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  1. #141
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    Mar. 9, 2006
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    I realized I might have sounded b!tchy now that I read that again--not intended.

    I shake my head too, at both some clinics I see and at the shows. I've been around long enough now to "know" everyone, and I wish I could say it was all good. Sometimes there is a back story, sometimes it's just flat out bad. I assume it's the same everywhere.

    But--back on topic--4 messages, only one of which was remotely "normal". Ugh. I think it's time to crawl back under my rock.
    From now on, ponyfixer, i'll include foot note references.



  2. #142
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    I rarely if ever got anything worth responding to or anything that I could respond to on OKCupid. Most of the messages I got were six words or less or just commentary about how cute my dog is or something I said in my profile. I got plenty of women rating me 4 or 5 stars but they would rarely bother to communicate with me, even when I would take the initiative to write them. Another problem was that many of the women who did express interest through messages stopped using the site or removed their profiles shortly after messaging me. That is quite strange, but it happened a lot.
    SPACE FOR RENT



  3. #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    Another problem was that many of the women who did express interest through messages stopped using the site or removed their profiles shortly after messaging me. That is quite strange, but it happened a lot.
    I don't see it as strange. I found that the folks on OkC were often in flux--off and on again in what I assumed was represented by getting to know someone enough that you wanted to focus on them and the profile came down. When someone who I'd been interested in had their profile poof back to visible, it was work a "welcome back" note to let them know I was still interested. Unless the emails were extremely long or you'd formed a connection, and then I'd think it was a bit discourteous not to get a quick, "taking the profile down for a bit" note, but if little was invested, then nothing was lost but a smidgen of time.
    Flip a coin. It's not what side lands that matters, but what side you were hoping for when the coin was still in the air.

    You call it boxed wine. I call it carboardeaux.



  4. #144
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    May. 30, 2005
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    The Borderline
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    Pony Fixer: you look gorgeous (and are, since I remember meeting you before) and seem like a lot of fun, so don't give up on account of the weird ones.

    I've got one date invitation from a weird one for tonight, lol. But I think I have a phone date with my vet, who found some very not good findings on my heart horse's ex rays today on top of the the tendon he nearly obliterated last year and re tore this week. So yeah, not happening.

    Even if Daniel Craig himself asked me out tonight, I have a feeling it's going to pony spoiling night.



  5. #145
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    Aw, how sweet! My problem is that I am too busy and (as the title says and the reason I got on this thread) I'm a bit judge-y about my limited foray into online dating.

    Easier to be alone than deal with BS at this point in my life.

    I want updates from everyone else who revamped or started a profile on the next OT day!!!
    From now on, ponyfixer, i'll include foot note references.



  6. #146
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    Jun. 26, 2001
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    Northeast OH
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    I have a serious bf and deactivated my OKC profile a few months ago, but this thread is making me wish I hadn't... just to see what y'all would make of me.

    OP: I'm really picky. I didn't respond to the vast, vast majority of messages I got on OKC. And in 2-ish years, I think I went out with about 4 people I exchanged messages with.

    Without having read this entire thread, I can't say if this is a repeat of what others have said... but I don't think being picky is a bad thing. I would rather be alone than with someone I was "settling" for. Hang in there, the right guy will come around.



  7. #147
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    Jun. 7, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lazy Palomino Hunter View Post
    OP: I'm really picky. I didn't respond to the vast, vast majority of messages I got on OKC. And in 2-ish years, I think I went out with about 4 people I exchanged messages with.
    Agree.
    I respond to maybe one out of 40 messages.
    I meet maybe 1 in 10 of those, and usually they will have been messaging politely and not committing any "delete now" infractions for several message over a period of a few weeks.

    Have probably over-excluded, but conversely I have only ever met truly nice people on that site.



  8. #148
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    Aug. 29, 2012
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    Bahstin, Mass
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    I'm interested in hearing how others would handle a little…"situation" that just happened with the cowboy I mentioned in an earlier post.

    Please feel free to tell me I'm being too closed off, or guarded, or whatever, as well.

    So earlier the cowboy asked for my number to text vs send messages on POF. I hesitated; I don't normally give my number out so soon (he initially messaged me Tuesday but I answered yesterday, and our emails continued today). He said some stuff that resonated ("if you're always defensive you might be missing out," "I am a good guy and I want to get to know you," blah blah blah), so I gave him my number thinking we'd only be texting. The text convo wound down earlier this afternoon.

    Well, he just called me. I didn't answer (I didn't add him to my contacts but recognized the number as his), and he left a voicemail, asking me to call him back or send a text. I honestly feel a little violated, I was not expecting a phone call and I don't want to have any awkward phone calls with a strange dude; I would rather chat on the phone with someone I've met once or twice.

    Now, if I'm being a bit silly, please tell me! But I did find out there's lots of baggage with this dude; he moved up here to get away from his ex-wife who stalks his old house in another state. I've got red flags from that, and if I do text him it will basically be to tell him to lose my number since I didn't give him the A-OK to call me.

    What do you think, fellow COTH online daters?



  9. #149
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    Dec. 4, 2005
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    washington state
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    FYI free number blocker app for Droids is Mr. Number. It lets you choose either to hang up or send to voicemail per call, warns of incoming spam, telemarketers, etc., and has a free online lookup for unknown numbers. I love Mr. Number!

    https://play.google.com/store/apps/d...number.blocker

    Bigbay, if you have redflags, I would bolt. But, that's me and I am super-uber picky. And still single-which is I think meant to be
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  10. #150
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    Feb. 4, 2006
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    I'm a big proponent of listening to your gut.

    Personally I don't like messaging back and forth forever. I feel like after 4-5 messages either there is something that clicks well enough to meet the person or not. I wouldn't waste more than a few days or maybe a week messaging someone. Also, I much prefer texting (I hate talking on the phone and can't during the day anyway. So much so I've considered changing my voicemail to "Please hang up and send me a text. I'm not going to answer!" ) but I know not everyone is that way. You have the opportunity to sort of guide your preference for communication when he asked for your number, so next time you could say "Sure, text me! Here is my number..." Phone numbers are for calling (and texting, if you're a friend of mine!), so I don't think it's that weird.

    I would keep texting with him (your preference, but at his initiative) and see how you feel. Then if you feel like something is off, cease communication. Like you I also prefer texting, I feel like I can tell a lot about someone through their writing style, grammar, spelling, etc if we'd be compatible, but I was also a pretty late adopter of texting considering my age (25). So keep an open mind and see where it goes....



  11. #151
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    Oct. 7, 2006
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    I don't think one can be too judgemental when it comes to online dating. It is a very dangerous thing to do, and it's better to judge so harshly you make no contacts than to not judge at all and put yourself at risk.

    Besides, if someone's grammar isn't up to your standards would you want a relationship with them anyway? Day after day, year after year, minute after minute?

    I wouldn't.

    Nor would I get into online dating. Too many nutcases out there. I'd rather meet someone where I live, through friends who can provide references. Not that that's a 100% guarantee, but there is a wide gulf between paranoia and foolhardiness.

    Stay safe, OP.
    Last edited by Wellspotted; Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:59 PM.
    Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
    People Who Hate to Rush to Kill Wildlife Clique!
    "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique



  12. #152
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wellspotted View Post
    I don't think one can be "too quick to judge" when it comes to online dating. It is a very dangerous thing to do, and it's better to judge so harshly you make no contacts than to not judge at all and put yourself at risk.

    Besides, if someone's grammar isn't up to your standards would you want a relationship with them anyway? Day after day, year after year, minute after minute?

    I wouldn't.

    Nor would I get into online dating. Too many nutcases out there. I'd rather meet someone where I live, through friends who can provide references. Not that that's a 100% guarantee, but there is a wide gulf between paranoia and foolhardiness.

    Stay safe, OP.
    The whole grammar thing kind of trips me up. I am deeply opposed to text speak, so that's out. However, I have some friends who I found out have atrocious grammar and spelling. I found this out after having a necessity to speak to them online somehow, after I had gotten to know them in person. So, would I have dismissed them had I met them online first? I would have missed out on their friendship. On the other hand....I really don't like bad grammar and spelling....


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #153
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    Jan. 14, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    I rarely if ever got anything worth responding to or anything that I could respond to on OKCupid. Most of the messages I got were six words or less or just commentary about how cute my dog is or something I said in my profile.
    Ok, now I find this interesting.

    Usually, when I message someone on there, I make a comment relative to something in their profile or a photo in the terms of a conversation starter, so I'm not just going "hey! you look cute!" or whatever. Does that not come across as such?

    How do you all start a conversation with someone you find mildly interesting? Do you do the whole "Hi, I'm ecg, I though we looked compatible from our profiles! I'd like to get to know you more?" that is soooo generic to me.

    Online dating. I'm doing it wrong?


    2 members found this post helpful.

  14. #154
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    Nov. 13, 2008
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    I'm ZiggyX on OKC, if anyone has any tips I'm a bit lazy with the photos, but this is probably the 8th version of the text, since I was trying different things. I haven't had great luck with it as far as messages from guys I'd be interested in (and of course the copy and paste and just plain creepy have shown up), and have turned it off and on several times depending on how I feel. I've decided just to leave it up and not pay attention unless a message comes in.

    Ratings are flattering, but why not spend 30 seconds sending a message if you are into me? The whole thing is a little awkward, but I guess that's dating
    Fear is the rocket sauce.
    Jack Black



  15. #155
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    I think you're downright huggable. I'd cuddle with you.
    SPACE FOR RENT



  16. #156
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    Nov. 1, 2007
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    I have to agree with you ECG. How many other ways are there to get the ball rolling if I don't comment on the profile or photos themselves. It shows that I read the profile, found that person interesting and would like to get to know them better.

    That being said, every man I have messaged on OKC has never replied. And I write out thoughtful, fun messages that are left open to respond to.

    On a side note.....Message I received today...


    spread'em



    That is it. just spread'em.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  17. #157
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wellspotted View Post
    I don't think one can be too judgemental when it comes to online dating. It is a very dangerous thing to do, and it's better to judge so harshly you make no contacts than to not judge at all and put yourself at risk.

    Besides, if someone's grammar isn't up to your standards would you want a relationship with them anyway? Day after day, year after year, minute after minute?

    I wouldn't.

    Nor would I get into online dating. Too many nutcases out there. I'd rather meet someone where I live, through friends who can provide references. Not that that's a 100% guarantee, but there is a wide gulf between paranoia and foolhardiness.

    Stay safe, OP.
    It is not a "very" dangerous thing to do. Guaranteed more people in the online dating pool will meet their demise in their trusty car than being murdered by another online dater.

    99.99% of people are not murderers, which is why thousands of people can ride subways and busses and trains all day and come home safe and happy as clams.

    It is more dangerous to get on a green horse and teach it about jumps than to meet somebody in a public place and have coffee.

    People think nothing of meeting a strange man behind closed doors for a job interview...


    3 members found this post helpful.

  18. #158
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    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    I think you're downright huggable. I'd cuddle with you.
    Aw, shucks, thanks Hugs and cuddles are the best!
    Fear is the rocket sauce.
    Jack Black



  19. #159
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    Dec. 15, 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigBayHanoMare View Post
    He said some stuff that resonated ("if you're always defensive you might be missing out," "I am a good guy and I want to get to know you," blah blah blah),
    Maybe I'm too judgy, but whenever somebody says something like "I'm a good guy" or "you can trust me" it sends up red flags. The only people I've ever known who say things like that are the complete opposite.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #160
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    Mar. 9, 2006
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    Ziggy--I need to hear about this lillypad microwave dealio! Lol
    From now on, ponyfixer, i'll include foot note references.



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