Roxyllsk, eharmony was the one I used, too. I discovered that they don't remove the profiles from their pool when people don't renew their membership, so you are getting matched up with people who aren't there anymore. Most of the guys you have messaged who have not responded are likely those guys.
I was once matched up with a guy who had written in his comments section that he was not going to renew his membership when it expired, but gave his e-mail address in case anyone wanted to contact him. The date he said his membership was going to expire was 2 years before I got his profile as a match. I also got matches that had time-specific info that showed that they hadn't been around for a while, like "My big vacation for 2005 is going to be a trip to Spain! I can't wait!" And I got matched with them in 2007!
I met quite a few really great guys on Match over the years, including my now husband.
I think that when you're in the right frame of mind, the one where you sort of don't care that much and are in it for fun, it works out best.
But I'm with you all. Grammar mattered as did chat speak. As did greased up pec pics in the bathroom mirror. LOL I guess I was looking for a sense of humor and authenticity.
I have to say though, even if you go out on a BAD date, it makes for a good story. I have a LOT of good stories.
I also have to wonder if people have better/worse results based on whether or not the site is a pay for service vs free? I didn't like eharmony because while I liked the concept of "knowing someone" vs looking at pics, it felt like a tremendous waste of time. There were some people who, had I known what they looked like before I spent time getting to know them, I would've just cut bait because the simple and honest truth is that there was no way an emotional attachment was going to overcome the lack of physical attraction.
Best wishes on your endeavors!
A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.
My first impulse was to say "I'm too judgemental to date at all!" and was surprised to see so many with the same response. But it's true. I did a lot of on-line stuff back in the day, talked with a bunch of men and dated some really quality guys. For various reasons, nothing panned out for long.
The "one that got away", the one I fell head over heals in love with, was a set-up by his colleague, who I had chatted with online before he admitted that he was married and that's a deal breaker for me. But he did have the notion that I would get along quite famously with his co-worker and he was right. Five years later, I'm still sad about that break-up and the circumstances surrounding it.
As it is, he set a standard that is so high that I would rather not date at all. I'm over it. If some wonderful guy just happened to enter my life, so be it. But I don't seek it and can't imagine going the on-line route ever again.
I tried Match .com and found it to be terrible. Most of the guys weren't all that attractive and some didn't even want to talk just messaged me saying...I know you'll like me, it's guaranteed let's go for drinks. Ya NO! Even though I had in my profile the age range I was looking for 25-35 I still had men in their 50 and one in his 60's message me. I found alot of them annoying just in their messages, I couldn't even imagine what they would be like in person
So I gave up. Yes I'm too picky but I always promised myself that I would never just settle for just ok. I have guys asking me out but they aren't the ones that I want to ask me out, if that makes sense lol
Besides I kinda like being single. I haven't gotten my first cat just yet though
I signed up for eharmony & Match, but I'm not at the point where I'm ready to pay for this, so POF it is. I never thought I would have a profile on that site. Some people seem so trashy! So far, no luck and I've been very disappointed.
I went on one date. I made the mistake of getting to know the guy over the phone & via text for a week before we met up. We had so much in common and...his family even owned horses before! I thought this was great. I had seen one photo of him and found him reasonably attracted. Then we met. I swear this was not the same person! I am trying not to be shallow, but the guy looked like a crack head. I just couldn't do it.
The next guy I "met" on POF turned out to be someone I had known 5 years ago. We hadn't dated 5 years ago and unfortunately I couldn't remember why until I met the guy in person again. It was OK, but he is not someone I find attractive physically or in any other sense.
I am 43 and divorced. I have an "acquaintance" who divorced soon after me (similar ages, I have one kid, she has 3, etc.). She hounded me to go out with her to meet guys (I'd been single a year, she'd been single 8 weeks). She was like a cat in heat--it was SO ANNOYING. She even basically "stole" the one guy I finally was chatting up on our 3rd or 4th adventure (where I was tasked to run interference because she had casually invited 2 different guys). I kicked her to the curb and she's engaged/building a house with a guy she met a few weeks later--she'll be married about 15 months after her divorce. It was her end game. No doubt any one of us could be too if that was our only criteria.
My few dates in the past now 2+ years have been less than hopeful. Each one (and those were after weeding through a myriad of bad grammar, poor match age or some clearly stated criteria-wise) was worse than the next--the guy who got possessive after one date and had a complete melt down when I failed to text him back for an entire 24 hours; the guy who I had a great dinner with who shoved his tongue down my throat with both hands on my boobs when he walked me to my car; the guy who talked only about himself over coffee and how his ex girlfriend never felt comfortable in his (lotsa money) world.
Sigh. I ain't got time for that shit. I have a great young daughter, and awesome horse I've brought alone and will show 3rd level this season, work full time, and have all the other crap I do on top of all that. A f'n fantastic guy is going to have to fall out of the sky and convince me to make time and effort at this rate!
From now on, ponyfixer, i'll include foot note references.
It's a bit terrible of me, but when a guy messages me, let alone has it on his profile, using text-speak and horrible spelling- it makes me feel like I'm better than them. It makes me feel like I'm smarter than them right off the bat, and that they aren't really focusing on me and my profile, just messaging different girls to get someone, anyone to answer. I don't need a whole essay typed out with perfect spelling and grammer (I'm not perfect and I like to use hyphens and parenthesis as shown here), but I'd like something more than "hey" or "hw r u?". None of this may be true at all with the guy, but it's what goes through my head when I see it and won't respond most of the time (my inner introvert coming out here).
I don't really care about looks or height as long as they keep themselves clean (including teeth that have been cared for) and aren't a gargoyle.
Callidorre, I think your assessment that they are just firing off messages to lots of random women is correct. I last did online dating 14 years ago (it is how I met my husband of 10 years). Back then, text speak did not exist yet, so I didn't get that, but I got many, many sloppy and generic messages that were clearly not aimed at me in particular. I called it the "carpet bombing" approach...they contacted every female on the site, hoping one might respond. I never did, of course. I seriously doubt it ever worked for them, or if it did, they deserved what they got.
I think it was much easier back then, there were a lot of people online, but EVERYONE and their dog wasn't, so it was mostly people who worked in technology and higher education, so the average education/intelligence level was probably a little higher. I heard from a lot of software developers and egineers, of course . Which is what DH is. It's the only way I could have met a Wisconsin farm boy turned software engineer transplanted to New England...someone very down to earth with a lot of education.
The other thing that kills me is men that are in their 40's wanting kids. I am 36, I am getting up there in baby making age.
Or guys in their 50's and 60's willing to date "from 18- " Bleccch. Yea - what prospects they are - to anyone!!
Originally Posted by NoSuchPerson
Men don't like to date women who have jobs that sound like they might make more money than the man does;
My experience quite different. Have heard from a few - and know my exSO - who are frankly looking to be kept, now that they are retired, but can't live in the lifestyle to which they'd like to become acostomed.
Originally Posted by eponacowgirl
Plenty of fish is the online dating version of shopping for horses on craigslist.
Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes
You can have lots of things in common, have a high match percentage, and be two totally smart, cool people and there just be...nothing there?
Totally agree! There is a lot to be said about chemistry. I met my bf of 3 years in a bar; probably never would have even opened his profile online. Don't get me wrong, he's a hottie, but when I first commented to my friend that night about that "sexy guy" checking me out, she responded, "he is SO not your type!" My reply? "Yah, but he's sexy in a dirty construction worker kind of way." heh. Little did I know that he was more educated than I (and I have a master's).....
Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.
I have issues with spelling, grammar & text speak, too. I'm trying to learn to be more open-minded, though and forgiving.
The one thing that I cannot stand is the need to post photos of dead animals in profile pictures!!! I live in Northern Ontario, Canada. A lot of people fish, hunt, camp, etc. That's fine. I'm not anti-hunting by any means, but what is going through the minds of these men? Do they really think a woman would be attracted to a photo of a sweaty guy in camo next to a deer with a bullet wound? It kind of creeps me out.
I am too old for online dating. Back in the day we used the "Companion" section in the local newspaper. Some of the responses I received were very entertaining. Even met some very nice men though none of the clicked.
Then one day I received a note from what seemed the perfect man for my life style. Unfortunately it was sent by the women I worked with who were playing a joke on me. That was very sad.