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  1. #1
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    Jan. 14, 2006
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    Default I think I'm too "judge-y" for online dating.

    Seriously.

    Anyone else?

    And it's not usually the picture. It'll be a spelling/grammar mistake, their location or job, lack of education, height...

    Am I too quick to judge or do I just have standards?


    4 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
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    Jan. 28, 2003
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    I am too judgy for any dating...LOL
    "You can't really debate with someone who has a prescient invisible friend"
    carolprudm


    27 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
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    Dec. 31, 2007
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    I am RIGHT there with you, epona. And for all the reasons you said. Every now and again, I get the kick and try it again. Nope, same result. And then I kick myself awhile for being so judgy. ugh. I am going to go with we have high standards


    2 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
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    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Quote Originally Posted by eponacowgirl View Post
    Seriously.

    Anyone else?

    And it's not usually the picture. It'll be a spelling/grammar mistake, their location or job, lack of education, height...

    Am I too quick to judge or do I just have standards?
    what? no background/credit checks?

    Location can be a hinderance...not everybody is willing to move across the country and risk everything...
    height?
    Are you H/J rider by any chance

    size does not matter...unless of course you insist on wearing platform shoes.

    But spelling could mean a serious difference in education or no attention to detail. It could really be a turn off in the long run.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  5. #5
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    Nov. 1, 2007
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    Default

    I too am drowning in the sea of online dating.

    Grammar, text speak, spelling, weird capitalization and unneeded spaces after the last word and the period make my head spin!

    I can over look height to a degree (I am 5'8), location, job, etc.

    The other thing that kills me is men that are in their 40's wanting kids. I am 36, I am getting up there in baby making age.




    I think I will get some more cats.....


    6 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6

    Default

    Judge not least ye be judged...?

    Back when I was single, I found many times that how someone presented themselves wasn't necessarily consistent with who they were, and I'm not referring to outright liars.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prime Time Rider View Post
    Judge not least ye be judged...?
    Meh. I'm wearing a super-hero cape in my photo, so I'm sure I passed over by plenty.

    But really, the few first dates I've been on I KNOW, *KNOW*, that the person they really are is not the person they present on a first date due to nerves and what have you... and I still have a hard time getting excited enough to make date 2 happen.

    Although, OKCupid makes it really easy with all their questions. I simply go immediately to that section, look at their answer to "Would you allow an animal to sleep in the bed with you?" and if it is "No." I skip to the next profile.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
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    Feb. 20, 2010
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    All 'round Canadia
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    Quote Originally Posted by MunchingonHay View Post
    I too am drowning in the sea of online dating.

    Grammar, text speak, spelling, weird capitalization and unneeded spaces after the last word and the period make my head spin!
    Haha, this. The odd typo doesn't bother me, but textspeak I skip automatically. And misspelling the same word over and over is not a bloody typo, it's not knowing how to spell.

    Also if you don't know how to use the fancy foreign word, for the love of dog please don't. I can't take you seriously when you come out with "Que the music!" At least in person it sounds the same; online you see all these que/cue/queue and loose/lose and "should of"'s and you pretty much give up hope.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
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    Nov. 1, 2007
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    Are we all on OK Cupid?

    If so, we should exchange user names and we can go over each other's profiles.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
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    May. 12, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by MunchingonHay View Post
    Are we all on OK Cupid?

    If so, we should exchange user names and we can go over each other's profiles.
    HA! We should! Mine sucks, I know, but I am just...I don't know...meh about dating. I do have the 'no text speak' in my profile and people still sometimes send me messages in text speak. I haven't had a hit in a while, but I have been deployed, with pretty much no access to the site, so it is probably a good thing.

    I have talked to a few people on there and went on one date, but he was a very...um submissive type. I definitely require a more alpha man and one who knows how to be a gentleman as well.



  11. #11
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    Oct. 20, 2005
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    I'm too judge-y for dating, period. Sigh. For me on the online profiles - been awhile since I've looked, btw - it's that they have a kid. Great, but not for me.


    and "Que the music"?! Seriously? LOL!!!!!!!!!
    It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati



  12. #12
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    Feb. 4, 2006
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    I've found that a healthy amount of judgment is wise when it comes to online dating. I ignore a good 75% of messages I've gotten. I haven't been on any truly terrible dates or had any really bad experiences (and I've probably been on 15-20 at this point? I think? Haven't counted). Everyone has looked basically like their photos and some have even looked better. There are a few red flags that I look for that I can share if you like.

    Another thing is - for a first online date - only meet up for coffee or a drink. No dinner or other things that take an extended amount of time or attention (movies, shows, etc). The friend of mine that got me started online dating actually gave me this advice and it has been very useful, for a variety of reasons...
    1. If things go badly, it's pretty easy to make an escape
    2. Less time/$$$ commitment for both of you
    3. Crazy or stalkery or even just no-chemistry ones don't know where you live
    4. An adult beverage or two can provide just enough liquid courage (for me anyway )
    5. A quiet bar or cafe is a good place to chat and doesn't imply any particular thing other than just getting to know each other (can't do that at a movie, at a restaurant, half the time your mouth is filled with food, etc)

    The main thing is if they sound crazy in writing. I think all of us on COTH should be a little more familiar than average with how to identify that.

    I've only used OKC so can only speak to that. But it makes it very easy to identify dealbreakers in a person. Early on in my online dating adventures, a good friend of mine (married for almost 20yrs) said something that made sense to me: "You already know so much about them before you meet them, if you're compatible with politics, religion, sex, etc. Can't do that with someone you meet in a bar/work!" The one thing that online dating can't do, at least in my own experience, which I realized later and is actually just as important - if there are any sparks or chemistry in real life interactions. You can have lots of things in common, have a high match percentage, and be two totally smart, cool people and there just be...nothing there? I know people find successful/LT relationships online so I've stuck with it off and on for a little under a year. I get bored and log back in, and then turn it off again...

    Oh, the other thing is, I like the same kinda guy as Ajierene. I think online dating tends to attract less alpha, more introverted types of guys generally speaking. I dance the line between introvert and extrovert (plus am very "alpha" in my professional life as a barn manager!), so I really need someone alpha/extroverted to bring out the best in me. So that is one of my theories on how it doesn't quite work...it's definitely an interesting experiment though



  13. #13
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    Jan. 18, 2013
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    Default

    As another poster said, I'm too judgmental for dating (apparently I'm mean.. oops?).

    Also, I seem to attract crazy people to me like bees to honey. Opening any sort of dating profile would probably bring them in tenfold... No thanks! Haha.



  14. #14
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    Aug. 25, 2008
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    I did a profile on POF just so that I could use the profile review forum for my okcupid profile! They were very helpful - I was starting to feel like I was just too SOMETHING and really, it's just the nature of online dating. I got some helpful tips, also, on messages I send out. Not so fond of the POF site itself, but the forums are helpful.

    But yeah, online dating is tough. I just don't get out enough otherwise, and when I do I see the same 5 people in my small area. Surfing is good, but the waves are really inconsistent...and plus they see me in my bathing suit, which is NOT good .


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
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    Feb. 8, 2007
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    Dating is tough, period, much less the whole online thing. I did it a lot before I met my boyfriend 2 years ago. There is not a day that goes by where I do not thank God that that man came into my life, because he saved me from the drama and depression of the dating world....and he's a pretty great guy, too!

    OP, I was a lot like you with judging people's profiles. Because I was an English major in college, when I first started out, I was pretty tough on people who couldn't spell properly or had poor grammar. I eventually lightened up a little and gave some people a break (I'm not perfect, either!), but you know, in the end it didn't really matter. There was usually something either a little or a lot wrong with almost all of them. I don't think that they were necessarily bad people, just not the right people for ME.

    This might sound horribly mean or wrong of me, but with many of them, I just didn't feel like they were necessarily smarter than I am. Not that I'm brilliant (I'm FAR from it!), but so many of these guys just don't have that extra SOMEthing that makes them special or stand out. And many of them THINK they do or think that they're smarter than they really are. I had to consciously make the decision that I wanted a guy who is at least as smart as I am, but preferably smarter. For me, that smartness isn't equated so much with booksmart, but more common sense smart. FWIW, stick to your standards. When the right person comes along, things should just fall into place and you'll find that a lot of the little things you thought would bug you, just might not bother you as much after all.

    Oh, and as a PSA, for those in the NOVAarea on OKCupid, avoid a thirtysomething guy with a shaved head who says that one of the things he can't live without is his mom. He's a liar, a cheater, and a womanizer, and when his wife kicked him out of her house for cheating on her, she found inappropriate letters (dated from the early 2000s when he was in the Air Force) that were written to him by 13 y.o. girls who he was communicating with online. He's not nearly as nice of a guy as he thinks he is.
    "It is not necessary for you to let everyone know everything about you. In fact, it is probably wise that you don't. There are some things that you need only discuss with God."


    4 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
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    Mar. 16, 2000
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    Chatham, NY USA
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coanteen View Post
    Haha, this. The odd typo doesn't bother me, but textspeak I skip automatically. And misspelling the same word over and over is not a bloody typo, it's not knowing how to spell.

    Also if you don't know how to use the fancy foreign word, for the love of dog please don't. I can't take you seriously when you come out with "Que the music!" At least in person it sounds the same; online you see all these que/cue/queue and loose/lose and "should of"'s and you pretty much give up hope.
    Oh SO right there - 'walla' and its variations make me NUTS!!
    www.ayliprod.com
    Equine Photography in the Northeast


    7 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
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    Jul. 19, 2007
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    Michigan
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    Quote Originally Posted by see u at x View Post

    This might sound horribly mean or wrong of me, but with many of them, I just didn't feel like they were necessarily smarter than I am. Not that I'm brilliant (I'm FAR from it!), but so many of these guys just don't have that extra SOMEthing that makes them special or stand out. And many of them THINK they do or think that they're smarter than they really are. I had to consciously make the decision that I wanted a guy who is at least as smart as I am, but preferably smarter. For me, that smartness isn't equated so much with booksmart, but more common sense smart. FWIW, stick to your standards. When the right person comes along, things should just fall into place and you'll find that a lot of the little things you thought would bug you, just might not bother you as much after all.
    This. Unfortunately that means the academic standard would be a doctoral degree or MS, so my pool is limited. Or self-made rich who created their own business or something else requiring ridiculous brain power. I don't HATE people who aren't necessarily brilliant (I work with a lot of them and the guys are nice), it's just....yeah.

    I have some things in photos that turn me off (I do not like bald/shaved heads, facial hair, short and muscly, and overcasual dressers--so why my one friend keeps thinking these types are perfect for me I do not know) and we all make typos and grammatical errors, but I'm turned off by an inquiry about my foster dog that didn't capitalize or punctuate correctly--why on earth would I date someone who thinks an online profile in "text" is appropriate? Even when I text on the phone (rarely--easier to talk to the dog rescue that way and one former boss earned the right for me to reply when he texts) I use correct spelling and punctuation.



  18. #18
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    Jan. 14, 2006
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    Ah, yes! See u at x, that is exactly what I said to my friend after my last lackluster date... I have so many really NEAT people in my life that it is hard for most people to measure up.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
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    Sep. 4, 2012
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    I read a study in which the researchers found that:

    Men don't like to date women who are better educated than they are;

    Men don't like to date women who have jobs that sound like they might make more money than the man does;

    and

    Men show a decided preference for women whose pictures show them as being very thin - not just regular thin, but supermodel thin.

    I'm SOL on all counts.

    Having said that, though, I think I'm too judge-y for online dating. I tried it once and it was mostly a double whammy - I didn't like the profiles of most of the men and most of the men apparently didn't like my profile, either. It made for some great funny stories, though, so it wasn't a total loss.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
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    Sep. 24, 2009
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    I joined eharmony just after Christmas. I've been divorced for 7 years now and I think I finally want to meet someone LOL. Yes, my marraige was pretty miserable and I just wasn't ready to meet anyone - I really just wanted to do my own thing.

    I tried dating a bit with people that I met through friends, but while some of them were nice guys, most had too much baggage. Mostly they wanted a mommy and not a GF. Or they wanted someone to bail them out financially. Or they wanted a live-in babysitter for their kids from a prior relationship.

    I've had a few that I talk back and forth to, but no dates yet, and a lot of them just aren't appealing to me. I've also messaged quite a few that have not responded. Makes me wonder if guys in my age group are going for younger women ? There are a lot that put one-word responses to questions and are pretty vague. And some of the photos that people put up are seriously funny - I think they are trying to be sexy.

    Oh well, it gives me something to look forward to every day. And if I find someone, then all the better.



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