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  1. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by Canaqua View Post
    OP, I'm not exactly sure what industry you are in, but since you've mentioned National Press Awards in the past, it must be journalism of some sort. Other than maybe on air TV reporting, I'm unclear as to how having much better than average looks would be such a make it or break it issue. Are you covering fashion or movie stars or something where you are spending all day around unusually beautiful people? That would make most of us feel insecure about our looks. If whatever part of the industry you are in is doing such damage to your self-esteem, can you switch to another part of it?
    I cover NASCAR. And what I want to do is PR for a race team. And believe me, there is a "look" among the female reps in the garage...and very, very few buck that trend. Trust me, it matters. I work with these people as a journalist...I could do their jobs easily, I have the necessary skills (I'm a better writer than most of them), and I'm more professional than many of them. But 25 and blond is how they like 'em.

    I'm a good sportswriter, but there just aren't any jobs out there. I've applied to local papers to cover high school sports (a huge step down after covering a major sport nationally, which, unfortunately, in my current position I do for little to no money) and can't even get an interview for that, let alone doing what I'm good at on at least a regional scale.

    I'm just flat tired of getting overlooked.



  2. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by Canaqua View Post
    OOther than maybe on air TV reporting, I'm unclear as to how having much better than average looks would be such a make it or break it issue.
    That argument doesn't necessarily hold true for all on-air personalities, either. I won't mention any names, but I can think of several prominent female television journalists who would never win any beauty contests.

    OP, find out how to love yourself. The rest of your life will fall into place. Really.
    __________________________
    "... if you think i'm MAD, today, of all days,
    the best day in ten years,
    you are SORELY MISTAKEN, MY LITTLE ANCHOVY."


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  3. #103
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    OP, nobody will hire someone with self-esteem issue, especially not in a field that requires professional skills. They want smart people who are confident, not an arrogant ass, and have a healthy dose of humor.

    Yes, being beautiful can open many doors, but that is because most beautiful people have confidence, not because they are born beautiful. You do not need to be born a beauty to be beautiful. Do you understand what I'm saying?

    This applies to work place, as well as relationship.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #104
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    Henry, from what I've seen (not much), PR for sports teams is, indeed, the type of field where looks matter. And I suspect very outgoing personalities, with good looks. Eff em. Do your thing, branch out, the right thing will come along. Maybe it's not PR for a sports team, maybe it is. You're going through a difficult time in your job search right now and I think that's got you down. Very normal. Hope you're on the way to something good!
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!



  5. #105
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    Henry hang in there

    I actually thought about this question a bit since I replied on page one. I really thought about why I don't care terribly about my physical beauty, or rather lack thereof Because I used to, a lot. And then I realized I don't care so much about what I don't have because I have a lot more self-esteem now than I did when I was younger. This is, for me at least, one of the things that has gotten better with age and some work on my insides.


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  6. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by HenryisBlaisin' View Post
    I cover NASCAR. And what I want to do is PR for a race team. And believe me, there is a "look" among the female reps in the garage...and very, very few buck that trend. Trust me, it matters. I work with these people as a journalist...I could do their jobs easily, I have the necessary skills (I'm a better writer than most of them), and I'm more professional than many of them. But 25 and blond is how they like 'em.
    Sadly, in that niche job you're probably absolutely correct that looks matter a lot more than brains or skill. OTOH if 25 and cute is what they want, what happens to these women when they're no longer either 25 or pretty?

    You're a sportswriter but that also means you're a writer. Have you considered technical or scientific writing? I realize that would be a far cry from what you want to do but brains and professionalism matter way more than looks in the scientific community. I'm living proof of that.


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  7. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by HenryisBlaisin' View Post
    And as much as I hate to admit it, I guess deep down I'm still the silly girl who always falls for guys who are way out of my league. Always.
    If you're smarter than they are, how can they possibly be out of your league?
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein



  8. #108
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    This thread is so sad to me. Women's rights wise we have come so far yet still we have these issues. I feel blessed that my parents always told me how smart I was and never mentioned my looks. I don't find myself unattractive but it doesn't even cross my mind. The only.time I feel self conscious is around girls/women that are very polished, while I clean up well it is just not me and I worry I look like the ugly duckling in a sloppy kind of way. But really I should break out the blow dryer more then annually and wear makeup more consistently.

    DH used to date "those" girls. And when he met me I was far more together looks wise then now. He likes me better with no makeup, and sneezes when I wear perfume. He seems to find me no less attractive in my carhartts than in a formal dress. I used to rent a barn off his dad so we met when I was unkempt to say the least. DH is absolutely gorgeous, and I always worried I was not good enough and he would want the type of girl he had. Again I am.not hideous but far from those cute made up things he dated before. He explained he realized how those girls were and wasn't interested. Men do want brains and personality, I think those girls who are dumb and pretty lead pretty awful lives. Most of the ones I know get very used and abused and have low self esteem. When you are valued on something as shallow as looks it is a shaky ground to stand on, always someone a smidge hotter etc than you are.

    With a good brain there is no.true competition. There will.only be one you and people know that from speaking to you. My IQ is 144, I would not trade a point of it. My sister is the "hot" one and it is so much pressure and time to keep that up. And she isn't confident or happy over it, it is an essential part of her career but she does wish she was valued for her intelligence etc. She is not dumb but because she has had a lot handed to her (she is also very athletic, picks up everything easily) she really struggles with wishing she had more drive and ambition. I am hungry for success because I always had to work for it and struggling doesn't bother me, used to working hard for it.

    "God help you if you are an ugly girl but being pretty is also your doom, cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room." Ani DiFranco, 32 Flavors

    Hope this made sense and ignore typos please, typing on my kindle. Not easy!


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  9. #109

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    I'm intelligent enough, but I've always wanted to be super smart - like Sheldon smart. Like those guys who developed the space program smart. I watch Apollo 13 and wish I had been born with that kind of brain.

    I have brain envy, not beauty envy.

    Besides, anyone with that kind of brain can surely figure out how to dress to flatter their shape, get a good hair cut and use makeup to make the best of their looks. Just watch What Not to Wear and the ugly ducklings they turn into swans. And you can do it on a very tight budget. I do almost all my shopping at Ross - I've gotten some lovely designer clothes cheaper than used stuff at Goodwill.
    http://www.tbhsa.com/index.html

    Originally Posted by JSwan
    I love feral children. They taste like chicken.


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  10. #110
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    OP, I am the spokesperson for an organization so I know the requirements of the job. I do Tv interviews, I write all the releases, I do public appearances, etc. I am no beauty queen, I am certainly not a gorgeous leggy blond of 25. I am successful in my career because my organization does not want or require a gorgeous leggy blond to be their public face. What they want is intelligent, articulate, professional.

    You know that PR is all about image. Different organizations have different images they want to project onto the public stage. If your image simply doesn't match the desired look of your organization, then why are you beating your head against the wall over it?

    Take your skills to an organization that values what you have to offer. Are you just going to remain stalled in your career hopelessly wishing you were a different person? Because that's a colossal waste of time and mental energy.

    Quote Originally Posted by HenryisBlaisin' View Post
    I cover NASCAR. And what I want to do is PR for a race team. And believe me, there is a "look" among the female reps in the garage...and very, very few buck that trend. Trust me, it matters. I work with these people as a journalist...I could do their jobs easily, I have the necessary skills (I'm a better writer than most of them), and I'm more professional than many of them. But 25 and blond is how they like 'em.

    I'm a good sportswriter, but there just aren't any jobs out there. I've applied to local papers to cover high school sports (a huge step down after covering a major sport nationally, which, unfortunately, in my current position I do for little to no money) and can't even get an interview for that, let alone doing what I'm good at on at least a regional scale.

    I'm just flat tired of getting overlooked.
    "Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?" Sun Tzu, The Art of War
    Rainy: http://tinyurl.com/kj7x53c
    Stash: http://tinyurl.com/mmm3p4e


    4 members found this post helpful.

  11. #111
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    What 2bayboys said. X10.
    Audaces fortuna iuvat.



  12. #112
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    Yeah, I know it's time to give up the dream. What else I can do, IDK. I don't have a lot of marketable skills outside of writing, can't afford to go back to school to get them. And the real shame is that I am damn good at what I do. The PR job I could do better than at least half the people doing it (I know; as a journalist, I work with them). But I'll end up working at Walmart or something for the rest of my life because nobody will give me a chance to do anything decent.

    One thing I wil NEVER, ever do is tell a kid that if they're smart and work hard, they can do or be anything they want. It's a load of BS. I wish I hadn't been lied to for my entire childhood and even into adulthood about that.



  13. #113
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    You know what LIFE ISN’T FAIR I don’t know if any one told you that growing up. I heard it often.

    Fine – have it your way – go get that Wal-Mart job. You will NEVER be happy or successful in life because you are not pretty enough.

    Is that what you want to hear?

    Why can’t you go into technical writing? Into sports writing in a different field? Or would you rather just give up, give in to being miserable all the time?

    You are projecting the latter – but I think that is depression talking.

    I am going to try to stifle my urge to harp on you for your attitude (it is really bad!), because, really, you sound very depressed. It is hard to “pull yourself up by your boot straps” when your brain is in a dark hole. Seriously, do some reading on depression and self help. I URGE you to get some help.

    I am sure YOU do not want to be like this, life does not have to be bleak like this. You already have much more going for you than the average schlep – get some help, so you can realize your worth, see the light again, and find a path to happiness.


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  14. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by Appsolute View Post
    You know what LIFE ISN’T FAIR I don’t know if any one told you that growing up. I heard it often.

    Fine – have it your way – go get that Wal-Mart job. You will NEVER be happy or successful in life because you are not pretty enough.

    Is that what you want to hear?

    Why can’t you go into technical writing? Into sports writing in a different field? Or would you rather just give up, give in to being miserable all the time?
    I have TRIED. I have applied for job after job out there, in every field, that I am even remotely qualified for, many that I am VERY qualified for. I've applied for writing jobs, retail jobs, secretarial jobs, PR jobs...you name it. In a year and a half, I have gotten not ONE interview. Most, probably 95%, don't even acknowledge that they received my resume. So yeah, I'm probably a little depressed--try going through that and NOT feeling totally worthless. That will change when and if I get a decent job. The majority have nothing to do with looks, but since they don't seem to want my brain either, yeah, I want to be head-turning beautiful.

    None of that changes the fact that for majority of positions in the job I really want, the one I would be truly happy in, looks count.



  15. #115
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    Henry, have you seen a placement advisor? Lee Hecht Harrison is one firm in the field. Is there anybody you know who can advise you? Any chance it's how your resume/cover letter are presented? Do they not fit/market you well to the roles you want? If they're not interviewing you, they're not getting to your looks. Maybe your resume needs something fresh on it (a new article or something pro bono or some training)? Just good luck! Job hunting isn't fun. Working is so much easier even when the hours are long!
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!



  16. #116
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    I've had both my resume and cover letter reviewed and taken all suggestions. My portfolio is up-to-date. It IS a bit one-sided as I have covered one sport for ten years for three different outlets, all of which I still do work for, so I don't have a gap. I tailor my cover letter to highlight specific skills for every job (though many jobs have an online process that doesn't include a cover letter). i have done everything you're supposed to do. For over a year. I have been ASKED to apply for positions and never heard back or gotten an interview.



  17. #117
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    Well how about doing some volunteer work? I am sure there is some group out there that could use some technical or journalist writing assistance. That way you could keep adding to your resume, and more important, get some fulfillment from helping others.

    Sounds like your resume needs some work if you can’t even get an interview for a retail job. Have you asked friends or other writers to review it for you? Create separate ones for each type of job you are applying for?

    And again – from what you have written here – it screams I hate myself, I think I am worthless, I think that life isn’t fair, and despite doing everything right, I will never succeed.

    If it comes across so blaringly clear on some COTH posts, I can’t imagine you are projecting yourself with cool confidence in other parts of your life.

    I think THAT is the reason (the attitude you are projecting) for you not landing a job. Not your looks, not your skills – the attitude you are projecting which says “I am worthless”.


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  18. #118
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    Well, I am 4'11" on a good day and if I wanted to become a pro basketball player, well, it would be disheartening, no one would want me on their team.

    Seems that, for whatever reason, maybe you ought to be more adaptable and see what else is out there that you can do good and others need you for, even if it is not what you have your mind set on right now.


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  19. #119
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    I have been on both ends of the spectrum and will take brains any day. In middle school I had head gear and then had an operation that forced me to have half of my head shaved, and school policy wouldn't let me wear a hat or a scarf to cover it up. High school was even worse as I was truly an ugly duckling--very disproportional, no sense of style, chubby, and I had no self-confidence. It wasn't until senior year I started to even out. By sophomore year of college, I "bloomed" into a babe; senior year I finally gained some confidence in my appearance.

    When I was in highschool, I got teased and ridiculed a lot about being the chubby one or the nerdy looking one or the smelly one (horses didn't do a lot for my reputation). There were online lists ranking girls in my school, and I was at the bottom of a lot of them.

    When I finally grew into myself and got some looks, the attention was overwhelming, and a lot of it wasn't good. I got hurt (still do) by guys who took one look at me and thought "I'd like to sleep with her" and didn't and/or couldn't get past the exterior to notice what an interesting and intelligent person I actually am. Male co-workers in my profession really seem to have a hard time believing I might be smart, and I've had some deplorable behavior thrown my way. And then female co-workers and peers always insist I only get hired on my looks and not my talent or smarts; it's highly insulting. Don't even get me started on some of my guy friends' crazy jealous girlfriends. They always see me as a threat. I'm currently persona non grata at one of my best guy friend's weddings because of his fiance. And there are a lot of guys who say I'm asking for it which is what really hurts me. I don't go out of my way to look like... I dunno, an available woman; it's just who I am and when I get a comment that I bring the unwanted attention on myself, it really knocks the wind out of me.

    Most days I really try to be dirty and grungy and smelly because I can go under the radar and be left alone. The profession I chose, alas, doesn't really allow for that kind of behavior daily, but that's why I ride. Gimme brains any day. At least that way I know I'm liked or got a job because of what my lips say (sing) and not my actual lips or hips.



  20. #120
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    whoops double post, apologies.
    Last edited by Pony+ an inch; Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:08 PM.



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