[WildBlue]

The OP reminds me of an acquaintance who dumped Mr Perfect because of one small thing, and she just couldn't get past it despite all his other, wonderful attributes. Poor guy. She said it was a very small...thing. And she wasn't going to do that for the rest of her life no matter how great a catch he was otherwise.

[GoForAGallop]

The OP reminds me of an acquaintance who dumped Mr Perfect because of one small thing, and she just couldn't get past it despite all his other, wonderful attributes. Poor guy. She said it was a very small...thing. And she wasn't going to do that for the rest of her life no matter how great a catch he was otherwise.

If we're understanding each other correctly....canoeing is an important part of relationships, some people place more value on it than others. If the Mr. Perfect of your story wasn't willing to look into...errr...extra paddles and the like, to "supplement", and canoeing is a big part of your acquaintance's relationships...then I can understand the dumping. Best not to suffer for years!

[TheJenners]

My deal breaker was smoking (DH already chews). DH and I were friends and talked about deal breakers with other SOs, from before we were dating each other and were dating other people.

After a year of living together, he started having smokes with the guys at work. Now, he has smokes in the truck that are his, and smokes in his truck. Still chews. Doesn't spit though, so hardly noticeable except when he shakes down the can in the movie theater . I HATE THE SMOKING. I'm not leaving him over it. We have definitely fought about it, a lot, and I've called him a cheater and liar for knowing I hate it and then starting once he was secure that I was going to stay with him.

OP, only you can chose what you can and can't live with. I always told DH I'd never date a smoker. He smokes. Whatever. I'm sure the stress of living with me as driven him to it. He's also gained 60 pounds since we started dating, and I still love him and think he's a hotty, and if anything I need his looks better a bit more fleshed out and was too skinny when we started dating.

[WildBlue]

GFAG, you did. I only judge because I don't think she offered the poor guy any feedback or alternatives, and then went on to mock him behind his back. And, I'll admit (because in many ways I'm still 12) the OP reminded me of that situation and, well, my mind took a ridiculous turn and then wandered gutterwise... Inquiring minds are still dying to know what the "small thing" really is.

[Adamantane]

Yes, decades ago and it was a deal breaker.
He started drinking whiskey at 6 pm and passing out about 9-10 pm, every day.
Otherwise, wonderful, wonderful fellow beyond words.

Sounds like the sweet, lovely charming horsewoman I was with for several years who vociferously wanted to get married.

Confronted with the choice I offered between getting married or her being drunk every night, she chose to be drunk and stuck by that for five more years. I decided to give her one last chance following her evanescent attempt at returning to sobriety, despite my plan a year before that to split up, no secret. Her effort failed three weeks-in. Eleven months later, I finally insisted that she leave.

[lilitiger2]

But what the "small thing" is matters, obviously enough that you think hard about it!!! If it truly was a small thing you'd likely not even mention it - you'd think, "Oh his name is Muffin and that seems rather childish to me but let me tell you about what he did last night!!" You would NOT let it slow you down.

Weight, smoking, personal habits, finances, drinking/drug use, politial views, interest/non interest in pets, ability/interest in skiing, horses, guns, scuba, golf, running, basketball, etc, lifestyle, level of "handiness", are all potentially small things or HUGE things and the only "decider" is you! And you don't have to defend your reasoning.

Meanness, drinking/drug use, lack of interest in animals/rural lifestyle, no sense of humor, secretiveness, lying, inability to do handy chores, opposition to guns, neatnick nazi, certain religious and social viewpoints,lack of any kind of spiritual grounding, lack of appreciation for moi, etc etc are all dealbreakers for me, but certainly are not for everyone.

I can say that trying to deny how much something bothers me does not work, and trying to convince myself its not a big deal, when I FEEL like it is, also does not work.

[jen-s]

Y'all crack me up!

He's a social drinker (me too), no tobacco (me too), taller than me (not a deal breaker if he wasn't), secure/successful career-wise, attractive, and we agree on the "big" issues of politics, religion, families, etc. He's raising a great daughter who happens to like horses and when he adopted a dog who turned into a home destroyer of epic levels with a multitude of expensive, non-disclosed health problems, he chose to cough up $400+ per month for doggie day care versus return him to the shelter. He's funny, sweet, and very ok with my horse habit. Yes, my 2 best friends know the issue--one thinks I'm nuts, one agrees completely (at least to my face).

So, I guess I'll just see what happens. And yes, CC, I'll report back. I'll be seeing him occasionally although I clarified "just friends" and he was receptive and understanding. So for now, I'm just going to rekindle the friendship. But I will report back.

[lilitiger2]

and MUST like dancing!

[SuckerForHorses]

Yeah, smoking is a complete dealbreaker for me...CAN NOT STAND IT! Yuck!

[Donkerbruin]

Well, is it something that he can do anything about? If so, might be worth talking over!

[jen-s]

Db--No. So either I un-picky myself, or I keep things friends only.

[ThoroughbredFancy]

I know it doesn't matter really, but I'm left wanting to know what that one thing is! I can't help it, I'm just curious!

[Kryswyn]

OP, I'd use the words of wisdom in your signature. Heads friends, tails canoeing partner. Flip the coin.

[Sannois]

Sounds like it may be a physical flaw.
I think if you Really love someone and have found your soul mate a small thing like a physical flaw is not ever going to be a deal breaker.
Truthfully if he was the ONE, You would not even be asking this question. There would be no doubt in your mind. I would say stay friends and move on.

[Bluey]

Sounds like it may be a physical flaw.
I think if you Really love someone and have found your soul mate a small thing like a physical flaw is not ever going to be a deal breaker.
Truthfully if he was the ONE, You would not even be asking this question. There would be no doubt in your mind. I would say stay friends and move on.

I agree, we are more apt to ignore red flags and things we normally would not like in others when we really, really like them than go wondering.
When we wonder, I wonder if we are that interested after all.
Proceed with caution.

[Slewdledo]

I guess I'd ask how small of a thing it really is if you've gone so far as to post about it here.

[Adamantane]

One of the advantages of having a number of relationships and near-misses over the years is understanding deflectors and putting them in perspective. There are things that once would have put me off that now I likely couldn't live without. Patience and wait-and-see always leaves doors open. One can always leave or say something that once said, can't be taken back.

That last bit is extraordinarily significant and powerful. Don't brush it off.

[Tha Ridge]

Ok, you have to tell us what the "small thing" is now. Please?! I'm really curious now.

[Seriously_Hunter]

I'm dying of curiosity as well, but mainly because I'm wondering if this is something that I would end things over.
My friends and family have said that I am ridiculously picky when it comes to men and will often end things before they even start over something very small. I don't feel that I am picky but know what I like, and what I can or can't live with. I am not in a hurry to settle down although a SO would be wonderful. I would rather be alone than with someone who isn't right for me.

I don't expect perfect but I do want perfect for me.

[Bluey]

Someone said they don't like very short hair in women, I don't like long hair in men.
For the right man, I guess I could overlook that, but would be hard not to at times make some unfortunate comment about that anyway and that is how you hurt feelings, with some little insignificant thing.