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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2002

    Default Minor vent - stifling resentment over not being selected for in-house position

    I recently interviewed for a position within my (very small, 8 person) office. They haven't made the official announcement yet, but I'm pretty sure I was not selected. They generally don't check references on another applicant if they want to hire you.

    How do I deal with the resentment I'm already feeling? I thought the interviews went reasonably well. I've been with the company for over five years, know every in and out of that place better than anyone and am currently covering 75%+ of the duties of the position they were hiring. I've done every single task that position is responsible for doing, before we ever had the money to hire it (a few years ago, started out as a 4 employee operation).

    I know I have to get over it, and I can't let it affect my performance, but I also know how I'm going to feel every time I have to show this person how to do the work and repeatedly answer the endless questions that are always asked by new hires. It's humiliating, really. I work closely with the position, literally and technically speaking.

    Yes, I'm grateful to have a job, but darn it...I've worked hard to get to where I am and I KNOW I would have been the best for the job, although I apparently didn't do a great job convince them of that.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2007


    I was recently in a somewhat similar situation and for me, the more I could genuinely LIKE the other person helped me a ton. I tried to see the same good things and just sell her to myself so I could get onboard and all happy with their choice too. Mine was a more muddy situation but in that facet, that's what helped me.

    ETA my condolences, it is a tough one to process.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2009


    Could they maybe have not wanted to move you because you're doing such a good job where you are?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr. 16, 2002
    ontario, canada


    This may be tricky in a workplace of that size since there is likely no HR manager or similar, but you probably need to have a discussion with the person in charge of hiring. It shouldn't be confrontational, or come off as you trying to convince them to change the hiring decision, but rather ask about honest input re: your interview skills, technical skills, knowledge level, etc. Assuming that the new position was one of increased responsibility, you may also want to probe TPTB regarding what steps they think you should be taking so that you are ready for increased responsibility generally.

    Any reasonable employer will be happy to have that chat. If you are stuck with a less than reasonable employer...well, you are probably just out of luck and you should consider what the new hire has to recommend him/her.

    If they have lots of industry experience, for instance, it may become obvious that your boss really wanted someone who could slip into the job easily and perhaps implement efficiencies/changes based on his/her previous experience. If the new hire has a specialized degree/eduation, it may be that they wanted someone with the 'right' educational background. If the job involves a lot of client contact and the selected candidate is older, they may have the unfortunate view that older = more credibility with the client.

    I guess the long and the short of it is, you need to try and figure out WHY another candidate was hired and be at peace with that. You can't magically make yourself older, more experienced, or obtain a specialized degree at your employer's whim, unfortunately.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2006
    New Hampshire


    I've been through something similar recently too. In my case, I took on some project management responsibilities a few years ago and apparently did a good job, to the point that I can't offload enough of that work to be more involved with some more interesting initiatives that my group is now taking on. It has been a very bitter pill to see new people come on and take on some of the more "fun" work that I was already doing.

    A new special team was created and even though I "interviewed" to be included (it's sort of a sub-group within my current team, so it wouldn't technically have been a new job), I wasn't chosen to be included because I am apparently too critical to the project management work that I am responsible for now. To add insult to injury, I also now have to take on an additional project to free up one of the newer people to work with the new team on the new stuff. I guess I should feel flattered that they feel I'm too "important" to the work that I'm current doing, but I can't help but feel a whole lot of resentment for the new people who get to waltz in and work on all the interesting and exciting new stuff. Especially when I think I'd be able to do a lot of it better!
    -Debbie / NH

    My Blog:

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 12, 2005


    If you've been there 5 years, have done all the work involved and will have to help the new hire learn his/her job, you have to honestly assess why you may have been passed ovee. Attitude? Professional appearance? Ability to interact with others? Go down the list of every single possible reason. If you can honestly not come up with a single "well, THIS migjt have been the reason", smile, help out, continue to do the work to the best of your ability and start farming out your resumes for positions to be able to use and enhance your skills and opportunities for advancement. Good luck btw, a friend of mine did exactly that a few years ago!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May. 10, 2009
    NC piedmont


    No advice, but I'm in a similar situation (not in-house, but in a small, close-knit industry), so you have my sympathy. The situation has changed me a lot in terms of what I would and would not do, and it's made me very, very bitter. I hope you have a better outcome; perhaps this will lead to a better opportunity for you elsewhere?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2005


    I've been there and it sucks. I interviewed last spring for a position within my (larger-than-your) company and didn't get it. Guess what position they're now advertising again, a mere 9 months later?

    My advice is start looking elsewhere, you never know what's out there. If you live in a smaller community, like I do, it is HARD.
    It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan. 26, 2006
    Fort Worth, Texas


    Been there also, I got my resume in order and was into a new position within a year.... elsewhere.

    I did so after it became apparent that I was trapped and capped into a position that the management thought was I was doing a very good job but one that did not deserve matching compensation.

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