The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 21 to 40 of 49
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2004
    Location
    Yonder, USA
    Posts
    2,561

    Default

    The OP reminds me of an acquaintance who dumped Mr Perfect because of one small thing, and she just couldn't get past it despite all his other, wonderful attributes. Poor guy. She said it was a very small...thing. And she wasn't going to do that for the rest of her life no matter how great a catch he was otherwise.
    ---------------------------


    3 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2004
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    6,442

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by WildBlue View Post
    The OP reminds me of an acquaintance who dumped Mr Perfect because of one small thing, and she just couldn't get past it despite all his other, wonderful attributes. Poor guy. She said it was a very small...thing. And she wasn't going to do that for the rest of her life no matter how great a catch he was otherwise.
    If we're understanding each other correctly....canoeing is an important part of relationships, some people place more value on it than others. If the Mr. Perfect of your story wasn't willing to look into...errr...extra paddles and the like, to "supplement", and canoeing is a big part of your acquaintance's relationships...then I can understand the dumping. Best not to suffer for years!


    5 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    9,715

    Default

    My deal breaker was smoking (DH already chews). DH and I were friends and talked about deal breakers with other SOs, from before we were dating each other and were dating other people.

    After a year of living together, he started having smokes with the guys at work. Now, he has smokes in the truck that are his, and smokes in his truck. Still chews. Doesn't spit though, so hardly noticeable except when he shakes down the can in the movie theater . I HATE THE SMOKING. I'm not leaving him over it. We have definitely fought about it, a lot, and I've called him a cheater and liar for knowing I hate it and then starting once he was secure that I was going to stay with him.

    OP, only you can chose what you can and can't live with. I always told DH I'd never date a smoker. He smokes. Whatever. I'm sure the stress of living with me as driven him to it. He's also gained 60 pounds since we started dating, and I still love him and think he's a hotty, and if anything I need his looks better a bit more fleshed out and was too skinny when we started dating.
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2004
    Location
    Yonder, USA
    Posts
    2,561

    Default

    GFAG, you did. I only judge because I don't think she offered the poor guy any feedback or alternatives, and then went on to mock him behind his back. And, I'll admit (because in many ways I'm still 12) the OP reminded me of that situation and, well, my mind took a ridiculous turn and then wandered gutterwise... Inquiring minds are still dying to know what the "small thing" really is.
    ---------------------------



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2005
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    2,231

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bluey View Post
    Yes, decades ago and it was a deal breaker.
    He started drinking whiskey at 6 pm and passing out about 9-10 pm, every day.
    Otherwise, wonderful, wonderful fellow beyond words.
    Sounds like the sweet, lovely charming horsewoman I was with for several years who vociferously wanted to get married.

    Confronted with the choice I offered between getting married or her being drunk every night, she chose to be drunk and stuck by that for five more years. I decided to give her one last chance following her evanescent attempt at returning to sobriety, despite my plan a year before that to split up, no secret. Her effort failed three weeks-in. Eleven months later, I finally insisted that she leave.
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2012
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    2,442

    Default

    But what the "small thing" is matters, obviously enough that you think hard about it!!! If it truly was a small thing you'd likely not even mention it - you'd think, "Oh his name is Muffin and that seems rather childish to me but let me tell you about what he did last night!!" You would NOT let it slow you down.

    Weight, smoking, personal habits, finances, drinking/drug use, politial views, interest/non interest in pets, ability/interest in skiing, horses, guns, scuba, golf, running, basketball, etc, lifestyle, level of "handiness", are all potentially small things or HUGE things and the only "decider" is you! And you don't have to defend your reasoning.

    Meanness, drinking/drug use, lack of interest in animals/rural lifestyle, no sense of humor, secretiveness, lying, inability to do handy chores, opposition to guns, neatnick nazi, certain religious and social viewpoints,lack of any kind of spiritual grounding, lack of appreciation for moi, etc etc are all dealbreakers for me, but certainly are not for everyone.

    I can say that trying to deny how much something bothers me does not work, and trying to convince myself its not a big deal, when I FEEL like it is, also does not work.



  7. #27
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2008
    Posts
    3,122

    Default

    Y'all crack me up!

    He's a social drinker (me too), no tobacco (me too), taller than me (not a deal breaker if he wasn't), secure/successful career-wise, attractive, and we agree on the "big" issues of politics, religion, families, etc. He's raising a great daughter who happens to like horses and when he adopted a dog who turned into a home destroyer of epic levels with a multitude of expensive, non-disclosed health problems, he chose to cough up $400+ per month for doggie day care versus return him to the shelter. He's funny, sweet, and very ok with my horse habit. Yes, my 2 best friends know the issue--one thinks I'm nuts, one agrees completely (at least to my face).

    So, I guess I'll just see what happens. And yes, CC, I'll report back. I'll be seeing him occasionally although I clarified "just friends" and he was receptive and understanding. So for now, I'm just going to rekindle the friendship. But I will report back.
    Flip a coin. It's not what side lands that matters, but what side you were hoping for when the coin was still in the air.

    You call it boxed wine. I call it carboardeaux.



  8. #28
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2012
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    2,442

    Default

    and MUST like dancing!



  9. #29
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2012
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    4,957

    Default

    Yeah, smoking is a complete dealbreaker for me...CAN NOT STAND IT! Yuck!
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 2011
    Posts
    1,095

    Default

    Well, is it something that he can do anything about? If so, might be worth talking over!
    "A horse gallops with his lungs, perseveres with his heart, and wins with his character." - Tesio



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2008
    Posts
    3,122

    Default

    Db--No. So either I un-picky myself, or I keep things friends only.
    Flip a coin. It's not what side lands that matters, but what side you were hoping for when the coin was still in the air.

    You call it boxed wine. I call it carboardeaux.



  12. #32
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2007
    Location
    Camden, DE
    Posts
    1,948

    Default

    I know it doesn't matter really, but I'm left wanting to know what that one thing is! I can't help it, I'm just curious!


    5 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
    Join Date
    Jun. 20, 2000
    Location
    Full time in Delhi, NY!
    Posts
    6,394

    Default

    OP, I'd use the words of wisdom in your signature. Heads friends, tails canoeing partner. Flip the coin.
    ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
    Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

    "Life is merrier with a terrier!"


    2 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
    Join Date
    Sep. 13, 2000
    Location
    Greenville, MI,
    Posts
    11,816

    Default

    Sounds like it may be a physical flaw.
    I think if you Really love someone and have found your soul mate a small thing like a physical flaw is not ever going to be a deal breaker.
    Truthfully if he was the ONE, You would not even be asking this question. There would be no doubt in your mind. I would say stay friends and move on.
    "you can only ride the drama llama so hard before it decides to spit in your face." ?Caffeinated.



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    40,606

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sannois View Post
    Sounds like it may be a physical flaw.
    I think if you Really love someone and have found your soul mate a small thing like a physical flaw is not ever going to be a deal breaker.
    Truthfully if he was the ONE, You would not even be asking this question. There would be no doubt in your mind. I would say stay friends and move on.
    I agree, we are more apt to ignore red flags and things we normally would not like in others when we really, really like them than go wondering.
    When we wonder, I wonder if we are that interested after all.
    Proceed with caution.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2005
    Posts
    2,807

    Default

    I guess I'd ask how small of a thing it really is if you've gone so far as to post about it here.
    It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #37
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2005
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    2,231

    Default

    One of the advantages of having a number of relationships and near-misses over the years is understanding deflectors and putting them in perspective. There are things that once would have put me off that now I likely couldn't live without. Patience and wait-and-see always leaves doors open. One can always leave or say something that once said, can't be taken back.

    That last bit is extraordinarily significant and powerful. Don't brush it off.
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein



  18. #38
    Join Date
    Feb. 18, 2001
    Location
    New York, NY
    Posts
    6,851

    Default

    Ok, you have to tell us what the "small thing" is now. Please?! I'm really curious now.



  19. #39
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    426

    Default

    I'm dying of curiosity as well, but mainly because I'm wondering if this is something that I would end things over.
    My friends and family have said that I am ridiculously picky when it comes to men and will often end things before they even start over something very small. I don't feel that I am picky but know what I like, and what I can or can't live with. I am not in a hurry to settle down although a SO would be wonderful. I would rather be alone than with someone who isn't right for me.

    I don't expect perfect but I do want perfect for me.



  20. #40
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    40,606

    Default

    Someone said they don't like very short hair in women, I don't like long hair in men.
    For the right man, I guess I could overlook that, but would be hard not to at times make some unfortunate comment about that anyway and that is how you hurt feelings, with some little insignificant thing.


    1 members found this post helpful.

Similar Threads

  1. Sucking on bit a good thing or bad thing?
    By cyberbay in forum Dressage
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Aug. 16, 2012, 09:35 AM
  2. Where to meet and not meet guys
    By Velvet in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 97
    Last Post: Jan. 2, 2011, 07:13 PM
  3. Small Jingles Please: My 4yo Homebred Had a Small Colic : Updated
    By Equilibrium in forum Sport Horse Breeding
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: Feb. 17, 2010, 03:44 PM
  4. small pony campaigners .. small proud momma brag ;]
    By fleur de duc in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Aug. 16, 2009, 08:56 PM
  5. Replies: 0
    Last Post: Aug. 9, 2009, 04:11 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness