Well it will be 9 yrs on April 24th that we have been together, but we got together at 19. Truthfully, I am in no rush. I am currently in vet school in a different country. We have openly talked about marriage several several times.
He is very turned off by marriage due to his dad getting divorced 4/5 times, and my parent's marriage also ended in a divorce. We just aren't in a rush to get down the aisle.
All this being said, he did give me a promise ring 4 years ago. At this point, he doesn't make enough money to buy me a ring except maybe from walmart.
I would like to get married my clinical year. I have yet to decide if I am going to take his last name or not, but if I chose to, it would just be easier not to have to change my name on my vet license. Its funny how life experiences change you. I would of never thought of keeping my name till I got into vet school. I think that about how there has never been a doctor in my family, but his dad is a dentist, so I think I would rather just keep my last name. My kid(s) would have his though. I don't like hyphenating things.
I really don't think that our almost 9 year and no ring means anything. We have done a lot of growing and changing in those 9 years and spent a lot of them long distance.
6 years this April, still not engaged though. MrB's got health problems which makes health care and medical bills our main concern. He's a disabled dependent due to his health, getting married would drop his health insurance, and i don't have a job that i want to keep for the long term, even though I have decent insurance.
I went through a few impatient spells, at about 2 years and 3. Now I know what has to happen first- him graduating, us moving to the city i am pretty much adamant about living in (another issue between us, but I've made my stance clear), and one of us getting a job that offers health insurance.
I do get incredibly annoyed with people who don't know us saying, "so when are you going to get married anyway?" Because I can't just say, "it's complicated and I'm not in a rush" since most people that ask me that are members at my work, all old people, who find it their business and are bold enough to make a face at my polite non-answer. They'll even start commenting that he must not be the right person since we aren't married by now. Oh good grief! It's like i have nagging, overbearing parents... about three hundred of them! And the last thing I want to do is rehash our personal situation every day. So yes for that reason (other people) it'd be nice to just have it official already. But for *us* it's okay like this.
(A decidedly unhorsey) MrB knocks over a feed bucket at the tack shop and mutters, "Oh crap. I failed the stadium jumping phase."
(he does listen!)
My first marriage it was 7 years before we married. That one I was actively impatiently waiting for 4 years. That should have been a sign especially when he almost proposed and chickened out and went another year before proposing again. So many signs, so little awareness!
This relationship has been 5 years but not a lot of waiting. I have been living in the moment and really enjoying it. He was more gung ho to marry than me. I just want him in my life, whatever way that is. But I am very happy to marry him as well!
I had the opposite problem... DH wanted to propose in the first 5 months of us dating, I made him wait (not too long, we got engaged after dating 9 months). Then I made him wait another 15 months to actually get married. Third wedding anniversary on the horizon, and I still think he's pretty much the greatest.
We looked at rings after the proposal. He didn't want to pick a ring without my liking it. Turned out we couldn't choose an engagement ring that suited either of us! I asked if he cared if I used the money for a downpayment on my new truck? He said no, he didn't care and I could pick the color I would have liked in a ring, Emerald Green!
We happily drove that truck for quite a while, before and after the wedding, before trading it in on a Sapphire Blue one. I made jokes about my "engagement ring" being parked in the driveway, and it was the best kind of gift a horse girl could have, over the years.
I guess he got tired of the joke over the years, because he did purchase an emerald ring with diamonds as "my engagement ring" about 14 years into the marriage. It is quite lovely, and gets worn when I wear my wedding ring, which is when we are away from home! Too many things around the farm for either of us to be wearing rings that might get snagged on something. We KNOW we are on vacation if we both have wedding rings on!! My wedding ring is also quite lovely, a custom ring we both liked from a jewelry show and had modified for me. He just wanted a classic men's gold band.
We have been married quite a while now. We got off to a slow start, with doing the long-distance dating for quite a while. Both of us grew up a lot in that time, he developed his business, while I worked and showed horses hard. Never lived together before the wedding. We do think a lot alike, came from similar family backgrounds, though my parents divorced and his did not. Made me stronger, seeing the examples of my strong single mother and Gramma who ran the show in her family, keeping everything going smoothly with not much money.
Guess it is a good thing I married him, can't think of any other guy who I could have gotten along with so easily. Had some tough times, as everyone does. Nice to be able to lean on him or have him lean on me during those times.
It seems that few on here care if they actually get married or not. There are some legal protections for married folks they might wish to consider. These could include Social Security benefits, Vetrans benifits, death benefits if the SO should get in an accident. I don't think children born out of wedlock can collect those benefits either. Health insurance that could be due to a wife and children of a married couple. Legal access to their estate which is a law, for a married couple. Things in his or her name, go to their family if there is no will. Partner gets NOTHING, children together or not, unless the will specifies differently. Do YOU have a Will?
Sorry to be a voice of doom, but no one EXPECTS to have problems come to THEM. Still happens, with unwed partner being nastily surprised with those results.
Might be a time to sit down and have a REAL discussion with your SO. While folks are surprised as time goes by, how quick the YEARS pass, you need to get some kind of legal status to protect yourself. People change, and so do the ways they think, from what they believed as younger people. Acknowledge that fact to the SO, and ask for some newer answers. No it is not "Hollywood" to push for answers, not get a romantic proposal, but good grief some of you have DECADES waiting and still don't have a FIRM commitment! Maybe asking the questions will aid you in deciding to stay or move on, since it may become apparent that an engagement will NEVER happen or continue to the Wedding part!
I hope you get the best answer to your questions. I just can't see myself spending that much time, years and years, with a person who doesn't wish to advance the next step in a romantic relationship. I am rather traditional, so could be WAY out of the loop, in that any guy is better than no guy, even if we never got married. I would move on without him if he can't make up his mind, since he obviously "is not that into me". I would rather cut my losses and move on, looking for a better situation, with or without a male figure in my life. I SURE wouldn't want my daughter or son seeing me get strung along for so long in that kind of relationship! Sets a terrible example of "settling" instead of going for the best possible relationship I could get.
DH and I met in April 2011, started dating in May, and were engaged in September.
Yes. Very fast. Marriage was something we talked about, we were both in school, we didn't want to rush, etc, and we wanted to be financially stable. But, who's ever REALLY financially stable and when is everything really perfect? Probably never.
So we had the discussion of getting married and being together and we agreed it was what we wanted so really before I ever got a ring, it was in our head that we were getting married.
The ring was a complete surprise though. I didn't see it coming.
He proposed on September 16th 2011.
My half birthday.
Also the date his grandmother died and the date his older brother who his mom carried to full term was born and died three days later.
He talked to his mom and he had wanted to make it a happier and memorable day since that day as normally plagued with a bit of sorrow over the deaths. Now we remember it as a happy day and remember his grandma and older brothers life, not their death.
We started started dating in Nov, official get together was Nov 16, *almost* a year later he proposed, he had wanted to wait until we got back to CTR ride where we met (horsey guy!) but he couldn't wait haha. 2 years later in the spring, we went up to see some of my family and they all pounced on me and made me set a wedding date/location, as I wasn't in a hurry to actually BE married. So 3 years after we met, Nov 16, we eloped in Vegas with some family. I wore black yoga capris, a zebra top and zebra flats. My "reception" was at Margaritaville and my cake was zebra, LOL. Just what I wanted!
As far as the rings went, I'm VERY picky, ok downright high maintenance. So for engagement I dragged him into Tiffany's and told him exactly what I did NOT want, and showed him ideas of what I did like. It was cute, 3 diamonds on a simple white-gold band. For wedding, I wanted some bling and he wanted to get me some. He dug through my grandfathers stuff (he was a jewelry maker), knew that I wanted royal blue and diamonds (my barn colors are silver and royal blue), so he picked out a huge blue sapphire for the middle, with alternating diamonds and blue sapphires going down in size down the sides. He melted some of my engagement ring into the band, and used 2 of the diamonds.
Truck and horse weren't an option, I had actually boughten my dream truck myself and I already had my horse. So we went standard
I'm surprised nobody's quoted the old "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" or "Why buy the pig when you can get the sausage for free?" adages.
There is no reason to get married for a lot of people, men and women. The women who are waiting for a ring, or pressuring....that boggles me, because usually these women move in with him and end up doing the cleaning, the laundry, the shopping, etc. Why on earth would he marry them? There's no need.
It goes both ways, of course, but as I look around, there are a lot of modern women acting very much in stereotypical roles (although they'd deny it) and wondering why they don't have a ring.
No one wants to end up in a bad marriage, so caution is the word, but really, there's no reason for him to buy the ring because he has everything a marriage traditionally offers and less legal entanglements if things don't work out. Same goes for women who are in a stronger position financially than their partners.
I know a number of couples who have lived together for several years and then broke up, and in the majority of them she moved in with him, so all he had to do was say "it's over," and he stays in his house & she has ***t and is scrambling to find - and afford - an apartment.
I'm currently not-so-patiently waiting on one. We're going on four years. My favorite activities include browsing rings online while BF can see what I'm doing and walking around the apartment singing Beyonce's "Single Ladies." I'm very discreet.
hahaha. Same here!! I made a point of telling him that I list my marital status as single, since that is how I file my taxes.
It's been four plus years, but most of that was spent in grad school.
Going on 8 years (in June) with my boyfriend and still no ring. We've lived together for 6 years (in August) and bought a house (together) this past November. In his defense, we met when we were 19+20, put me through Nursing school, and him through Law school. We have gone through a lot together and really "made it," if you will...all by ourselves. A ring seems so unimportant after all we've accomplished, but he just got a nice raise, we are in a great spot financially and career-wise, and I think it's coming soon
My fiance and I were engaged within 15 months. He looked at me after two weeks of dating and said he knew he was going to marry me. We are currently planning our fall wedding and could not be happier. I feel so lucky to have found someone I want to spend the rest of my life who feels the same way about me.
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5 years, 2 years ago the reason to wait was custody and visitation issues with the ex, I get that and completely understood, 2 years later nothing has changed...(with custody and visitation) meaning he gets none, and she violates every court order. So at the end of the month we need to have a talk about where things are and where they are going, and to be honest if he doesn't want to get married, I need some time to wrap my head around that, and more than likely I would be ok with it. My issue is the tease he has the ring...and thinks its cute that I know he has the ring. Its to the point I don't even acknowledge his comments any more, or that I correct him when he introduces me as his fiance, no, sorry babe, I'm the girlfriend. So we will see what Valentine's Day and my birthday bring.