[Dr. Doolittle]

subk-don't you dare say a word to your brother! It will be hysterical if he actually starts wearing a bunch of old, out-of-date clothes around. Make sure you get a few pictures.

Yeah, he sounds like a clueless tool, with an agenda (and something to sell!), could there be anything (or anyone) more annoying ??

[dalpal]

LOL..I hear ya...I got some poster riled up over misspelling a characters name (note...a CHARACTER, not a real person) on the Big Bang Theory Thread...Yikes...the things that get people on a soap box are sometimes just comical.

[Melelio]

Does 'overly religious' count as obnoxious? It does in my dictionary. Those that incessantly post bible quotes and religious-y stuff on whatever site they happen to be on...

As if they shall change my decisions, or perhaps aren't secure enough in their own, and are looking for 'backup' or 'atta boy's for posting them...

Yeah, smackdown for each bible-y quote coming right up...

[mvp]

Sadly, the people who keep a good verbal a$$-kicking "on tap" need to learn to hold their tongue, and the people who don't speak up for themselves need to learn the art.

[happymom]

Too much emphasis on "I, me, mine", too little on "we".

[mvp]

Too much emphasis on "I, me, mine", too little on "we".

Meh, that ain't always it.

As you all know, I am capable of a sustained rant delivered at the drop of a hat. And I'm almost always ranting about the need for more We-ness.

[happymom]

mvp
We-ness.

What a lovely invention!

[ytr45]

Sadly, the people who keep a good verbal a$$-kicking "on tap" need to learn to hold their tongue, and the people who don't speak up for themselves need to learn the art.

Bingo! And as the OP pointed out, its MUCH harder to speak up in a situation where you are in some way vulnerable.

A great thread!

[Dr. Doolittle]

Sadly, the people who keep a good verbal a$$-kicking "on tap" need to learn to hold their tongue, and the people who don't speak up for themselves need to learn the art.

Alas, this is all too true!

[mvp]

Bingo! And as the OP pointed out, its MUCH harder to speak up in a situation where you are in some way vulnerable.

A great thread!

IME, people gravitate to folks who are like them.

So... if you have never been taught the skillz of a good rant or smack down, you won't learn that from your homies. Instead, you must branch out. Hang out and watch a good ranter in action... safely out of target range.

[Curiously]

I've been with the company from the start (going on 4 years) and used to be in charge of sales and customer service.

Last year we hired a guy to take over the sales aspect as it was getting to be too much on my plate - it was fine with me! However, this guy has got to be the most condescending, arrogant a$$hole I've ever met! And I seem to get the brunt of his a$$holic-ness (note - I am the only female employee here, and up until this guy came along have NEVER been treated any differently than anyone else).

Lately the big issue has been this: it's a busy time of year for us sales wise, lining up dealers for the upcoming season. I've been helping AH out by fielding the individual inquiries so he can focus on dealers. Of course I copy him on all of my email responses to keep him in the loop. Pretty much every time I send one out, he comes into my office and spends 5-10 minutes berating my response and telling my how I can do it better. He often says things like "I know you don't have the benefit of my sales experience...." Ummm..but I did your job - well - for 3 years.

I can take criticism, but the way he delivers it is so demeaning. Plus, if he has time to do this, how does he not have time to just field the responses??

I agree with turning it back on him. But put it in an email, which you can keep for the record and, if necessary, send to your supervisor as documenting your attempt to fix the issue if the problem doesn't get better.

OR, if the co-worker continues to argue and insists on doing it his way, ASK your supervisor [sincerely!, not with an agenda of getting your boss to agree with you] for clarification on how he prefers it to be handled, your way or your co-worker's way.

Make it along the lines of trying to be more efficient or more effective. Point out the problem *dispassionately*, keeping to the facts rather than opinion as much as possible.

Something roughly like...

*I realize that we clearly have a difference of opinion on how to handle the individual calls. I tend to respond X, Y, & Z, and you usually want to discuss it after each call and prefer to tell them N, M, & O. [Lay out the waste of time aspect. If you have a specific reason that N, M, & O won't work, or doesn't help, or is not the image that the company wants to project, insert it here! Specifics are good. ] I feel like it's not a productive use of our time to verbally cover the same ground again and again after each call.

For the three years that I was head of sales and customer service and handled all of the sales calls [note not-so-subtle reminder that you know what you're talking about! ], it was always handled by responding X, Y, & Z and it increased sales significantly. If you have suggestions to improve the X, Y, & Z response, please let me know and we can discuss it with Boss at our next meeting. Otherwise, let's stick to the tried-and-true X, Y, & Z method unless Boss tells us to change our approach.*

No attack, no over-defensiveness, just say it and be done with it. But say it in writing to avoid getting into a back-and-forth or allowing this guy any opening for argument, he sounds like the type who will argue that black is white.

On the other hand, if the way that Co-worker would handle the calls is not detrimental to the company, then maybe turn those calls over to Co-worker with your supervisor's approval, since he clearly has time to handle them, allowing you to wash your hands of the conflict and use your time more productively in other areas.

OP, I don't have any suggestions for you, other than move when you can.

[Shiloh's Ma]

That's why we need thomas1 back.

Thomas 1's help was one of the best and most honest.
Please reconsider his Ban & let him come back. We desperately need him.

[Wellspotted]

The only A&N person I know these days is so A&N they don't even realize when they have been verbally patted with claws sheathed (I don't do smackdowns. I Do do subtle verbal putdowns but they go right past the A&N person's head.

The one time I did blow up and explode in their face, and later the relationship was picked up again, they acted as if had never happened. Good manners? Or just didn't care?

[mvp]

The only A&N person I know these days is so A&N they don't even realize when they have been verbally patted with claws sheathed (I don't do smackdowns. I Do do subtle verbal putdowns but they go right past the A&N person's head.

The one time I did blow up and explode in their face, and later the relationship was picked up again, they acted as if had never happened. Good manners? Or just didn't care?

The third option: A thicker skin than yours.

See people have different thresholds for dissing and for all out fighting. Half the battle is lining those up.