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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov. 22, 2002
    Location
    Granby,MA
    Posts
    1,294

    Default Feeling completely stalled, at a dead end, quarter life crisis?

    As the title says...
    I turned 25 on Friday. Cue quarter life crisis. And I don't mean corvette and a trip to Spain.
    I feel lost. Lonely. Stuck. And direction-less.
    I am on medical leave from vet school. I completed second year by the skin of my teeth and decided to take time off to figure out what the hell was going on for me. And I have had no such luck, nearly a year later. And now I am faced with the decision to go back or to add another year to my leave, and I just don't feel ready.
    I am battling severe lyme disease. Inflammatory numbers higher than they have ever seen (TGFbeta1 over 40,000) and nothing is helping. Just switched to ceftin from doxy and hoping for a change. But I am crippled. The joint pain is debilitating. I can't ride. I can barely walk my dogs. I can barely work. If I have a good day and decide to do these things, I am crippled for 2 days. If I work a half shift (4 hours) I am in bed by 8 pm.
    I feel like I have just lost my life and I haven't a clue where to go from here. I am too young for this...but here I am.
    I keep thinking I just need a plan, but I make one, and then wake up the next day with joints so huge there's no way I could even get gloves on to go clean stalls, never mind do the work.
    I keep thinking of how I used to be...vet school by day, dog agility by night, riding 3x/week. Active, bold.
    Now I have lost so much confidence because so many of the things I excelled in I can barely imagine trying to do.
    Does anyone have any ideas? I am not sure the point of this post but I am at a very low point tonight and feeling quite hopeless and defeated. I think back to how my life used to be and I just sob.
    If riding were all blue ribbons and bright lights, I would have quit long ago.
    ~George Morris
    Tufts Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine Class of 2014



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 5, 1999
    Location
    Central FL
    Posts
    4,467

    Default

    Hang in there, kid. I dont have any easy answers, but here is some cyber-support!



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    4,136

    Default

    Gosh, I have no idea what to tell you but my heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine. What about seeing a specialist of some sort?? Maybe there is some other new form of therapy that you could try?? Keep your head up, things will get better!
    www.svhanoverians.com

    "Simple: Breeding,Training, Riding". Wolfram Wittig.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2000
    Location
    El Paso, TX
    Posts
    13,307

    Default

    Illness can cause depression. Talk to your DR about it.
    That sounds less like a 1/4 life crisis and more like depression to me, but with good reason. Try to get pain controlled, and depression meds.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    43,132

    Default

    Doesn't seem that your symptoms are under the control they need to be.
    Not knowing your medical history it is hard to figure where you should go from here, but definitively be the squeaky wheel until they fix you better.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2010
    Location
    california
    Posts
    4,732

    Default

    OP I am so sorry for what you are going through. Pain is pain and you need to resolve it. I had shingles in 2007 and I woke up every morning thinking I was well, and then the pain would set in. Get real help for your condition and get on with your wonderfull life.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2003
    Location
    MD
    Posts
    1,550

    Default

    I agree. Get to work on your health, and it does sound like depression meds may help. You are young and everything can wait until you are healthy. And you WILL be.
    Race training and retraining Thoroughbreds.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 18, 2000
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    8,096

    Default

    Some random ideas:
    If you are not with a Lyme disease specialist, see if there is one in your area. There may be adjunct therapies that can help. Also check into some of the gentler motion therapies, such as Tai Chi to help keep you moving without the aching and grinding. And I would also look into acupuncture, massage, Reiki, etc to see if some pain management relief can be found there.

    Another idea is to check in on the Equestrians with Disabilities forum on this site. Lots of people with physical things going on, and lots of ideas and suggestions to help one cope. They got me through me bad knee issue some time back. It's a good board!

    With my lyme it was drugs and rest, drugs and rest. The aching, grinding and fever drove me crazy, and I hated having to rest so much! I am on Osteo Bi-flex triple strength to help with the residual arthritis. It is great stuff! Two a day makes a lot of the stiffness go away. There is now a CVS version available which is less expensive, as well. See if you can take it with your current meds.
    "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein

    http://s1098.photobucket.com/albums/...2011%20Photos/



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug. 30, 2007
    Location
    Sunny Florida
    Posts
    762

    Default

    I agree with the others who say look into depression. Two years ago I was going through many of the symtoms that you describe. I had no other factors as you do with the lyme, but both my parents were dying, my marriage was failing... I had a lot of stress. The symptoms I had were very much like yours. I thought I would rather die than go on.

    I did go to the doctor, was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-depressant drugs. I started to feel better within a short period of time. It took a long time for all of the residual aches and pains ... the swelling joints, the swelling legs, the horrible fatigue, to go away, but they did and today I feel like a new person. Depression is horrible. I hope you get your life back.
    "I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you..."



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr. 21, 2008
    Location
    Somewhere in Texas YEEHAW!
    Posts
    850

    Default

    I don't have any suggestions but just wanted to give you a huge *HUG*.
    OTTB CONNECT
    FB group for all things related to non racing Thoroughbreds.. Click here to join ~~~> OTTB CONNECT



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb. 24, 2005
    Posts
    2,322

    Default

    If adding another year of leave is an option, it sounds like you may need the time. You are only 25 and you have time to take another year off if your health requires it. It does seem that you have to work on your health and possibly depression issues. Many people don't recognize that the early 20's can be a very trying time for people even when they are not faced with the health issues you are facing. Many people have their first "mid-life" crises in their early 20's but it's not recognized because people forget it as their life moves forward.
    You are in in a low point, but with your youth, your high degree of success thus far, you are in a great position to move beyond this and have the great future you once envisioned. Just hang in there, look to the future, and get those health issues resolved. Then, continue vet school and pick up where you left off. You have time to get this all resolved and in the future, it will have just been a small setback.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

    Default

    25 was my hardest bday to date. 30 didn't phase me, 35 isn't going to either. But 25? Cripes, you've nothing to look forward to until AARP as far as rates dropping. You can now rent a car without trouble, but you also have to be a grown up! Yuck! LOL

    In all seriousness, get thee to the doc about depression.

    You're bright--that is obvious else you wouldn't have gotten IN to vet school. you're driven--else you wouldn't have been doing all this dog agility.

    But you're also sick. You need time to get better, more options...and I think that I'd consult about the depression thing. It's NORMAL to get depressed when things go south with your health! NORMAL! And don't let anyone tell you it's not.

    Just certain meds alone can cause chemical imbalances. Nevermind the fact that due to illness, a lot of your stuff is on hold which can cause feelings of despair.

    You can do it, OP. You can. And you're not failing, you're fighting! Fight.

    Many jingles for you.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2007
    Posts
    3,008

    Default

    Geesh...you poor thing...I feel for you! I know you didn't post this just to garner sympathy, but it's tough going through medical problems as an older adult, much less being someone your age who's trying to get through school and who is basically just starting their life, too!

    I agree with what everyone else said above, with one condition: If you end up taking anti-depressents, please consider taking them in conjunction with counseling. I see so many people who are prescribed various anti-depressent meds, but they get no therapy along with it, and I feel like that's just wrong. You might not need the therapy for long, but I think that at least when you start out, it isn't a bad idea. It might just be a mild chemical imbalance or it might actually be something more, but I think you just don't always know unless there's some level of counseling involved.

    Regardless, I truly wish you the best and am sending positive thoughts your way!
    "It is not necessary for you to let everyone know everything about you. In fact, it is probably wise that you don't. There are some things that you need only discuss with God."



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov. 3, 2006
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    2,077

    Default

    Hugs. I think you might need a new doctor



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug. 24, 2007
    Posts
    994

    Default

    I think there are lots of good points here. I will tell you that I am 20 years further along than you and my 25th year was hands down the hardest. Not sure why, bt it was tough. So pile on medical stuff to that and its a tough road. I echo those that say talk to your Dr. about all of this including the depression.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Nov. 22, 2002
    Location
    Granby,MA
    Posts
    1,294

    Default

    Thank you everyone for the kind words. Having a very rough morning...seems like a Herx reaction from the new antibiotic. Fever, severe joint pain, legs feel wobbly. Just beat. I went to the urgent care clinic to make sure it wasn't flu...nope just her x reaction. I am defeated and frustrated and yes, depressed. Hard not to be when the things that used to bring you joy (riding, fencing, hell even going to school) are impossible to do.
    If riding were all blue ribbons and bright lights, I would have quit long ago.
    ~George Morris
    Tufts Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine Class of 2014



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