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  1. #21
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    Sep. 2, 2005
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    Upstate NY
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    I was brought up to assume that if not listed they are not invited.
    If I received an invite for a Superbowl party that did not state it was a whole family get together I would assume no kids. If I wanted clarification I would call and ask if kids were included.

    If the majority of your friends have kids the group baby sitter thing is a great idea. If you do not want it (or the logistics do not work) at your house it could work nicely if one of the child friendly houses had the baby sitter there.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
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    Oct. 12, 2005
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    Va
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    I would just state on the invite that since alcohol will be served only those of drinking age are invited. Guess I'm an old fuddy duddy, but it never occurred to us to take the kids along, even if it was jist the two of us invited to a friend's house to play cards. I absolutely cringe at the idea of a guest driving home with kids in the car, even after jist a couple drinks unless one of them totally abstains.


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  3. #23
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    Apr. 28, 2008
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    7,281

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    Quote Originally Posted by minnie View Post
    I would just state on the invite that since alcohol will be served only those of drinking age are invited. Guess I'm an old fuddy duddy, but it never occurred to us to take the kids along, even if it was jist the two of us invited to a friend's house to play cards. I absolutely cringe at the idea of a guest driving home with kids in the car, even after jist a couple drinks unless one of them totally abstains.
    Responsible parents establish a DD before the event. One or the other of us always sticks to a single glass of wine (or nothing). The driving thing is a nonissue if your friends are halfway decent parents/people to start.

    I mean, it's not much different than 2 adults going to a party -- you need a DD there too. Because even if there aren't kids in your car, there will be in other cars on the road. It is no more responsible to drink and drive after an adults party than a kids' party.


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  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Alabama
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    I hate to tell you this, but while most people are fine with advanced notice of "Adults Only" or telling them it's not a kids event, some people will be offended that the exception isn't made for their little darlings.

    A friend's family had a big dust up over the fact that for a cousin's wedding the invitations read "Adults Only" (apparently there had been a previous wedding ceremony and video ruined by misbehaving kids). My friend's sister never went anywhere without her three hell raising young kids, and insisted that if she couldn't bring her three, that no one on her side of the family should attend. It was ugly, and caused a lot of problems for years among the family.

    There are some people who never go anywhere without their kids, and you might have to just uninvite people like that.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  5. #25
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    Apr. 9, 2012
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    NYC=center of the universe
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    I think a simple, "Adults Only" should suffice. Hey, if an adult can't handle THAT, and gets super offended, maybe they're not adult enough to attend...
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!


    5 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
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    Jun. 11, 2008
    Location
    Ontario
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    I think that sometimes parents can forget what it is like for the childless... hosting a party is big enough before you toss the extra responsibility of entertaining the kids in.
    Heck, I had to go so far as to remind some of my closest grilfriends that the title of one particular email was "a girls only getaway" when the first two just assumed that their husband was invited!! As the singleton of that particular group, everyone seems to gorget the "3rd wheel" feeling...
    Alison/Mikali Farms
    www.mikalifarms.com


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  7. #27
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    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    I guess the thing is that I don't mind kids at all...I rather enjoy them. But it's a lot of extra work when mom and dad just turn the kiddos loose in a house not really equipped for kids. I was quite literally catching expensive items as they toppled or moving stuff, AND trying to get the kids excited about coloring books or SOMETHING and while I do enjoy the kids, please don't get me wrong, I had intended to watch the game last night myself!

    I didn't get to sit down til they all left at half time. Thank GOD for the power outage. I got to catch up and see a GAME! (well, and the Budweiser commercial that I knew wouldn't be til second half. )

    I love kiddos. I do. I just think that it's kind of odd to RSVP to a party where it's going to be WAY past the kids' bedtime and bring them anyway. Leaving half way through is surely okay, but a little disappointing when someone has spent all day cooking.

    I am appreciating the parental responses The funny thing is that DH has kids too. But he is just as shocked by this. His kids are teens now though.

    So I guess the times have changed a bit.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2005
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    The Prairie
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    I think certain groups have a certain "culture" depending on whether or not most have kids. In our circle of friends the general rule is, if the hosts have kids then we assume kids are included, if the hosts do not have kids we do not impose our children on their nice, tidy non-child proofed home. Personally, I like to leave mine at home if I can so I can actually enjoy myself instead of worrying about about whether or not they will behave, spill things on light coloured sofas and carpets, etc.

    If I don't know I always ask first.

    While some people will always be offended, perhaps if you invite by e-mail and suggest the occasional child free event in a humerous fashion.

    Having the occasional function where kids are invited is a nice way to keep everyone happy, as is hiring a sitter, but if you hire a sitter your guests should not assume you are paying for it, everyone should chip in for that.
    I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.



  9. #29
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2010
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    Westford, Massachusetts
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    It sounds like your biggest problem was that some of your guests were, to put it bluntly, very selfish. At a mixed party (adults and kids), much less an adult party, parents really HAVE TO supervise their own kids the entire time. My husband and I take turns staying near the boy, even though he's 10 and pretty well-behaved at this point. It would never occur to me to sit on my butt and enjoy myself while the host made sure my kid didn't break things, get too noisy or otherwise cause trouble. Unbelievable, but I KNOW it happens. Some parents seem to consider leaving their house (even with their kids!) as "time off". Since DH or I make sure we are with DS, we often end up supervising the kids of parents who aren't paying attention to theirs. I have a relative who does this too...at family gatherings she considers herself "off duy" and leaves it to the rest of us to supervise her kids. Ugh.

    I'd try 1) the "adults only" on the invite and 2) If people do bring kids anyway and you find yourself having to supervise them...go up to the parent and tell them, "Hey, Susie is getting too rambunctious, can you please watch her?", "Johnny is crying in the corner, will you please go deal with it?". Call them on it, point blank, if they are anything other than responsive, don't invite them next time. Geez...on what planet does one get free food, free entertainment, free drinks and free babysitting just for showing up? Kids birthday parties, where the parents are told just to drop them off and come back later are the only exception to having to watch your own kids at events of any kind.


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  10. #30
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    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    Oh, please don't misunderstand, everyone was lovely. I just felt like I was jumping through hoops to make things more comfy for the kiddos. Here, you can breast feed there. Here, you can plant the kids with their movie.

    And here..oh, well...I'll remove the crystal (we hate anyway) from our wedding so it doesn't topple down on someone's head. Eek!

    They were just being kids. But at 5 YO or less, it's hard to be a kiddo in a grown up world. They really did do well and they're good kids. but I thnk that based on your posts, I won't feel too badly asking for a kid free thing next time.

    Or I'll get a sitter.

    I love having everyone here. They are WONDERFUL people. Kind, intelligent, etc.

    We are kind of in the "military" mode now as far as you have to make friends as you can in your assignment. We will probably be bumping into each other a lot over the next 20 years. Pays to not make enemies.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Alabama
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    Buddy-That's exactly right. Through your career you'll run into the same people over and over, and especially at some isolated posts you need each other desperately. With the horror stories lately, many people are terrified to leave their kids with strangers (read the Ft Myer-Henderson day care news for today and you'll be scared too), and especially since even people with background checks turn out to be bad.

    I would also expect Military people to bring their kids more than other parents, because of the deployments and OPTEMPO, and they've missed so much with the kids that the kids are more clingly too. And a lot of things like FRGs, and other activities routinely have babysitting available, so parents get used to that.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  12. #32
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    Sep. 17, 2003
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    AridZona
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    Why does the host/hostess have to pay for a sitter for other peoples' kids? Call me an old fuddy duddy, but ...
    Delicious strawberry flavored death!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
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    Mar. 10, 2009
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    5,444

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    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    I hate to tell you this, but while most people are fine with advanced notice of "Adults Only" or telling them it's not a kids event, some people will be offended that the exception isn't made for their little darlings.

    A friend's family had a big dust up over the fact that for a cousin's wedding the invitations read "Adults Only" (apparently there had been a previous wedding ceremony and video ruined by misbehaving kids). My friend's sister never went anywhere without her three hell raising young kids, and insisted that if she couldn't bring her three, that no one on her side of the family should attend. It was ugly, and caused a lot of problems for years among the family.

    There are some people who never go anywhere without their kids, and you might have to just uninvite people like that.
    Gee, that sounds familiar. One couple in our once-a-month dinner get together no longer attends, because there was ALWAYS some excuse as to why their kids had to tag along (sitter canceled, etc). I understand a once in a while exception, but it quickly progressed from "just this once" to every. Single. Time.
    And the parents didn't watch their kids - they expected everyone else to do it. Over a few months the demands increased. Lock up the pets, can you make something the kids will eat. . .etc. The last straw was when the couldn't leave the kids because the toddler son was THROWING UP. Hello! How about stay home?!?!?!?!?
    Someone else had a heart-to-heart with these parents to remind them that it was supposed to "adult night". The couple was, unsurprisingly, offended and quit socializing with us.



  14. #34
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2010
    Location
    Kansas
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    I have not read all the responses, so I'm just going to add my input here. When I was growing up my parents never took me to dinners or parties, UNLESS I was actually invited or the people they were going to had kids my age as well.

    I don't have any kids yet, but I would never assume that my kids are welcome. I think parents need a couple hours away sometimes anyways. I'd bring kids if they said they are arranging a sitter/want the kids there.

    If I were you I would just come out and say it. "This is a dinner with drinks and adult conversations, please don't bring the kids." Done. If anyone has a hissy fit about it then it is their fault, not yours.
    http://www.youtube.com/user/NBChoice http://nbchoice.blogspot.com/
    The New Banner's Choice- 1994 ASB Mare
    Dennis The Menace Too- 1999 ASB Gelding
    Dreamacres Sublime- 2008 ASB Gelding



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Jun. 26, 2001
    Location
    California
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    If anyone should be offended it should be the OP! She was never asked by anyone if the kids were welcome. Manners never go out of style ever!!

    Call and ask if your children are welcome. Is there food and drink for them? If not bring it yourself!

    I am so glad to be of an age that I don't have to deal with unannounced kids anymore at gatherings. Unless they are grand kids!!

    I have had my share of sit down formal dinner parties that were ruined because of some thoughtless (ex) friends that just had to bring little babykins along. Call, cancel, reschedule but dear lord don't bring your 3 year old to my house and let them handle the Lladro collection!

    I have had another couple show up with their 3 teenage sons for dinner. I was like ummmm I have 4 steaks for dinner, I didn't invite your kids. I invited you and your husband, never ever mentioned the human garbage disposals! Those boys could eat a haunch of beef in one sitting!

    OP you sound like a lovely woman who was thoughtlessly imposed upon by her 'friends'. Boundaries are your friend!!!
    Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!!



  16. #36
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    Nov. 17, 2006
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    3,794

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    When we host our Halloween parties, I write on the invitation, "Though we love kids, this is an adult-themed party. Please leave the little goblins home for this one." . I try to make it light hearted so not to sound ride. This seems to work. I have yet to have a kid at one of my parties!
    “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
    ¯ Oscar Wilde



  17. #37
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    Apr. 16, 2002
    Location
    ontario, canada
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    I'm blown away that people bring their kids without asking. I have tons of friends with kids and they ALWAYS ask. In fact, friends have a 2 month old that has attended several parties with the same set of friends since he was born with no issue. I hosted the most recent party with the same crew, and despite the fact that it was a no-brainer and the kid has been present at all our get-togethers since his birth...his parents still emailed to ask if he was included in the invite.

    Just tell them the party is adults-only. They will either come, or not (may not be able to secure child-care, etc).

    One thing that I am mindful of is to not make all parties kid-free. I don't even have kids, but I think parents would find it tough if they were always having to find/pay for childcare in order to see their friends.



  18. #38
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    Nov. 13, 2007
    Location
    NW Louisiana
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    I'm due with my first in 54 days, so I haven't been put into the situation of having to clarify if an invite includes kids. And honestly, given my social circle, I probably won't have to unless we move because everyone we know brings their kids already.

    But when I was young, we mostly stayed home with a sitter. And I babysat a lot for parents who wanted no-kid time. Sometimes even at parties where everyone had kids, but no one wanted to sacrifice the good time to supervise theirs all night.

    I really don't understand the current need to take your kids everywhere with you. It can't be fun for the kids, unless they are hellions who don't have any manners and do whatever they want regardless of the damage their activities cause.



  19. #39
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    Jan. 29, 2008
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    Ottawa,Ontario
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    When my kids were young, and we got an invite, I always asked if it was a kid friendly gathering. The host/hostess was never put on the spot, and no offense to the kids, but we loved the "adults only" parties! If kids were welcomed, all the guests brought theirs, if not, it made for a much welcomed time away.
    "My doctrine is this, that if we see cruelty or wrong that we have the power to stop, and do nothing, we make ourselves sharers in the guilt.”
    ― Anna Sewell



  20. #40
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    Aug. 24, 2009
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    287

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    BuddyRoo, the military factor throws a whole different wrench in the works. People do get used to childcare being provided at events - so finding a baby-sitter isn't automatic or necessarily easy (your favorite babysitter just PCSed, you don't know anyone at this location yet, etc...)

    I would just make the situation clear - if you prefer to have an adults only gathering, say so. If there will be a specific arrangement made for kids at a gathering, say so (Super Bowl party for adults upstairs, G-rated movie marathon for kids downstairs). And if anyone has a problem with it, then they can host their own party. Reasonable, mature people are not going to expect you to cater to their every whim when entertaining in your home.

    DH and I are not kid people in any fashion. Our place is full of glass/breakables, antiques, artwork, and two large dogs. Luckily for us, people only rarely attempt to bring their children over. If someone asks if kids are welcome at whatever party we're having, I usually tell them that I'm sure their child will be more comfortable at home (giving reasons stated above) and I've never had anyone get offended. The people who would get offended aren't invited in the first place.



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