A friend and I vacationed together last year, had a blast, and decided to do an Ireland trip this year. In the early stages of planning, my friend asked if I'd be okay if another friend joined us. The third person is someone I've hung out with some, but isn't really a friend. Said third person seemed generally fun, so I agreed, with some reservation. More people to split bills after all.
Since then this third person has really shown some true colors, and is NOT a person I want to spend two weeks in Ireland with. Loud and obnoxious when drunk, which is unfortunately too often since they don't seem to understand the meaning of drinking in moderation. I want this to be a fun and active vacation and this person gets "late starts" all the time because of hangovers. Add to that this person really copped an attitude this past weekend (while drunk, shockingly) and called me a nasty name because they thought I was laughing at them when I was laughing at something else...sigh, anyway all this drama from people too old for it.
So, how do I say to original friend - I don't think the three of us traveling together is a good idea any longer? Nothing is booked yet, so there's not an issue there. I don't want to damage the original friendship, but I don't want my big trip this year to be with this third person. Do I just say that I've changed my mind and am doing something else??
It's no fun to be on a vacay and have to deal with that crap, so you're wise to see it now and take action. (You're actually lucky that you know in advance!!! I was totally gobsmacked the first time it happened to me!)
I would say exactly what you are saying here to your other friend. "I don't want to have to DEAL with this!"
You might be surprised that your other friend feels the same way.
Regardless, just say it. Don't ruin your trip putting up with it. I've done that. THere's nothing fun about apologizing to restaurant staff, tackling someone before they jump off the danged parking garage, or getting berated in public when someone just can't control their liquor.
Don't do it. Go or don't. But don't take this person.
A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.
If you don't want to damage the original friendship, don't just say you havae changed your mind as she will wonder WHY you changed your mind, and it WILL strain things.
can you be honest?
"Jane's a great person most of the time, but I am not comfortable around her when she is drunk, and I don't think we have the same ideas about how to spend a vacation. If the two of you want to do Ireland this year, then perhaps you and I can do something the year after?"
Bite the bullet and tell your friend. This is too big a trip to allow someone to ruin it for you. Aside from the drunken issues, your days might be spent waiting for this person to get ready and you could lose out on so much!!!
Tell the other friend, and remind her that someone who gets drunk, and then acts up overseas might not enjoy what happens next. And no way would I ever want to go on vacation with someone like that either.
"Jane's a great person most of the time, but I am not comfortable around her when she is drunk, and I don't think we have the same ideas about how to spend a vacation.
This part sounds perfect.
If the two of you want to do Ireland this year, then perhaps you and I can do something the year after?"
This part I would replace with something more along the lines of, "What do you think?" If you were originally supposed to go, why should you offer to bow out in favor of the third party? It may come to that, but why suggest it right off the bat?
Picking travel partners is just...CRITICAL. I would be honest with your friend and absolutely do not go if that person is involved. It takes too much money and time, plus the sheer expectation of having fun on a vacation for it to be with people who aren't worth going with.
I have very limited amounts of time off, and even more limited finances with which to do it. I made the mistake of doing a weekend trip last year with a now-former friend. Let's just say she is "former" because of that trip. Definitely do not go if that person is involved...
I read a long time ago that you should never go on vacation with someone who irritates you. I made the mistake once of going for a few days with a person I wasn't too fond of, and after a few days I really wanted to strangle her. Going alone is so much better than having to put up with someone who is a real pain.
Hey if all else fails & your friend bails on your trip due to this, I'll sign up & go with you. I have distant family there & have always wanted to go...lol
Heck I'm sure there are a few cother's on here that would love to go too
Thanks all. I've got a couple good scripts to work with, I think. I am a really assertive person at work, but when it comes to stuff like this I go soft! Going to Ireland is expensive, and I really want to enjoy it without baggage or having to stop at every pub we pass. I certainly plan on spending my fair share of time in pubs, but it's not my focus.
I've been toying with the idea of a solo trip for a bit too. If this doesn't work out, my plan is Scotland solo, maybe partly on a tour. I could use the time for introspection.
Tell the truth! I have travelled a lot and there are maybe 2 people outside my family I'd 100% rely on not to screw me over or suddenly turn drama queen after leaving the country. That is a lot of money to spend to be miserable, so make sure you're not.
If you go to Scotland I could babble on and on about it. Oban is beautiful and if you're going to go there definitely get the ferry over to Mull, which is small enough that you can do it walking/using public transport. My favourite part of Scotland, outside of Edinburgh, the best city in the world, is the NW Highlands - Ullapool and beyond. You'd need either a car or bike for maximum exploring opportunities though.
"Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
"With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Just be honest. And by all means, do back out of the trip. I say this as someone who was once stuck in a foreign country with a travelling companion who was an obnoxious drunk. You do not want to be in that situation.