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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May. 30, 2006
    Posts
    23

    Default Wow - how low can a person go?

    Just found out that a good friends ex-husband is getting remarried. I've always known he was a real jerk, but she told me something last week and blew my socks off! His fiance is catholic, and he is even converting so he can marry her. What they (him AND his fiance) are hiding from her family, is the fact that he's been married before! How is that even possible in this day & age??? His parents are not okay with this, and are furious that they have to attend this wedding (paying for yet another rehearsel dinner) and knowingly lie to her family. My friend actually wanted me to ask you all what the ramifications are (from the church point of view) from this ommition. We have visions of a lightning bolt striking the groom dead at the altar. Honestly, we can't wait until the wedding, because how does one prevent every single relative in attendance from mentioning the previous marriage? Oh, and it's a HUGE wedding, so lots of family WILL be in attendance.
    It's been a week, and I'm still stunned that somebody would even consider this.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 24, 2008
    Posts
    2,648

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Fake View Post
    Just found out that a good friends ex-husband is getting remarried. I've always known he was a real jerk, but she told me something last week and blew my socks off! His fiance is catholic, and he is even converting so he can marry her. What they (him AND his fiance) are hiding from her family, is the fact that he's been married before! How is that even possible in this day & age??? His parents are not okay with this, and are furious that they have to attend this wedding (paying for yet another rehearsel dinner) and knowingly lie to her family. My friend actually wanted me to ask you all what the ramifications are (from the church point of view) from this ommition. We have visions of a lightning bolt striking the groom dead at the altar. Honestly, we can't wait until the wedding, because how does one prevent every single relative in attendance from mentioning the previous marriage? Oh, and it's a HUGE wedding, so lots of family WILL be in attendance.
    It's been a week, and I'm still stunned that somebody would even consider this.
    How about just sit back and think about how lucky you are to have nothing better to worry about?
    Jigga:
    Why must you chastise my brilliant idea with facts and logic? **picks up toys (and wine) and goes home**


    13 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2004
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    5,707

    Default

    1.) That's THEIR trust issue to work out.
    2.) Why shouldn't he be able to get remarried, and be happy?!?!
    3.) Mind your own business.
    4.) Uh, his parents are grown people, and if he's been married once, I'll bet he's considered a grown man too. It's not the 1890's anymore. Parents are not on the hook to pay for the first wedding anymore, nevermind the second. That's their own darn doormat-ish qualities that's getting them in that heap of trouble, nothing to do with him. Also none of your business.
    Well isn't this dandy?


    11 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 2006
    Posts
    65

    Default

    sucks to be them... lying will always catch up with you.. and make you look like a bigger ahole in the end for not just fessing up..

    theres a difference between them not saying anything(omission).. but telling other people not to say anyhting to perpetuate the lie, THAT is wrong on many levels.

    fessing up is much better than getting caught lying.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    10,926

    Default

    Boy, that doesn't seem like a good choice on their parts.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    7,427

    Default

    Saultgirl-That's hysterical!

    She's right, and so are you. There is no way that this previous marriage won't come out, and I wouldn't be surprise to have it mentioned in the toasts. And by the way, from my extensive knowledge of Catholic marriage rules (learned from reading a lot of murder mysteries-nope I'm not kidding, and I'm not Catholic either) it might not make a difference depending on the circumstances of the first marriage, and depending on the exact factors of the first wedding. I do like the lightning image though. And the priest might know about the first marriage anyway.

    There were couple of country singers that married in a big Catholic ceremony, and between them I believe they had seven marriages (four for her, and three for him) or about that number. There are all kinds of adjustments made for the right people. And no the marriage didn't work out either.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun. 16, 2009
    Posts
    547

    Default

    Good lord op. You sound so gossipy! Let him be happy!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2006
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    1,368

    Default

    When my father (widower), who is Catholic, remarried, his wife had to get an official annulment of her former marriage (she was jewish) in order for it to be recognized by the Catholic Church. She also converted. It would have been legal either way, of course, but to be sanctioned by the Church that's what they had to do. I personally think it sucks as she had two children from her former marriage (who are grown adults) and she basically had to nullify the marriage she had had with their father as if it never happened. But, then again, I have my own opinions about Catholicism and other organized religions.
    -Debbie / NH

    My Blog: http://deborahsulli.blogspot.com/


    4 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May. 17, 2010
    Location
    Where humidity isn't just a word, it's a way of life.
    Posts
    658

    Default

    Your friend seems awfully involved and interested in the details of her ex's new relationship. What happened to "good riddance to bad rubbish"?


    6 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
    Location
    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    10,797

    Default

    Yeah, I'd just stay out of it and avoid any interaction with these people, but that's just me.
    SPACE FOR RENT


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2009
    Posts
    5,084

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cranky View Post
    When my father (widower), who is Catholic, remarried, his wife had to get an official annulment of her former marriage (she was jewish) in order for it to be recognized by the Catholic Church. She also converted. It would have been legal either way, of course, but to be sanctioned by the Church that's what they had to do. I personally think it sucks as she had two children from her former marriage (who are grown adults) and she basically had to nullify the marriage she had had with their father as if it never happened. But, then again, I have my own opinions about Catholicism and other organized religions.
    Oh yeah - the annulment costs, as well. Usually in the four figures. I wonder how many people try to lie in order to avoid paying that fee?



  12. #12
    Join Date
    May. 30, 2006
    Posts
    23

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cranky View Post
    When my father (widower), who is Catholic, remarried, his wife had to get an official annulment of her former marriage (she was jewish) in order for it to be recognized by the Catholic Church. She also converted. It would have been legal either way, of course, but to be sanctioned by the Church that's what they had to do. I personally think it sucks as she had two children from her former marriage (who are grown adults) and she basically had to nullify the marriage she had had with their father as if it never happened. But, then again, I have my own opinions about Catholicism and other organized religions.
    Thank you - I was actually looking for some thoughts as to how this would be viewed from a religious standpoint. I was not raised Catholic and have no Catholic friends. I didn't know about the anullment part- so if the marriage is annulled, it's okay in the eyes of the church, but divorce is not okay?
    I will say that my friend is still paying off thousands of dollars of HIS debt and rebuilding her trashed credit, and has been happily dating a wonderful man for almost 2 years now. Her ex's parents actually approached her about their concerns/fears, because they had nobody else to "vent" to and they have remained close to her even after SHE divorced their son. Of course they fear that if word gets out, his fiance's family will think they are horrible people for going along with the lie. She did not go looking for the "gossip" - it came to her, and no - none of us are planning to "out" him.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    10,058

    Default

    From a religious standpoint: The first marriage must be found to be invalid. It's not just divorce--an annulment means the marriage was illegitimate from the get-go. (There are ways to finesse this to prevent any resultant children from being declared illegitimate in most cases.) Divorce is attempting to revoke a legitimate sacrament, and can't be done any more than a government piece of paper could 'un-Baptize' someone. Annulment is usually based on things like failure to consummate the marriage (yes, Catholic marriages can be ended because you have never had sex with your spouse), entering into them under duress (you can't be FORCED to say yes and still have a valid marriage), entering into them with a previous marriage or other invalidating circumstance. Annulment means the prior marriage never existed, and unless you're a Kennedy they can be really hard to get.

    And if this guy has really managed to keep a lid on his previous marriage ever existing and the officiating priest found out, yes, the priest would have to refuse to perform the ceremony. Not only because he'd be breaking canon law by marrying someone who is still married as far as the Church goes, but because it would be pretty immoral to aid and abet someone who's lying like that.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 25, 2008
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    2,007

    Default

    Sounds like it's gonna be an exciting wedding....
    *friend of bar.ka

    "Evidently, I am an unrepentant b*tch, possible trouble maker, and all around super villian"



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
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    10,058

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cnvh View Post
    Sounds like it's gonna be an exciting wedding....
    I was wondering, does he think they're NEVER going to find out? Set aside the religious implications, his new in-laws are gonna be pissed. Never mind if his ex has to come after him about the debt (because jerk.)



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2007
    Posts
    1,112

    Default

    Have an extra wedding invite? I'd LOVE to see this sh!t show unfold!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2007
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    4,976

    Default

    BTW - annulments are not always expensve. It depends on the number petioned for in a particular year. The administrative costs are split equally - at least that's how I was told they do it in Philadelphia. In most diocese the cost is a few hundred dollars but inability to pay will not keep anyone from moving hrough the process.

    There are many reasons that a marriage can be declared invalid but that does not make the children illegitimate. It just means that the two parties did not enter the union with the proper intentions and therefore a true sacremental marriage did not exist.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb. 13, 2007
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    Down on the Farm
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    3,048

    Default

    I know I'm bad, but if I was the ex I would be so tempted to send a little gift to the brides parents house. Lucy, you got some splainin to do!


    6 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2007
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    4,976

    Default

    Just where is this wedding? Anyone can attend a wedding ceremony. Plenty of churches have the little old ladies that go to most of the ceremonies - I'd sure like to join them for this one...


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun. 9, 2003
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    5,413

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    My husband is Catholic and was married in a big Catholic wedding right out of college, although his wife wasn't Catholic, just liked the ceremony and attention. They divorced within a few years, no kids and she ran off with a rich guy. So, when we decided to get married, he actually went through the annullment, which certainly wasn't in the thousands, (we couldn't have afforded it!) before we were married. Actually, the annullment wasn't completely processed prior to our (Protestant) wedding, so I guess we still have to be married or approved by the Catholic church. But, after 31 years .... However, he did have to show cause and have others support him in writing. I think his ex was even asked about it. It's quite the process!
    PennyG



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