are still together).
    Were you away from home at college? That's different than if you're still living at home. I can't imagine a college kid calling mom & dad every time they go out on a date, but if you're still living at home it's much more normal to mention who you're going out with, no matter how old you are.

    Which is the OP's daughter doing? At home or living on her own or at school? And 11 years ago is an ice age in dating.



  7. #27
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    Jan. 22, 2011
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    GA
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    As a 20 year old, I think the weird part of all this is that she's 20 and he's 27. BIG difference in maturity levels, even if she's a mature 20. I also think that if she doesn't know his last name, which is possible, and refuses to ask then that's weird, but I think it's highly possible that she knows and doesn't want to tell mom so she can go google stalk this man and tell her daughter all the reasons he's not right for her.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
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    Mar. 14, 2004
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    There are a couple of ways this could have originally played out between mother and daughter. And several in between I'd imagine.

    1) "So mom I'm seeing this guy, we met on the bus -- and it's so cool/fun/wild, I don't even know his last name!"

    2) Daughter: "I will be going out with Jim on Friday."
    Mother: "Jim? Who is Jim?"
    Daughter: "Oh he's really nice. I met him on the bus from the airport. We've gone out a couple of times since."
    Mother: "On a bus? You met on a bus? How old is he? What does he do? Does this Jim even have a last name?"

    If it is anything even close to option (2), and I were playing the role of the daughter, I would wonder to myself what possible good could come of sharing Jim's last name with Mom.

    When I was dating and my mother had the knowledge and the right to ask that kind of question, divulging a last name could give a clue of ethnicity if one were into that sort of thing, and might spawn absent-minded questions like "I wonder if he's related to the Garretts who live out by Mary and Leo". Now it could unleash a barrage of cyber-investigation, which I'm not against up to a point. I'd like to think that my daughter, if I had a daughter, would take precautions of all sorts. But I'm not sure if I think that the mother of a 20-year-old has any right to know, if the daughter suspects that she may begin googling...
    Arrange whatever pieces come your way. - Virginia Woolf

    Did you know that if you say the word "GULLIBLE" really softly, it sounds like "ORANGES"?


    3 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
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    Jun. 24, 2005
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    What worries me, is that because you don't know his name, then no one can confirm who he is, what age he is, and his marital status. I would feel better about everything, if everything seemed above board, and it doesn't.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Perfect10 View Post
    As a 20 year old, I think the weird part of all this is that she's 20 and he's 27. BIG difference in maturity levels, even if she's a mature 20.
    This is my hangup too -- although I though he was 28? -- and for exactly the reasons outlined by a poster's hilarious friend upthread. I'd also be a little concerned he's hitched.

    I would also be unlikely to date someone I met on a bus. Unless it was Daniel Craig, but I'm not sure that would actually, technically, be dating, per se.
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Nov. 2, 2001
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    well, you gotta meet people somewhere...the bus is as good as any place....at least you can check body chemistry/language right there...unlike online dating.....while not exactly a bus ride, my great grand parents fell in love on the train (it was a longish ride) but great grandpa stopped over at her house to ask for her hand right then....


    Mom could always invite him for supper....
    'oh, nice to meet you, Mister.....'

    oh we are so jaded, aren't we....(fwiw, I know a bunch of single guys...just no women to fix them up with, in that 30ish bracket))
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  12. #32
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    The bus from the airport where I used to live was a good two hours. That's enough time to decide you'd like to see someone again, maybe, but I'd worry. You hear so much about these guys with secret second marriages and whatnot, best not to be too trusting.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  13. #33
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    I'm thinking the daughter knows the name. This day and age, EVERYONE is on FB, texts, emails--they have to be communicating somehow and those are typically the methods used, maybe the daughter is not wanting to divulge?

    But I can say, that if I told someone my first and last name, I can guarantee that they would not remember it (or let alone spell it), and it would take awhile to retain.
    I LOVE my Chickens!


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  14. #34
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    Ya know, a lot of nerdy males are very socially immature at 27 and a lot of 20 YO girls are quite experienced.
    Yes, I know how to spell. I'm using freespeling!

    freespeling



  15. #35
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    Possible, but this particular 20yo the mother admits is naive, so that's not the case here.



  16. #36
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    Sep. 7, 2004
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    Couldn't you just invite them over for dinner and say hi, nice to meet you "x?" ..?



  17. #37
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    I'd be suspicious, but he's more likely to be married than a serial killer
    "Everyone will start to cheer, when you put on your sailin shoes"-Lowell George

    What's the status on Tuco?


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  18. #38
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    Jul. 28, 2004
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    It may be something as innocent as he never offered and she never asked, no bad intentions. Though a truly streetsmart kid would ask without care. I'm just surprised after three dates they're not at least facebook friends. Heck I get friend requests from people I attend one day training classes with.



  19. #39
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    Jul. 22, 2007
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    She might just feel awkward asking after seeing him a few times...I know I would feel rather stupid if I had seen the guy a few times, and hadn't found out his last name, and then had to figure out a way to bring it up in a convo without looking weird...
    "On the back of a horse I felt whole, complete, connected to that vital place in the center of me...and the chaos within me found balance."



  20. #40
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    May. 8, 2004
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    Maybe I've watched too many 'True Crime Stories' on tv, (anyone see the one where the girl met a girl on the train, and her new 'friend' killed her?) but the fact that the daughter met him on a bus, knows nothing about his past and doesn't know his last name is a real concern. As a Mom, I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all, and I wouldn't have been ok with that when I was 20, either.
    Maybe he's just a nice guy, but maybe he's married or a weirdo. Better to just come right out and ask him his last name rather than worry.


    1 members found this post helpful.

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