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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2002
    Location
    new england,,usa
    Posts
    4,480

    Default spin off of a spin off---------worst table manners? or manners in general?

    and i'll start!
    years ago my husband and my sister were both in very poor health and thanksgiving was coming up.
    my sister is a head case; sadly she is a bitter and jealous person which may explain what happened next.
    dh and i had been at a favorite restaurant in manhatten, a wonderful french place we'd been going to for years after every doctors' appointment.
    so we had the brill idea to have a catered turkey day and the french restaurant folks were delighted to help.
    so we offered to host but my sister insisted on her home, which while bigger was a good 20 miles from nyc.
    in order to keep the peace for my mom's sake we agreed, though it meant that my dh who was undergoing chemo at the time would have to sit in thanksgiving day traffic, which was difficult at the very least.
    thanksgiving day arrived and at 2pm on the dot a limo pulled up and an amazing turkey dinner with all the trimmings for eight was delivered--it was awesome!
    after bustling about and getting it all arranged we sat down to eat and NOTHING was good enough!
    not the turkey, the vegetables, the dinner rolls, NOTHING!
    (though dh and i and mom thought is was wonderful)
    i made the mistake of asking for a glass of wine and was told i should have brought my own--and yes there were several bottles on the buffet in the dining room.
    the best part of all was when she would not allow anyone to have seconds because her son (my nephew) who was out having thanksgiving day with friends at a local diner, might want leftovers when he got home.
    so five people, two of whom were ill and one senior citizen barely made a dent in the meal for eight people.
    i suggested taking some home with us and she blew up at me.

    my mom was sick with distress, dh was fuming and we left.

    haven't been back since either.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2012
    Posts
    107

    Default

    Our extended family gathers yearly. The custom is for one family to host a BBQ while all others contribute by arriving with salads, casseroles and the best desserts possible. We hosted the previous year. Meal was catered as my husband bartered some work for the caterer and thought it would be tough to collect. Decided to barter the bill and treat the family.Nothing elaborate, but burgers, dogs, salad and cake. (We won as we feel the value received was greater than the value we gave) We asked our family to bring only their beverages.

    The next summer the hosting family extended the invitation with "please do not bring anything, we have a meal planned". Okay, I can follow instruction, and thought our model was being followed.

    Well, family day came, the meal was catered. Food lovely and plentiful. Very nicely done, nothing but good comments. The problem came when the host family started collecting $40 per person. I agree, the catering was well worth the $ charged, the problem was everyone thought the host family was treating. Lots of shocked faces and frowns. Several families not able to pay. Many unhappy people.
    Last edited by paintedpony; Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:37 PM. Reason: typo



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2005
    Location
    Where it is perpetually winter
    Posts
    5,143

    Default

    I can't stand when people chew with their mouths open, especially to the point when you hear smacking sounds and/or see the half-chewed food. Ew!


    10 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug. 1, 2007
    Location
    West Palm Beach, FL
    Posts
    3,999

    Default

    I'm with supershorty. I have a huge problem with hearing people chew.

    Im also totally over people looking at their phones during meals. I had a friend who I'd go out to dinner with and she'd spend the whole time on her phone facebooking, checking emails, etc. So rude.
    Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2013
    Posts
    125

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by supershorty628 View Post
    I can't stand when people chew with their mouths open, especially to the point when you hear smacking sounds and/or see the half-chewed food. Ew!
    Agreed! This is one of my biggest pet peeves.

    When it comes to manners, it certainly seems like more and more people are forgetting them. If they were even taught them in the first place. Belligerent drivers who sit on your bumper, people who don't bother looking around before stepping right out in front of (or into) you, cyclists who use the sidewalk or crosswalks to skirt around road rules and endanger pedestrians (even though there's a totally free bike lane right beside the sidewalk they're riding on), etc.

    Just yesterday I was at the super market and there was a girl on her cell phone just standing and talking in front of the one section I needed to get to. I said excuse me and got a dirty look and begrudging sideways shuffle from her in return.

    Some people can't be helped, I guess!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun. 20, 2000
    Location
    Full time in Delhi, NY!
    Posts
    6,397

    Default

    I was raised right and taught how to set a table properly (Downton Abbey's footmen have nothing on me). My table manners are excellent. I bring my soup spoon up to the level of my mouth, not my face to the bowl.

    I have.a.very.hard.time. with my fiance who places his face 4" off the bowl and practically slurps the soup from the bowl into his mouth.

    After 4 years, I've gotten used to his signalling he's done by crossing his utensils across the plate, which is the acceptable SECOND method of placing utensils on the plate. But it still irks me. LOL
    ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
    Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

    "Life is merrier with a terrier!"


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug. 1, 2007
    Location
    West Palm Beach, FL
    Posts
    3,999

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kryswyn View Post
    After 4 years, I've gotten used to his signalling he's done by crossing his utensils across the plate, which is the acceptable SECOND method of placing utensils on the plate. But it still irks me. LOL
    Fork and knife should be together at the 4:00 position on the plate to signal that one is finished with their meal!!!!!!
    Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2012
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    506

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    I'm torn between talking on the phone during a meal and talking with a mouthful of food. Or worse, laughing with a bunch of half chewed food in the mouth and then spraying it over the table. Uck.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    17,844

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    We used to have a pool going during extended family dinners about how long it would take my father's false teeth to either fall out or be removed. We also drew straws to see who would have to sit across from him. Shortest straw lost.

    Thank heaven he finally got the implants!
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2010
    Location
    yonder a bit, GA
    Posts
    3,406

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    Quote Originally Posted by supershorty628 View Post
    I can't stand when people chew with their mouths open, especially to the point when you hear smacking sounds and/or see the half-chewed food. Ew!
    Hahaha this makes me think of our foster dogs. We noticed that the dogs come running if they hear chewing noises from us, even if we're pretending to eat. It made me self conscious, wondering if MrB and I were a pair of uncivilized baboons, conditioning our dogs to our loud mastication. But then I tried it on a litter of puppies, sitting with them and pretending to chew loudly. It was like a dinner bell! The puppies all rushed to my face, clamoring for the invisible food.
    Now when I see someone chewing like that i picture a swarm of puppies launching at their face.
    (A decidedly unhorsey) MrB knocks over a feed bucket at the tack shop and mutters, "Oh crap. I failed the stadium jumping phase."
    (he does listen!)


    6 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec. 3, 2011
    Posts
    18

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    I've got one. We were visiting my inlaws for the holidays and went to a nice restaurant - cloth tablecloths, napkins, etc. my BIL has allergies, and instead of excusing himself from the table, blew his nose loudly and very "productively" in his napkin, placed it back in his lap, and carried on with his conversation. Later he placed it on the table. I could barely finish my meal...

    This is a family where my MIL is very much a stickler for manners - no elbows or leaning on the table, written thank you notes for everything, children seen but not heard... But, she just recently asked my DH to return something that she had given him months before (from his deceased aunt) so she could give it to someone else.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 2012
    Location
    La La Land
    Posts
    478

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    My Mom shovels her food in like a hog at a feeder trough. I have a very hard time eating a meal with her as it turns my stomach. Food also drizzels down her chin. And she thinks shes quite the upscale classy lady. Actually slurping ,burping , open mouth chewing, nose blowing at the table, make me un able to eat. Mabey I am just hypersensitive about that.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2010
    Location
    Upstate New York
    Posts
    4,291

    Default

    I have 2.

    Suz, you'll appreciate #1.

    #2 is - well, just gross.

    First thing - brother remarried again about 13? years ago. SIL is a girlfriend from summer teen years. Her mother has a lake cottage. She passed away and has left it to SIL.

    Our extended family (3 sisters) always invited others in the area over when visiting family came to town - extended out of state members you rarely get to see - nieces, nephews, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, etc. We are all very close, loving, and I have to admit - a pretty nice bunch. That way everyone was able to get together and catch up over the years.

    This place on the lake is cute. Nothing special. But it is a lake cottage! Coincidentally, exDH and I bought the place next door, fixed it up, and tried to enjoy summers there. We got along fine, in fact, SIL is an antiques dealer, and I can't count the numbers of times I've attended shows with her either to shop, or more likely to work, and how many times I've helped her pack her heaps of stuff - both before and after. We also were fine day to day.

    HOWEVER, when my brothers' now grown children would come to visit him and SIL, or even any other nieces and nephews would stop at the lake - they were FURIOUS if they sauntered over to say "hi" to us. When niece first arrived, I hadn't seen her in over 20 years and we had a lot of catching up to do. They were royally po'd when we went out for coffee together, even though they'd been at brother's for some time.

    Now brother has a boat business, and tends to eat late - like 8 or 9pm. One evening, exDH was cooking burgers and hotdogs on the grill around 5:30. Niece's 16 yo football playing son was starving, and exDH offered him a hamburger. They were livid. By the way, did I mention that SIL is a retired educator who has never had her own children? So at once she's an "expert", but also just doesn't know how to be in family situations. Plus, frankly, her cooking is awful. But we've always brought along dishes - whatever she'd like. Not as if any of us were showing up demanding to be fed or catered to.

    She also used to barge in and set everyone up for pictures at everyone else's family gatherings, usurping my oldest sister's talents as the previous family photographer (she really has an eye). And, they are also staunch right-wingers, and she loved to send objectionable e-mails to those of us who don't conform.

    I say "used to" because older Sis and I began asking her directly to no longer e-mail us that stuff, and also we all finally resisted her constant photography demands. Last get together she gave my mother a photo, I asked if she could e-mail me a copy, and she refused since we no longer "ask" her to take photos. No, we got tired of her "demanding" that she be the official photographer and simply stopped being shoved where she demanded. Oh, and by the way, all photos look like ball team photos - her father a former major leaguer. She hasn't a clue what a candid shot is, or about lighting, great moments, etc. Then she goes on, and sends out photos. This Christmas even sent some to others that I correspond with, and inserted them as coming from all of us?!?

    Eventually, we sold our cottage. But still, when they invite other family members, no one else is allowed to visit. Nieces/nephews come up from New Orleans, Texas, Colorado, Mass., and no one else is allowed past "the secret passageway". The nieces/nephews are afraid to ask, and we're reluctant to invite ourselves over. She does (and her mother did) put on great airs having this cottage. We all just think it's "weird". And it's sad - because it is also very hurtful to several of us. But one reason I like the winter. They're in Florida! I've already been thinking ahead to where I'm going this summer regularly so I don't have to be snubbed. Oh, and hear all about it later...


    #2 - and this is really gross. ExDH is pretty much from the sticks. But I have great respect for his hard working mother, and some for his father, who used to work hard, but is very self-involved and a hypochondriac. His sisters live in their small town. I loved (NOT!) going there to visit, since almost all meals would become discussions of local residents' various medical maladies, complete with colorful descriptions...while you're eating. BUT that's nothing compared to most Thanksgivings/Christmas dinner...

    Ex BIL was a gross jerk. After the meal, the usual would happen - men in the living room - little women in the kitchen. Which was a good thing. BIL would pass gas repeatedly and thought it was a hoot. Sometimes well before leaving the table. Loudly, and often. Mother-in-law was a sweet woman, but constantly derided by the men in that family. (Which did prove out the theory - watch how your intended's parents treat each other!) I would have kicked him out of the house, snow, ice, sleet, OR snowmageddon!
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2002
    Location
    new england,,usa
    Posts
    4,480

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    omg peg aren't people WEIRD?!!
    the disabled man we care for in our home thinks it's a hoot too and passes gas loudly and with a lot of laughter as often as possible.
    and people wonder why i drink...
    here's another good one for you---
    dh and i are married for twelve years and his grandaughter is flying in from florida to spend a week with us. his exwife decides this would be a dandy time to visit vermont, stays a town away and demands time with grandaughter to 'show her around like a tourist'.
    huh?! and yes grandaughter sees grandma way more than she sees grandpa.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    May. 9, 2007
    Posts
    538

    Default

    My son had a girlfriend (note I said 'had' thank God) who lacked a little in the manners dept.
    My son hosted Easter for his first time, so he was trying to make everything nice...cooked a chicken, had rolls etc. and I said I would bring a veg., and my daughter brought a pie. sounds nice right?
    GF doesn't like my veg, and proceeds to open a can of peas and a can of corn, sticks a spoon in each and plunks this on the table! I'm a bit speechless at this, but whatever.
    she then decides she doesn't like pie and demands my son make a run to the grocery to buy her candy bars....making him leave in the middle of our visit.
    I had quite a celebration when they broke up.

    Another time, Mr pc has a younger guy over for a beer. It gets close to supper so I invite him to stay. so I had a nice pork roast, potato, veg. etc.
    This kid proceeds to cut his meat into tiny pieces, smush it all up with his veg. and eats it with a spoon!!! again I was speechless.

    My old home-ec teach would have had kittens.
    Last edited by partlycloudy; Feb. 10, 2013 at 04:00 PM. Reason: spelling


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2008
    Posts
    4,537

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    this isn't the worst thing in the world, but it's exceedingly annoying for me.

    the cell phone. When you are conducting business on my time....put.it.away. When you are at a social event, put.it.away. When you are having a meal out with me, stop.answering.it.

    Whatever it is can probably wait an hour.

    I finally quit lessons with one instructor because anytime the phone rang, her paying customers in the lesson had to wait. I'm not paying her for her to find out that there is a telemarketer who wants her to buy something.

    A couple of weeks ago a friend and I went into the city to shop, her daughter called her 5 times during our meal. I was done eating before she even started.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov. 15, 2005
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    6,306

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    OMG my mom and her boyfriend at the time [Looong story] invited over a friend of boyfriends to 'fix us up'. We ordered a pizza and all had dinner... and as we're finishing, guy takes the cloth napkin mom gave him and wipes his TEETH with it.
    Seriously? We still bring him up from time to time as the measure of uncouth.

    I could go on and on all day about the Outlaws, the lack of manners is shocking, but why drag all that up?



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan. 3, 2009
    Location
    On the buckle
    Posts
    958

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    At the door of the grocery store, some little girls called out something sarcastic to me, because I had not stopped to buy their Girl Scout cookies.
    Mon Ogon (Mojo), black/bay 16 H TB Gelding


    2 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2009
    Location
    Area 51
    Posts
    1,647

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    I think my biggest bad manners pet peeve are the cell phone users that are "talking" to you but are on their phone, really drives me insane.
    I LOVE my Chickens!



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Nov. 5, 2000
    Posts
    9,492

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kryswyn View Post
    I have.a.very.hard.time. with my fiance who places his face 4" off the bowl and practically slurps the soup from the bowl into his mouth.
    I can't stand seeing this - the guys who prop both elbows on the table and lay over their bowl while they slurp it in. Also can't stand people who suck up spaghetti one strand at a time. How gross.



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