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  1. #81
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    Oct. 16, 2008
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    Central Oklahoma
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    3,047

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    Geesh, it does NOT take money to be beautiful. It does NOT take hours to be beautiful. It DOES take some thinking, and careful planning on your part, to pick clothes that "FIT" your body, to have a hair style that compliments your face. Nobody is able to wear anything and still look good; nobody is able to wear any hair and still look good; nobody.

    If you, or any men (or women), don't find you attractive, you have NOT found a style that fits you. It is that simple. We are not talking about worldly beauty. We are talking about attractiveness, and attractiveness comes with many, many shades and shapes.

    It takes ten minutes, TEN, every morning for me, to do the whole "beauty" thing, and I can look at the mirror satisfied, truly saying to myself, (and not faking it), "you are beautiful and attractive." I'm short, flat chested, and getting older, but I'm getting more attractive, and getting more attention just being myself, because, finally, I finally figure out how to use very limited resource to look as neat and sharp as I can look, and not sabotage my own assets.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  2. #82
    Join Date
    Dec. 23, 2003
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    387

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    Quote Originally Posted by danceronice View Post
    Just because I like SF/F, most of the time, when I'm not bored with it, doesn't mean I want to date a nerd.
    Sometimes the men who seem to be nerds make the best husbands. When I met DH, way back in college, he was a skinny Philosophy major who loved books so much that he kept a list of all the ones he owned in his glove compartment, in case his apartment burned. So that he could replace them. He spent all his time reading and playing the piano. But you know what? He gained a little weight, grew into his nose, and became "professor-type" handsome. I sometimes have to run off other women.

    But the first year we were married, Mr. Nerd surprised me with the Stubben saddle I had mentioned I always wanted. He has always worked hard. He supported me in paying board for my pasture ornament for 5+ years and cried with me when we had to euth the old guy. He held me when I was 30 and my mom suddenly died, and he loves my dad and goes to visit him in the nursing home - voluntarily.

    I would have missed all this if I hadn't looked below the surface. And being a smart person myself, I would have been bored silly with dumb and beautiful.
    Last edited by maxiford812; Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:31 PM.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  3. #83
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
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    11,371

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    Well...here are my thoughts after dating quite a bit as an adult and not getting married til my mid-30's.

    Being able to support yourself is really important whether you're smart or pretty or both or neither. It's a lot EASIER to support yourself in a sustainable way if you're bright vs pretty if you have to pick one or the other.

    I don't think you really have to pick though if you start with smart. You can doll up anyone. You can't really make someone smarter.

    I would rather be intelligent than beautiful any day of the week. Maybe that's sour grapes? I dunno. I've never considered myself to be nor been considered to be a beautiful woman. But I am a hard working, intelligent gal and it has sustained me in my single life, then my husband and his kids and ex wife. Bet you they all are glad I'm smart rather than beautiful or they'd all be living in cardboard boxes.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  4. #84
    Join Date
    Dec. 21, 2008
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    Longing to be where I once was.....
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    2,188

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    Beauty is different for everybody and it does not last. I don't care how much surgery or exercise you do, you get old and everything changes eventually. I am no beauty myself and no genius either, but I have a mind and I know how to use it. Employers and prospective partners who choose their employees and spouses on looks alone get what they deserve and are not worth the time of day in my thinking. You have to be content with who you are and truly like yourself before someone else will.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  5. #85
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2005
    Location
    NC
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    2,231

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    Quote Originally Posted by BoldChance View Post
    This could well be. But how does one determine equality?

    I certainly don't look at people and see them as beneath me. Above, maybe...

    But yes, ultimately an equal partnership is what I'd want.
    I don't think of equal in 'above' or 'below' terms. I'm at a loss how to explain this. The closest I can come off the top of my head -- details and interests and differences aside -- being on the same wavelength, mutually recognizing it, and being able to communicate and connect in a way that is mutually respectful and not asymmetric.
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #86
    Join Date
    Mar. 12, 2006
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    2,088

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    Quote Originally Posted by Horse with No Name View Post
    I just did some googling for IQ charts and found the Stanford-Binet Scale of Human Intelligence, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IQ_reference_chart), I can afford to swap some points for looks, woohoo!!
    Me too!!! And I can swap a few more to get great legs and still be slightly above average for brains.
    "All top hat and no canter". *Graureiter*


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #87
    Join Date
    May. 25, 2004
    Posts
    331

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    Not trying to be a smart ass here... but really! If you were beautiful, but dumb as a post, how would you know?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #88
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2006
    Posts
    8,512

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    My brain is WHO I AM.

    I would deliberately gain 20lbs before I let go of one brain cell.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  9. #89
    Join Date
    Nov. 16, 2001
    Location
    Canada
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    1,642

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adamantane View Post
    I don't think of equal in 'above' or 'below' terms. I'm at a loss how to explain this. The closest I can come off the top of my head -- details and interests and differences aside -- being on the same wavelength, mutually recognizing it, and being able to communicate and connect in a way that is mutually respectful and not asymmetric.
    That makes sense. Thanks. Somehow, I think that may be quite hard to find.
    *&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&
    "Show me the back of a thoroughbred horse, and I will show you my wings."
    &*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&



  10. #90
    Join Date
    Jul. 1, 2009
    Location
    Colorado
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    735

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    Quote Originally Posted by Go Fish View Post
    Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Steve Jobs, Hillary Clinton, Sandra Day O'Connor, Janet Reno, Whoopi Goldberg, Rosie O'Donnell, just to name a few off the top of my head.

    I generally feel sad when I hear women even bringing this sort of subject up. You rarely hear men having this sort of conversation.

    Ask a man which he'd prefer for himself...beauty or brains. He'll probably think it's a stupid question.
    I don't think this can be reposted too many times.

    Until women stop this kind of thinking, women will always be judged on their looks.

    I could really care less how Hillary Clinton looks, but I think she was one hell of a SofS. Erudite, well spoken, sense of humor, smart as a whip.

    I just asked my husband to honestly tell me whether he'd rather have lunch with Hillary or Beyonce. He immediately chose Hillary because it would be "more interesting".

    I love my husband.
    Nothing with horses is ever easy or cheap. And if it is, you're doing it wrong. They always rip out part of your soul when they leave. I guess that's how they find us later.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #91
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2007
    Location
    San Jose, Ca
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    4,917

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    Quote Originally Posted by HenryisBlaisin' View Post
    People use you for brains just as much as they do beauty. Growing up, I always had people wanting to hang out with me when they wanted help with their homework, but never when we didn't have any. I was always in demand as a lab partner or on group projects, but none of those people ever asked me to do anything outside of school.
    This seems so odd to me – you think this was because of your average looks, and not perhaps your social skills?

    I have been overweight all of my life. Had weird, big gapped teeth through school. Dressed awkwardly (daughter of a single dad – with no fashion sense!) “Looks” wise, I was a wreck in high school. But I still had friends! They were drawn to my personality, and my wit. People like to hang out with someone that is “fun” and like another poster mentioned, funny people tend to be smart. My personality allowed me to overcome my looks and make friends – and even boyfriends! My high school boyfriend was HOT – he was also valedictorian of his class – he was smart, too smart! And because he was smart – he wasn’t drawn to the “hot and dumb” girls – but instead enjoyed discussing poetry, physics and other things the cute party girls weren’t so into.

    And again – back to the confidence – did YOU ask people out to things? – or just wait to be invited? I threw parties in high school, met lots of people, and had a lot of fun.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  12. #92
    Join Date
    May. 10, 2009
    Location
    NC piedmont
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    Quote Originally Posted by Appsolute View Post
    This seems so odd to me – you think this was because of your average looks, and not perhaps your social skills?

    And again – back to the confidence – did YOU ask people out to things? – or just wait to be invited? I threw parties in high school, met lots of people, and had a lot of fun.
    I'm sure id did have something to do with the fact that I was painfully shy in middle and high school...but using is using. Do you question that people want/use beauties for their looks? It works both ways.

    And I DID ask other people to do things, but after a while, when they find something better to do every single time, you stop asking. Heck, my Mom worked at a local prep school and netted me the whole hockey rink and locker rooms for a class party when I was in middle school...and out of more than 30 kids, three actually came. We had a good time skating, I guess. And they went right back to making fun of me when we got back to school.

    I did and do have friends--good ones--just not as many of them as I would like and some of the people I would like to be real friends with, realistically i never will.

    I have never met a man who wants to be with me for my brains. Once they find out how smart I really am, it intimidates them, I think. And I think we do gravitate toward people who are similar in intelligence to us a lot of the time. Unfortunately, when you have a super-high IQ, that's not a lot of people. And while I don't think physical attraction is everything or even much, in the end, you still have to look at a person, and if you are totally not attracted to them, no matter how smart, funny, or fun they are, that's a huge roadblock to a long-term relationship, IME.

    And as much as I hate to admit it, I guess deep down I'm still the silly girl who always falls for guys who are way out of my league. Always.

    The funny part is, this wasn't even meant to be about relationships. It's honestly more about finding the job I want. If I had that, I wouldn't care much about a relationship. It just sucks to have neither, because it means NOBODY wants me.



  13. #93
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
    Location
    NorthEast
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    24,474

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    Sweetie...I mean this with absolute sincerity and from the heart:
    You need to speak to someone. From what you've posted here, you're just painfully unhappy and disillusioned and placing blame for that everywhere. Please don't short-change yourself and seriously consider some therapy. Having a professional sounding board/chat buddy with the experience and skills to help would do you a world of good. Having a high IQ, you have to know deep down that you need a little help.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte


    2 members found this post helpful.

  14. #94
    Join Date
    Dec. 14, 2007
    Posts
    217

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    Quote Originally Posted by HenryisBlaisin' View Post
    I'm still the silly girl who always falls for guys who are way out of my league. Always.
    now see that there is just plain bullsh*t.

    Dont ever say that someone is out of your league, because they aren't...unless you let yourself think they are.
    Audaces fortuna iuvat.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  15. #95
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
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    9,599

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    Quote Originally Posted by fordtraktor View Post
    I'll pass on the genius too. My DH is a genius and he can't find the milk if it's behind the OJ, ever. I'll keep my heavy dose of common sense and practicality, please. One of us needs to be able to locate common household items.
    My DH, while not this bad, does have similar moments. God love him but he's adorable. Sez me, who regularly falls, trips, bonks her head, slams her fingers in drawers and doors, etc, because, well, just because. I was walking across the living room floor a couple months ago and literally fell to my hands and knees over nothing, not even my own feet. I concussed myself with a bathroom door once (nooo....really...). I test comfortably above to well-above average in the smarts department, as does DH, who I think is smarter than I am. As for looks. Well. We each think the other is hawt, and that's all that matters!!

    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    Also can't figure out a response to "I want to be thin and pretty because I'm not sexually attracted to guys that aren't hot."
    I have a dear friend who is very very over weight. And she is like this example. I don't get it. I urge her to be healthy, and go for whomever she wants, and I'm not like some acquaintances who are snotty at her saying "you'll never get that kind of guy, aim lower." But I don't get it.


    Honestly, confidence is attractive, and even those with average looks can be magnetic to the opposite sex (or same sex, not judging).
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #96
    Join Date
    Dec. 14, 2007
    Posts
    217

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    But I am sorry you're feeling down.
    Audaces fortuna iuvat.



  17. #97
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    May. 10, 2009
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    NC piedmont
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    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    Sweetie...I mean this with absolute sincerity and from the heart:
    You need to speak to someone. From what you've posted here, you're just painfully unhappy and disillusioned and placing blame for that everywhere. Please don't short-change yourself and seriously consider some therapy. Having a professional sounding board/chat buddy with the experience and skills to help would do you a world of good. Having a high IQ, you have to know deep down that you need a little help.
    Unfortunately need doesn't mean "can afford."



  18. #98
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    Nov. 29, 2008
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    3,002

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    Quote Originally Posted by HenryisBlaisin' View Post
    The funny part is, this wasn't even meant to be about relationships. It's honestly more about finding the job I want. If I had that, I wouldn't care much about a relationship. It just sucks to have neither, because it means NOBODY wants me.
    The truly funny part.... Is when you know what makes you happy, and put your passion into it, you'll like yourself for taking care of you!

    People find people who are passionate about something positive, attractive.

    The world is your mirror.

    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.



  19. #99
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    Oct. 26, 2007
    Location
    San Jose, Ca
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    Anyway, I guess what we are all trying to say ... that it really isn't about looks.

    IT REALLY ISN'T

    There are plenty of "ugly" people with good jobs, good relationships, happy successful lives. Beauty does NOT buy happiness.


    6 Ways to Get Affordable Mental-Health Services

    To my untrained eye (studied sociology not psychology – but have dealt closely with depression), you sound pretty down, and that will put a dark cast on everything. Really, I know there are road blocks, I know it is hard, but I would seriously look into some counseling, or at the very least, pick up some self help books, dedicate yourself to an exercise regime, and try to lift that dark cloud a bit.



  20. #100
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    Aug. 12, 2010
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    Westford, Massachusetts
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    OP, I'm not exactly sure what industry you are in, but since you've mentioned National Press Awards in the past, it must be journalism of some sort. Other than maybe on air TV reporting, I'm unclear as to how having much better than average looks would be such a make it or break it issue. Are you covering fashion or movie stars or something where you are spending all day around unusually beautiful people? That would make most of us feel insecure about our looks. If whatever part of the industry you are in is doing such damage to your self-esteem, can you switch to another part of it?



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