[mvp]

The smart ones are often late trainers according to my child psychologist professor friend, as they apply their interest in power struggles to the potty. You can't actually make a child go on the toilet and they know this. They have to want to stay clean more than they want to test your limits. I would rather change diapers than clean up accidents so I was willing to wait him out. (which is not, of course, to imply that all smart kids are late trainers or that very bright children do not also sometimes train early...just to note to OP that she should not be concerned this is a developmental delay.)

I have a different take on this... from person experience!

I was a smart kid-- conscious very early. I can remember stuff back to before I was 18 months old.

So I'm cruising around in diapers with a big doody in there when I am 2.5 or whatever. I remember saying to myself, "Really? Everyone is putting up with this? Grown-ups and everything? Big doody on the booty is the way life is? There's no way that is possible; there has *got* to be a better way."

Oh, and my reward for getting potty trained was my daddy taking him to work with him. On the train into the city, I was so cotton pickin' excited that I started singing the ABC song.

So rather than smart or stupid kid, maybe the bigger determiner of success is the kid and parents having already having a civilized manner for dealing with power struggles. 'Cause seriously: To win at the power game means walking around with a dirty diaper? No one can think of that as anything but a hollow victory.

[fordtraktor]

As I said, mvp, potty training late doesn't mean you are smart, and potty training early doesn't mean you are smart either. But potty training "late" -- 4 and under -- is NOT a developmental delay -- many very smart kids trained late. The range of "normal" is large. DH and I both trained late and while I won't trot out our academic credentials, we aren't dullards. I was reading books (at 3) before I was potty trained (at 3.5).

Power struggles are part of having a 3 year old. They are learning what limits are and testing out what happens when you push on them. I'd be worried about a kid who didn't test limits, and worried about a parent who didn't have firm limits in place. But think about it, if your kid has focused on toilet accidents as a way to test you, what are you going to do to "correct" that? what firm limit works? There's precious little you can do to make them pee and poop on a toilet. It's illegal to tie them to the john these days. Part of being a parent is figuring out when limits make sense and when you are setting yourself up to fail. Potty wars are destined to fail.

Your toddler self did exactly what I described in my post, decided it was nicer to go on the toilet than in your diaper. Nothing unusual in that at all. To imply that later trainers are uncivilized children with overly permissive parents is pretty ridiculous.

[Noodles]

OP----- please look up information on child development and potty training from sources based on research.

A child will not potty train until their body is mature enough.....no matter what a parent does it can not make the child's body mature faster. If they can't hold it, they can't hold it.

Someone above posted why a child would be afraid of a toilet... well, many are...b/c their pee/pooh is an extension of them and it can't be scary to see it go down the drain...

My suggestion is to let him tell you when he is ready....... (I teach child development--just so you know)

n

[Nootka]

Why in the hell are kids scared of the toilet?

I keep hearing parent-friends say this, but really, just put the kid in it and flush. Simple.

LMAO... If you put me in it and flushed I bet I would have an issue too..HA Plus.. the kid has to actually "go" to make the connection. Not just as simple as plopping them down and flushing..

I have a 3.5 girl and 2.5 boy. Girl was eeeeasy. She is doing pretty well at night also. Now the boy is a nutter story. He isn't bad just inconsistant he is trying and I am not pushing him but his daddy is a little pushy

[Emryss]

I think both my boys were pretty well potty trained by three, but to be honest, I didn't pay very much attention to the process. I just let the boys go nekkid from the waist down during the spring and we'd both run to the potty together as needed. I never "made" them sit on the potty - it was something we did together. I'd pee, and sometimes they would, too.

We spent quite a bit of time noticing that everything alive potties, and that there's a place for potty - dogs outside, kitties in the box, and people in the toilet. Truly fascinating scientific conversations, let me tell you! I think I only had to pick up one mess for each boy (although the younger son was horribly upset when he made a mess on the floor - he was and is very sensitive about such things) and from that point on, both boys were aware enough to use the potty when needed.

At this point, I can say with reasonable confidence that both my kids are well housebroken. No accidents for over 12 years...

[horseymum]

exactly fordtraktor.....my dd self trained at about 18 months and has never had an accident but I don't take that as being indicative of her intelligence level, obviously she didn't like a wet diaper (she was in cloth though which I think has an effect as they feel wet faster). On the other hand my brother who is ridiculously off the charts as a pure maths PhD was still pooping in the sandbox at age 3.5.......I think that most kids will let you know when they are ready.

[mswillie]

My son was a little over 3 years when he just told me "I don't need those anymore". And he didn't. He had one single accident a couple of weeks later and that was it, both day time and overnight.

Of course I had just purchased the biggest case of diapers they had available. I think I used 2 of them.

I remember his pediatrician laughing (kindly) at my distress prior to my son being trained. He assured me that he wouldn't be going to college in diapers. He was correct.

[aurora171989]

I don't have any ideas but I might mention once he's wearing underwear, don't let him think he has the option of simply changing his underwear if he happens to pee his underwear a bit.

When I was very young, I'm told that at home I would be too distracted and/or too busy playing to notice that I needed to go and so peed my underwear just the tiniest bit, of course I went and changed my underwear and went to the bathroom. However while I was at school this never happened since I knew I couldn't just change my underwear and so paid better attention.

I think I was somewhere between 3 and 5, no idea went through several pairs of underwear a day, was a bit bothersome for my mom