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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jul. 14, 2000
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    NM
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    Quote Originally Posted by magicteetango View Post
    What they are doing is definitely wrong however... with Catholicism a "blessed" marriage is a big deal. I was pregnant with DS2 when we got married and due to insurance we could not wait the whole 7 months to a year they wanted. Refused to move it up at all.

    I got married outside the church, he explained to me if I did that it would be viewed as me leaving the church. I am not supposed to take communion, I can never be a god mother to anyone's child... it is ridiculous and was very hurtful to me. So no they should not be lying but I am guessing she really wants to marry him, but is deep in her faith.

    So like I said, very wrong... but I was/am a lapsed Catholic and it was still very hard on me. I would imagine it would be extremely difficult on someone if they were devout.
    That is really crummy to have happened magic I had friends that had the same thing happen and the priest did a marriage right away with the understanding that they would have a full wedding months later (which they did). I'm a lapsed Catholic too but for other reasons. I just don't get it especially when they are having so many issues with keeping congregations full. I wonder if a different priest would have proceeded along a different path?



  2. #42
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2006
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    1,911

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    I wish... who knows. I am still pretty upset. We really didn't have a wedding, I was going to do a vow renewal once it was feasible but maybe I could talk to a different church about it.



  3. #43
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
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    10,375

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bells View Post
    That is really crummy to have happened magic I had friends that had the same thing happen and the priest did a marriage right away with the understanding that they would have a full wedding months later (which they did). I'm a lapsed Catholic too but for other reasons. I just don't get it especially when they are having so many issues with keeping congregations full. I wonder if a different priest would have proceeded along a different path?
    It's not really a priest's place to make that kind of decision, and frankly that all sounds a bit fishy. I mean, were you divorced? (Clearly there was some living in sin as you were pregnant but once you're married that's not really relevant.) If it's because your spouse wouldn't agree to what he has to agree to (basically a non-interference clause where he won't prevent you from attending Mass or raising children Catholic) that could be harder but that's still not really on YOU. I'd talk to a priest or bishop again and see what you'd have to do.

    I don't really get the 'hurtful', though, they're not doing it to hurt you. It's not the Church's job to bend rules to make people feel better about themselves, you kind of have to follow the rules or not participate. In this case, the girl's lying and by participating she's committing a much more serious sin. Even if she's "participating" it's all a lie and doesn't count because she's doing it under false pretenses. (If she's taking Communion after doing this it's HUGE. Mortal sin territory. I don't take Communion because I really need to confess some stuff first and I'm not quite at that point yet, which would be BAD if I died tomorrow but not as bad as acting like I'm entitled to do it when I'm not.)

    I still don't think I'd TELL, personally, because...I mean, we aren't supposed to ABET sin, but we're not mandated to tattle. They'll get found out eventually. And like someone said, it'll make it easier when she needs an annulment when THIS marriage goes south. Once a jerk, always a jerk....(Okay, maybe my best friend's jerk ex is coloring my perceptions there, though he's also proof that karma will get you in the end. After dumping her after cheating on her first, for a new hot young thing who married him for his money, wealthy grandmother, who was a smart lady, passed away...and he didn't get a dime, completely unexpectedly.)


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2007
    Location
    Central NJ
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    1,050

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    I believe the Bishops have a great deal of latitude on how their Sees are run, so maybe you can go church shopping.



  5. #45
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,400

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    I worked with a lady who had married in the church, and had a few kids with hubby. About 20 years later she discovered that he had adult children, and they wanted to come to see the husband. She was shocked to find out that his entire family, who all lived locally, and socialized with Joanie and the family regularly, knew about the marriage, the other kids, and never said a word. His mother even lied to the priest about it, in front of my friend. She was never able to find out if the first marriage was in the church, and that would have invalidated her ceremony I guess. Guess what kind of relationship she had with his relatives after that? And it eventually led to a divorce (his idea) and the he married wife number three almost immediately too. She heard rumors that he had married the third one in the church in her hometown too.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  6. #46
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2007
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    1,933

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    Is there going to be an open bar at the reception? and a videographer?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2002
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    3,283

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    My ex and I were not religious and not Catholic. After we divorced he dated and then married someone who was. To be married in the Catholic Church he had to have our marriage annulled and did it on the grounds that I was not baptized and we did not marry in the Church. I contested it as I think it was a pretty scummy thing to do divorce not withstanding but I knew it was a mute point and didn't do more than say my piece. They married in the Church and in the Church's eyes are marriage was annulled. Meh.
    Grab mane and kick on!

    www.rocksolid-training.com



  8. #48
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2006
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    I am not divorced, never was. I never knew the specific rules about marriage within my church because I never pictured myself as married.

    I left my job and paid cobra my entire pregnancy with DS1. It was $500 a month. After DS1 was born and I got my IUD I discontinued it, planning to choose a high deductible affordable plan. 6 weeks later the IUD didn't do its job and along came DS2.

    If you get pregnant with no insurance you can get onto a company plan, not an individual. I was not interested in state coverage for my pregnancy. Now DH and I didn't have problems, no reason we were not married. However his parents had a messy divorce and mine divorced each other twice, so I wasn't racing down the aisle. I wanted us to get married for US not for "you have kids this is what you do". We had talked about it, knew we would, but wanted it to be special and our own way.

    Well... lol. When you are faced with $30k or so in potential hospital bills, it sure sped it up. I had a semi emergency C section with DS1, and the hospital did not do regular births after C... nor did my doctor think I was a candidate. So we decided we would get married, and I spoke to the priest. That is the answer I got.

    No one's disapproval is worth that amount of financial hardship if I was getting married anyway for god's sake. So I went ahead and did it, hoping I could find some way to make it right with the church later. And yes danceronice I understand they did not intentionally do it to hurt me, of course not, that didn't mean I didn't feel very upset and sad about it. Not their fault just how I felt.

    Sorry to hijack just wanted to clarify since it seemed "fishy".



  9. #49
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2010
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    2,423

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    Quote Originally Posted by danceronice View Post
    I don't really get the 'hurtful', though, they're not doing it to hurt you. It's not the Church's job to bend rules to make people feel better about themselves, you kind of have to follow the rules or not participate. In this case, the girl's lying and by participating she's committing a much more serious sin. Even if she's "participating" it's all a lie and doesn't count because she's doing it under false pretenses. (If she's taking Communion after doing this it's HUGE. Mortal sin territory. I don't take Communion because I really need to confess some stuff first and I'm not quite at that point yet, which would be BAD if I died tomorrow but not as bad as acting like I'm entitled to do it when I'm not.)
    This. The Church has rules. We are free to follow or not follow them. I half way (it was a long distance fiasco) dated a guy who was divorced. I knew it was wrong. Things didn't work out and this was one of the reasons. I was heartbroken, but it wasn't the Church's fault.



  10. #50
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    Jul. 24, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by red mares View Post
    This. The Church has rules. We are free to follow or not follow them. I half way (it was a long distance fiasco) dated a guy who was divorced. I knew it was wrong. Things didn't work out and this was one of the reasons. I was heartbroken, but it wasn't the Church's fault.
    Divorce is not wrong!
    Jigga:
    Why must you chastise my brilliant idea with facts and logic? **picks up toys (and wine) and goes home**



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