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  1. #21
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    Jul. 31, 2007
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    I think the OP's involvement of family and church is awesome. I say this as someone who doesn't come from such a rich tradition.

    I was in the audience at a wedding one time where the priest addressed the audience. After he asked if anyone had objections to the marriage (and no one did), he said "Then all of you, loved ones of the bride and groom are charged with helping to keep this marriage solid."

    It seemed like a serious thing, put that way. But then again, it's probably easier to stay married with the support of a lot of people. The robed dude was only stating the obvious. It struck me as a good idea, given the isolated modern family and high rates of divorce.

    So if the OP and her betrothed want to formalize all that, good on 'em!
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    5 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Aug. 6, 2002
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    NJ, USA
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    OP wish you best of luck, you do seem very happy & I hope that glow continues for you!

    Just please remember - 1, this is America, no man can own you - if down the road of really "getting to know him", you want out, please remember you have the right! All this build up makes me worry that if you do start to have second thoughts you would feel chained to going through with it no matter what.

    &

    2, the world is overpopulated, please don't let any person nor religion convince you that once married it is your duty to have as many babies as you possibly can! I only say this as mass production of babies seems to go hand in hand with heavily religious arranged marriages. Have a lovey family yes, but stay within reason please! (for your sanity & the health of the globe).


    5 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    Sep. 24, 2004
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    Piedmont Triad, North Carolina
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    2,356

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    25 years ago...AFTER I asked my wife to marry, I asked her father's permission. He was quite pleased to give his blessing. "Old School" or not, Supportive in-laws are very helpful to a marriage.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Nov. 15, 2004
    Location
    Nescopeck PA
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    Congratulations! Loved the pictures and loved the story of how it all happened. So pleased for you two!
    Maria Hayes-Frosty Oak Stables
    Home to All Eyez On Me, 1998 16.2 Cleveland Bay Sporthorse Stallion
    & FrostyOak Hampton 2008 Pure Cleveland Bay Colt
    www.frostyoaks.com



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Mar. 16, 2000
    Location
    Chatham, NY USA
    Posts
    4,100

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    Congratulations, Tobias. As others have said, your way is not my way, but to each his/her own. And I am sincerely glad for you. Part of me DOES think that many relationships would have benefited from a longer 'getting to know you' period.

    Best wishes,
    Carol
    www.ayliprod.com
    Equine Photography in the Northeast



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Jul. 15, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    861

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    Congrats! I hope you continue to feel as happy as you do today!
    Railgirl.blogspot.com



  7. #27
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    Jun. 8, 2008
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    Thanks everyone!

    for some of you wondering, this is NOT an arranged marriage! They didn't choose him for me. He chose me, and asked my parents for their blessing. Him and I both wanted their blessing in this, so we wanted their involvement. If my parents said no, then I would strongly consider why, then make my decision. My dad told me "this what I think is a good idea, you can choose what you like" I was simply seeking my parents wisdom, and trusting their opinions.

    They way we are doing things has nothing to do with religion.
    I am not a baby making machine, nor does he treat me like one. He has a vision to teach history and wants me to help him with that.

    I understand that this is not everyones way of doing things, that's fine. I didn't expect that. I'm happy, Logan is happy, and we are excited to start our life together. :-)


    10 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2013
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    Southeastern US
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    I am very happy for you and your family, as well as for your husband-to-be and his family. So many marriages are troubled by conflicts between the families. Your more traditional approach will surely lessen that and, I hope, start you off in a very long and happy marriage. God bless!



  9. #29
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    Mar. 22, 2007
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    Bremo Bluff, Virginia
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    Congratulations! And it's good to know you have such a strong support system, too
    "In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has widely been considered as a bad move." -Douglas Adams



  10. #30
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    Jul. 31, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arcadien View Post
    Have a lovey family yes, but stay within reason please! (for your sanity & the health of the globe).
    And your wallet... which will relate to the kiddos' quality of life and good "launch" into adulthood.

    Evolutionary biologists talk about two reproductive strategies: Many off-spring, low parental investment. Think tadpoles and spider babies and fish. Parents produce thousands of 'em and hope some will survive. Then there is "few off-spring, high parental investment." That's elephants, horses and we primates. We have fewer kids but put a lot into seeing them to adulthood.

    Don't be the parent who mistook your kids for spider babies, eh?
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Jun. 8, 2008
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    778

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    I don't like spiders, so no, no spider babies. lol. Logan comes from a family of 15 kids. although 10 are adopted, they were able to provide a wonderful loving home to many children, and knew how to provide for them all. Now I don't think I can do 15, but Logan is a smart man, he will not live outside of his means. I don't agree with having zillions of children if you can't raise them right, you end up with over populated monsters, lol. but if the Lord provides, He provides. I'd rather have a small beautiful family, than a large disconnected family.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
    Join Date
    Nov. 4, 2003
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    Dallas, Georgia
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    "10 are adopted" -- sniff sniff. As a birthmother myself, this just warms my heart!
    <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
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    Pennsylvania
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    Well done, and congratulations. I think there's alot to be said for being set up -often people who know you know you better than you know yourself. Some years ago my friends said to me, "Paula, the man of your dreams is living on his mountain watching Star Trek". Funny thing happened on the way to the forum...

    Congratulations.
    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).



  14. #34
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    Jan. 29, 2013
    Location
    Greensboro, NC
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    500

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    congrats!!



  15. #35
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    Sep. 2, 2008
    Location
    Greeley, Colorado
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    Congratulations! You both look so happy. While this is not how I would choose to do things, I'm so glad it's working out for you. I wish y'all the best of luck for a fantastic future together
    **Friend of bar.ka**

    Fils Du Reverdy (Revy)- 1993 Selle Francais Gelding
    My equine soulmate



  16. #36
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2007
    Location
    San Jose, Ca
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    I have to say, at first I though “whoa, not for me!” – but hey, this type of arrangement statistically has a better chance of ending up a lasting relationship as meeting someone on line etc.

    So tell us about him! What do you like about him? Do you have any common interest? Do you have horses right now? The “horses” talk is about as important as the “kids” talk with a possible suitor!

    The first stages of a relationship are certainly exciting, enjoy it! Enjoy the process of learning about each other – and do not be to scared of a broken heart – let your guard down, and see where things go. And remember – you still have choices, if things do not feel right – listen to that.



  17. #37
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    Jun. 8, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Appsolute View Post
    I have to say, at first I though “whoa, not for me!” – but hey, this type of arrangement statistically has a better chance of ending up a lasting relationship as meeting someone on line etc.

    So tell us about him! What do you like about him? Do you have any common interest? Do you have horses right now? The “horses” talk is about as important as the “kids” talk with a possible suitor!

    The first stages of a relationship are certainly exciting, enjoy it! Enjoy the process of learning about each other – and do not be to scared of a broken heart – let your guard down, and see where things go. And remember – you still have choices, if things do not feel right – listen to that.
    Well the first things were talked about before i even agreed to court him, was his passion, and mine. His is to teach history in the most accurate, realistic way. Mine was horses. I said I don't care what kind, I don't care if I show, or jump or drive, I just want an equine. it's therapy! lol. he has a dream to have a large ammount of property to have a living historical...something, not sure what to call it. but a place to teach and entertain, mainly about civil war, WWII, and Rev war. He want's to do tours so that you feel like you have walked back into history. even having stables and horses! have the barns look like they did back then, and just have more modern tack brushes etc. tucked away during a tour.

    He definitely wants horses, I'm thrilled, and he knows that I want one again some day. knowing what I went through saying good bye to Tobias, he wants to fulfill my dream of having that again. We never really had to discuss kids, we are both pretty open. we have talked horses more, and business ideas, and wedding ideas! LOL.

    He currently works at a farm where he teaches about Rev war, teaches dancing, does dancing and wedding MC all at this place. he is amazing, has so much talent! he knows the history behind EVERYTHING!!! and Oh my gosh I LOVE dancing. my first time ever dancing was at a super hero themed ball that he invited my family to. and guess who asked me to dance first? ;-) since then he has done a masquerade ball, a 40s swing ball, a Christmas ball, and is now planning a Fairy fantasy ball. he does the dance calling for all of them, and can manage and coordinate groups of 400+ people who know nothing about dancing and get them doing something fun and beautiful!

    he has worn every type of costume for something, and can speak with any type of accent! he has a vision of family first, and will do anything for that. He is a gentleman who treats ladies like royalty (and not just me, I have seen him this way since I met him, treating his mother and sisters the same). He san sing amazingly, play any instrument he picks up and is extremely creative! Sound like Prince charming? Yep! He's mine!

    Did I mention he's really cute?

    My parents did a great job on their part, they made sure he was a good man, had a good job, no debt, good savings, can take care of me well, was serious etc. then left it up to me to decide if I liked him enough to marry him.

    I can't wait until the Fairy Fantasy Ball so I can dance with him, any ideas for costume? :-D



  18. #38
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    Jun. 8, 2008
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    778

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    Quote Originally Posted by ChocoMare View Post
    "10 are adopted" -- sniff sniff. As a birthmother myself, this just warms my heart!
    They are such a sweet sweet family. I found out that 2 of the times they adopted, they adopted sets of 3, to keep the siblings together. Thats hard. Some have disabilities, but they love them all the same!



  19. #39
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2000
    Location
    El Paso, TX
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    12,807

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    he sounds great!

    Just make sure you have marketable skills for yourself, and don't fall into the trap of needing someone to take care of you. No one should ever be in a position that they are helpless if the other person wasn't there. So much can happen thru death, injury, divorce, and no one ever plans for it.


    3 members found this post helpful.

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