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  1. #1

    Default How much do you talk to your SO?

    After getting clocked in the head by my dear horse recently, I've had a lot of down time to reflect on things. (Got checked by a doctor, but of course I still have to get over the head bashing.) DH and I don't talk that much at all, mostly about stuff on TV. Maybe it's because we've been married a long time and we've just out of stuff to talk about, I don't know. It's often lonely and a bit boring for me. How about you? Do you talk much with your SO, even after many years? And what do you talk about?



  2. #2
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    Sep. 16, 2006
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    We talk a bit every night - how our days were, anything new at work, family updates. I add a bit about the horse here and there. We typically cover our big issues - house shopping being up-front right now - when we're in bed, getting ready to go to sleep. The physical proximity seems to help us both be more open. Some days we talk more than others.

    Is there something in common you could talk about, like a book you both read or an article you both saw? A movie you saw together? Sometimes, things like that help. Sorry you feel lonely - talking to him about it may help. He may just be in typical guy mode - speak when spoken to, no inner dialogue escaping like many of us ladies do.


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  3. #3
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    I talk his ear off when he's home but he is working a second shift for a few weeks and so I see him from about 11 am to 2 in the afternoon and then he's gone to work. He's about to have to leave town for work and last time this happened we talked on the phone for HOURS. Not that he's a big talker, it's mostly me but he does a good job of appearing to listen and inserting occasionally intelligent responses. But I think you take for granted what is always sitting on the couch. When it's not on the couch anymore you start to miss it. And why talk about what you watched on TV? Shut it off and talk about other things... Sometimes not talking just means you gave up on that aspect. Go camping sometime and try not to talk, or for a drive. It can be really lonely to not have someone to talk to. I've been married for 16 years or so, for what that's worth.


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  4. #4
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    We have been together for 20+ years and we talk a good bit. We talk about work, home, family, pets, upcoming projects, current events, etc. We have similar interests but we have different opinions on some topics so that gives us a chance to get into some long discussions.


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  5. #5
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    We talk. Not non stop, but just random stuff, important stuff, and non important stuff. We also can have silence for quite awhile. But it isn't awkward, it is comfortable and content if that makes sense.


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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by cowboymom View Post
    But I think you take for granted what is always sitting on the couch. When it's not on the couch anymore you start to miss it. And why talk about what you watched on TV? Shut it off and talk about other things... Sometimes not talking just means you gave up on that aspect. Go camping sometime and try not to talk, or for a drive. It can be really lonely to not have someone to talk to. I've been married for 16 years or so, for what that's worth.
    He HATES it when I turn the TV off, and honestly I've kind of given up on talking. He doesn't seem interested in what I have to say.

    He works a lot of hours and just doesn't seem to want to deal with anyone when he gets home.

    It's good to hear from other folks that have good communications with their SOs though.


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  7. #7
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    Feb. 14, 2003
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    Windward Farm, Washougal, WA- our work in progress, our money pit, our home!
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    We work together, so we have that in common (both teachers, same school, different grade/subject), plus our pets, politics, local news, heck, even the weather! I do understand your frustration though--Mr. CC can get very obsessive about computer games, and disappears into our computer room every evening. I just yell at him when it gets too bad (only kind of kidding). We hashed this out when we had to have a family intervention when his World of Warcraft playing took over his life.

    Go out for dinner and discuss the "no conversation" problem--be honest with him and maybe have some ideas for setting aside talk time?
    Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!



  8. #8
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    May. 23, 2002
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    Married 13 years together 18 so we don't talk a lot. But honestly I like that. I talk all day and need to be able to just relax. Besides there is something nice about a person you can just be with and not feel pressured to make constant conversaton.

    We talk when we comment on stuff that happens, or when we want to bouce ideas off one another but thank God it's not non stop chit chat. Love him and I generall know what he would think of most thngs so don't need to ask all the time.


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  9. #9
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    This year will be our 33rd anniversary and we talk all the time. If something happens or is bothering me, he's the one I want to talk it out with. If we're not talking, it means one of us is ticked off with the other. We know a lot about each other, but interesting, new stuff comes up often. It's an adventure!


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  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by patricia7 View Post
    He HATES it when I turn the TV off, and honestly I've kind of given up on talking. He doesn't seem interested in what I have to say.

    He works a lot of hours and just doesn't seem to want to deal with anyone when he gets home.

    It's good to hear from other folks that have good communications with their SOs though.
    My DH is not a big talker in the slightest and will sometimes give me a brush-off. I can ask him to humor me and participate a little or if I ask questions sometimes he will emerge from the TV coma. I know I turn into a chatterbox sometimes and I don't expect him to keep up but if he could pretend... If you have a comfortable silence that's of course fine but you should try to find someone somewhere to talk with if you are lonely, that's no fun!



  11. #11
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    I have a ton of chatter at work and there are days I just want to come home to Quiet. But DH has lonesome days quite a bit so he's a chatty cathy... aye aye...sometimes I'm drowning in the morass of the day's stuff...and I really do not have much to say.

    Maybe what's doable is to carve out a Sunday afternoon drive, or a walk....but yapping every day? For some of us, that's torture.


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  12. #12
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    We talk every day, although mostly through text because of our conflicting schedules. I work days and he works nights. When he's not super busy at night he'll sneak in a phone call (usually 30 mins or so). We talk about all kinds of things; frivolous and intellectual. I think it helps keep our relationship strong
    **Friend of bar.ka**

    Fils Du Reverdy (Revy)- 1993 Selle Francais Gelding
    My equine soulmate


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  13. #13
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    I've thought about this too because MrB and I will talk/not talk at such different amounts from day to day. There will be some evenings where we just veg out and barely communicate- most of the time that's totally cool with me, but there are times when i get frustrated that we're both HERE but totally in different worlds. Usually that means we need to go out together somewhere asap- we do more talking after we've done errands together that day or out to a restaurant, or to a dog event. MrB can get obsessive about some topics and sometimes just has something in his head that JUST HAS TO BE DEBATED. But it's rarely anything i would ever muse about on my own accord once in my life- like laptop processors, or the time/space continuum. Then, I try hard as i can to be engaged, because i know how awesome it feels for MrB to jump into a horsey conversation with a, "Yeah, like Thoroughbreds!" or "a hand, that's 4 inches, right?" I mean, that stuff makes me thrilled to hear!
    But mostly the man is a more thoughtful/introspective person and says what he wants to say, and no extra words.
    I remember, when i used to date a talkative person, sitting at a restaurant and watching an older couple sitting in total silence with each other, the whole meal. I think they said maybe 5 words the entire time i was watching them. I thought, OMG that looks MISERABLE.
    But now i date who i would call a much quieter person overall (despite those occasional monologues), and we have many dinners in which we just chill out and don't carry on huge conversations. And it's so nice to be with him and just... be.

    Now, if the man isn't chatty because he's on his cell phone the whole time we're out at a restaurant, then i kick him.
    (A decidedly unhorsey) MrB knocks over a feed bucket at the tack shop and mutters, "Oh crap. I failed the stadium jumping phase."
    (he does listen!)


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  14. #14
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    This is one advantage of having kids. We always have something in common to talk about, and that thing is constantly changing its tactics and thus topics of conversation.

    I have a smartphone/TV ban when we are eating dinner to ensure we talk, or sit in tired, companionable silence, for 20-30 minutes a night.

    Both of our jobs require a fair bit of talking on some days (lecturing in the classroom) and many times on those days we are just talked out. I don't have a problem with that as long as we are communicating regularly.

    My mom talks constantly, can't stand a void, and honestly that can drive me a bit batty. After a while there's nothing new to add so people like that recycle the same conversation. six times.


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  15. #15
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    We talk often. In text and on the phone and in person. He used to call me everyday before going in to work but my current job frowns on conversations that are not gossip or work related so he texts. We talk during our lunch breaks when we can coordinate them and sometimes meet up. We talk on the phone when I get off work (I usually go to some combination of farm/gym after work). We talk some at home too.

    We talk about out individual interests with each other, school, work, video games, and news headlines. Sometimes we share links and videos during the day.



  16. #16
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    We talk a lot. Both throughout the day via IM/text/occasional brief call, and then for a good portion of the evening. About things as mundane as our neighbors who leave the garbage/recycling area a disaster, or more interesting topics like his graduate work/politics/current events (anything from Kim Kardashian's butt to the growing political upheaval in Egypt).

    He wasn't much of a talker when we met... we'd chat about friends or work, but he absolutely refused to talk about politics/religion. Now that politics/policy is the focus of his work, I can't get him to shut up about it.

    Before him, I dated someone who was very measured in everything he said, and didn't always say a lot. While I liked him very much, I always felt like something was being left unsaid. His response was always "there *is* such a thing as a comfortable silence." Uh... not in my world!



  17. #17
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    Oct. 26, 2007
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    We talk – about our day, our work, horses (my thing), bicycles (his thing), politics, music, gossip about our friends, weekend plans –

    Yep, we talk! We both have long days between our commutes, work, and hobbies (I go riding after work, he goes bike riding), so we do not see each other until about 8:30 PM – usually we chat when we get home, and while I cook dinner. We often watch a bit of TV over our meal (Daily show – which usually spurs more conversation).

    We have been together for 11 years.



  18. #18
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    Jun. 26, 2001
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    My relationship is still quite new (4 months), but we talk all the time. I can TALK, and have been frustrated in the past with boyfriends who didn't listen, or who "listened" but didn't remember anything I told them. It still surprises me that the guy I'm with now really, really listens. He remembers every detail of the rambly stories I tell him, and is genuinely interested in how I feel about things. I think he's a keeper.



  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by BumbleBee View Post
    Married 13 years together 18 so we don't talk a lot. But honestly I like that. I talk all day and need to be able to just relax. Besides there is something nice about a person you can just be with and not feel pressured to make constant conversaton.

    We talk when we comment on stuff that happens, or when we want to bouce ideas off one another but thank God it's not non stop chit chat. Love him and I generall know what he would think of most thngs so don't need to ask all the time.
    Married 33 yrs, been with 38 yrs and we are more like that. He's not chatty at all. He speaks to convey something. I've learned to get my chatty with other people. Now it's usually my daughters. He doesn't want talk about the same stuff, or people and if I want to talk through a problem, he just wants to solve it for me. I have at times seen how long we can go (and the we is me in reality) without saying anything but the minimum. I have never reached his limit. He just does not make conversation. My father was the same way so it's not an alien thing. I find it weird to be around chatty guys.



  20. #20
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    I'll add as well that MrB's mom is like fordtraktor's mom.... must be filling the airwaves at all times. I'm pretty sure that's why he and his dad are both quiet more often than not- if they say anything more than a grunt, it reignites the one sided conversation!
    She's lovely and very caring, but after staying with her for five days after i had surgery (wiser to be there than in the house of dog), i was looking for a secret bomb shelter, just to find some quiet!
    (A decidedly unhorsey) MrB knocks over a feed bucket at the tack shop and mutters, "Oh crap. I failed the stadium jumping phase."
    (he does listen!)



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